An A to Z Coronavirus observational guide. . . D

D

Death, Doom and Destruction

Sorry about these subtitles they are not very cheery are they?  It’s an odd thing, but many will be having feelings of doom by what the virus has done rather than the virus itself. As I have said previously if you are older or have underlying health issues then Death is a serious possibility and so avoiding contact with it is important. However many have no longer got jobs or income and that is scary particularly if you have kids and family. No one likes the unknown and if there is one thing the Corona virus has created for millions of people it is an unknown future that has put homes and future lifestyles at high risk. In fact the future way of life for all of us is uncertain because what this virus has shown us all it the vulnerability of modern society at a global level.

Oooooooo I have to admit as A to Z’s go this is not the most upbeat one I have ever done is it.

An A to Z Coronavirus observational guide. . . A

A

The Apocalyptic Apocalypse sometimes also known as Armageddon.

To be fair this may be a slight over exaggeration of the situation. After all this virus is only really at its worst if you are old and frail or have serious underlying health issues. No one really wants to be in that situation, but if you are then you definitely don’t want this virus. However 24hr news media needing constant drama plus enough selfish folk putting themselves first have managed to create enough fear to give those queuing up to raid the supermarket just one more time (just in case) a serious sense of foreboding that means they better prepare for Armageddon. And quite frankly what is the point in leaving anything on the shelves of the supermarket if it is the Apocalypse. 

It is better to try and avoid panicking and remember the one thing that gets touched many times a day by strangers which you will grab hold of and never think about is in fact the handle of that supermarket trolley. As it happens because I am writing in advance to avoid to much stress on my A to Z journey I now notice that the masses have also noticed this and everyone is wearing gloves and supermarkets are doing their bit cleaning them. 

And I can see this observational guide ending in Zombies. OOOOoooooo yes.

A Zombie Rabbit

The arrival of Doomsday . . . . . The Coronavirus known as Covid-19

SO I guess you are thinking Hey this diary is very quiet plainly there is nothing much happening in the world. Well that is not entirely true because sort of out of the blue . . . (well out of a Chinese fish and wild animal market it appears) . . . has arrived the doomsday virus (Covid 19). Actually it is not a proper doomsday virus unless you are old and frail or have other health issues, but folk in general like the idea of doomsday so have decided to runabout panicking and waving their hands about or I should say washing their hands more than they have ever done before.

It is a curious thing this virus because it seems to spread faster than something very very fast indeed like for example a cheetah tied to a rocket.  The result of all this is economic Armageddon as stock markets crash (well that’s my savings a bit messed up) and an entire world panic buying anything they can stash away to eat that will keep them going when they have to lock themselves into their homes for several months to avoid becoming Zombies or worse.

There are of course always odd things that happen when folk panic on mass like an obsession with panic buying toilet rolls, something which ironically in not in short supply as manufacturers have upped production to meet the public’s desire for them. Although the public have decided you just cannot have too many toilet rolls. Or bars of soap now; I understand that one let’s face it half the public never washed their hands much until the coronavirus (covid 19) turned up so they have discovered a whole new thing to master.

Now you may think that there can be no upside to any of this as it’s the nearest thing to doomsday the world has experience in years, yet there are a few. Suddenly one of the most environmental bad things us humans do has plummeted. Yes flying, aeroplanes, no the aeroplanes have not plummeted but they are really bad environmentally and now they are not allowed to land anywhere so can't take off.  The Chinese have banned wild animals markets (again) so that is great as they were eating animals kept in terrible conditions or in danger of extinction. This time I suspect the ban will remain permanent. China will not want another virus entering the life of all humans on the planet.

Finally here in Britain the one positive thing is no one even mentions Brexit now, it is all but forgotten and by the time it crops up again the world could look very different indeed.

Well I may be back again soon I mean we are all locked up in our homes and listening to the news at present which is not very cheery.  

And as some of you know I have had a long running battle with Zombies as they try to sneak into the garden and at present they appear to be smiling at me through the windows . . . . . MMMmmmmmmm That’s not meant to happen.

Cats, Vets, Bamboo Flowers and impending DOOM

I have been busy, very busy in a sort of busy to the point of being well exhausted at the end of the day with a sore back. However it’s the sort of busy that when you reflect and look back on what you have done in the last couple of days seems to be not a lot. I’m sure I can’t be the only person this happens to. Anyway all I can say is that despite what appears to be not much progress with stuff it has been a right old game getting it done.

Yesterday morning after an early breakfast we took the cats to the vets to have various jabs for the things that are not good for cats to catch; and to kill off the fleas. I am not convinced any of the flea products work that well. The vet is a great vet and he is certainly one of the most eccentric I have ever met in my life. He is also Canadian so I am not entirely sure how he ended up in a rural backwater in the middle of nowhere. Most of the local vets prefer farm animals, not only are they bigger but they make more money out of them. This vet though loves small critters, any small critters I think he would be happy to do open heart surgery on a goldfish it the opportunity turned up. Anyway he has one small weakness in his vetting abilities and that he's not only bouncy but he talks loads and I mean loads and loads . . . . Phew. So we were a bit later than planned heading home with two confused cats. They are not used to enthusiastic talkative vets saying stuff like . . . . WOW those are amazing kidneys . . . . . and then making his trainee feel the cat’s kidneys.

So after taking the cats home and feeding them; we headed over to one of our daughters where I made a screened area for her recycling bins which had three shelves and a trellis front to hide everything, plus a small sloping roof to stop the cardboard recycling getting wet. Stuff like that takes a couple of hours to do even for a hardened DIY chap like myself . . . . Phew.

We then headed home ate some food and I was back working on the workshop until I was too tired to carry on.

Today I started on the workshop, then planted three smallish trees, then washed the car something that only happens once every 100 years or so which is an interesting coincidence which I shall come to in a minute. And then ate and watered the garden because it has been rather hot by British standards. (Yes the weather machine is still switch on). . . .

Right this coincidence I referred to, we have a couple of small bamboo plants in our garden. Bamboo is interesting it only flowers once and then dies, but it can live for 100 years before it flowers. Bamboo clumps get split and sold and then split and sold again and again in their life, but once one flowers they all flower across the entire world. And one of ours in in flower.  What I did not know is it is a sign of death, famine and doom across the world, and I have checked with the Zombies and they deny everything and say its Mrs May’s (the British Prime Minister) fault and the ever chaotic Brexit talks. . . . Plus todays European Elections for the European Parliament. I suspect the Zombies are right too. Politics is all a bit odd in Britain at present.   

Our Bamboo in Flower

I was rather pleased with these pictures too

Rumpelstiltskin and the Dormice of Doom . . . . The Quiz Team

As I continue to wallow in my state of less that one hundred percent fitness as I fight off the side effects of Man Flu, by rubbing goose fat and barnacles on my chest. That Wikipedia is full of useful tips from the medical cupboards of wise old Victorian Housewives and withered gentlemen of the road. I have decided that the lucidity of my mind is now sharp enough (today anyway) to write something useful on my blog. O yes some say that it is a lie and that I am still as barking as a mad grumpy puffin in a seafood restaurant, but what I say to them is . . . . . . . AH HAHAh ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ahahahah hah ah ha ha hah Haddock, Kippers and Fish Pie HA HAHAHAH ha ah h ah ah a ha hah ah ah aahhah ah a. . . . . .  and you cant argue with that. 

Last night despite my frail state and delirious mind I was part of a four person quiz team along with Mrs Ghost Writer, Mr Charlie and Miss Jane where we were up against thirteen other teams answering questions on all sorts of stuff. I was given the opportunity to name our team so I called it . . . Rumpelstiltskin and the Dormice of Doom. . . I have always thought quiz teams need intimidating names in order to wrong foot the opposition.  It was an interesting quiz with some very difficult questions but by half way we found ourselves in second place. After a rather good meal of Sheppard’s Pie and French bread all inclusive in the modest price of five pound a head, we leapt into action for part two of the quiz. And at the end found that we had managed to hang onto second place even though by then I was insisting that either Elvis or Seagulls or Nutmeg was the answer to every question.  The team that won actually won by a huge margin, but did have five members so I was able to establish mathematically that we had actually answered more questions per team member and so were really the winners.

This morning I was forced out yet again because I have foolishly volunteered to be a first responder for the village’s defibrillator, I say foolishly because I would not let me near me with a device that zaps folk. Anyway today was our training day but the man who was going to train us did not turn up and now we all have to turn up again tomorrow. I am not sure I will be able to catch the cat again tomorrow quite so easily, so that I have something to practice on.  There was a local funeral today as well so we have now missed our opportunity to revive the body….

Once I am fully aware of my surroundings again I will delve into the world of those big questions that folk hesitate to ask or answer . . . Things like. . . . Where did all this paranoia about walking on the cracks in the pavements come from. . . .  and. . . Why do cats sit in boxes. . . .

Moving things and 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 of everything

The Slightly Eccentric Diary of Rob Z Tobor (volume three and three quarters) continues for now because of things that are beyond my control, and as it happens almost 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 of everything in the universe that happens is out of my control. Meaning this is in fact the normality for myself; and everyone else.

Yesterday I was unable to write my diary because of the day’s events which involved the tweaking of various things for a wedding party for Mr S and Mrs I.  It was a bit blustery and there is nothing more annoying that having a party and then a large gust of wind running off with your marquee, lights, tables and chairs. Actually the marquee, table and chairs belong to the village, but residents have access to them which is a cool idea in a small village. As for the lights well one thing we do have in abundance is fairy lights.

So yesterday afternoon and early evening we had a very chilled and happy wedding party in the garden where folk smiled and ate food, looked for apples, and pretended they were Michael Jackson disguised as Spiderman. While the Ghost Writer tried to put on inappropriate music for folk to listen too such as the Tiger Lillies singing naughty songs.

Today Mr S, Mrs I and Mr K came to help dismantle everything as the Marquee is off to pastures new in a few days, so we all whizzed about and left the garden such that no one would ever know of yesterday’s events.  And I am quickly writing my diary as we will be off out shortly to move other things for other people . . . . . So as I have said before I WILL RETURN SOON….  

I AM BACK . . . . . . Yes I have returned having moved stuff, it makes me realize that I would be much happier as a hunter gatherer like in the iron-age or before, because back then you got to chase animals with a pointy stick, make a fire, eat the animal and a few berries, paint the odd picture on a cave wall, and then move on to a new spot. Life was simple and did not involve a myriad of complexities involving moving stuff. OK yes I do like stuff, ask those who know me and they will say Oooooooo that Rob has stuff with stuff in it and loads of it, but the key point to my stuff is it does not move about. Ok some of it does which explains why I can’t always find it, but when it is your own stuff it is psychologically lighter and easier to move that doing it for other folk. Back in the pre iron-age I would have just waved mu pointy stick at the other folk grunted and made rude gestures  . . . . . . . . AH hang on I still do that . . . . . . DAMN.

I took pictures of the marquee in the dark last night, but by then all the folk had run off, and a post marquee picture to show that all is as if nothing happened, so that passing swallows heading South will be unaware of how far I have evolved from being a iron-age man…….

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Do Not Press the Large Red Button

 Today was another day of ticking along quietly and I must admit to not achieving a great deal, but then that is the great dilemma of mankind, human progress is slow. Anyway today saw several visitors for lunch including Miss Jo and Master Ja and Miss E plus Miss I and Mrs Ghost Writer and the Ghost Writer.  Master Ja reminded the Ghost Writer that he has to put together a super gaming computer made out of old bits from classic Edison radiograms, something he promised to do ages ago . . . . . the Ghost Writer said AH a lot but has promised to complete the task pronto which means in the next few days.

After long chats and lunch everyone vanished and went off to do the stuff they have to do but not long after dad noticed that a certain button had been pressed, it was the large red button that has the words DO NOT PRESS written on it in large type. It is a strange thing but once you write do not press on a button the one thing that some people can not resist doing is pressing the button, and it appears that today is no exception. Yes the button had been pressed.

I had always wondered about this button but luckily it was not me that pressed it, it might have been Master Ja, he is the sort of young chap who faced with a big button and someone saying go on give it a press, I have always wondered what it did, would be unable to resist. Dad did look a little worried and had to admit that is was attached to the weather machines Armageddon destruction setting which he had added as a bit of a laugh as you do, well most mad scientists would. The reason being it keeps the massed folk from the village storming your home with fiery torches intend on destroying your experiment. As dad says there is nothing quite like the threat of the end of the world to keep the masses in their place, which of course is true as long as you don’t put DO NOT PRESS on a big friendly red button; as the old saying goes . . . . curiosity killed the cat (and everyone else too).

It was OK though because there was an override key in a safe place so that it was safe and would not get lost, I know about them I have several things still lost in a safe place which I hope one day I will remember where it is.  It was just like one of those Bond movies where the bomb ticks and Bond still can’t find his secret gadget in the boot of his car. Dad said that the sun would turn very red and then explode, and earth would be swallowed whole by a  huge hot cloud of stuff like porridge (sounds like funny weather to me).

 Anyway to cut a long story short, I got a picture of the sun just before dad found the key with a whole 25 seconds to spare. . . . . . PHEW.

Although the Ghost Writer is complaining it means he has to make a gaming PC out of radiograms now. . . .    

Steven Spielberg and The Pit of DOOM

You are all going to moan a lot but I intend to start today’s diary with a bit of weather news, yes yes  go on then all moan then, but there is a reason because here at least all the snow has finally gone. But it has not been a great day, because we started with loads of sun WOW SUN and after breakfast it was suggested that maybe a nice trip into a large muddy hole might be a great way to spend the day . . . . . .AH DAMN.  I tried the re-enactment of the film Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom where I was planning to be Mr Jones, only Mr Jones the alien hunter said he should really be Mr Jones. I did point out he did not have a hat or any other clothes for that matter and he also said he was not getting into the muddy cold wet hole, as he is expecting more aliens very soon. It appears spring is a good time for aliens as they migrate north across the milky way back to planets that are starting to get closer to the geometric-centre of the universe and everything.

Hang on none of this is important, because as I was saying I was in a muddy hole looking for ancient artefacts in an effort to re-enact the film Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and it was not fairing well particularly when it started to blow a gale and rain very hard (I hate hard rain) so in the end the re-enactment turned in the abbreviated film DOOM or possibly The Creature From the Black Lagoon. That happened when the neighbours saw me heading back to the house covered in mud and slime; they screamed a lot locking themselves in their garden shed shouting DON’T EAT US. Luckily the dog recognised me, well the hat anyway so I managed to get in. Then the sun came out again but before I was sent back into the muddy hole it rained again, followed by sun then rain and so on all day long, it was very confusing and it was and is still cold.

So I have now stopped and am on strike, I think as and when I am sent down into the muddy hole again I need to think of some more films to re enact like The Pit and the Pendulum or Watership Down (a muddy hole).  . . .HAH AHHAH HHAH HAH hah ah hah ah ahah haha

I really don’t know what has happened to that very nice Steven Spielberg these days, he keeps making the wrong movie, my agent has been back in contact again although I think calling Mr Spielberg an IDIOT was a bit of an error (I’m really sorry Mr Spielberg you are a very nice man my agent is a bit hot headed).

   

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