Little old Ladies, Armageddon and a Supermarket.

(9...)

Today’s task was collecting my wife’s new glasses, so after breakfast we set off, out into the rain. Yes the weather was even worse than yesterday. The roads were very quiet as we left our tiny village heading towards the grand supermarket (I say grand in reference to its size not interior) where the optician is housed  . The roads remained quiet until we got to the outskirts of the town (I hate big towns and cities). Then the roads were manic despite the fact the weather was rubbish and the roads a bit iffy with all the spray.  Our plan was to get some food supplies from M & S and have a coffee but M & S was full of folk fighting over coffee so we decided to get our supplies and continue the quest.

I like to think of these trips in terms of Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter in order to survive the journey. So having got our first items we journeyed onwards so that my wife could get some felt and beads to make mysterious beasts. I think the plan is to sacrifice then to the Sun God so the Sun will return . . . . . . (Ah apparently that is not true . . . . and I am an Idiot)

Anyway armed with more things we faced the biggest challenge the Grand Supermarket where we got my wife’s glasses.  It was full of folk too fighting over food and milk and packets of lettuce. I suspect the rumour about Armageddon had spread by then. I can be very convincing at times and while my wife was getting her new glasses tweaked to suit her, I may have casually mentioned Armageddon to a bus party of little old ladies with trolleys heading towards the frozen food section. . . Not sure what they were doing there on mass. Anyway there is nothing quite like a group of panicking little old ladies grabbing everything from the shelves and screaming “we are all doomed” to make folk also panic just in case.

We then headed to the DIY store to buy glue and wood for the workshop and then headed to the Garden Centre for a coffee. It was manic also.  It seemed the coffee shop was full of hysterical little old ladies all claiming some idiot had told them a bunch of lies about the End of the World. I tried to reassure them you just can’t believe everything folk tell you. . . Anyway they thought I was a very nice chap not like that other one in the supermarket. I did say supermarkets bring out the worst in folk and they all nodded and pointed at stuff.

After our coffee, OK a hot Chocolate in my case we headed home where the cats leapt at my head demanding food. . . . . . . . . . . Pesky cats

And that is the day so far

Our youngest daughter is due later . . . Apparently she is trying to calm down a group of hysterical old ladies so might be a bit late and I have a car full of DIY things to unload . . . . . depending on when or if the rain stops.

Pesky Rain

I have just been reading an old diary entry from 9^th May five years ago . . . I remember this. It just goes to show a diary is useful.

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It appears that when someone leaves you a little note to remind you to do a particular task it is not a good idea to amuse yourself by modifying the instruction in case you forget that you modified it when you read it the following day. Let’s face it the very reason the note was left in the first place was because I tend to forget things.

So after waking up and waving my hair about in the shower and staggering about saying WHO AM I, WHAT DAY IS IT, WHERE IS MY BRAIN . . . . AH THE ZOMBIES HAVE NICKED MY BRAIN . . . . Eating some breakfast and then groaning loads in order to prove I am a Zombie. I noticed a note left for me to tell me what my task is today. So having read the task I decide I should do them in the order they have been written down.

Instruction One: - Strim Cows

WHAT? . . . . . . I don’t know what that is about but if I am left a note then I have always found it is best just to do what I am told. There was a time I would get distracted and go off and do other things and so the important jobs would get left. But no longer I am a lean mean efficient fighting machine (sort of). I am not sure if any of you have ever tried to strim a cow with a strimmer it is far from easy, in fact it is extremely hard. First off you need to get the flock (sorry herd) penned into the corner of a field and then fire up the strimmer and then charge at them in a random way to confuse them. If you are lucky you might get to strim the side of the odd cow as it stampedes past you, I will tell you right now cows do not like strimmers one bit. Cows can shift I have always thought of cows as slow happy docile beasts with a happy go lucky attitude to life, oblivious of the fact they will be turned into dinner for the masses at some point. Yes OK they did start making tunnels a long time ago, but that was the past, those cows have long since been char grilled and covered in sauce.

Cows it turns out (to get back to the point) can move rather quickly and it also appears that if annoyed enough say by a young enthusiastic chap with a strimmer can be a little aggressive. Well when I say little I really mean big; cows are big, very big.

So after a short time of chasing cows with a strimmer I found myself pursued by angered cows intent on revenge. This quickly led to a decision to abandon Instruction One and concentrate on Instruction two.

Instruction Two :- Pick Parsley

Well this was a piece of cake and done in a flash. It was only afterwards when I was asked HAVE YOU STRIMMED THE COW PARSLEY AT THE TOP OF THE DRIVE that I remembered I had slightly modified the note left for me . . . . . . . . Strim Cow Parsley . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN

The good news, I now have, but the bad news is I don’t think the cows like me anymore. I have told them I don’t eat cows, but that has only led to rumours and now the farmer does not like me either.

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Another Day of the new look Diary

My wife and I are about to take to the roads and enter the wondrous world of the supermarket. Yes I can hear your thoughts . . . . . No Don’t Do It . . . . But sadly it is necessary as this is the location of the optician in order that my wife can get new glasses. I got new glasses last year so at present I can see. This is good because it will mean I will be able to find the optician.

 Right at this point I will take a break but will return to conclude this diary entry, post optician, post DIY shop and post delivering a few ginger biscuits to my daughter on route. Hey life is exciting or what. . . . . 

 Before I go I could mention that the cats are their grumpy selves this morning and have now had three meals so far and want more but that is fairly normal for an average day here. OOooooo and its grey and damp outside.

Tick Tock Tick Tock . . . . . .(time Passing)

Phew its evening now and my wife has ordered her new glasses so she will be able to see stuff again like threading needles. You need good eyesight for that.

On our way home we stopped for a cup of tea and a scone in the garden centre and I had a look at the cactus . . . . . 100 pound for a cactus just because it is over 12 inches or so tall, I have a few bigger cactus (bigger than that) a couple of which were given to me by folk who know I am cactus friendly and they grow well in our humble home. The garden centre was busy too; I am not good with busy so was pleased to get home where the cats complained loads until they got fed a few times . . . . Pesky Cats

OOOOooooo there was loads of rain again this afternoon so I have drunk more tea and eaten Ginger Biscuits.
OK then that’s it I am sat typing and will chill shortly with more tea. 

 

Mans Last Great Adventure . . .

I am starting to prepare for my trip into the unknown a trip fraught with danger and wild beasts and things of which I am yet to think of. Preparations have already been made and we will be setting up our first camp in the freezer section of the huge out of town supermarket next to the frozen Peas. This will give us some protection from the prevailing winds that blow constantly from the large automated sliding doors.  I will be undertaking this journey with Esmeralda, Freddie and his Ferrets and we have managed to acquire bearers to carry the heavy equipment needed to complete our task. Our negotiations with the local tribe called The Checkouts failed terribly, but luckily Freddie found the leader of the reclusive Trolleymen who has agreed to carry our supplies for a modest fee. It seems the Trolleymen have some sort of strange device they use to carry stuff in called a trolley, which I suspect is the reason they are called the Trolleymen.

Anyway we will shortly be starting our trip (well sometime in the next few days) to find the source of the last great river that man has yet to explore.

Yes as our support vehicles park up in the car park of the great out of town supermarket in readiness there is nothing left to do but publicly announce our attempt to find the elusive Source Of The Aisle

Things are looking good for this MAN'S Last Great Adventure we have already had two memorable quotes from Freddie and Esmeralda

Dr Livingstone’s Fresh Organic Cornish Pasties I presume

And

I am going for a little walk I may get some thyme.

Should our expedition be successful there is already talk of an attempt on the North Face of the IKEA in the future.                 

The large metal post, a man, a one legged blackbird and two supermarkets.

This morning while at Tough Harry’s  Supermarket where we were purchasing stuff such as milk and fruit and veg (yuck) we arrived in the car-park to see an elderly chap in a shiny car pondering along with a couple of members of the staff a large yellow and black stripy post which he had attacked with his car.  It was one of a long line of yellow and black stripped posts that can be seen from a long way off, the particular post (a big metal post) in question was sort of tucked out the way making it hard to hit without going entirely the wrong way.

Interestingly it reminded me of shopping in both the Tesco at Inverness and M&S in Perth. Now folk in Scotland are well friendly, but for reasons I don’t know things have changed in supermarkets from the last time I was in a Scottish supermarket . . . . WOW it’s scary, a true dog eat dog affair like some sort of terrible computer game where only the death of innocent customers stupid enough to get in the way of your trolley will do.  No one smiles and although the staff are a chirpy bunch if you ask them stuff like where is the milk, AND can I get deep fried mars bars in the ready meals, the customers are demonic zombie killer beasts who hate everyone. 

Yet once they enter the street they cheer up and wave at strangers and tell you there were loads of dolphins in the bay last week . . . . . . . honest, and then tell you how to make spicy banana soup (AAAAAAaaaaaaauuuggghhhhh no YUCK YUCK YUCK).

One draw back in being of Scottish blood but having an English accent is that when you see a passing Scottish pirate ship and you wave and shout hello sailor at them they ignore you. Offering them deep fried dolphin on a stick does not help much either, even our tame one legged Blackbird did not impress them much, but he did tend to fall over quite a lot. 

Computers, Hat Stands and Chaos Theory

The Ghost Writer has been in his grey office today looking at three new computers, he does not really like new computers because he is old and confused, slow and full of dents which means he has a natural affinity with old computers as they too are generally confused, slow and full of dents. He has also noticed that the company that he buys all the computers from have a habit of phoning him up and being all chirpy saying they will help. Now you might think that is very helpful and kind, but it is apparently rather irritating to log onto a site only to have a nice man phone you up fifteen seconds later, smiling (the Ghost Writer is assuming he is smiling) and offering to help.  It is like going into a large shop full of exciting and interesting stuff only to have someone sneak up behind you before you have even had a chance to look at the first thing rubbing his hands and saying OOOOOooooo yes sir this is a lovely Victorian Lemur hat stand and then saying things like Well yes sir the lemur is a BIT MOTH eaten but it’s eyes do follow you round the room….  As it happens a hat stand that has eyes that follow you round a room is not a strong selling point, nor is, I suspect is a group of Manky Stuffed Juggling Lemurs with a lingering look suggesting they may wish to hold your hat . . . .(or return to the jungle)

As many of you know the School Mascot is The Goat, which enjoys nothing more that being catapulted into the out of town supermarket for a bit of a run about in the fresh veggies before it escapes one way or another and returns to school well fed and perky after an exciting trip out.  However over the last couple of years many of you have been sceptical that a goat once catapulted in through the skylight of a huge supermarket could evade capture, escape and return back to the school without arousing suspicion. Well while listening to the wireless this morning I heard an article that stated Goats have been found to be far more intelligent that first thought. This I feel shows the world of Knowledge, Wisdom and Science that it needs to buck its ideas up pronto and read my blog more, the sooner the nice Mr Steven Spielberg makes the block buster movie the better for mankind is what I would say, well I would if it was not for the fact I am rather a modest genius who likes to keep his light under a bushel (I know it’s the English language, it is full of silly sayings).

I have also discovered that introducing a large lizard as a random element while working on the mathematics of Chaos Theories in the maths class causes chaos. The mathematics teacher did say that as a practical example of how The Chaos Theory works it was extremely good, but as an aid to a theoretic discussion of the mathematical principles involved in Chaos Theory it was rubbish, and a large group of screaming girls has fused his hearing aid.    

Sticks. Parrots, Aliens and Astronauts

I was in a Tough Harry’s Supermarket today getting a few things I needed, none of us like these places but in order to live, we are now doomed to having to enter their vast corridors of stuff that confuses and bewilders folk.  Particularly us chaps, we are not genetically designed to deal with shelves full of stuff, lets face it most chaps are not capable of putting a shelf up so as the old saying goes. . . . . . If man was meant to cope with shelves full of stuff, God would have made man capable of making shelves . . . . . .

But as I wandered up and down I came across a product that I thought was a piece of shear genius, one so brilliant I wish I had thought of it myself, it was a stick . . . . . . . . . . .  OK yes, I can hear the long pause as you think  . . . . . A STICK? . . . . .   Not a useful pointy stick to poke at folk or Zombies, but a bit of branch from a tree, it even says a genuine natural branch made from wood on it.  You see it is sold in the pet section and is aimed at the little old ladies who own Budgerigars; as birdcages general have plain old doweling. So in order to cheer their pet budgerigars or the like up some clever person is selling genuine looking branches of trees made out of the branches of trees, this is genius. There is an old saying that goes . . . . . . Money does not trees . . . . .  Well it shows that in fact it does.

Tough Harry’s Supermarket does have one other thing going for it that would make selling these sticks easier, they have Sam the Parrot who can spot a little old lady one hundred yards away and will shout at her as she passes. . . Ooooo if only I had a really natural looking stick to sit on . . . . .  Everyone round these parts loves Sam the Parrot and little old ladies are suckers for a sob story told by a parrot; anyway these sticks cost three pounds each and are a bargain at half the price (or do I mean twice)…….

Did you know that both Aliens and Astronaughts (sorry astronauts) keep complaining they need more space . . . . . . . . . AH AH H HAHHAH AH HA HAH HA HAH AH HAH AH Hha ha ha hahah ah ahahahahah ha ha aha ha . . . . WHAT? I hear you type again . . . . . .Well I was sat in a car earlier and only had a tiny scrap of paper and a dodgy pen so was rather limited in what I could draw, and a stick seemed a bit boring. . . . . 

Zombies, the Incident of Politically Incorrectness and fish

Today was a quietish day all in all; it started with me tinkering with a moving mirror that did not swivel on its motorized swivel mechanism. It had been modified the other day to reduce a strange humming noise it made when it moved fast and in the process meant that it could not move slowly, it is useful that it moves slowly as well as fast. So there I was with a small poking device (a  pointy knife) poking away at part of the modification until it all worked as it should. 

Now I hear you all typing . . . . WHAT? (again) muttering things like, what is he on about this time, but a moveable mirror device is useful if you are being followed by Zombies and the like. I say like because I noticed that a certain supermarket chain has had to remove non PC (that’s Politically Correct rather than Personal Computer) Halloween outfits from their stores. Although I understand the reasoning (Silly twits at the superstore) but I do wonder if Halloween is really Politically Correct in the first place. Just think, life is hard enough if you are a Zombie, but just imagine how difficult it would be to wander about scaring little old ladies in the middle of the night while trying to remain Politically Correct. It is not in the nature of Zombies to apologize to a little old lady who has just had a heart attack, they are more inclined to eat her brain and groan a lot without a simple awfully sorry about that, do you mind If I sort of nibble your brain a bit.  Zombies have no manners.

Anyway they don’t understand mirrors and so a mirror that you can adjust to keep an eye out for them approaching is really useful as an early warning device because there is no tap on the shoulder, gentle cough and an excuse me sir, oooooo no.

 I also opened up a box of electronic bits looking for a small bios battery only to find the device does not have one . . . DAMN still it was worth a look. So the said device is all back in one piece again, although I did poke about with the small poking device (a pointy knife) well it might have helped a bit, although it didn’t

And I cut down two branches of a small tree that needed to be pruned  it was a Hazel tree and we all know what Hazel is particularly useful for besides making small fish . . . . . .Yes Pointy Sticks  . . . . . . . . . . .

Even small fish have their Plaice  . . . . . .. . . . . HAH HAH H HAH HAH AHhah ah ha hah ha hah ah ha hah hah ha ha hah ah hha hah ha ha hah ha ha ha ha ha.  

Drums and the science of customer psychology

I have arrived at my diary but as yet have not decided what to write about because I spent much time drumming earlier and although African drumming is very good for you the one thing you can’t do it contemplate the text of an eccentric diary while drumming. We created some new drum beats tonight though but I did not record any of them, which means that they will now be lost for ever, as we never remember what we played last time when we meet up.  I have also had to deal with the stress and strains of a mad Ghost Writer who has hidden under my bed saying that there is Microsoft technology chasing him and he needs to hide from it after a day long battle of wits to install certain software on certain Pc’s for certain people in a certain place leading to an uncertain conclusion. And apparently he has to go and learn how to use a fangled new database that sounds like a dog’s name next week so he can show other folk how to use it. As he says no one in their right mind would get him to show other people how to use anything on a computer because he is left handed and hits computers with frozen food. In particular CHIPS  . . . .. . . . . . . .HAH HAHHAH HAH HAH HAH HAH AH hah ha hah hha hah ah ha hahh ah ah hah ah ah ahahh ahah ahah.

I was doing IT as well today at school it appears that it is very important and everyone should know how to deal with modern technology or we are all doomed, as technology is the future of the world. I did say to the IT teacher that technology is fundamentally flawed and that it has one weakness that means it will never take over as has been predicted in many a film or book, but he said it was a very likely possibility that it might. However it was easy to prove him wrong by nipping down to the caretakers office and prodding the main fuse box with a garden spade which meant that I was able to perform some simple quantum physics on the back of a postcard and the IT teachers main server remained as silent as the school goat who was feeling a little ill after accidentally eating several green polyester jumpers in the out of town supermarket after they moved stuff about to confuse the punters, the goat getting spring cabbage and polyester confused, easily done.

Why do supermarkets do stuff (move things about) like that all it does is start fights among the shoppers as the meander aimlessly and get grumpy because they cant find the bacon or cheese or ice cream or polyester jumpers. The one thing I have noticed that does not ever move about is pet food, but apparently there are reasons for this relating to the science of customer psychology in retail environments according to the science teacher, there are some things you just don’t do…….. 

             

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One man and his painted human silhouette . . . .

A mite on the cold side again.  . . . .DAMN

Just at present I feel I am staggering through a barren desert devoid of events and interesting things to write about; yes I know that we have a Pope and horses turning up in convenience foods, and Esmeralda has realigned the steam powered catapult so that the school goat landed in the large DIY store and became deranged from sniffing glue. I say sniffing I should possibly say chewing cans of glue. I don’t recommend letting a goat get deranged in a DIY store full of power tools and no frozen peas, I never even knew a goat could operate a chainsaw, I guess all those hours in the woodwork department have not been entirely wasted.

But the point is in the present state of limbo news and events are thin on the ground, and at this rate I will be telling you about Freddie’s new re-enactment of One man and his Dog, but who in their right mind wants to read about Freddie’s revival of the old show rounding up sheep and getting them into a pen at the bottom of a large field. Although in Freddie’s case he used his two best ferrets and the little old ladies from the Bingo bus and rounded them up into the trolley pen at the bottom of the large Supermarket car park.   

But you really don’t want to hear all about that, and I was a bit distracted anyway because I had painted a human silhouette on the car park near the disabled bays and was doing rather well making a few pounds doing the Richard the Third tourist trail reciting famous lines like “a trolley a trolley my kingdom for a decent trolley that does not squeak and pull to the left” and “Alas poor checkout operative I knew them well”.

AH right where was I OH Yes, the bitter cold long dark winter (ooooo yes “This is the Winter of our discounted Tent . . . 50% off”)  . . . . Sorry distracted again. I was saying the cold long dark winter where everyone has got their head down and nothing is happening and as a result has left me in a state of crisis with nothing to write about having arrived home late due to the escaped flock of Wildebeest that escaped from the processed food factory and were running towards the bypass holding up all the traffic including the school bus. And these new improved android bus drivers are rubbish, just because class 15AS set fire to Mr Harris the bus driver a couple of times.

Ok that’s it I will not subject you to the verbal equivalent of watching paint dry any longer and I will go and see if I can see that big hawk outside the house again, I was going to take a picture of it for you but in an act of defiance something that Hawks, Popes and Richard the Third are rather good at it flew away.  The pope does this too but Richard the Third takes a more Ostrich approach to defiance than a hawks approach to defiance. As Richard would say himself “An honest tale speeds best, being plainly TOLD BY Rob Z Tobor”

BYE

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The Grim Reaper, Goats, The End of the World, The supermarket and the Chinese takeaway

There is one thing that I think we can be sure of in this part of the world for sure, and that is what ever happens with the End of the World it will not involve fire and brimstone because even an entire coach load of boy scouts with their fire making badges could not set fire to anything at present. Not even an object that has Highly Inflammable Keep away from Boy Scouts with Badgers (sorry Badges) and Matches written in huge red letter on the side.

Mum and dad said they wanted to pop to the supermarket for a few items today which at face value seemed like madness, but surprisingly worked out OK. They think there were a couple of reasons for this, firstly sheer good luck; that always helps a lot and although in general terms we are not the luckiest of people every now and again something small will go our way. Then making sure they were wearing the appropriate clothing made a huge difference, Bearing in mind the main topic of discussion this week (the 21^st December and the End of the World) they both dressed up as The Grim Reaper.

Yes I think as lots of people are starting to get twitchy about the increased possibility that based on the law of probabilities sooner or later some mad loony will finally predict Armageddon on the right date. So as you might expect of an already nervous crowd in a crowded supermarket seeing The Grim Reaper smiling back at you as you attempt to push your trolley into the frozen food aisles (party nibbles section) it can be a little off putting and lead to a smallish stampede. Add to that the sight of another Grim Reaper (dad) throwing cheese slices at little old ladies with a parrot on his shoulder disguised as a gull, and a small stampede quickly becomes a mass riot as the masses flee from the store clutching frozen turkeys and Christmas crackers (not the ones you put cheese slices on). As dad said when he arrived home he might go shopping as the Grim Reader more often, possibly the January sales if we have not all been destroyed by aliens.

The one good thing that came out of this event was that the school goats last trip on his Steam Powered Catapult before Christmas was today, and his arrival through the skylight was timed to perfection and he was able to graze happily on fresh Brussel Sprouts for ages. I think goats are one of the few animals that eat Brussel Sprouts so he was very happy, however Brussel Sprouts can give goat’s bad wind and a goat with bad wind is bad, so I don’t think any self respecting alien will go near him tomorrow.

We are having a Chinese as our evening meal tonight from the Chinese take away and although not as Chinese as say Captain Nessman’s Chinese Christmas dinner it is still WELL YUM and a fitting way to end the last day before the arrival of Intergalactic Cheese Slices, Space Gulls and Aliens. 

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Steven Spielberg, a penguin, a goat, and a huge Steam Powered Mutant Alien Brussel Sprout Monster

I am a little late tonight in writing my diary as I have been at a preview of some interesting icons and wooden things at the little gallery in Montgomery, I was then further delayed by what turned out to be a not too bad fish and chips at the Monty chip shop. Well OK the fish was quite good and the chips were sort of OK although on both counts I have had better elsewhere. Anyway I am now thinking I need to write about my day what did I do, Friday I must do stuff on a Friday everyone has to do stuff. I vaguely remember the school mascot, the school goat soaring through the sky towards the out of town supermarket, it has been a while since he arrived through the roof skylight, so I think he was planning to stock up on fresh veg before the shelves fill with nothing but Brussel sprouts. I also vaguely remember the dog passing at speed with two frozen legs of lamb that he had managed to steal from the freezer section of the out of supermarket while the staff were chasing a goat.  And I did spent some time poking about at a PC trying to make some software and the like do stuff, but I need more RAM . . . . DAMN.

It was not a great day because it was cold, not very cold with snow and Penguins but the sort of damp dull cold that is just not nice, this in not the sort of weather that I am at my best in, I like it either snow with Penguins or some heat and sun. These sorts of days are not good for my diary, and in turn not good for the Steven Spielberg epic blockbuster movie, I cant see him filming my actor self (I am not sure who will be playing the part of me yet) sitting at a desk for half an hour saying ITS COLD WHERE ARE MY GLOVES AND WOOLY HAT.  What he should be doing is fighting a huge Steam Powered Mutant Alien Brussel Sprout Monster who has cornered the loveable, if a bit grumpy enigmatic school goat in a corner of the pet food aisle next to the three for two economy tins of dog food. Interesting arranged as a model of the Eiffel Tower by a bored shop assistant who on leaving university with a degree in structural engineering is now doomed to fill shelves with dog food; pondering if it would be possible to create an arched helix with counterweighted boxes of dried food to create an image of Einstein peering disapprovingly over the top of the pet insurance man in his little booth.

What is a worry is that tomorrow is likely to be cold with the added bonus cold rain, I do not like cold rain and I have reason to believe nether does Steven Spielberg.  There are times when the forces of nature do not help one bit. 

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An encounter with the Olympic legacy, and the out of town supermarket

After much fluttering of eyelids and smiling a lot the goat thinks it has managed to rekindle its old friendship with Esmeralda, it is an uneasy friendship because I suspect that Esmeralda has a cunning evil plan. However if Esmeralda should by accident slip and fall then the goat will try and eat the remaining edible bits of Esmeralda. Just as a passing observation a goat smiling and fluttering its eyelids is not a pretty sight, I hope I do not have to witness them making up again. As you might expect the first thing that happened was that the goat was catapulted into the out of town supermarket through the usual route of the skylight. This was fine except I was then sent off to get the goat back which was not fair.

In the huge out of town supermarket it is always easy to find the goat he just loves the fresh vegetable section, unfortunately both me and the manager spotted the goat at the same time. So the manager then starts shouting at me and throwing bananas at us, it did not help that the goat was eating them, but I hate bananas, then store security joined in the chase. It was OK for the goat because Wednesday is pensioner 10% discount day so he vanished into a group of little old ladies blending in and saying ooooooo yes look at the price of that, terrible. As for me I don’t look like a little old lady so my only means of escape was to climb the air conditioning ducting and leap out onto the roof through the skylight that the goat had arrived through. I then had to abseil down the outside of the building while a group of little old ladies and a goat shouted look it’s the queen. This happens a lot since the Olympics everyone thinks the queen leaps off building or out of helicopters it is all part of the Olympic legacy. However it is not easy to abseil down a building with a man throwing bananas at you while I was trying to do a royal wave at the same time, while a goat chewed the end of the rope and a group of little of ladies cheer and wave flags.

Luckily when the manager tried to grab me, the little old ladies thought he was an assassin and attacked him with their umbrellas while the goat finished off the last of the bananas giving me enough time to get away.

Other than this the day was fairly quiet and I must admit not much happened yet again although as I write I am having a smallish bonfire and appear to  be being watched by a white rabbit, it could be worse it might have been a goat…….

I note that the world outside of my world appears to be degenerating again; the world outside my world is not always a nice place…. 

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