The 2019 A to Z Challenge . . . Letter F

   

A rather bizarre, slightly odd and somewhat rambling trip through an A to Z of Plans. . . . . Sort Of

F

Now what sort of Plan could possibly fit nicely into the Alphabet here? Well of course there is realistically only one option and that is the F Plan. Yes you all know the one the Plan that involves eating masses of Fibre, Fish, Flamingos, Frogs, Figs and maybe the occasional Deep Fried Furry Critter.

Actually I have been informed that I may have got that slightly wrong and some of those things are in fact not part of the F Plan. Well that is not what the local takeaway told me at the time, they insisted that a nice Battered Flamingo was very much in vogue in the ever changing world of diets. Well they used to say that before they were closed down, apparently Panda Kababs are not entirely legal.

Yes I do go to bed with a glass of Milk Every Night

And Bedrooms should be Interesting.

The Big Fantastic Finish of Harry Potter Returns from the Dead . . . . . Part Five

Previously Part 4

As Young Higgs, Alice, the White Rabbit and the Identical Twins enter the great hall there is an eerie silence, dust and cobwebs cover the tables and a shaft of light through the window falls onto a small object on the floor ahead of them.  Alice walks across and picks it up and gives it to the White Rabbit who smells it intently nods and then hands it to Young Higgs.

What is that said Young Higgs

It’s the remains of Harry Potters Wand it is a bit short and charred but enough should remain to get him back.

I’m not sure exactly how I’m meant to do that I thought someone here might help.

No we don’t need help we do stuff like this all the time so we can make it up as we go along it will workout fine.

With that the White rabbit pulls out his rather large flick knife and carves a drawing in the top of a table showing a circle and the cat in the glass jug in the centre he points at the ash and the cat in the glass jug and indicates that Young Higgs should lay them out as shown. Young Higgs does this and then they all stand round the thin circle of ash.

OK Master Higgs it is time to use the wand said Alice

What am I meant to do with it?

All you need to do is wave it about and watch

As Young Higgs waves the wand the ash slowly but surely starts to creep clockwise. Slowly speeding up, getting faster and faster. As it speeds up so more ash appears lifting into the air in a huge spiralling vortex, becoming a blur of shapes and forms. Then the sounds of fire and screaming grow in volume and the shapes of the young wizards start to form in the ash as it spins.

Young Higgs, Alice, the White Rabbit and the twins move backwards and as they do so young confused wizards are propelled out of the ash vortex landing with a huge thud on the wooden floor. Within just a few minutes there are hundreds of them running about and then in one last crash the vortex vanishes and Harry Potter and Hermione Granger are sat on the floor next to a very large smiling cat.

Cricks says Harry Potter we have been saved that’s damn good

Well it was inevitable Harry I told you we would be said Hermione who looking at Alice and the White Rabbit asks And Who are you

I am the Heroic Heroine of this story and the reason you are here

Surely NOT I think you will find I am the heroine. i don’t think a Mary poppins lookalike is likely to get aNY lead role. And what is that cat doing

It is the cheshire cat and it is about to vanish and go back home.

The Cheshire Cat slowly floats into the air and starts to fade and as it does so it sings

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe.

Beware the Jabberwock, my son!

Beware the What says Harry Potter but before anyone can respond the main door of the great hall is smashed down by a huge and scary beast

Hermione quickly looks in her copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, but the beast is not listed Harry its not in the Book she shouts at him.

It is the Jabberwock surely you know that says Alice and it is no good trying any of that wizards stuff on it, it wont work.

With that both Alice and the White Rabbit pull out large Flick Knifes and run at the huge scary beast perform a couple of triple somersaults in the best tradition of any good Kung Fu film and throw the knifes deep into the chest of the Monster. The beast crashes to the ground and as it does turns to dust, steam and smoke which fills the great hall. Silence falls except for young wizards coughing and spluttering in the dust and smoke; then (faintly at first) the sound of feet running, thousands of them getting louder and louder and louder.

Young Higgs says to Alice WHAT IS THAT.

It is time to go, me and my travelling companions are leaving through the back of one of the wardrobes as we have to meet a large Lion with delusions of grandeur. You will need to get to the other side of the great hall as quickly as possible.

With that Alice, the White Rabbit and the twins vanish off up a flight of stairs. As Young Higgs turned, a huge flock of flamingos entered the great hall causing chaos. But Young Higgs did as he was told fighting his way past flamingos, young Wizards, Harry Potter and Miss Granger as they wave wands about attempting to take control of the situation. Through the dust smoke and steam that swirled about from the death of the Jabberwocky, he pushes and weaved until he hears a strange sound, a muffled distorted voice from a tannoy. As young Higgs looks up he suddenly realized he is back at Kings Cross Station with staff chasing flamingos and angry commuters trying to get home.

As Young Higgs opened the front door of his home his mother says HELLO SON I THOUGHT YOU WERE OFF ON A TRIP, he looked at his watch and exactly two minutes and twenty three seconds had passed since he left, YES I WAS he said BUT IT IS SORTED NOW.  That evening he watched his dad Professor Brian Dumblecox on the BBC ten o’clock news explaining that the sudden appearance of Flamingos at Kings Cross was proof of the existence of Quantum Mechanics and we should expect more events of this nature to occur.

The following Morning he thought he might just go to the strange old book shop where he found his copy of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them. As he walked in he found the shop heaving with young wizards buying books and waving wands about and going on about Hogwarts being open again.  Then the bookshop owner said AH MASTER HIGGS I HAVE a BOOK FOR YOU LEFT BY a YOUNG LADY YESTERDAY. He looks at the book called Alice Through the Looking Glass, IT’S A RARE FIRST EDITION YOU ARE VERY LUCKY said the bookshop owner Young Higgs opened the Book and inside it said . . . . I’LL BE BACK . . . . ALICE

THE END

Well you will notice I have cunningly left this open for a sequel or even 6 or 7 sequels. This is what you need to do if you want to be famous. . . . . . . Im no fool.

(The Hobbit, The Pirate and the Zombies) or Harry Potter Returns from the Dead. . . . PART THREE

Previously . . . Part2 

As the train arrives at Hogsmeade Station it appears to be deserted except for two rather strange Hobbit like creatures working on the roof.  CAN I help you shouts down one of them

Who are you shouts back Young Higgs

I’m Bilbo we are insulating the Station as part of an EU grant scheme, here’s my card . . .  Bilbo Laggings LTD. . . . .  No job to small

Bilbo Laggings LTD, you will be telling me next your mate is called RUMPELSTILTSKIN

How did you know that are you one of those wizards

Can you tell us how we get to Hogwarts.

You need Silvers Water taxi’s at the end of the pier

I suppose he is called Long John Silver is he

Here are you one of those mind readers that’s well spooky I'm off to wrap my head in tin foil.

Young Higgs Dumblecox carrying a glass jug with a now snoring mummified cat in and a jar of ash and his book, Alice a young Victorian Lady, a Large White Rabbit holding a pocket watch and identical twins Mr Tweedy-Dum and Mr Tweedy-Dee now complaining to each other about pies; stand looking at a rather battered and very unseaworthy small ship.  As they do so, pondering whether it might be better to walk, a ragtag dishevelled man with one eye, one leg and a parrot on his shoulder appears from below deck.

Har har har welcome me old LANDLUBBERS will ye be looking to go to Hogwarts Academy

Indeed we are said Young Higgs, what do you charge.

Well I rather like the look of your wench, what you say

Wench . . . . Wench. . . . I’ll have you know I come from a well respected family and am no ones wench unless they are very very wealthy and clean.

Har that be a damn shame. Well what about the big rabbit He’ll make a grand stew

With that the White Rabbit slowly pulled a large flick knife from his pocket and snarled at the strange old sea captain.

Aaaaauuuugghhhh I get ye point Ok I’ll take you all for free, me and the crew will raid some unsuspecting tourist boat full of muggles on our return journey

Crew what crew said Alice

Har har har they be Zombies, Ye can’t beat a crew of Zombie pirates HAR 

Pieces of eight. . . . Pieces of Eight

Shut up Parrot or ye will walk the plank and have ye Scibbers Scuppered HA HA HA Hah ah ah ah ah ha hah hha ha hhah ha hah ahhah har Jim Lad.

With that they all climbed aboard the old ship and set sail for Hogwarts academy

Will it take long asked Young Higgs

No But it will not be during this post so I suggest ye go and rest. Hogwarts is full of terrible and fantastic beasts these days so ye better have that book about them or ye be dead men walking HAR HAR HAR

With that young Higgs and his travelling companions vanished below deck and rested well sort of rested in is not easy to rest when a large number of Zombie Pirates are pointing at your head and whispering brains at one another.

TO BE Continued 

PART FOUR

(Alice Through the Looking Glass) or Harry Potter Returns from the Dead. . . . PART TWO

Previously (Part 1)

As young Higgs enters Kings Cross Station he is confronted by a large crowd looking at the arrivals/departure board and complaining. It appears that it is a bad time of year for trains and the track is presently covered in the wrong sort of leaves.  But he does know that he needs to head of towards platform 9¾ (well lets face it Harry Potter and his mates let slip enough times in films so it is hardly a secret) where he is expected to run at a wall.  As he ponders this; no one in their right mind runs at walls without a bit of thinking, he hears a voice behind him shouting

I say you with the mummified cat in the glass jug I do hope you don’t plan to run at that wall

Well I was thinking about it

Well I WOULDN'T because it’s been bricked up after all those children started running at it all the time

As Young Higgs turned round he was confronted by a girl with long hair wearing Victorian clothing, a large white rabbit with a pocket watch and identical twins complaining about the wrong kind of leaves.

Well if IT’S bricked up where do I catch the TRAIN?

The ladies toilets

WHAT

Yes the mirror in the ladies toilet, you need to pass through the looking glass.

WHAT

Come on, the flamingos will distract the masses for a bit and we can catch the train   

WHAT

With that a huge flock of flamingos started running up and down the platforms of Kings Cross Station and the small and rather diverse group of travellers vanished down into the ladies toilets and clambered though the looking glass (mirror). Where Young Higgs found himself standing next to the Hogwarts Express alone in a haze of steam and smoke.  A rather startled Station Master looked at him , stared at his ticket and after a moment said

Well it’s been a long time since anyone turned up for this train

Where are the others said young Higgs

others

A Victorian girl called Alice, A large white rabbit and grumbling identical twins

Ooooo no one here that looks like that sir, Time to board . . . .  you may as well go first class as you are the only passenger.

Confused Higgs enters a rather nice compartment in first class an settles down.  As he does Alice, the White Rabbit and the Twins all emerge from the luggage rack.

WHAT said Young Higgs

We don’t have tickets so we hid, And besides we are entirely in the wrong story anyway because we are on the run from the Wicked Witch of the West and have been pursued by a large ticking crocodile for ages. It really is rather annoying.

It all seemed a bit odd to young Higgs, particularly when a large flock of pink flamingos ran past heading towards the refreshment carriage 

As the steam from the engine passed the window and the gently rhythm of the wheels on the track slowly sent them all of to sleep they knew that ahead lay adventure and exciting wizard stuff and possibly more flamingos.  

To be Continued

PART THREE