Sunny days, Sid the Seagull (Pigeon) and a DVD

Ok yes this diary is rubbish I have not written anything for ages, but there is a reason. Well sort of a reason  . . . . It’s sunny. Was that someone muttering is that it . . . Well yes it is; I mean this is Britain and sunny is a fickle thing that we don’t see a lot of particularly in the summer when it is meant to be sunny. What all this means is I have been able to get some work done outside and on the workshop. . . . Yes yes I have said all this before, but diaries are like that, not like in the movies where they edit out all the repetition and boring things

So I have cut grass both at the front and back of the house, although the pesky grass grows rather fast so by the time you get it all cut it needs cutting again which is annoying and tiring and does not make for an exciting diary. Particularly when there are no Zombies and Mr Ratty and his pals have all left. We suspect that one of our neighbours getting rid of their chickens and hutch and another rebuilding some old farm buildings may have made the critters restless. That’s Mr Ratty and the Zombies.

Anyway I have been working on my workshop and so far all is going well, I will be adding a few pictures of it soon, it is even keeping exactly on budget well the outside is and it is entirely watertight  . . . . . OK it does not have a door yet but I have a plan.

OOOooooo  I must mention Sid the Seagull who is a pigeon although from a distance he looks like a seagull. He/she is a fancy beast and almost tame, I say almost because it will get within  a few feet but will not let me touch him/her to check its rings. It has three rings on its legs and I am assuming it is a bit lost. It was certainly very hungry the first day it turned up (2-3 days ago).

And I bought a DVD from Spain for my car which arrived snapped in two, but a new one was sent and the car is happy and knows where it is going again . . . . One of us needs too I get lost very easily.

A view from a roof

(12...)

What a lovely sunny day it has been today. This meant that I was able to do some really constructive work on the roof of the new workshop I am building myself.  I achieved a bit yesterday but being Britain when you need a guaranteed window of a few days with no rain, (they are far and few between)  when you get one you go for it... Today was predicted dry and so is tomorrow and probably the day after. And that is good enough for me to get that roof felt fitted. It seems I just bought enough too. With basically nothing left over so  ...  PHEW.

One thing about a lovely sunny day working on a roof is you get a great view of things. Our garden is rather overgrown which is good and it means it is full of wildlife, not just Zombies and Hedgehogs either. It is full of butterflies and all manner of small flying critters which is probably why we get House Martians chatting on the power and telephone lines. House Martins sound a bit like dolphins to me which might explain why we never see them in the winter. They turn in dolphins, let’s face it, it’s got to be easier than flying to Africa chasing insects for dinner.

Right a few pictures taken from the New Workshop roof today. . . . .

The summerhouse I built has a proper roof not felt

Note the Zombie trail across the field

Pesky Beasts.

MMmmm we do have quite a few trees and shrubs

You can start to see that a Zombie could hide for ages in that lot

The Mighty God of the Sky, A slice of Bread and a Huge Beast.

I was eating my evening meal, a quiche with fried potatoes and salad followed by raspberry crumble and double cream and looking out of the window. We have very large windows this house is the lightest house (as in light rather than not heavy) I have ever lived in.  And as I looked out over the horizon there appeared a huge dragon like beast with eyes and pointy teeth and wings. It was all blue and grey and huge I mean really huge filling a fair bit of the sky and getting bigger all the time. Anyway I got distracted by my food for a minute or two as I pondered which slice of bread to eat. 

Looking back out of the window I was then shocked to see the large beast with its pointy teeth and wings had vanished and the sky was now full of nothing but a big blue grey cloud drifting eastwards in a cloud like manner. . . . Well that was mighty odd indeed.

But it got me into thinking about stuff in the sky, we don’t really have the same link with the sky like our ancestors did going back in time. I mean it was how humans managed to navigate all over the world looking at the stars in the sky and watching the sun and stuff like that. And then going back at least 2000 to 3000 years plus ago humans would make huge great stone circles to celebrate the Sun arriving in the morning and then very conveniently vanishing in the evening so that folk could have a sleep. Yes these were the Suns glory days when it was treated like a God.  Although the Sun still goes round and round the Earth (Yes Yes I know Bloody science has ruined that theory well and proper) giving us a nice confidently length, twenty four hour day (Phew that is lucky) no one goes out and leaps about at it calling it a God. . . . . OK not entirely true there are folk who go and wave at the Sun but they are a bit of a mixed bunch to say the least.

Maybe a few more stone circles and chanting might just help the Sun regain its pride and show up in a bit more of a God like way, that would be much appreciated around here. 

A lovely sunny day and the rise of Zombie Mutantational LTD the decadent face of Western capitalist Zombies

OK I redrew this because the last time it turned out rubbish

Today was a lovely sunny day and so I spent part of it pottering about in the garden, as it happens I am not entirely sure what all this pottering is all about really. If I was standing on the lawn shouting Magicus cationum flybyx with a small pointy stick and a cat dressed up in a superman cape and mask then pottering would make some sense. As it would have back in the nineteen sixties when many folk lay about puffing away on dodgy substances; not something I did as it always seemed just to turn folk to mush. Folk would always say such things opened their minds to the weird and wonderful; I have to say I am not convinced as many of these opened minded folk now vote conservative, play golf and complain about the youth of today with their short hair and wearing clothes that look just a bit too small.  Then there was Bill and Ben the Flower Pot men they were about in the nineteen sixties and they were dead dodgy if you ask me.

Anyway I have lost the plot and need to return to the day which as I said was lovely and chilled. . . . . Well when I say chilled it was here but in the distance at various points things happened, yes OK stuff has to happen or the universe would fall apart and it will take ages to explain why so best just to glaze over the point quickly.  . . . . For NOW.

Yes as I was saying stuff happened, firstly those dragon flies were about again back and fore like dragonflies. Then the other Black Cat not ours got what I think was the slightly poorly pigeon, I was not happy pigeons are cool birds and although messy, are the friendliest critters you could ever chat too.  We chatted to Miss Jo and drank tea (Miss Jo is a person not a pigeon I’m not mad), I have eaten bacon and fried bread and I nearly saw two gliders. Then we heard the distant sound of some neighbours having a fight off in one direction while off in the other direction a chap was shooting at stuff well I say stuff it may have been his visitors, family and friends or pigeons, life in the country can have its moments. And our neighbours behind seem to have set fire to their chickens again, as its dark its hard to tell, but it smells like they are burning the chickens again, I think chickens must like fire.

Oooooo and I have invented a new word MutantationalS as in Zombie Mutantational LTD in others words . . . .  Mutantational is the decadent face of Western capitalist Zombies with their converse trainers and designer brain sandwiches and the like.

So no Big Questions dealt with today just a peaceful day in rural Shropshire.

A Hot Day in a Speeding Ice Cube

Today was all about heat because it was hot again, some say it was hotter than yesterday and they may be right. But one thing for sure is it was hot very very very hot. I bet as I moan about how hot it was and still is, even though it is well into the evening there are people in far off lands saying CALL THAT HOT,THAT’S NOT HOT,THIS IS HOT as they show off their tropical forest or desert, but there is one thing all these really hot places don’t have which makes the heat in Britain so much worse than anywhere else on Earth. They don’t have us British complaining about the weather, we are the best in the world at doing that and can make any day into an epic weather disaster with a HA HA HA and the wave of a hand.

So I have tried twice to cool down but on both occasions things did not go to plan so I am back just being hot because as I said just a few seconds ago it was very very very hot and I mean hot.

So Plan One was to freeze myself into a large block of ice but there are draw backs to this which I had not planned on, the first of which is it is rather difficult to move. I bet you are thinking he should have thought of that its obvious, but due to excessive heat my brain was not working and by the time I was frozen in the block of ice it was too late. And I had not anticipated the arrival of some rather annoying Arctic Terns, who I swear were laughing and sniggering while they sat on the ice. Finally it is not good to be at the top of a long slope trapped in a block of ice when it starts to slide down the full length of the High Street, Esmeralda said she never pushed it but I could not turn (tern, turn HAH HAHAH HHAh ah ah hahhah hahh hahahhah haha) round to see. The good thing is that if you are trapped in a large block of ice hitting a brick wall at high speed will get you out. But I was really hot then . . . . . . .PHEW.

Plan Two, have a nice long bath now what could possibly go wrong, well it appears when I emptied the bath it flooded the utility room so I had to clean it up and in the process got rather hot due to the heat of the day as it was very hot…….. Did I tell you it was very very very hot today, I mean it really hot……… 

The DAMN beast has gone for now PHEW

   

.

Erifa the Micro God of Deserts and Hot Places

Today has been hot very hot, I am not sure if it was hotter than yesterday but it was hot. I managed to do a bit of this and that and paint a very small wall Moroccan Blue and I appear to be slightly more reddish that I was, but after working outside in the sun for three days it is hardly a surprise……. Anyway did I tell you that is was hot today, because the one thing I remember as I crawled across the patio on all fours in a delirious haze of deliriousness was thinking DAMN it is HOT REALLY HOT…. And the vision of Erifa the Micro God of Deserts and Hot Places was sat on the summer house sniggering…… 

Erifa 

I see the Grumpy Scotsman won the win thing PHEW that means we can finally put that old sporting Ghost to bed at last after three thousand years.

 And Finally

For those of you who are happy I smile….:)

And for those of you who are sad, I am sad…. :(

Ooooooooo yes did I mention it was very very very hot today, no I mean it . . . . . . . . really hot.

Sun worshipping and the sacrificial robots, TV dinners and other things

So here we are the first day of 2013 and what a great start to the day because there was this large fiery ball in the sky known to all who are old enough to remember it as the SUN. Myself and the dog have decided that the lack of sun is a direct environmental effect caused by modern mans activity on the planet.  You see in recent times man has turned his back on many things and the introduction of modern technology and all its consequences, the desire for a nice easy lifestyle in front of the TV eating TV dinners and the like. At least now that TV’s are all flat panel TV’s they are easier to put in a sandwich, eating large wide scream cathode ray tube televisions was like trying to eat a hog roast on your own.

Hang on I was side tracked, I was saying that we need to look back to our past and both me and the dog think we need to reintroduce a bit of old fashioned sun worship, you never saw those Aztec's complaining about the lack of sun. Dad has said that human sacrifice is rather frowned on these days so we have decided to combine all the old ways with some modern technology and plan to build sacrificial robots. Dad is quite enthusiastic he thinks there might be a market for a sun worshipping kit, including a reusable sacrificial robot, which would make it very ECO and also make it sunny so a win win situation . . . . . .. WELL COOL.

It was a chilled start to the day pointing at the sun and testing sacrificial alters outside that would be suitable for a robot sacrifice, but then it was decided that after a game of Scissors Paper Stone the loser should go and fit a bit more tongue and groove panelling in the kitchen. Just as well I am good at this sort of stuff as I appear to doing it all, dad and the dog said they would work on a Sacrificial Robot and make sure it shouts a lot and puts up a bit of a fight and maybe has something red and gooey to trickle out of it at the appropriate time; and would not stain carpets or clothes.

I am also on a mission to nibble my way through Christmas bits, so every now and again I eat something that is a little unhealthy like meringue cream or jelly beans; I think I will need to work on this as a three week plan and I think I can count jelly beans as part of my five a day fruit and veg as they taste fruity. . . . . . Sort of.

Ooooo Yes . . . . . . . . we appear to have peanuts growing, I have had no luck with pineapples and although peanuts are not really the same I am going to give them a chance to produce some nuts, weather permitting 

.

The twelfth day of the twelfth month of 2012, the Montgolfier brothers and a rather nice curry

It is the 12^th of the 12^th of 2012 or 12-12-12 today (not as good as 12-12-1212 but I missed that date) which will not happen again for a very long time. As it happens I think it will if I remember correctly Ethiopia is eight years behind the rest of the world, I am not sure why and I have not checked to ensure I am correct because it is very very cold. But I am going to assume I am right because I am right almost every time I am not wrong, and I am only wrong when I am not right.  In other words it will not be 12-12-12 again for eight years. Next year we will have 11-12-13 (well not if you are in America because for some silly reason they do their dates wrong)…..

The Sun was rubbish today and looked a bit like one of these low energy light bulbs, it even generated about the same amount of heat as a low energy light bulb, I just hope that the End of the World is not going to be an eco friendly End of the World that would be a disaster.

In an effort to warm ourselves up we are going to descend on the Montgomery Indian Restaurant and meet up with friends, when I say descend I really mean we are going to walk in the front door like everyone else, it is one of those silly sayings which came about from the early days of hot air ballooning when the Montgolfier Brothers would say to their pals see you for dinner. They would then leap into their hot air balloon and vanish off in totally the wrong direction landing on the roof of some poor unsuspecting family and say to them we thought we would just drop in for dinner, the resulting conversation would then descend into a fight because the Montgolfier Brothers would always say the food was rubbish and what is for pud.

So that’s it I know I did stuff but it was cold and stuff I do when I am cold is not exciting and I am (that’s cold not exciting, although I am exciting) I am not as good at typing either so enough is enough, another little phrase that goes back to the days of the Montgolfier Brothers when the family finally thought it was time to throw the balloonists out on their ears. Yes, yet another ballooning term, those early hot air balloon baskets looked just like ears .. . . . . . .The END

Last one to eat a curry is a sissy AH HHAH HAH ah hah ahah ahahahaha haha hahahahahh aha hah ahaha hahh hah 

.

The Super Moon and the four poster bed and you know who again

Sometimes days just sort of vanish time seems to skip a bit. I still can’t work out if this is an illusion or it really happens, and if it does really happen how do I find out. Today was such a day because it is evening now and I am not entirely sure what happened. I know that mum and dad have finally moved into the bedroom they planned to use as a bedroom when we moved to this house six months ago. Having finally got the mattress for the four poster bed from the Russian Imperial palace, Pics included if you are reading in the wonderous world of cyberspace.  However if you are reading the best selling paperback, The Diary of Rob Z Tobor, volume two………AH sorry about that.

I was also trying to get outside to do a few things today but every time I tried it would start to rain, I tried a few times and it happened every single time so that’s it I have given up now and as you can see I am writing my diary instead. Although I am not writing my diary when you are reading this as that might be anytime in the next several hundred years or so, and yes I am aware that to you that is now but that is the great quirkiness of time for you.

Much to the disappointment of those reading the rather popular paperback; again I have included pictures of last nights sunset and the moon. There was lots of talk of a super moon the size of a huge moon and it was round and could be seen in the sky, it was a bit like our normal moon but huge very very huge. So I took a picture of the moon last night I think it must be the wrong moon because this moon looked like our normal moon only it was remarkably fuzzy due to some rather interesting clouds (super clouds).

Finally it appears that my very good friend Captain Nessman of the High Seas might be settling down and hanging up his anchor? Or is it sail, I’m sure it cant be a sail, if it was a sail then it would resemble camping. I am not entirely sure Captain Nessman of the High Seas is the camping type….. Camping and pirates seems wrong to me. Still it will be interesting to see who that very nice Steven Spielberg casts as Captain Nessman and his partner when he makes the block buster film. My agent tells me he is still only offering £75. 05p for the manuscriptand we should hold out for the full £123.00, I guess that’s what agents are for (I think).

OK that’s it is not a day to write loads so I’m off.  

.

The Werewolf and the Warthog, Walking in the Woods

The Weather has been beautiful today just like the middle of summer. Luckily here in the West on the Welsh borders we still have plenty of Water. Over on the east it is predicted to become a waste land where wildebeest will wander the wild dusty wilderness known to the Workings Classes as The Home Counties or Wessex or was it Wilmslow.

Me and the dog went wandering in the woods looking for Werewolf’s, there have been whispers of the whereabouts of a white werewolf which eats whelks and Wild Waterfowl. We did find a Whippet  that went Woof Woof Grrrrr Woof, and then the Wicked Witch of the West said What  whimsical young Whippersnapper winds his way Westerly   HAH HAHAH Hah ha hah hhahahah ahh aahha hah aha ha hah ahah aha hahaha ha…….. …… Wise Words I will Waffle in my Wigwam ………… Wing of Wagtail, wool of wood worm, Worchester sauce in a worn out Welly and a glass of Wine and a wasp; I wave my wand and…………………………….. Ah…… What Went Wrong there then? The dog Whispered IDIOT 

Me and the Dog left the Wild Witch of the West Writing and worrying and saying these new Spells on Wikipedia are worthless what Will o the Wisp wrote this.

Then a wary Worthog watching, wrinkled his face and said Who are you? And from whence do you walk. We explained we Were WereWolf Warriors of the Welsh Borders, but he said it was far too warm for WEREWOLF'S and it was a wild goose chase to continue , although he had seen a Wombat.     

We returned home then to watch Whirligig beetles in the pond and eat Waffles and Whipped Whey and watercress and generally waste our time  

Talking of time it is time to go. ……… X tomorrow ?

.