An A to Z Coronavirus observational guide. . . I

I

Immunisation and Isolation

Well the powers that be are working hard to create a vaccine to protect the masses from Covid-19. So something along the lines of the seasonal flu jab that those classed as at risk get; or are offered each year as winter arrives. After all seasonal flu and colds are all part of the coronavirus family ( I think). Normally this would take rather a long time, after all get it wrong and the vaccine could cause as many issues as the virus and that would not go down well with folk. I did have the flu vaccine once a few years ago and it did not go well I felt rough for months so now I have an alternative solution which seems to work (touch wood as the old saying goes). Not sure how I would feel if I am offered a Covid-19 vaccine, but at present that is unlikely to happen anytime soon.

Isolation, OOOoooooo that’s an odd thing. Because of all this Social Distancing and advice to not leave home those whose live on their own may well be finding themselves in a state of isolation. There are those who will cope but it is much harder to deal with long term. However it should also be remembered that for some very elderly, disabled or those with mental health issues, isolation can be a way of life. So maybe when this is all over we could think about them and try to help. Particularly if you find that after a few weeks you have gone as mad as a box of frogs. Luckily my wife and the garden as keeping me sane and I have re-potted all the house plant now. I had been talking about doing this for ages; it’s a bigger job than you might think too as there are about 100 of them roughly. I am now moving shrubs in the garden while the weather is good.

  I am much luckier than many because of where I am; often we take such things for granted. I suspect we may all end up reassessing what is important once life returns to some sort of normal.

. A Scientific theory for the unobserved universe . . . The Universal Theory of Voids

We all know the universe is a large place as in a WOW that is big sort of way. And we all know that it is far more complex that even the best scientists and mathematicians have worked out to date.  And so I would like to add my own observations to the continuing debate about exactly what is the universe all about and how does it work.  To do this I would like everyone to consider some very simple and what a first glance may appear silly logic and thoughts, but there is reason in my madness.

I'm sure if I was to say hands up all those who have lost a pen or pencil in their life and never ever found it again almost everyone would put at least one hand up or more. This observation was even used in the book The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Universe so it is a common problem.  Now consider how often you find stuff down behind the cushions of chairs and sofas that may have been there for years. . . If you don’t believe me and you have an old sofa go and look, it could be something mancky or something valuable but it will be there.

We are often told 80% of the human body is water and recently I heard that something like half a human being is in fact bacteria and other organisms and not in fact us. Well where is all this water and stuff inside us, plainly not somewhere it can be seen with ease. We are also told by science that something like 90 to 95% of the universe can not be seen and no one knows what it is and some of it is know as Dark Matter. Note I say some because much of it is stuff that has yet to be even given a name.

And this brings me to my new theory called . . . The Universal Theory of Voids. As we know the Universe looks linear but as we also know from Einstein time and space are curved, distorted by the gravitational forces of large objects such as stars Black holes and planets.  But what if space is more distorted than we think creating hidden voids in its fabric, much like those spaces in the back of the sofa. Well then hidden within these will be all that missing material, probably all covered in dust and mancky things. It might be that the universe is so wrinkled that most of the universe could easily be hidden from view within its infinite voids. Or which to me seems a bit worse, we might be in a void and our vision of the universe is only the stuff that has slipped behind a cushion of the universal sofa.

So there you have it my theory . . . The Universal Theory of Voids. . .  I could get all scientific about this but this is not the place for that . . . . But I hope when Science thinks Hey that Rob Z Tobor has a point they do not rip off my theory and rename it something like . . .  The Sofa Paradox . . .  and say they thought of it. I will tweet that Professor Brian Cox.  Now he is a clever man and will give this some thought. 

The Magpie, The Wood Pigeon and the Huge Mutant Spider as predicted by Quantum Mechanics

OK you might also notice an Eyeball on the worktop 

Today has seen the arrival of a mancky and very battered Magpie in the garden, and a not quite so battered Wood Pigeon. Now I suspect they have not been fighting each other but if they have then the Magpie is rubbish at fighting, I mean wood Pigeons are not famed for fighting and Magpies are cunning birds that will cheat and use rocks.  I am not sure if either will survive and trying to help the Magpie in particular is almost impossible, Magpies don’t trust us humans for many reasons so getting close to one is a no no.  OK the don’t not go out their way to make themselves likeable but nature is a bastard.

However I have avoided stooping to the low depths that nature in the raw can plummet to by painting round a spider in the kitchen. Yes the little beast has laid its eggs not far from the hob and was going to defend them to the end even against a huge great human five millions times bigger than he/she was. I think it might be a she, a chap would abandon the kids in that situation and do a runner for sure, which as a chap would seem the logic thing to do.  So it only seemed fair for me to rise about the basic instincts of nature and paint round it and the eggs in order to give them all a fighting chance of making through the winter to a new life in the spring. I have a habit of saving wood lice and slugs and various other little critters at times so some might say I am a foolish idiot who is not prepared to face the basic facts of nature such as . . . . . Where does a bacon butty come from. . . . . .  NO NO fingers in ears and shout hum hum hum diddle ping hum a lot is my response to that one, bacon comes from the fridge in a packet and that is enough for me.

The painting has gone to plan and the kitchen is now 99.9% complete which I have worked out will mean next August will finally get it all done with the exception of a small area the size of a little spider and its eggs which by them I will have forgotten about entirely much as I did in the hallway. Something that was pointed out to me, as I carefully painting round the spider. I don’t think the spider in the hallway was the same spider although come to think of it I don’t know what happened to all the eggs once they hatched so maybe they are related. If I ever have to face a huge Mutant Spider in a Gladiatorial Roman Arena in the future I know I will be safe when I tell it of how I did not paint over his ancestors.  OK it’s a long shot but Quantum Mechanics says it could happen, so it just might.   

How fast are we all going. . . . The Big Question

Have you ever wondered about how fast you are moving, well its time to think about this because it is important? Because it does not matter how slowly you try to travel it turns out you are travelling much faster than you ever thought. The average person walks about at about 3 miles an hour going backwards and forwards and eating stuff during pauses, it does not sound impressive. But of course the Earth rotates, so someone at the equator is rotating with the Earth at about a speed of 1000 MPH which is impressive although you need to remember you are only travelling 3 MPH faster than a slug and you might even be travelling slower that a slug if you are walking against the ration, so heading west I think. Of course you could be sneaky and stand on one of the poles (the Earth's poles not a long stick) and then you will just be slowly spinning on the spot.

Well that would be fine except the Earth rotates round the Sun which is why we have years so even sat on the North Pole you are still moving through space while rotating slowly so now we are all moving at 66,500 MPH. I mean that is fast but remember that slug is still sat next to you looking smug (A Smug Slug); all this speed it relative to everything else.

So far it has been easy even the slug is fairly chilled about this, although slightly concerned about how fast he/she is going but it is going to get much faster, you see the Sun is in one of the arms of the Milky way our own galaxy (no not the chocolate) and that is also moving as well as rotating and it appears that the result of all this is we are moving in relationship to the Cosmic Background at a speed of 1.2 million MPH.  Now that is fast, very fast and what it means that ever hour of every day we move 1.2 million miles in the universe so if you go out for the day, say shopping and arrive home 10 hours later your home has moved position in universe by at least 12 million miles. Now that is a long way.

And to make things even worse it might just be that the Cosmic Background Radiation that is used as the reference to tell how fast we are travelling could be part of a moving universe. And bearing in mind each step involves a huge leap in speed then we could be travelling seriously fast indeed within some sort of unknown dimensional thing. I say some sort of unknown dimensional thing because I reckon my guess is as good as that Professor Brian Cox chap, and yes he smiles a lot, but he is a clever bastard and that’s for sure (OOooo sorry about the word I had that Ian Dury song in my head)

What this does mean though is that you are never in the same part of the universe twice and nor is the slug even if you think you are because all the other stuff is moving too. You need to think of the universe like a huge motorway that we are hurtling along as fast as we can in the fastest car you can get, blindfolded and with no brakes. This is fine until say a goat or something similar (maybe an Armadillo) wanders out in front of us (you), when it suddenly all goes wrong and that is the End of Everything. It is also the point when you realise just how fast you are going as bits fly about in random chaos.

 Talking of the end of Everything . . . .  I have mentioned that the 21^st September is the End of the World, and now you know why . . . . . . . Damn those Cosmic Armadillos. 

HD85512b also known as Earth 2 or Super Earth and possible issues that may arise

Earlier today while busy doing stuff I was contemplating writing an interesting tale about HD85512b or Earth Two as it has become known in the press.  Humans have long been keen to meet aliens and the like and this is a great opportunity if it was just a bit closer.  But then I thought to myself even if we did meet them communication would be rubbish.  We sort of assume most of the time that because as humans we are clever it would all be easy and anyway if aliens get to Earth they would be super clever and work out what we were talking about.

Well there are two important points, the first of which is if we are so damn clever how come we have never managed to talk to other species on Planet Earth. All critters communicate using some sort of language (OK some of the tiny ones don’t).  Maybe it is possible that science has already achieved this but it is an official secret for rather logical reasons, I mean imagine how folk would feel about eating beef if the following conversation happened every time you went near a field of cows.

Oooooo hello rob what have you got there is it nice

Ah yes its a burger, they are rather popular

It looks interesting is it made of grass

No its a bun made of bread with fried onions, a bit of mustard and A meat burger

meat???

Well when I say meat I mean stuff

Stuff. . . . . What sort of stuff

Well mmmm sort of beef

WHAT

Well its only a bit of meat, a tiny bit really Look

AAAuuuuugghhhh that looks like Gertrude.

Gertrude no its just a burger I mean I would never eat Gertrude, well certainly not any important bits.

I don’t like you any more

Ah sorry about that Look I will only eat sheep

Bastard. . . . . . . 

Well as humans kill or eat almost everything that moves communicating with it would cause issues so it might well be that science and the powers that be have suppressed this.

Of course the second issue is if super intelligent aliens did turn up they would look upon us in the same way we look upon Cows and think hey these critters will make great burgers. Leading to the following conversation

You can not eat us . . . we are Humans

and very tasty you are too

No you don’t understand we are intelligent beings

Are you sure . . . you have not done much

Yes we have . . .  we have been to the moon

AH hah ahah ah ah ah a hahah ah ahah h a ha hah ah ahaha ha you are funny critters the moon is just up there I mean it is not exactly very far is it.

Well we have stuff like Mmmmmmmmmmmm toasters and bombs and love a good war

Well I think that sort of proves our point. that is just a waist of a good burger. Look I tell you what I will not eat the squishy bits I don’t like them anyway, you can keep them

WHAT

Now just hop into this liquidiser

Bastard

So despite the human desire to meet aliens, one would have to conclude that it would not end well.  Let’s face it if we manage to get to a planet in the future will we communicate with the life on it or eat it, particularly if it has four legs and is cow shaped.

Einstein, The Theory of Relativity, Chaos Theory and a Chicken

While listening to the wireless this morning there was a little article on about Einstein who as we all know was a clever chap. I did not hear all of what they were saying because it was before 9.00am and far too early for me to focus on Einstein or even the cat at that time of the morning.  Anyway I sort of heard someone say something about how his theory of relativity resulted in a rational structured model of the Universe.

Well it was that statement that finally woke me up, well when I say woke I grunted and sort of pored tea into myself and waved at a terrible blinding light, which turned out to be a bed side light.  You see saying the Universe is structured and rational fails to take into account something rather important and that is time.  OK yes I know what you are thinking, saying Einstein has not thought about time is like saying the Chicken has never thought about crossing the road.

But the key point is not so much time, but the rate at which time passes or the time, time takes to pass. Think of a car crash if you slow it down so that the few seconds it takes can be watched over a period of several hours then it becomes a predictable event. We can watch things fly about hit one another and predict the outcome.  Well the Universe is basically a car crash in slow motion, our own life span is so short relatively, that we only see a tiny fraction of the event and it all looks rather structured.  If it was speeded up millions of times it would just appear to be a rather chaotic and disorganized fireworks display.

So consider the following options

If I was to say the Earth will be destroyed in ten million years folk would say Gosh well that’s OK and carry on without a worry.

If I then said the Earth will be destroyed in one thousand years folk would say well that’s not long is it, but hey I’ll be OK.

If you tell folk the Earth will be destroyed in one day’s time folk will run about panicking and eating ice cream.

You see it is not the event that is scary but the timing, tell a Mayfly the Earth has only one day left and he will say that’s an entire lifetime, Phew that is lucky for me.  It is a known fact that Andromeda and the Milky Way will collide in about four billion years and that the moon is moving away from earth at about two inches a year and will one day vanish off and cause chaos in our own solar system. Plus the sun is due to become a Red Dwarf and will swallow the earth up. You see the Universe is just Chaos theory in slow motion so when I heard that Einstein’s Theory of Relativity was been used to suggest the Universe was structured I thought Noooooooooooooooo the Universe is chaos. . . . Well mine is most of the time.

Anyway don’t panic the Earth will not be destroyed for at least a few more weeks yet so there is loads of time . . . . AH well a bit of time and as I have already said time is entirely an abstract idea.

Georgina Gramophone Goshwell . . . .

Georgina Gramophone Goshwell

Georgina Gramophone Goshwell is the first woman to be included on the list of The A to Z of Completely Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers. Mainly because for many years there was great uncertainty about which sex she was, a result of her large false handle bar moustache and tall stovepipe hat.

Georgina or as she was known at the time George, had worked with the right Honourable Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas in developing the Armstrong-Atlas Amplifying Alignment Armature.  However after a certain incident of which neither would talk about George (Georgina) developed her (his) own invention the Goshwell Ground Gauge which was used to measure subsidence in the ground. A device that was particularly useful to the Victorians as they loved to dig tunnels, leading to cracks in buildings and sinkholes.

And all would have been well had Georgina (George) not agreed to do the Victorian Gentleman Inventors naked Charity Calendar.  Strangely most of the Victorian gentleman inventors themselves were not worldly wise and did not notice that George (Georgina) was a woman with a large false handlebar moustache. But once they were informed they discredited her work and she was told that women can’t be inventors so that the royalties for her invention must be handed to a good cause. All the money was given to the Green Acres Retirement Home for Naval Officers and Georgina became a dancer at the Folie Bergere where she met Benjamin Braithwaite Browning helping him to refine the Barometric Bellows. 

In later life she was said to have moved to Hong Kong where she worked on tap dancing novelty clockwork toys that were able to escape from a locked toy box tied into a sack and sealed in a tank full of water with an unnamed associate of suspicious character.

                                                

Edmond Eccles . . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Edmond Eccles

Eccles was a dreamer an academic who spent his days in the British library, reading its vast array of books on the meaning of life. It was during one of his visits to the British Library that he met Esmeralda one of the library assistants.  However she said she could never be with a man who was a dreamer and would only marry a man with practical skills who could deal with all that IKEA furniture.  So to prove his worth Edmond Eccles invented the Eccles Environmental Elbow a device to reduce earthquake vibration in tall buildings and those new fangled iron railway bridges.

The device was a brilliant success and as an inventor Edmond Eccles was invited to join the Preposterous Club of Great Britain where he and His Bride to be met another inventor Mr Benjamin Braithwaite Browning where young Esmeralda unknown to Edmond Eccles had her head turned having been introduced to the Barometric Bellows.

It was only months later when the highly publicised court case of Mr Benjamin Braithwaite Browning and the socking revelations of the Barometric Bellows use by certain folk, that Esmeralda told Edmond that she had in fact used the bellows herself several times during visits to the Preposterous Club.  This was too much for Edmond Eccles and he bludgeoned Esmeralda to death with his own invention the Eccles Environmental Elbow; as he was led away by the police later he was heard to say Life has no meaning which was rather ironic as he had spent fifteen years reading about the meaning of life.

He was shown leniency by the judge who said, those Barometric Bellows are the work of the devil and he would have probably done the same thing so Edmond Eccles was sent to the colonies where he died in an earthquake after only a week of being there.  . . . . . . . . It’s a funny old world. 

Dr Bruce Banner . . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Dr Bruce Banner 

Dr Bruce Banner was a noted explorer and a keen caver. And when he discovered the vast array of caves on (or under) Greenland decided that he would not only attempt to map the complex of caves but to go deeper underground than anyone had ever been before. In order to avoid the toxic gasses that originate from the many volcanoes, Dr Bruce Banner invented a sophisticated gas detection device which he simply called the Dr Banner Detector.  A simple hand held device that had a bulb which would flash with greater intensity as the gases increased in density.

The problem was, that Dr Bruce Banner had a terrible temper and would emerge from the caves covered in sulphur making him a yellowy green, his clothing ripped and his hair a wild mess, screaming and shouting at his assistants. Then on his attempt to go deeper than anyone else had before, one of the teams Banner Detectors failed and the team decided to return to the surface. However Dr Banner refused to go back and had a huge argument with the support team. When they were asked afterwards why Dr Bruce Banner carried on they said he had a terrible temper and refused to accept defeat and got into an incredible sulk when we said it was unsafe to continue. So he just headed into the depths on his own never to be seen again.

Only a handful of the Banner Detectors were ever made and the last one is in the Icelandic Museum of Mummified Whalers and Fishermen where they also have one of Dr Bruce Banner’s ripped and tattered shirts on display. 

Captain Caspian Clive Caruthers . . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Captain Caspian Clive Caruthers

Captain Caruthers was a seafaring man and had a long and distinguished career in the British Navy. As he got older he had many ideas that he felt would help the Navy to become masters of the sea. One of which was a navigational device he invented called the Caruthers Chronographic Chart Clarifier.  His device worked perfectly well but sadly Captain Caruthers was starting to go a little mad. He discovered a new island which he called New Jamaica which was in fact The Isle of Man.  And he attempted to claim The Isle of White for Britain, besieging the harbour and destroying the Post Office with cannon fire before the island surrendered. He was therefore retired off and found accommodation in the Green Acres Retirement Home for Naval Officers, however he was convinced he was a prisoner of war and spent many years digging tunnels to escape called Tom, Tom and Tom. He sadly died on his final escape plan when he built a glider in the roof of the home and although the glider worked well his victory barrel roll proved to be a foolish move.

  His invention the Caruthers Chronographic Chart Clarifier is still used by the retired naval officers at the Green Acres Retirement Home for Naval Officers to get to Tesco and back on Fridays when they are allowed out for good behaviour.  The Caruthers Cup is now a respected award, awarded for the best tunnel escape attempt at the home each year. 

Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas. . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas

Founder of the Preposterous Club of Great Britain, the right Honourable Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas was an inventor of note and was said to have been the mind behind the Automatic silver service laying device favoured by the Queen in her private chambers. Until the device malfunctioned and ate a lady in waiting. As the Queen cheerily joked later If she had not waited she would still be alive and well. But this is not the invention which he is generally associated with, that is called the Armstrong-Atlas Amplifying Alignment Armature 

Although we are all now aware of the principles of Chaos Theory where a small chicken in Holland eating a Ginger Nut will lead to a huge hurricane in China. Back in 1875 everything was ordered and structured in nature, and chickens did not cause Hurricanes without there being a damn good reason for it, because it was Gods work and entirely a predictable sequence of events.  Mr Armstrong Atlas concluded that it was the small vibrations in the air caused by the chicken that would cause a vibration in the surrounding plants which in turn would cause smaller and larger vibrations in the things around them. In other words all this was interlinked by a predictable vibration sequence (Gods work). So by amplifying and measuring the vibration and assessing its alignment it would be possible to map the sequences of events and therefore eventually predict exactly where a storm would happen before the chicken crossed the road (so to speak).

With the Queens patronage a huge matrix of Armstrong-Atlas Amplifying Alignment Armatures were laid out across London and the South of England, the measurements from each relayed to Armstrong-Atlas by young street urchins for a farthing a day.

However to Mr Armstrong-Atlas the results appeared to show that rather than structured the world was Chaotic.  A theory based on Chaos in Victorian Britain was totally out of the question or he would have been condemned by the Archbishop (The Very Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer) and brought the Queen into disrepute. It was also a time when philanthropist do gooders were telling the world of the plight of young street urchins and many frowned at the use of them in his experiment particularly after one was run down after he tried to chase a chicken as it was crossing the road. 

Later in life still pondering the thousands of readings back in the family castle he inherited from his cousin Stanley Stumbledore, he said to Charles Darwin.  If Man was meant to be a scientist then why does he make so many things that go bang. . . . .

Darwin apparently replied. . . Pengiuns never prosper

And the rest of course is History

The April A to Z . . . . A final word before it all starts

In a few days time it will be April and here on the blog I will be partaking in the annual Blogging A to Z, a popular little jolly that is done by a fairly large group of bloggers many of which do it each year. As I write this the list is at about 1400 which is a great deal less than last year but I have to say this is not a surprise as I have a feeling that the glory days of blogging are over and it is getting much quieter. OK maybe it is just that everyone is avoiding me at present and running away due to my rather uninteresting blog and bad tie pin (I mean typing).  As a stubborn maverick sort of chap I have to say this is not a problem because those who do hang in there are a jolly nice bunch of folk, although I really think they should be sending more cash through the post, and not that home made stuff with pictures of Pterodactyls on one side and the queen wearing a pirates hat on the other. 

Now I have written all but two of the posts for this A to Z as I will also be on the prowl as an Ambassador in the A to Z for Mr B (the mastermind behind the thing). This means I’m sort of a policeman making sure all is well. In fact I would like to think of myself as a sleeping policeman because I am an irritating lump in the middle of the road and I will be doing a lot of sleeping, However the good news is I can be persuaded to overlook any transgressions of the rules if a plain brown envelope full of money turns up in my letter box. Lets not think of this as bribery more a friendly donation to my retirement fund from a friend, I think folk will see that as acceptable, I know I do.

So what of this A to Z . . . . . What interesting thing have I written about. . . . Well I am writing the A to Z of the Strange, Unknown and possibly slightly unreal Victorian Explorers and Inventors. This is a tale of bizarre inventions, collaborations between inventors, it will see men thrown down mine shafts or dashed against pointy rocks in the sea. It will also see the deaths of some in the pursuit of their dreams, madness and penguins, Sensational court cases involving unspeakable things, the crushing of ego’s and a murder of passion.  This will be 26 short stories that are linked together by friendship, revenge, madness and various other things, it will in short be my best A to Z ever and possibly my very last. Who can tell, but right now I feel I have used up all my ideas, these  A to Z things eat ones mind; I may sit in the freezer with a bicycle wheel on my head and pretend to be a penguin. . . . That will become clear as April passes.

Good luck to those attempting this task it’s a big one.   

What is mans greatest fear . . . . . . . . The Big Question

There are many differences between men and women both physically and physiologically as you might expect, I mean if we were identical it would only cause a lot of confusion although it would make religion a bit easier.  There is however one thing that is the Achilles heel of every single man in the world irrespective of whether he is a rock climber,  musician, nuclear scientist, mechanic or a Patagonian goat herder. It is something that men fear more than any other thing, and yet women don’t understand why and will often look indignant and shake their heads as a chap desperately tries to find any reason he can not to undertake this particular task. It is said that men have gone to war and fought to the death rather than face this; on the face of it simple task, that they are often asked to do by women in particular.  Enticing their chaps with erotic clothing or bacon butty’s or whispering rude things in their ears. But chaps will seldom do this terrible thing even when enticed with a half naked woman holding a hot bacon butty with fried onions and brown sauce made with a lightly toasted freshly made bap with loads of butter.

So it was with some trepidation that I started the day knowing that one of the tasks of the day was this mans greatest fear, although luckily I had enough other things to do to avoid starting. In the end though I had to face mans nemesis and with the appropriate implements to hand I set too. But then I had to stop as it was time for our evening meal and I am now too weary to start again, and tomorrow I am busy and on Wednesday, in fact it will probably be the weekend now before I have to face this terrible thing again and carry on with the terrible task of putting up shelves.           

Can we beat the Laws of Probability. . . . . The Big Question.

Here we are again at the very edge of yet another Big Question one that folk often asked in many a scientific research establishment or the great corridors of the worlds Universities or even the slightly dark and dodgy looking bookie just off the high street. You know the one with the nondescript window and fading sign. What they all want to know is . . . . Can we beat the Laws of Probability. . . . . Yes folk have been working on this since the beginning of time and the answer is complex to say the least.

The simple answer would be. . . Yes and No but not always . . .  But that is not the sort of answer you have come here to read about is it. . . .  But if it is well mmmmmm that’s it then you can go now and do exciting stuff. . . . . . .  .

Well we all know the principle, toss a coin into the air insuring it spins and the Laws of Probability will state that the likelihood it will land either heads up or tails up proportionally will be just under 50/50.  It is just under 50/50 because the Laws of Probability state there is a very small possibility it could land on its edge. Do this four times in a row and the probability of getting the sequence right is (4*4*2) + (4*2) +2 plus the unknown element of the coin landing on its edge, something that is unlikely but possible. (OK I have done this maths in my head so if I’m wrong YA SUCKS BOO)

Now turn this into a horse race where there are a huge number of significantly substantial variables which affect the result and it is possible to see why bookies are well off and gamblers are poor.  But of course the Law of probabilities can be applied to many highly important aspects of Science not the least of which involves two rain drops running down the window of a Nuclear Research Laboratory where the scientists have to calculate the angle of the wind and the pattern of the other drops of rain on the window. Remember each rain drop will collect more rain as it descends.   And therefore Science will tell us that the drop nearest the centre of the window will be the 5 to 1 odds on favourite to win the race. Allowing Professor Clarke to recover his losses from his impetuous bet in the snail race along the reactor floor, after his foolish bet on the larger British Garden Snail.  It is a common fact that its larger foot would make it susceptible to increased heat from the reactor. Had Professor Clarke applied the Laws of Probability to the snail race correctly he would have know this and not lost 87p betting on the nose.  The snail has since became a superhero due to unforeseen and highly improbable side effects worked out to be 119,5555,321 to 1 making the research establishments tea lady a very rich woman.  She never did understand the Laws of Probability, but likes to read Marvel comics.         

So can we beat the Laws of Probability, well the answer we can now see is clearly . . . . .

Yes and No but not always . . . . . . . . . . DAMN.

Mankind's Past and Mankind's Future . . . . The SHOCK Truth

The other day someone said to me hey you are a professional blogger don’t you answer all those tricky questions about stuff. . . . To which I said yes and that is the easiest question I have ever had to deal with, but then they said well I was wondering why the social economic structure that mankind lives within is so complex when say a duck messes about, eats grass and maybe heads south for the winter.  I did try and explain that I normally only write about 500 words per post and we have already used a whole load up and have not ever started to deal with his rather complex question.

So in order to deal with this I will answer it in two bits because there are in fact two very different answers to this, one very long answer and one much shorter. Tonight will be the shorter answer. Both are equally valid and have their supporters within the scientific community at large.

So consider the dilemma of being a super intelligent lifeform keen to colonise the universe, but also aware of the issues involved. I have previously explained it is as good as impossible to do this. However there is one way it could be done and recent discoveries in space support this theory, you see the basic building blocks of life have been found in space and we need to ask ourselves why it is there. Well it is likely it was put there by a super intelligent lifeform and represents the key genetic data of their own species at a micro biological structure level, where it (the building blocks of life) drifts through space. Once encountering a planet gravity ensures it covers its surface. And because of the microscopic size it does not burn up as it falls through the atmosphere.  Once on the planet it then interferes with the process of Evolution in the most suitable species and gradually turn the DNA of the host being into the original (alien) lifeform.

Have you noticed how Mankind suddenly headed down an entirely different avenue of evolutionary process to other apes and we now have a lifestyle closer to that of termites and ants. Just look at how folk move about in IKEA and large shopping centres, the Great Apes just sit about or chill in trees and never build large towers like termites.  If you add to this to the question of what sort of super lifeform would put the colony and species before the individual in order to colonize the universe; and the answer is clearly an insect one such as termites or ants.

We are not ants we lack the required number of limbs but viewed from a great height our cities are very similar to that of the termite and insect colonies. And we have ever increasing laws and regulations to control us, pressurizing us to conform to the will of the masses. Something clearly changed us from being apes, and it is very likely we are in the process of becoming pre-programmed alien beings.

You may laugh but just think about this next time you are following the little arrows around IKEA without question picking up large fluffy termites for the kids to play with. . . . . . . . . . .     

A repeat of the post from 14th Oct 2012 (Yes OK its lazy I know . . . BUT).

I have been very busy yet again today although strangely it allowed me to draw a cat and a Zombie so I have two pictures in reserve WELL COOL. But because of this busyness I have decided to repeat the post of exactly two years ago on the 14th Oct 2012 just so folk can get a feel of how the old blog has changed with the passing of time.

A repeat of 14th October 2012

Today has been as much about catching up as actually getting anything done so for example I am still writing up my adventures in the underworld; OK not really so much the underworld as the world underground, as they are not entirely the same thing, as my very good friend Napoleon Beelzebub has pointed out. Although they are both in the same direction, it is more the fact they are not in the same dimension, much like myself and the Ghost Writer. In fact while on the subject of different dimensions I discovered that the old medieval castle that we stayed near which I will mention when I finally get things all written up (you lot are just going to have to wait until I am organized a bit . . . . . . . . . AH); OK yes this castle exists in several dimensions also. It has a real existence so exists in the world of the Ghost Writer; it has an existence in the real world of Rob Z Tobor (me) because as far as I'm concerned I'm real. And then I discovered it has an alternative existence as a French castle in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  So I have now discovered that not only did we miss a chance to get all the gold from the centre of the Earth we have also missed an opportunity to find the Holy Grail and possibly the odd autograph……

Anyway the farmer has now filled the tunnels created by the cows, so they are a bit dispirited and are chewing grass in despair, roaming about in the fields in a sort of random fashion as if their goal in life has been taken away from them. However the sting in the tail for us was that one of their tunnels has resulted in the main road being closed and we were forced to undertake a huge detour in order to get to the birthday party of Miss Elle tonight who was seventeen while we were away in the depths of the subterranean caverns. It appears the road will now be closed for at least three weeks because cows make large tunnels but are not good at engineering the supports . . . . . . . 

It was a bit of a shock all that frost and sunlight this morning I had to wear sunglasses at breakfast and a woolly hat although it did turn into a really lovely day. OK I better go it is getting on as I have been at a birthday party and had to go and return the long way. . . .

Oooo I saw two of those powered parachute things going over the house today and an Austin Maxi. I thought all Austin Maxi’s were well dead, ironically on the way to the birthday party we did pass the Austin Maxi again and it appeared to be dead with people peering into the engine. Such is life. 

A Brief Guide to the Principles of Evolution, Biodiversity and the Herd Instinct

I can hear some of you saying . . . How come we humans have two legs and two arms and a head and stuff. . . . .  and it’s a good question. You see it’s all to do with evolution and although humans are a smug bunch who like to say to every other beast on the planet Ya Sucks Boo the truth is we are not as unique as some would have you think. You see just think how many critters have four limbs and a head at the front end, and dispose of food at the other, the list is huge.  Even birds have four limbs; it’s just that two have turned into wings giving them a rather clever method to get about. Whereas in our case the front limbs are arms and the back ones legs, allowing us to do stuff like ride a bicycle and poke about inside our ears with our fingers or type blogs about Evolution.

Evolution of course is a long process it takes time. . . . (I say time but as we learnt previously time does not exist it is merely a ratio of the movement of individual things in relation to the movement of other things as defined by the movement of a particular object used as the standard. . . . . but folk call it time). . . . . . . . Man now sees himself as Top Dog in this process which is very silly as we are not dogs, and shows the foolishness of us humans.  You see mankind is a relative newcomer to planet Earth and some critters have been about for ages and there are more of them too. But in most cases these critters are small, big critters have certain issues in terms of survival, they need space, they are susceptible to environmental change and humans like to eat them or jab at them with pointy sticks a bit, as its fun.

Now as time passes evolution would normally predict that biodiversity will increase, but us humans are always keen to eat new species so most of the meal sized things are sort of becoming extinct.   One of the odder aspects of man is that we are critters of habit and could be classed as one of the worlds herd animals like Cows or Wildebeest, an old survival instinct from the days when we were shoals of fish and huge prehistoric scary things ate us.  This is why we tend to take revenge on big beasts now and get our own back by eating them, but our in built herd instinct is also why we all wander round IKEA and huge shopping precincts in a rather predictable way allowing ourselves to be brainwashed into buying loads of rubbish like plastic dinosaurs.               

One final experiment you could try yourself, get two friends to dress up in raggedy clothes and cover them in tomato sauce, then get them to stagger out of the public toilets on a busy street as you shout Lookout Zombies Zombies run for your life . . . . . .  I think you will find folk will run on mass in the opposite direction much like the Wildebeest do from a Chinese herbalist.     

What is Time . . . . A Simple Guide to the Origin of Time

I not sure about you lot but in this part of the world it is getting distinctly darker earlier in the evening meaning that summer is over and Autumn has arrived. As it happened today was a nice sunny day and the fact it is just after seven o’clock in the evening as I write this (I will be eating my evening meal soon so bear that in mind)  and getting darker by the second shows us that the year is rapidly vanishing into winter.

And this made me think about time, yes this really is a Big Question today, although it’s not as complex as you might think.  You see if you think about what mankind has used as its reference of time over history.  Starting with rising of the sun and the summer and winter solstice, which is why many of the old sacred sights such as Stonehenge are large clocks aligned to these events. Of course things have moved on and we now have time based on the caesium atom which is seriously accurate, you will never be late for meeting using a continuous cold caesium fountain atomic clock.

However all these clocks sort of miss the key issue involved in time, they all are based on moving things even if these days it’s tiny really really tiny. So the point is TIME can only exist while things move, even if the things moving are tiny like atoms or electrons.  In other words time does not exist it is merely a way of expressing movement from point A to Point B.  Remember the Big Bang theory says before the Big Bang time did not exist (I’m not making this up) and that is because nothing moved not even atoms. But even the tiniest movement of a single electron (or Chicken) would create (time - movement) and the Universe all in one huge explosion.

Which brings us to chickens they understand time better than you think; what is one of the earliest forms of measuring a fixed time . . . .? The Egg Timer . . .  a device entirely evolved by chickens. And that old saying which folk can't ever answer. . . . Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road. . . . It was a way of travelling a fixed distance to access the accuracy of the egg timer, allowing the calculation of the horizontal movement of the chicken at a fixed speed against the gravitational forces on the egg timer.  It is a little known fact that chickens were the first creatures to attempt time travel. . . . OK YES they were rubbish at it but they tried.  

I may be up for yet another Nobel Prize again. . . . 

Perpetual Motion Machines and Naked Charity Calendars analyzed . . .(PART 3)

As I stated yesterday, clearly the only form of Perpetual Motion Machine that is going to work is a Nano Sub Atomic Particle Perpetual Motion Machine, but it is never going to be any good on a nude charity calendar of Scientists and Perpetual Motion machines so ironically science is left with the only thing it can do and use those classic old Victorian Machines which although failing to perform as Perpetual Motion Machines do have a classic beauty that the working machine would lack. And they are just large enough to keep some modesty.  

However a terrible dilemma indeed for Science, as in order to produce the perfect calendar it is necessary to use a device that any scientist who knows their stuff would know does not work.  In particular the Newtonian Speak Your Weight Perpetual Motion Machine as demonstrated by our substitute nude Scientist, Miss Traction Engine 2014 winner of the Cleethorpes Spring Steam fair. . . . Scientists are never going to appear nude with a novelty machine like that.

As someone once said in a film about Science . . . . Beauty Killed the Beast . . . . . It appears Miss Traction Engine 2014 objected to the Newtonian Speak Your Weight Perpetual Motion Machine shouting out 15 stone 10 pounds. And I think I have now said more than enough on the subject and will now move on to new and as yet unknown questions of our time.  DAMN I need a new Question. . .

Ooooo I may have finally sorted a very troublesome computer, they can be stubborn things. I have noted my new idea looking at the great questions of our time is going down like a lead balloon with the punters, but I am not yet deterred, I just need a few popular issues to discuss. . . .I’m not good at popular, you should see me at parties.

Perpetual Motion Machines and Naked Charity Calendars analyzed . . .(PART 2) and introducing Professor Brian Cox

After craftily skimming over all the issues involved in creating the ultimate nude charity calendar of Scientists and Perpetual Motion machines I think it is time to deal with the whole subject in more detail, fundamentally getting to the Bottom (no pun intended) of things.   Interestingly there are two very difficult issues to deal with in creating this particular nude charity calendar that need to be discussed. Firstly the Perpetual Motion Machine is a tricky device to create many have tried and failed, and secondly Scientists generally don’t appear on calendars naked.

Starting with basic principles we all know that a perpetual Motion Machine is a closed loop device and in order to work 100% of the energy in the loop has to stay in the loop. In the old days when man made rather nice Victorian looking machines (The so called Victorian Era) many a chap would construct things that had gears and weights that moved about in a grand fancy looking loop. Simply put they all worked on the same idea. . . .The thing being pushed or pulled was pushed or pulled by the thing pushing or pulling it . . . . (Remember for later)  Simple yes but flawed because of the unseen losses in the loop none of the devices were true closed loop systems. They all were subject to the laws of physics and so gravity results in friction, heat loss, energy lost to the outside environment in small but significant ways, resulting in a less than 100% energy transfer around the loop and failure.

So I can here you type if you are such a smart arse what is the solution to these issues that have left the world of science and even that Professor Brian Cox floundering about scratching their heads and saying . . . . . It’s the engines Captain they’ll nay take it. . . . . Hang on that’s not right.  Well the solution is simple yet extremely difficult and very small. Yes there is only one way to beat the world of the basic laws of Physics and that is to use Quantum Mechanics and make a Sub Atomic Particle Perpetual Motion Machine.  It sounds tricky you would need better eyesight than I have but once you get that small stuff changes and gets weird really weird. Particles can be made to be in two different places at the same time. Remember what I wrote earlier . . . . The thing being pushed or pulled was pushed or pulled by the thing pushing or pulling it . . . . Well with a Sub Atomic Particle Perpetual Motion Machine it changes to . . . . . .  The thing being pushed or pulled is pushed or pulled by two things that were pushed or pulled by it. . . . . . In other words it has a boast of energy in the loop in order to keep it going for eternity or in other words Perpetual Motion or Perpetual Energy. It is why atoms never stop moving and stuff like that.

            

OK tomorrow we can integrate this into the bigger picture for June on the ultimate nude charity calendar of Scientists and Perpetual Motion Machines, and then I will be available for a Nobel Prize round about Christmas. That’s if some Scientist does not nick my idea first, mentioning no names Mr Professor Brian Cox. . . . .  or Mr October as he is know.