Scotland, a Goat, a Greek Restaurant and some very expensive Fuel

(50 ...)

Hello  . . . . . Yes I have returned after a short-ish break. You see I was in Scotland having a holiday in Dumfries and Galloway near Kirkcudbright. My timing was rather good because back here at home it turned out to be one of the wettest places in Britain and where I was, was one of the driest. In fact except for one very wild thunderstorm with huge hail stones it was dry during the day, every day we were there

Now I did not do a great deal, but I did make a Goat. It was not one of my own creations but one of Paul Spooner’s from his book Spooner’s Moving Animals. I have had this book since about 1989 and thought I really need to make some of these things. So I made the Goat ... I should have done more but I was on Holiday and our lodge was surrounded by hares, seagulls, a deer and men on golf buggies. So I was regularly distracted and also spent a lot of time on a nearby beach picking up tiny bits of driftwood to make something with when the workshop gets finished. There is nothing worse than an active mind full of more ideas than a body can shake a stick at.

There is a great Greek restaurant in Castle Douglas and I stuffed myself silly a couple of times during our week away . . . . . . Yum. It is worth a visit although he does not accept plastic and is a cash only sort of chap. So be prepared but it is worth every penny and more. I also bought some bowls, I would have bought more artwork but we have more art than wall space these days so a couple of really nice bowls to eat breakfast or ice cream in was a good option.

OOoooooo finally I drove up and back in the big beast that likes fuel but Tebay services must be one of the most expensive places to buy fuel in Britain. Actually the trip up was terrible it rained until we got 10 mile from our destination and we saw 2-3 crashes on route so it took much longer than normal and I was knackered when we got there.

And yes the Chicken did come with us.

As he is inclined to do at times 

The Man of the Sea

Behold the Great Man of the Sea

The heroic swimmer of Cromarty

Who swam all the way to Aberdeen

The greatest feat of swimming

There has ever been

And to astound onlookers

And stop them in their track

The next day he waved farewell

And then swam back

But he is a modest chap

And made no fuss

And after a cup of tea

At the harbour café

He set off home

On the local bus

The End   

The Traditional Rob Z Tobor End of the Year Post, involving Auld Lang Syne and Foxes

I know this is what I wrote last year(and the year before that and that and so on) but it is now the new, New Years Eve traditional post, until I forget that I have one, which may be next year (NO I remembered) or next week, who can tell......

So here we are at the end  of 2014 (NO 2015) and we all know what that means, it means folk standing out on street corners shouting and letting off fireworks hugging strangers as they pass and singing that old traditional Scottish song that no one knows the words too. But luckily most folk are a bit merry and will not be aware that instead of singing the correct words the Masses are singing . . .  . . . . 

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never mmmmm to mmmmm?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And auld lang syne!

Chorus.-

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne.

We'll mmmm  o' mmmm mmmm,

For auld lang syne.

 

which sort of shows that folk don't really know the words

Then everyone will repeat this until they get bored and spot an urban fox chasing a pigeon, where upon the masses will abandon singing Auld Lang Syne staggering about in a mad linked hands sort of dance and chase the fox shouting

I’ll CATCH AN URBAN FOX MY DEAR,

IN A DUSTBIN AT IKEA

I’ll CATCH AN URBAN FOX I BET,

PUT BUTTER IN HIS EAR

BUTTER IN HIS EAR MY DEAR,

PUT BUTTER IN HIS EAR

WE’ll CATCH AN URBAN FOX AND THEN WE’LL GET

SOME BUTTER IN HIS EAR

O yes they all know the words then

So I have left a message with the foxes (again) to avoid large crowds of people who look happy. And not to spend the night raiding the Swedish meat balls in the bins of IKEA. And don’t go anywhere near people with tubs of butter

I would like to wish everyone a jolly happy new year and if you live in the UK I believe New Years Day is due to be stormy/nice or something  (it was last year),  not sunny like this year (the year before last year).  . . . I dont know what will happen this year regarding the weather yet(2015 means rain). 

If you do not plan to sing a fox based song and chase urban foxes then here are the words to Auld Lang Syne, the proper ones which are not as good but which are more traditional unless you live very near IKEA and are pestered by Urban Foxes. . . . . . . . . . .

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And auld lang syne!

Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne.

We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint stowp!

And surely I'll be mine!

And we'll tak a cup o'kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

We twa hae run about the braes,

And pou'd the gowans fine;

But we've wander'd mony a weary fit,

Sin' auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn,

Frae morning sun till dine;

But seas between us braid hae roar'd

Sin' auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

And there's a hand, my trusty fere!

And gie's a hand o' thine!

And we'll tak a right gude-willie waught,

For auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

See it all makes sense once you know all the words . . . . . ? 

2015 was the year of trying to convince that nice Mrs JK Rowling I am an interesting alternative Poet, only it did not go well  . . . I suspect that play . . . The Cursed Child. . . . may be a hint at what see thinks about my words of Rhyme which sneak up on her from time to time 

A Happy New Year to you all 

.

An Apology to J K Rowling, A Seagull and no Poetry

Well I have been on Twitter defending my old mate J K Rowling, OK when I say old that is a bit unfair as she is younger than I am, and I am the Slightly Eccentric Child of Cyberspace, so Miss Rowling is well young I guess.  And I say mate well that is not entirely true as I think secretly she is not a great fan of my poetry and thinks of me as one of the Vogons now, and sort of looks the other way going OOOOOOOoooo look a seagull. To tell the truth it is an understandable thing to do as a celeb.  Celebs tend to get followed by all sorts of nutters, I would like to make it clear I am not a nutter. . . . OK a bit mad but actually rather normal even if when I tell my family I'm normal they all laugh and fall about pointing.

Still the point is while doing my bit to defend her (like one of those knights from the old days) because she lives in Scotland and went to the Rugby match where she had a posh seat in a good spot which then upset someone who is a pro-independence supporter. I sort of have run out of time to write stuff so am repeating my own Yes campaign post.

I really cant understand how having a go at J K Rowing helps those who would like to see Scotland become independent. If anything it makes us look like a wild bunch of marauding mad men who are out of control running about in kilts and shouting at anyone who passes . . . . . . . . AH OK   . . . . DAMN


Anyway Sorry about a few of My fellow Scotsmen Miss Rowling 


And here is my old Post showing why Scotland should be Independent


It is rather interesting that in the great debate on Scottish independence, to date no one has asked me my opinion on the Scottish referendum debate. Some of you will be thinking why should Rob Z Tobor get involved in the first place, what can some mad bloke living on the English Welsh border add to the debate that has not been discussed so far.

Well you see as my loyal, slightly quirky, but rather intelligent regular followers will know I often look at things in a slightly different way to the masses and so can help persuade a few people to consider how they finally vote when we get to crunch time on the 18^th September. There are all sorts of issues involved in this, and at present a certain amount of mud slinging and scare tactics being used by both sides. This is not the way forward, although I may add some to my argument in order to liven it up a bit, after all David Cameron and Alex Salmond are not the most inspiring folk to watch or listen too,  although maybe Mr Salmond has the edge slightly on banter.

So where do I stand and why, well I am a pro independence person because my family have come from the wilds of Scotland since before Bruce Lee, sorry Robert the Bruce was knee high to a spider. In fact the old ancestral blood goes back to a time when we were wild men in the hills fighting everyone including each other and shouting ARE YOU LOOKING AT ME SONNY dishing out Glasgow kisses before Glasgow was Glasgow, and we all spoke in a strange dialect no one understood.  AH YES I see your point it may still be a bit like that on a Saturday night after a few wee chasers and deep fried haggis, chips and curry sauce. I always remember someone telling me that after a really good night out, he assumed it was good as he did not remember it, he woke up in the door way of R S McColl in Aberdeen in the morning with enough chip suppers to feed about twenty people, although by then they were cold and had sort of congealed into a single lump.  Still it made a hell of a breakfast, sort of the hair of the dog so to speak (I know more silly sayings).

OK back to the point you are keen to hear exactly why folk in Scotland should vote for independence, it is the financial or economic or commercial or political arguments that have made me think AH YES this is what Scotland should do . . . . . . . . Well NO who can really predict what would happen; the truth is no one with any certainty.

You see if Scotland says NO then the status quo will remain as it is now, nothing will change, we will still grumble about the weather, politicians being corrupt, the cost of a cup of tea and next doors Armadillo making holes in the lawn at night. To vote No is the easy safe choice the one to go for if you wish to see everything just carry on as it has for ages, the one that will let the powers that be just smile and be smug. However if Scotland says lets go for it Lets vote Yes, it will be a whole new adventure not just for Scotland but the entire UK, the UK even gets a new flag (WELL COOL). Imagine it . . . . all change for loads of things, flag makers will love it for one and then there will be all sorts of other stuff no one has thought of yet, it will be dead exciting all round, both in England and Scotland and it will be a monumental historical moment in British History something to remember and tell your neighbours cat about in years to come.

This is a one off opportunity something that will never happen again, a NO vote will seal Scotland’s fate forever as the hilly bit on the top of England where folk talk funny. A YES you see; I suspect in the future, if it sort of went wrong, would see the rest of UK saying . . . . . Why not come and join us again we will even let you keep your kilts and bagpipes and talk in a funny way about felling a bit peely-wally and even allow you to sing Flower of Scotland.

So vote YES or  . . . . . .  Ye aff yer heid . . . . ya Bampot Eeejits

I rest my case . . . . . . . .for now. 

4th July . . . . A friendly Message from Britain (again) . . . .Yes we are still friendly (mostly)

With the Forth of July tomorrow I thought it was a good day to repeat last years post about the 4th July because as it happens I will be busy tomorrow doing my good deed. . . . . . It is good to do good deeds it sort of shows folk that we are not all nasty and some of us are generally quite nice . . . . . . a bit . . . . . . sometimes.

Today is the 4^th of July a day that is celebrated in the USA as Independence Day, a day when I am told America leaps about, lets off fireworks and folk stand about being patriotic. Here in Britain folk carry on as normal unless it is Sunday in which case they all go to IKEA.

Us British have always wondered why our American friends decided they were not happy being a colony of Britain, after all the ordinary man in the street such as myself is a fairly nice sort of chap and in general find Americans a nice bunch who almost speak half decent English. In fact it would be true to say that more English understand Americans than a Glaswegian just a few miles up the road in Scotland.  The American accent being sort of a cross between Middle England and Middle Australian, probably because they live in the land between these two great countries. America is more a group of small countries known as States so is sort of a bit like Europe really only they fight less and don’t insult their adjoining states like we do in Europe, (We have all gone off Greece a bit more since last year). 

However the good folk of the USA do have one or two odd anomalies that we notice from time to time when they come to visit the old homeland. They do seem to spell some words a bit oddly, however I do that all the time so I understand how that can happen. And they do seem to like the Queen and all the Royals, a bit odd when they were so keen to get rid of them in the first place. Ironically there are many folk in Britain who would love to get rid of the Royals and would happily sell a few to the USA.  I have also heard them imply that their Zombies and Monsters are better than our Zombies and Monsters, well that is just plain silly everyone knows European Monsters are superior to all by a long way.  And we all know that a nice cup of tea and crab paste sandwiches in an old Lyons Café can not be compared with MacDonald’s, it is a foolish thing to even attempt. When was the last time you saw the corner of your Big Mac curling up in the sun and getting crusty while a gang of little old ladies pondered the iced buns.

Anyway I hope you lot over in the USA have enjoyed your day, and if you ever feel you would like to rejoin us (it is never to late) we are happy to share a nice tea party (not that one but the one where you drink tea in the garden) with you………… . . . .

What happened to that Tea Party of yours did they vanish off into the wild forests of Canada looking for the Big Foot. . . 

The Traditional Rob Z Tobor End of the Year Post involving Auld Lang Syne and Foxes

I know this is what I wrote last year(and the year before that) but it is now going to be the new, New Years Eve traditional post until I forget that I have one, which may be next year or next week, who can tell......

So here we are at the end (almost) of 2014 and we all know what that means, it means folk standing out on street corners shouting and letting off fireworks hugging strangers as they pass and singing that old traditional Scottish song that no one knows the words too. But luckily most folk are a bit merry and will not be aware that instead of singing the correct words they are singing

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never mmmmm to mmmmm?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And auld lang syne!

Chorus.-

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne.

We'll mmmm  o' mmmm mmmm,

For auld lang syne.

 

which sort of shows that folk don't really know the words

Then everyone will repeat this until they get bored and spot an urban fox chasing a pigeon, where upon the masses will abandon singing Auld Lang Syne staggering about in a mad linked hands sort of dance and chase the fox shouting

I’ll CATCH AN URBAN FOX MY DEAR,

IN A DUSTBIN AT IKEA

I’ll CATCH AN URBAN FOX I BET,

PUT BUTTER IN HIS EAR

BUTTER IN HIS EAR MY DEAR,

PUT BUTTER IN HIS EAR

WE’ll CATCH AN URBAN FOX AND THEN WE’LL GET

SOME BUTTER IN HIS EAR

O yes they all know the words then

So I have left a message with the foxes (again) to avoid large crowds of people who look happy and not to spend the night raiding the Swedish meat balls in the bins of IKEA. And don’t go anywhere near people with tubs of butter

I would like to wish everyone a jolly happy new year (yes OK it is still two days away but) and if you live in the UK I believe New Years Day is due to be stormy/nice or something  (it was last year),  not sunny like this year (the year before last year).  . . . I dont know what will happen this year regarding the weather yet, and I suspect no one really cares that much 

If you do not plan to sing a fox based song and chase urban foxes then here are the words to Auld Lang Syne, the proper ones which is not as good but which is more traditional unless you live very near IKEA and are pestered by Urban Foxes. . . . . . . . . . .

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And auld lang syne!

Chorus.-For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne.

We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

And surely ye'll be your pint stowp!

And surely I'll be mine!

And we'll tak a cup o'kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

We twa hae run about the braes,

And pou'd the gowans fine;

But we've wander'd mony a weary fit,

Sin' auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

We twa hae paidl'd in the burn,

Frae morning sun till dine;

But seas between us braid hae roar'd

Sin' auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

And there's a hand, my trusty fere!

And gie's a hand o' thine!

And we'll tak a right gude-willie waught,

For auld lang syne.

For auld, &c.

All the best for 2015. Or what ever year it is about to be at some point approx . . . . 

As for the Nice Steven Spielberg, I may be forced to take my story to another film Producer chap. . . . . . I know its terrible, but I am getting older all the time so if I wait too long I will be well past it and totally away with the fairies. 

.

A repeat of the post from 14th Oct 2012 (Yes OK its lazy I know . . . BUT).

I have been very busy yet again today although strangely it allowed me to draw a cat and a Zombie so I have two pictures in reserve WELL COOL. But because of this busyness I have decided to repeat the post of exactly two years ago on the 14th Oct 2012 just so folk can get a feel of how the old blog has changed with the passing of time.

A repeat of 14th October 2012

Today has been as much about catching up as actually getting anything done so for example I am still writing up my adventures in the underworld; OK not really so much the underworld as the world underground, as they are not entirely the same thing, as my very good friend Napoleon Beelzebub has pointed out. Although they are both in the same direction, it is more the fact they are not in the same dimension, much like myself and the Ghost Writer. In fact while on the subject of different dimensions I discovered that the old medieval castle that we stayed near which I will mention when I finally get things all written up (you lot are just going to have to wait until I am organized a bit . . . . . . . . . AH); OK yes this castle exists in several dimensions also. It has a real existence so exists in the world of the Ghost Writer; it has an existence in the real world of Rob Z Tobor (me) because as far as I'm concerned I'm real. And then I discovered it has an alternative existence as a French castle in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  So I have now discovered that not only did we miss a chance to get all the gold from the centre of the Earth we have also missed an opportunity to find the Holy Grail and possibly the odd autograph……

Anyway the farmer has now filled the tunnels created by the cows, so they are a bit dispirited and are chewing grass in despair, roaming about in the fields in a sort of random fashion as if their goal in life has been taken away from them. However the sting in the tail for us was that one of their tunnels has resulted in the main road being closed and we were forced to undertake a huge detour in order to get to the birthday party of Miss Elle tonight who was seventeen while we were away in the depths of the subterranean caverns. It appears the road will now be closed for at least three weeks because cows make large tunnels but are not good at engineering the supports . . . . . . . 

It was a bit of a shock all that frost and sunlight this morning I had to wear sunglasses at breakfast and a woolly hat although it did turn into a really lovely day. OK I better go it is getting on as I have been at a birthday party and had to go and return the long way. . . .

Oooo I saw two of those powered parachute things going over the house today and an Austin Maxi. I thought all Austin Maxi’s were well dead, ironically on the way to the birthday party we did pass the Austin Maxi again and it appeared to be dead with people peering into the engine. Such is life. 

A final Word from a YES Supporter of Scottish Independence....... then its back to Zombies again (tomorrow)

Well it appears that the Yes supporters lost, what can I say. . . . except damn damn damn damn damn damn dmandam ndmam ndman mdndm mnamd nnd n mand damn damn damn danm daamnananm mdan manndn mamdnamnamdma dndn mdn namm mdmdm n mdan damn damn dman mdan damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn dmandam ndmam ndman mdndm mnamd nnd n mand damn damn damn danm daamnananm mdan manndn mamdnamnamdma dndn mdn namm mdmdm n mdan damn damn dman mdan damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn. We was robbed

And all these promises made by the politicians in Westminster I suspect will vanish in a haze of Smoke and Mirrors as they say . . . Well of course it’s not that simple, what with the charter of 1735 and we need the support of Golden Elves found only in the high mountains of Tibet at dawn . . . . . . . . .

Still they tried (the Pro Independence voters); they held their pointy pencils high, put their cross on the ballet paper and ran screaming at the huge concrete wall of opportunity only to bounce off into the muddy hole of crushed dreams. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  For now, but folk need to remember the Motto of Scotland, after all we are used to supporting a football team that loses a lot. . .  “Nemo me impune lacessit”, or: "No one provokes me with impunity . . . . . . PAL “, and we have pointy sticks.

WE WILL BE BACK…..

The Truth Behind Scottish Independence finally revealed

Well as voting takes place I can finally reveal my cunning plan as it is now too late to stop it. You see me and my evil assistants, henchman Mr Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon (there is something a bit fishy about their names. . . . . HAH AHHAH AH aha hah ahah ha ahha ha hah a ha hah ah) have been working tirelessly for several years on our very own Flag Business. Everyone likes flags and here in Britain folk just can't resist a wave at a royal person or a parade or hanging them in Windows.

But we hatched a plan to make ourselves a small (a very big) fortune by persuading the people of Scotland to leave the UK resulting in the need for millions of new flags from big posh ones to cheap plastic ones for the massed masses of Crowds-R-Us to wave at Queens and the like.

Now some of you will be thinking well you wont make that much money flogging a few flags, well its not just a few there are millions of them because Australia, New Zealand,  Montserrat,  St. Helena & Dependencies and many many others have the Union Jack as part of their own flag . . . . . . . . . so we will be rich very rich . . .HAH HA HAH AH ha ha hah ah ah ha ha h ha ha hah ha hah ah ah ha hahah ah ha ha hah ah ah ahah ah ah . . . . Yes we have this flag market well and truly Stitched Up. . . . . . . ..  Stitched Up . HAH HA hah ah a haha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah ahah ha . . . . .

If our plan succeeds we plan to work for Chinese Independence which will mean the removal of the small print  . . . MADE in China. . .  from the corner of the Chinese flag.  If that cunning plan works we will be rich beyond are wildest dreams and we (OK I do) have some wild dreams indeed.

All we need to do now is get official approval for the new Union Jack design from the White House . . . sorry I mean Parliament.  . . . . . . . . AH DAMN I may have made a slight error in the design. 

Scottish Independence YES or NO a final comment

Tomorrow is vote day, the big day in Scotland when both sides will be doing their bit and hoping for the best. One important thing to remember though is that all Scotsmen like a bit of a party. If Scotland votes YES there will be a huge party with folk leaping about knowing that over the next couple of years it will be all change and into the great unknown. If Scotland votes NO there will be a party, but not as good because everything will stay the same. Folk don’t generally have parties when stuff stays the same. Its like children having a party because they are not leaving home, these seldom happen because it’s hard to party when your parents are crying in the dining room.

While pondering things, two interesting thoughts came to mind. . . .Let’s face it someone normally nicks my thought and says it’s theirs, the first I have mentioned in FB as a passing comment but I thought well that’s interesting what will happen with that. You see I thought as we plan to adopt the Queen and let England have Prince (King) Charles then we could keep the pound as it’s the Queens face on it. Then I thought HANG ON what about stamps whose stamps will we use, because that lot at Royal Mail use any excuse to put up the price of stamps. I bet they try and charge extra for delivery to Europe. However I have a solution Scotland can sell its own stamps cheaper than the English ones and sell them over the internet to the English so they can send letters and parcels cheaper using the Scottish stamps . . . .  Yet another problem solved and a good revenue generator.

This brings me to my second point; you see Scotland has the highest number of Inventors, Discoverers and Explorers per head of population of any country in the world by a huge margin.  So although Independence will see many problems to solve, we are in fact the ideal nation to solve them all. In fact you could argue that we are so good at inventing and discovering things that it would be folly not to vote YES just so we can Invent and Discover even more things.  Even I, down in Shropshire often discover things in muddy holes which I prod with pointy sticks, you don’t see the English doing this . . . . . OK that’s not entire true I can think of at least one English man who prods at stuff with a point stick but they are few and far between.

So remember tomorrow you can either vote YES for an exciting and unknown world of Inventors and discoveries with a Queen and slightly cheaper stamps. Or you can vote NO and keep things the same with David Cameron and Prince Charles, a world of slightly more expensive stamps and the kids never leave home.

You know what to do. . . . .

Scottish Independence . . Latest Poll (sorry pole) points to a surprise.

I was looking at the BBC News on the internet catching up with the world news and stuff and just happen to notice that it appears if Scotland becomes independent it will move the geographic centre (the balancing point) of the UK to just a few miles away. Well when I say a few I mean about 30-ish miles, well that is quite exciting, sort of, and it would be really good to be the middle of something. So I would like to propose that maybe the rest of the UK could give Scotland just enough of Northern England to make my house the exact centre.  I would then be able to erect a thing on a long pole with pointy bits that pointed at all the places around the UK saying things like the sea 200 miles or London 200 miles or Manchester 200 miles or Scotland 200 Miles or even France 200 miles or the USA 200 miles.  You will notice that everything would be exactly the same distance away, but that is one of the really cool things about being exactly in the middle of everything. Everything is exactly the same distance from you or you can’t be in the middle.

It is a little know fact that ancient man built Stonehenge in order that they would know where the middle was, it is why many stone circles are round as finding the middle of a round thing is far easier as the accent Britain’s did not have GPS or theodolites and survey equipment, they were far more dependant on the instincts of goats.

Anyway I would like to pledge right now that in the event of a YES vote for Scottish Independence and a small concession where the rest of the UK hand over a bit of the North of England, (A goodwill gesture). That I Rob Z Tobor will build a big tall pointy pole thing to point at places and let folk know everywhere is 200 miles away.  As always it is good to find the Middle Ground (the Balancing Point) as defined by the trained goats of the Ancient Britain’s. 

Scottish Independence (sorry I am doing my bit). . . Important Facts about Scotland.

It’s Sunday and I plan to bore you all silly once again with the great Scottish Independence YES NO vote due in just a few days. I know it’s terrible after nearly 300 years of little or no news about the strange goings on of the homeland, the damn place is all over the news like it is the most important thing happening in Scotland. . . .

So what are the facts about Scotland?

1 Well it has a population of about 5.2 million or just over, of which about 2.5 million are working or should be.

2 If you ignore oil for the moment its top exports appear to be Food and Drink. . .  I knew everyone liked deep fried Mars bars, Iron Bru and a Tunnock’s teacake.

3 Scotland already has its own Legal System separate to that in the rest of the UK

4 Scotland also has its own Education System

5 And to buy a house in Scotland is different to that in England.

6 Scotland has its own Sportsmen and teams who get to compete internationally for their home Country although not in the Olympics. Scotland also has its own Highland Games with things such as Goat Wresting and Grouse Bobbing.

7 It has its own language, dialects and customs that are a mystery to the rest of the world and many Scotsmen.

8 It has its own weather that is much wetter and wilder that England making many Scotsmen a bit grumpy.

9 It is a land of many mountains and moors. Ben Nevis being 1344m high when it has warmed up in the sun and the longest river is the River Tay 193km on a wet day.

10 And it has loads of History going back ages long before the Roman invasion of Britain in 1^st century AD when the Romans had to build a wall to protect themselves as the Scots had pointy sticks and were very scary.

11 The motto of Scotland is “Nemo me impune lacessit”, or: "No one provokes me with impunity . . . . . . PAL “or its modern equivalent “Are You Looking at Me Pal”

12 Scotland still has its own protected species of Underwater Monster that the English have tried to steal or discredit since 1545. . . . . . NO it’s ours so YA SUCKS BOOOO.

13 Scotland has the greatest sports fans in the world who will always chant the famous Scottish phrase “WE WAS ROBBED” after all matches or competitions when we lose right at the end.   

That last point is rather important, in fact it is very very important indeed because it is the one the Scots always forget every single time.  It is why it keeps happening and I can see it happening yet again. The English appear to be defeated and are sulking and wandering back home to London and the like. The Scots chasing them, waving their kilts in the air and throwing cans of Iron Bru and that Mr Cameron chap, laughing and sniggering as they pursue the English deep into England. Only to realize too late that they have not voted yet and they are now too far away to get to a polling station and then the NO Campaign wins by 52% to the yes vote of 48% . . . . The Scots having been tricked yet again . . . . . . .

All I can say is   WE WAS ROBBED.

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Scottish Independence . . . NO Campaign Latest Shock News.

There are certain things that need to be acknowledged as we head rapidly towards the great YES  NO vote that will, we are told change the world (OK Great Britain) forever.  Well what sort of thing (or WHO) changes the world, because quite frankly as humans changing it to much is not a good move at all.  So we need to ask ourselves in whose best interest would these changes be, obviously not humans so by a process of elimination we must be talking Aliens.

And because these changes are associated directly with the YES NO Vote we have to assume that the entire process has been instigated by the very same Aliens, but what is their cunning plan. And exactly which side are they on, are they supporting the YES or NO campaign.  Well I think I can answer that question quite easily, it is clear that the Aliens are supporting the NO campaign because of three key observations.  The first of these is historical ask yourself where do people see Aliens and Alien spacecraft in Britain, Almost always in the South of England. Yes OK the odd one turns up in Wales and the North of England but they are like Hens Teeth in Scotland.  Secondly look at the political leaders supporting the NO campaign Mr Miliband, Mr Clegg and Mr Cameron, are they Alien Androids and all the same model at that working to instigate the Aliens cunning plan; I bet they are.  Thirdly consider all the big corporate businesses throwing their weight behind the NO campaign. The organisations are reclusive secret bodies that tell us little, an ideal place for the massed hordes of Aliens to do their deeds changing our world so they can remove all the humans or enslave us

Now I can hear some of you say that is madness but consider this, if Scotland becoming independent is really so bad then why would the powers that be who are now telling us this, allow the vote in the first place.  It makes no sense whatsoever unless behind the whole thing is a grand master plan of evil cunning and quite frankly in this particular case the only ones who will gain must be an as yet undiscovered race of Aliens from the far reaches of space.

I suspect they have noticed that the Scots are a feisty belligerent bunch who have a strange language, seem to survive on foods that would kill most humans in a few days and will fight any Alien that they see once nightfall arrives. Waving those pointy Sticks at the powers that be and shouting ARE YOU LOOKIN AT ME PAL. . .

So I believe this is an entire exorcise sorry exercise in destroying the Scottish spirit forever, so that the Aliens can move North and eventually conquer the entire world.  All that stands between us (the human race) and becoming the puppets of Aliens is a YES Vote. . .

I think you know what to do. . . . . .

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The Scottish Independence debate and why the Scots will vote NO to Scotlands Independance

As a Scot living in England right on the border with Wales, having lived in Wales half my life I am watching the Scottish Independence debate with much interest. Because of where I live I get no vote which is a little ironic as many English living in Scotland do get to vote, I would vote YES myself, but in the last 48 hours feel the tide has turned and the NO vote is almost certainly going to win.

You see the Scots are a wild and passionate lot and in a battle will hold their pointy sticks and swords high and charge shouting rude things at the enemy even when outnumbered and with no hope of winning. Well I say that; this is what used to happen in the old days and 99% of the time sure enough we lose, but just on the odd occasion we win and we will cheer and relish the moment knowing that ultimately our glory will be short lived and we will be defeated by overwhelming odds. Just look at the Scottish football team.

The YES campaign lead by Alex Salmond (who needs to get into some tartan) at one time focused on this built in wild passion and belief that has seen the national football team continue to be supported even though most of the time they lose.   But in the last couple of days the YES campaign has lost its passion it has been dragged down into the nitty gritty of everyday life and questions like . . . . Will my ASDA shopping cost a bit more . . . . . 

Such arguments are futile, we are the people of Scotland, who can say if becoming independent will work or not for sure, or even staying part of the United Kingdom will be in Scotland’s long term interest. Let’s face it up to now the powers that be in England have not really cared about Scotland.  And saying . . . . ASDA will put its prices up . . . . Should make no difference.  We should be heading towards polling day waving our swords and pointing pointy sticks singing and making rude gestures at the English establishment.  The people of Scotland should be following their hearts and Rob Roy MacGregor rather than worrying about ASDA. Which is why I knew the campaign for YES was doomed when I heard a Scot saying . . . . . . The supermarkets saying we should vote NO has finally made me decide to vote to keep the Union . . . . . .  This is not the talk of a mad rampant Scotsman charging over the moors his kilt flying in the air.

In other news Ian the Musical Hat Maker (A Scot) and Auntie Karen (A Viking) called by so that Mr Ian could tune our piano (from Scotland. . . . OK German made) and we all had a jolly good time.  And had a lovely meal which all came from the local village Market . . . NOT ASDA

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