Hello I have popped back again as I do

Well I'm still drawing stuff and things are still in a state of normality at home. But elsewhere things are starting to come off the rails a bit. Covid-19 is getting worse in the UK again and it  is looking likely it will be seriously bad. Parts of Europe are a couple of weeks ahead of the UK and Countries such as Spain and France are not good. 

The Election in the USA seems to be just strange at present; Mr Bidon seems a bit frail and as for Mr Trump; to me he has lost the plot as well as going down with Covid-19 and he also appears to have given key members of his party Covid-19. He says he is fine, but in truth it is early days for him and this is one seriously nasty virus that can get you many days even weeks after you think all is going well. And he does not appear to be trying to win votes from outside his core supporters. So is at risk of self destruction both physically and in the Presidential race.

We will see I guess. . . . . . 

 

A Catalogue of Excuses and other reasons this diary is Slightly Erratic.

Have you wondered where I have been  . . . . What do you mean NO. . . Right I am going to assume you mean YES or this whole diary entry would be futile and we don’t want that do we . . . . What do you mean YES . . . I am assuming you mean NO and have just got a bit confused. Folk often get confused reading my diary although I don’t know why.

Right here in Britain it has been hot, really hot. SO hot in fact that a chap who likes to write his diary might go delirious and forget. YES it was that hot here (well almost 35c - ish). And I have been making the workshop so was busy when I was not delirious. Then to add to this I was abducted by Aliens who were planning to do tests on me until I suggested they read my diary. They let me go then saying I was obviously a faulty model and they would find a better human to chop up (sorry experiment on). 

Then rather sadly our cat (The Grumpy One, Harry) is very poorly so he has distracted me as he's being drip fed Squirty Cream at present. That is helping, well its helping the cat he is looking slightly better today He still looks very very poorly though. Yesterday he looked like he would not make it to morning, but he loves Squirty Cream so much he will refuse to die while there is a possibility of another small dish of it for him. And he is eating some food again, and being less fussy that normal too.

I have also been patrolling the garden at night to look for wildlife and things such as Zombies, in the warm evenings. To tell the truth I have seen very little; I think the reason is that our other cat Sooty meows like a banshee at present and does enjoy a walk round the garden. His body is OK, but his brain is not and he is also totally deaf now which is why he howls so loudly I think. So a very sick cat and a deaf mad cat are also jolly good reasons why this diary is getting trickier to write by the day.

I will leave now and drink tea.  

Yet another obstacle in the path of the perfect diary.

Harry in better times

By the Way Sid the Seagull who is a Pigeon has left now I will never know what happened to him but hope he headed home. We were but ships that passed in the night (a few days). Anyway it does mean calling him Sid the Seagull was a suitable name bearing mind he/she  is/was a Pigeon. 

A rather boring day for the readers of my Diary . . . Sorry.

You are probably thinking . . . . . Hang On this diary thing . . . . Back in the past loads of stuff happened and now it’s dead boring . . . .  Well that is a bit true; it is not the diary it used to be. Part of the reason at present is my continued work on Shed Two (My workshop) and the reason I am working away on that a great deal is due to the weather. It has been lovely over the last few days. Lovely to the point where our daughter phoned us up from her home just a couple of miles away on the Welsh side of the border to say how horrid the rain was. At the time we were sitting outside in the sun drinking tea and chilling. A short break from shed work.

I will admit I did fire up the old weather machine on the off chance it might finally do something useful and not cause hurricanes again. So maybe it might just be doing what it was always meant to do, make it sunny.   

Anyway shed two slowly develops. One aspect of designing and building buildings without any design whatsoever is things can develop in ways that you never thought they might. I do wonder if going back in time folk just built stuff and the key point of any good building was it did not fall down. It does mean they can become quite interesting as you ponder ways to resolve an issue that you had not thought about until three quarters of the roof is finished. And I think Shed Two will be all the better for all the little changes I keep making in order to make it structurally sound and practical in a quirky sort of way. I will then claim I am a Master Builder in the medieval tradition of Master Builders.

There have been a lot of butterflies about lately I suspect that is a good sign. I am not good on butterflies, but I did see a small blue one and a large yellow one earlier as well as the white ones and brownish ones.  . . . My knowledge of plants is a bit like my knowledge of butterflies by the way. . . . . .

Right that’s it . . . . I suspect you are now thinking Well that was rubbish. But it’s a diary so Poo . . . .  (again) . . .

I sometimes draw beasts seen in the garden

but do use a bit of artistic license so no one knows what they are

Including me

The Village Market and a Mad Vicar

(10...)

Today was Market Day in our little village, when I say little it is small just a huddle of houses. Although we do have a village hall (the location of the market), a garage, a health food shop and a church, but no vicar. We used to have a vicar but he retired and the new one went mad and ran away. Vicars are not keen on Zombies or Witches Covens and because we’re not that far from The Devil’s Chair we have both in abundance and they do like a quiet church for parties and general get togethers.  Something some vicars can find tricky to come to terms with.

Anyway back to the point. My wife and I headed off to the market to buy stuff. There are veggies, an ethnic stall that sells some nice shirts for £10 (a bargain, I have loads), a bread stall with very nice bread. They are a strange religious group, but seem a nice bunch of folk. Well the women are; I have never seen any men and the women are all from the USA. There is a smallholder who sells great sausages and bacon and someone selling interesting cheeses. There is also a chap selling ancient tools that old folk like me chat too and ponder tools from the past. OOOooooo and the man who sells me loads of bird food. . . . I’m sure he has trained them (the Birds) to eat extra.  . . . . And a few other stalls from time to time plus the option of tea and bacon butty’s on site . . . (I now have them as the occasional treat, not every week).

Anyway after a chat about stuff and then wandering home it was time for a cup of tea and a bit of cake and then some lunch and a chill with another cup of tea. A chap needs to rest after a long morning testing sausage samples and poking at obscure tools and complaining about how much small birds can eat.

After lunch it started raining again (I was not happy) but I ventured out towards the workshop I am making and did some proper work fixing a breathable membrane on the outside of the structure before I clad it. Thanks to the rain I still can’t fit the roofing felt. And I must take a few pics soon.

I then ate food. Pasta, so something healthy which means I can maybe eat something unhealthy later, we will see.  I am chilling again now in the office and the cats have not found me yet so it is peaceful and that is good.

So that’s it . . . .  a fairly uninteresting day in general, but this is a diary and folk dont leap about doing exciting things every day.

Another Day of the new look Diary

My wife and I are about to take to the roads and enter the wondrous world of the supermarket. Yes I can hear your thoughts . . . . . No Don’t Do It . . . . But sadly it is necessary as this is the location of the optician in order that my wife can get new glasses. I got new glasses last year so at present I can see. This is good because it will mean I will be able to find the optician.

 Right at this point I will take a break but will return to conclude this diary entry, post optician, post DIY shop and post delivering a few ginger biscuits to my daughter on route. Hey life is exciting or what. . . . . 

 Before I go I could mention that the cats are their grumpy selves this morning and have now had three meals so far and want more but that is fairly normal for an average day here. OOooooo and its grey and damp outside.

Tick Tock Tick Tock . . . . . .(time Passing)

Phew its evening now and my wife has ordered her new glasses so she will be able to see stuff again like threading needles. You need good eyesight for that.

On our way home we stopped for a cup of tea and a scone in the garden centre and I had a look at the cactus . . . . . 100 pound for a cactus just because it is over 12 inches or so tall, I have a few bigger cactus (bigger than that) a couple of which were given to me by folk who know I am cactus friendly and they grow well in our humble home. The garden centre was busy too; I am not good with busy so was pleased to get home where the cats complained loads until they got fed a few times . . . . Pesky Cats

OOOOooooo there was loads of rain again this afternoon so I have drunk more tea and eaten Ginger Biscuits.
OK then that’s it I am sat typing and will chill shortly with more tea. 

 

Its Raining and that is Annoying. . . Very Annoying.

Well it has been raining today that was not meant to happen as my plan (well we know all about Plans) was to work on the roof of the new workshop so I can fit the roofing felt. OK using roofing felt is a slight cheat, but as it’s a workshop for me I feel a few easy options are allowed. It will have many other little bits which folk will look at and say . . . . . Why?

So instead I made Ginger biscuits. I don’t really cook or make much that is edible but ginger biscuits are one of them and very popular they are too. They are also Gluten free so my youngest daughter will eat them. I say youngest but she is 40 now which I think makes me old and knackered. However the kids like ginger biscuits so don’t point and laugh and say I am old and knackered when I make them or I will shout Yah Sucks Boo at them and eat the entire lot myself. 

 It seems it could be showery for a few days now which is rather annoying. Maybe I will dig out the old weather machine and point it at the clouds. Much in the same way the kids point at me only with a weather machine I get to pull the trigger and the clouds don’t like that much. 


 Well that’s it I have posted a nonspecific post on my blog and I have not done that in ages . . . . . It’s the rains fault. . . .

Pesky rain

The icing was fine but the chocolate was playing up a bit

Pesky Chocolate

.

Hello I am almost back but not quite

 O Yes it is true I am almost back but not quite, you see I along with a friend who is a trusted builder have destroyed the bathroom in my house. I have to say it was planned we did not just say. . . . Hey lets trash the bathroom. . . . And then remove an entire wall, all the tiles off two other walls, the floor and part of the ceiling, leaving an empty shell.  It is the final-ish part of what has been a long term master plan to update the house and after the bathroom has been done there will be no major work left to do just decor to make everything look interesting. My wife and I do not believe in the white wall and minimal content we like colour and I like stuff and lots of it. Although having said that I like nice stuff, you know Indian gods made of ceramics, mummified  ancient chinese fabled flying dragons. and little things that no is quite sure what they do.

This work has meant  Shed of the Year 2099, my own little personal project has come to a halt again for a few days. It has been inspected by my friend and building advisor who has said it is looking good but making twiddly bits can be a bit of a pain. . . I entirely agree and I have to admit he did say not to do it, but it is in my DNA I just have to add towers and little stained glass windows and curves and other architectural texture so that the shed is not just a shed. 

A bit of detail from Shed of the year 2099

Here in Britain we have a TV show called Shed of the Year and the plan is to enter the finished shed, but I have well and truly missed this year's final entry date. The good point about that is by next year this shed will look awesome, although I will admit that may be a biased opinion.

Well thats it I will go now but you now know what I am up too and I will be back soon to blog on a more regular basis . . . But not quite yet.     

The terrible curse of the selfie

Yesterday or maybe it was the day before I did something terrible, I took a selfie. One of those things that folk do so much that some cunningly clever chap invented a stick so you could take selfies from slightly further away. Now you might be thinking WHY (no not the stick but me taking one of me) and I don’t blame you, but there is a reason. You see what with drawing more pictures and then admittedly tweaking them a bit with some rather basic and very old software, plus writing a bit of dodgy poetry I thought I need a suitable image.  Until recently I have avoided using images of myself as much as possible in cyberspace, but if I plan to be some sort of mad dishevelled cult artist poet, then image is important. So I dug out my Tesco prescription sunglasses pointed my little digital camera at myself and attempted to smile then pressed the button and hey-presto . . . .terrible. Yes no matter how much I try to look slightly cool and moderately chirpy I always end up looking dead grumpy, OK I am grumpy most of the time but not all of it.

Now one of the key things that has brought this to the fore is that my old pal Mr Charlie said I needed a manager so that rather than just drawing stuff and sticking it into the voids of cyberspace to be lost forever, My manager could manage me. Actually I am probably not an ideal candidate for a manager because I am grumpy and a bit maverick (as has been proved by photographic evidence).  So I said to Charlie OK then Charlie you can manage me, and then he went off and told folk I was drawing again and that he was going to organise me and attempt to get me to create enough work for an exhibition. HAHAHAHha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha haha ha hahah a ha ha I thought; I am far to maverick to be organised into something that organised these days, surely such a thing is impossible. I suspect I am right but in order to help my new manager I have promised to create some hanging on the wall art so it can be hung on a wall and folk can look and say. . . . . . . . O my god that’s terrible, that is the worst art I have ever seen. . . .

I did say too Mr Charlie in a slightly enthusiastic way. . . I could add some of my poetry to the artwork. . . . But he looked panicked and said he thought that was a bad idea . . . that means I almost certainly will.

Now I don’t know if this will happen and if it does when, but if it does I will let you all know. What I will say is it will not be in a leading London gallery, for one thing London scares me to bits, it is full of folk running about and huge as in really huge.

In the meantime here is my selfie. . . . . . . . . . .

     

A Jumble Sale, Archie and a Hedgehog called Voldemort

He is now called Voldemort

somebody has too since the Bear became Archie  

Yesterday I learnt several interesting things about human nature and jumble sales. You see a couple of folk in the village decided that they would have a jumble sale to raise money for the local church although I don’t know which church as there are a few scattered about.  It was this jumble sale that we did the name the bear for, which I will return to in a bit. (no I'm not religious but a chap must do his bit) 

Well on Friday afternoon after the market left the village hall, the organizers of the jumble sale moved in. Our little job was to get the tombola sorted, well that is easier said than done as I would not know a tombola if it bite me on the leg. . . . OK I do now, I learnt quickly . . . . very very quickly yesterday.

Anyway the key point was that when we arrived  at the opening time of the village hall on Saturday. There was a bouncer on the door holding back the masses. I really mean it, it was scary. You see opening time was 2.00pm and the whole event was due to finish by 4.30pm and the village hall was heaving with stuff loads and loads of stuff and most of it a bit dodgy, not as in stolen but as in O MY GOD what . . . that is YUCK.

Well as the clock hit 2.00pm the masses were allowed in and it was not a quiet sedate wander in no it was a rush like the Harrods sale at New Year on the TV. They all rushed past the tombola and Name the Bear and the raffle and folk just fought over stuff and I mean fought, I’m sure there must be some sort of reality show in what folk do in jumble sales if this is normal.  I thought it would be quiet and no one would show up but apparently a jumble sale like this will be stripped clean by folk who go to car boot sales where they sell it all again, in fact a lot of them will have been selling it today.

In the end folk settled down and decided to try the tombola and the Name the Bear and in the end the whole event raised about £850 so not bad for a tiny village. As for the Bear it turned out he was called Archie. . . It just so happens that at the weekly market there is a small person of about 18 months who sells rather good organic meat with his mum and he is called Archie, maybe it’s a coincidence but if so it’s a big one. I did not guess the name correctly by the way as Voldemort was not on the list. . . DAMN

OOOoooooo one final little thing we have what seems to be a fairly chilled sort of half tame young hedgehog in the garden who is eating the birds peanuts so I took a picture of him early. A cool little beast he/she is too and he is now called Voldemort 

I could say so much more about that jumble sale but I don’t have time which is a shame,  it seems they bring out the worst in folk and that’s for sure and I may never go to one ever again. 

Another day in the life of an ordinary old battered chap

It has been a busy-ish day I say ish because my old battered body just cant do the stuff it used to in the old days when I was a devil may care North Sea Tiger leaping from platform to ship to barge to rig and an assortment of things in-between. Right now I am waiting for some glue to harden up so I can carry on making a chair of a teddy bear to sit on that will be in pride of place on Saturday afternoon in the village hall as folk try the Guess the Name of the Bear competition. I am making Him/her a tall chair (comparatively) as this a village jumble sale so the poor little bear needs to be at a height where he will be seem and not lost in the chaos of Jumble. I am not sure what sort of jumble will be there but having volunteered to help I am somewhat apprehensive having seen previous jumble sales.  I don’t know about other places but round here the same stuff appears to go round in circles until folk get frightened to even turn up.

We have also managed to get to the Garden Centre in Shrewsbury where I bought two small Japanese Acer’s for £22.00 which I thought seemed a good deal. I have also managed to cut some of the grass in the back garden. . . OK it’s more a wild space than garden, but we have just over half an acre and I have never yet managed to get it all looking good at the same time. We also have a pair of pheasants nesting somewhere known to all here as Mr and Mrs Gandhi, we call all our pheasants Gandhi

OK I ran off there for a bit but I am back now

AH NO sorry I am off again I will be back in a bit.

OK back but much later

I have got a bit more done on the chair for the bear, eaten food, chilled a bi in front of the TV (as sitting behind it is silly) and I have shouted at the cats. I don’t know what they are on but the pair of them are driving me had (sorry mad, see what I mean) with their tactical battle over who can corner who in the corner.

OK that’s it that is a typical day in the life of me yet again. Exciting it is not, but on the bright side is was a lovely sunny day and I have seen more swallows and more Red Kites, we get a lot of Red Kites around here (the birds not the fabric flying device with string attached), 

Another day in the life of a blogger

Yesterday Mr Chris our friendly builder and master of many trades arrived about half an hour before we were due to head off for an Indian meal with friends; he had arrived with a vital part for the central heating.  Luckily although we did not have time to change the vital part we were able to remove the old part (the motorised valve drive) to prove that my assessment of the fault was in fact correct. Then before Mr Chris ran away he left the valve fixed in the central heating only position. This means the central heating is working rather well and not being overridden by the hot water thermostat, so although today has been rather chilly the house is nice and toasty and the office radiator is seriously hot. This is rather novel and has not been the case for months.

My trusty vehicle which has been at the garage for a couple of days has returned a bit dented on one of the front wings and although I don’t mind as the car is old, it is a bit annoying as it drives rather well now. The garages are really good and have said they will investigate and will give the car a look at next week.  I have said many times to many folk, never get too attached to a car as scratches and dents are an everyday hazard and if you get worried then you will go mad each time they gain another small injury of some sort. To tell the truth I never clean or wash the car and it is usually full of rubbish and stuff such as an axe, a crowbar, gloves, bits of wood, several small cheap kites and maybe a plastic rat and various things of the unknown.

Funnily enough in the post this morning arrived one of those Car Digital Vehicle Recording camera systems, so if I end up in a bump I will have recorded evidence of what happened. In the old days folk would be honest and admit things but sadly those days have long since become a thing of the past. Now folk blame the other driver, seagulls, trees, snowmen or Zombies.

My eyes seem to be a bit better now than they were and I am also feeling a little more bouncy again and with luck a decent spell of spring weather might turn up soon too.  Finally I noticed on the Midlands news that the British Quidditch Cup is taking place this weekend, now personally all I can say is a sport designed to be played on a flying broomstick either needs to be left to wizards or they need to lose the broomstick entirely. Just a small personally view point that will not make a blind bit of a difference to anything.   

Tyrannosaurus Rex, A Goat, A Dog and Pizza and Pancakes

After yesterdays rain and grey skies today started well with sun and lots of it. . . It was to put it bluntly, Jolly nice. Yes that is what being a quiet middle class chap is all about, just being a nice sort of chap and saying Jolly Nice not ****** ******* ******* ** nice. Anyway after much smiling and pointing at the big fiery beast in the sky and using my Ache Build Your own Sacrifice to the Gods kit to sacrifice the 3D cardboard Goat on the supplied Sun God Alter I leapt about a bit. We then collected one of our cars from the garage as the bonnet (hood to those in the USA. . . I think) refused to open and the screen washers were a bit broken. It is not a good time of year to not have screen washers as folk in trucks tend to kick mud in your face (OK on your windscreen) and it can get tricky driving if you can’t see a damn thing.  Now I could have fixed these minor issues myself, but those garage chaps are good, even if one of them is a bit mancky.  NO he really is, he is only young and his family make him sleep in a caravan in the garden and refuse to let him in the house as stuff falls off him. This might sound a bit unfair but he is happy and he is a rather good (if mancky) mechanic.

However after having a Pizza for lunch, apparently it is Pizza Day although none of us knew this until a short time ago so PHEW, it started to rain again and got all grey like yesterday.  This was not right I had even used the Ache Build Your own Sacrifice to the Gods Kit to sacrifice the 3D goat, but it has been suggested to me that I should have sacrificed the 3D cardboard Tyrannosaurus Rex not the goat and that I used the wrong Alter. . . This is quite frankly rather embarrassing because The Ache Build Your own Sacrifice to the Gods Kit is a product of my own design and I was planning to pitch it at that Dragons Den lot on the television.  But I now feel I need to refine it a bit or I will be laughed at and ridiculed if I make it rain instead of being sunny, I mean this is Britain we seldom need more rain than we presently get and I don’t see any of that Dragons Den lot keen on investing in a way to make the weather even more rubbish than it presently is. No they look like they need some sun and warm weather to me.

Yes its another one of those quiet days again.  Or as Laika the first day in space would say. . . Hey this is cool. OOOooooo by the way how did you say I am getting back home?

OOooooooooooo yes I have not long eaten some pancakes. . . . YUM, that’s me not Laika I don’t think she was given pancakes she got special space gel . . . YUCK. 

The Classic Rituals of a British Wet Sunday.

It is Sunday and I have just had a roast dinner of belly pork with roast potatoes, roast parsnip, roast carrots,  cabbage and some pigs in blankets (that’s sausages wrapped in Bacon for those outside the UK) and a couple of Yorkshire Puddings. This was followed by a nice cup of tea and a Mr Kipling French Fancy (pink). It was lovely and I have now sat down for a quick break in front of the PC.  Of course in the old days I would settle down in front of a good Gary Cooper Western in glorious black and white while the rain attacked the windows.  OK I don’t watch old movies on the TV these days and I can’t remember the last time I noticed Gary Cooper on the box, but it is still raining as it did in the old days.

Anyway this has made me ponder the ritualistic behaviour of us human beings (OK yes I have done this before), you see we all tend to have routines and rituals that we do on an almost daily basis.  Take today. I got up staggered about for a bit until I found the bathroom and was frightened by some terrible beast in the mirror peering back at me. I managed to make a cup of tea feed the cats and stagger back to bed for a while, then got up again staggered about again until I found clothing got washed and grunted and pointed at stuff. I then as I do either on a Saturday or Sunday drove into the Castle of the Bishop and bought some croissants from the Spar Shop. . . they are remarkably good and freshly made and worth the trip.  On returning home I ate the croissants having heated them up a bit first, with more tea and grunting a lot and pointing at things like the cats or squirrels or pheasants that are all watching and waiting for food. I then feed all these critters who devour the food in seconds. They do not realize just how expensive all that food is, luckily they spend a lot of time chasing each other in a game of tactics to see who can get the most food.  After cleaning my teeth and scaring myself in the mirror again I sort out the wood burner so that it can be lit later today, that also meant getting some logs and coal in and sorting out some kindling and emptying the ash. I have also put all the recycling in the car ready to get rid of the lot tomorrow, one of the newer rituals of modern life. In the old days it all went in the big trusty metal bin and was thrown by men into a huge bottomless pit. Sadly they can see the bottom of the pit now so we recycle instead, and normally the men come and take it, but due to the constant windy weather of late it is easier to get rid of it all myself rather than see it all blowing up the road.

I then had more tea pointed at stuff (again) and gave the cats more food, the cats eat a lot of food, but they are now sleeping. As for me, this afternoon is going to be lazy I did my good deed yesterday and so I have few plans other than drinking more tea and annoying folk on the internet a bit. . . Only because Gary Cooper has run off somewhere. I might do a bit of drawing if I feel in the mood but it is a damp slightly chilly Sunday in the rolling hills of Shropshire so being lazy seems the best option.

The point of all this though, is to point out that us humans like our routine and rituals and we are not at our best when we are forced out of them, which for me today is not the case . . .PHEW

And OK this is not one of my more exciting days, but remember what I said about Neil Armstrong. . . . . . . . . . . its not all moon rock and rockets.    

Another Ordinary Day in the Life of an Old and Grumpy Bad Poet

I have started to de-clutter the room I keep all the clutter in. It has been useful clutter, but time is catching up on my clutter and most of it is now obsolete clutter that is of no use to man or machine. But some of it might just be useful clutter that I should hang onto for a bit longer, until it too becomes obsolete clutter and can be thrown away. This makes de-cluttering the clutter much harder as I need to check what is what and then think . . . OOoooooo is this useful, or is it clutter, before being ruthless and putting in the possible clutter pile.

As it happens there is a lot of stuff that really is clutter so I have several bags of things to go, and as an added bonus I found a small bag of money. Now don’t get all excited it was not a lot of money but it was just over £10.00 in small change and that will buy me a bag of chips tomorrow when I am out in the predicted rain and wind doing my good deed. I am getting good at doing this good deed thing.  It would be good to think the concept catches on and before you know it we are all out there doing stuff to help others and the like.  Sadly the world does not always work like that, I suspect one of the reasons is that folk have rooms full of unwanted clutter that they are finding it difficult to get rid of, and they are angry and frustrated that a sizeable percentage of their home is redundant and full of stuff they don’t need.

OK I’m off to watch a bit of TV now but I will be back.

I’m back, you see that took no time. Right I am off to bed in a bit so this in one of the less exciting diary entries of recent times involving no poetry or even anything remotely exciting in any way. This is fairly normal for almost everyone, even that Neil Armstrong did not do exciting stuff every day sometimes he would get up have breakfast read a bit chill in the sun all day and then nod in a knowing way at the moon before going back to bed in the evening to sleep. That is the sort of day I have had although I did go to the local market this morning where I saw a badgers skull, but I did not see the moon.  

Volume Six of the Slightly Eccentric Diary of Rob Z Tobor. . . A New Start

Well we start volume six of my diary at the start of a year, which is the first time that has happened. I must add up just how many words I have actually written because in theory volume six will take me very close to original target of one million, and the plan was always to stop and head off and do new things once I reached one million words.  Although I lost the plot of the plot if you get my drift many moons ago and my blog is now a bit of a hodgepodge of stuff . . . . . I am pleased to see hodgepodge is still a real word because it is one you don’t see much these days. I am not convinced the English language is as colourful and descriptive as it used to be, no doubt ruined by a combination of political correctness and text talk as well as cute cats on YouTube.

Anyway with it being the start of a whole new year and a whole new volume of my diary, some of you may be wondering if I have any plans. Well there are long and short answers to that only the long answer is very long and will involve me getting sidetracked by zombies, rabbits and a multitude of other things  that will end up with me mentioning conspiracy theories. So I think it might be best to give you the short answer to the that question, the one you have probably forgotten about, I know I have.

It was (Question)

Rob this Blog of yours . . .Do you have any plans any ideas about what you wish to write about this year, will it be new exciting and different, lets face it, it has got a bit mmmmmmmm boring and dull

(Answer)

No . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So there you have it . . . . . I will be writing some Poetry again  and drawing pictures and pointing at things like Seagulls with a pointy stick . . . . and I have an interesting conspiracy theory I will tell you all once I think of it.

I hope you all have a great year and that 2016 will be the year when peace breaks out around the world, everyone everywhere will have food and water and everything and everyone is treated with respect.  

Now what on earth do I write about tomorrow. . . . . . . .AAAAaaauuuuuuuggghhHHHHHHH     

A Day in the Life of a Blogger

I have been at the village hall Market today, it is a traditional Friday event so I do try to get to it each week to chat to the locals and catch up on what’s happening. When I say catch up on what’s happening I am not talking at a national or global level, I am referring to the state of folks tomatoes, lawns and whether anyone has seen a Zombie or heard the Banshee in the woods. To tell the truth as a sort of nice slightly reclusive middle class chap who has a fairly chilled life and owns his house and gets by OK; but with a fairly leftish view of politics it might be best not to get into national news and what’s happening as I feel I might be tied up and burnt as a heroic or witch. I mean I would not shoot the last wild Polar Bear in Britain just because it has destroyed your entire broad bean crop and scared (or is it scarred or maybe both) the cat. Which is the sort of thing that happens a bit round these parts and is why sadly I have to announce the news that the last wild Polar Bear in Britain had a bit of an accident the other day while stalking a rather healthy heard of Blight free Potatoes in the early morning sun.  No honestly there are folk around here well into their nineties who can handle a twelve bore rifle like John Wayne on acid. Luckily they don’t read my blog or I would be in trouble for sure. Just in case any of you do read this I would like to add it’s a lovely Polar Bear rug and will make a great centre piece for the harvest supper.

After my weekly pilgrimage to the village market and my now tradition Bacon and Sausage sandwich, Ah yes they sneak a sausage into it now for extra taste, I returned home to continue my DIY on the almost completed kitchen. OK I stopped for lunch and had a few cups of tea and a bit of chocolate cake at one point and, OOOOoooooo yes we did have a short visit by a rather good artist who was passing by from Dartmoor. OK it is not easy to pass by Shropshire from Dartmoor without some effort but she was off to the dentist. Maybe to some travelling 400 miles one way to see the dentist might seem  excessive, but not in Britain, not these days. Anyway she is a very good artist and quite well known in certain circles so I will not mention her name. 

Then after the DIY I have sat down to write a little something for the Blog (this), not as easy as it might appear because folk do not appear to like Poetry . . . OK they don’t like my poetry, and politics is not good either. I know folk sort of like witches and banshees but I write about them loads, and I cant tell you about the Polar Bear because of its unfortunate accident.  We do have Pine Martens near by and also the very rare dormouse a few miles away and luckily they don’t eat folks vegetables so they should be OK, although I am told Dormice are very very tasty in a sandwich with some bacon. HANG ON they told me it was a sausage DAMN, I’m sure there is (was) more than one of them.

The origins of well known sayings. A new occasional informative series of posts

Ah yes I knew I had taken a picture of a rookish sort of bird ages ago while at the beach

In order to keep my diary(Yes I think it has sort of drifted from that a bit) and blog lively and interesting, I have decided to add yet another occasional little themed series of posts to it, explaining the meanings of some of those rather bizarre sayings that have become associated with the English language.  Many of them originate from that chap Shakespeare who I’m sure will be sniggering away in the afterlife knowing that he has confused at least Half the worlds population. I mean who has not heard someone at a party quote . . . . An Ass your yoghurt eyes drool in Hell. . .  And we all nod knowingly and agree while thinking WHAT does it mean? Nobody admitting they don’t know either because they think everyone will call them an IDIOT.

So today I will start by explaining one of those sayings that used to be said loads, but has like many sayings gone out of favour.

Yes we start with. . . . TOO Many Rooks spoil the Moth. . . . 

At first glance it looks like complete nonsense but when looked at in the rational light of day (another one of those sayings) does in fact make more sense that it might appear to.  You see Rooks are much larger than a Moth and although they have a mutually beneficial relationship in the world of nature, Rooks can also lead to the downfall of many a moth. Rooks as we all know are the rouges of the bird kingdom, stealing stuff drinking and having wild parties into the night taking illegal substances. Now for a Rook that’s fine they are large enough to handle a few drinks and dodgy drugs, but their mates the Moths are small, one drink and a few puffs of dope and they are away with the fairies (yet another saying to be dealt with later). The moths then get confused and fly about erratically confusing every single light in the world with the Moon, going round in every decreasing circles until they burn up on something hot such as a street light or a security light or similar. Those that don’t then fall prey to Bats, Spiders and Rabbits that find them strangely addictive (well we all know why that is). 

So what this saying is actually telling us as humans, is that some of us are Rooks and some of us are Moths and one or two of us are either Bats, Spiders or Rabbits. I think it is worth giving this some thought and you can always let me know which one you think you are. I have had a long think myself and because of my grumpy unsociable nature combined to the fact I do not drink or take substances of a dodgy nature, but do like Fish and Chips by the seaside I must be more of a seagull. . . . Sadly I can’t remember any well know Seagull sayings right now but give me time I will come up with one yet.     

The Pitfalls odd Speed Typing and Booed spelling

I am learning to speed type

zdiwarf jcas jciasrifd –rg9tufw fshvjsjgqq-w- f fjkjvsdfpdpipivx bv nbvm nbdf ksjfh fjssoaosffhfhdshfuh fh shfusdusoe chickens dfskjdfsdfjk k  k pink jf ha jhaj ha uawe hg gh  hjhjhuwyufuf ushfj  and they refused to get up skjflskfjlsfh hfjsfjhsjsdjhsdjffjf pointy stick sfsfjhaeyteqwyuqegdf hfsj sj shfgsjfh hfsyyryg roasted fsshfj  Yum uertywyey Ym dfhsjfwwqyetysdfjfvxvhgjgjgfgjggj with maple syrup sjfjsfj jfurueieuryurp pfmvnmnm mdgdhjhfojdjdj  a red hat dkfl f;s lfeoefkjgghoxzmnbfwererikfjkfjk locked granny in treasure chest lvkjlkdjlfkls sfjhfjgoteyuyrueeurpppf sfh  forgot  fddf iwe cbnvzxzp u u two weeks fslfhlhgjgtruyreertywteyety  ti I iaudfgfg a bit decomposed fsdhfjfhjueeyu g nbnbz nbfsd AH DAMN. . . . . YUCK

I don’t think I’m goint to get the hang of it . . . . .  I will type slowly instead it’s oozier?

How to time travel though time using a blog and cyberspace and a large rope

Two years ago today I posted this post and it is rather interesting because I make the point in it . . . . . . . .. Would my diary exist if it was an item of pure functionality with no need for the frivolity of imagination and un-practical reams of gobbledegook; you see my diary is just like this huge monster rope (Note Mr S’s shoes by the rope) of no practical use and frayed at the end. . . . . . . . . . .. A point that is even more valid today (two years later) than it was two years ago, so I thought I should repost the post to make the point  and the post of greater significance. 


So let us travel back in time exactly two years to 5th June 2013 . . . . . .  



It has been a funny old day, the weather here was very overcast and sort of OK but not like yesterday or tomorrow (I have kicked the weather machines side panel) hot and sunny, and my day has sort of ticked along with the usual quantum physics and woodwork plus the rather more useful lesson of locksmithing,  and the skills of unlocking locks that prefer to remain locked. Of course this is a huge area of expertise because not only does it include the humble padlock but of course there are many unseen mathematical locks, things that appear to be physically locked to something by forces unknown.  

For example Miss I and Mr S have told me that they were unable to collect a huge rope from the beach because if was locked to the beach by fate and the Micro God of Beaches, and apparently it was also very heavy.

But using the great skills of Locksmithing it would be possible to untangle the forces that held the huge rope to the beach and transport it many miles to me, where I would look with wonder upon the huge rope while the massed masses looking would say WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THAT . . . . . . . . . And I would reply AH?

People do things like this all the time when folk stumble on artefacts of wonder which are of no practical use what so ever, they ask but what do you intend to do with it. But you see this is what makes us humans what we are, the ability to appreciate the great possibilities of completely useless items. Would my diary exist if it was an item of pure functionality with no need for the frivolity of imagination and unpractical reams of gobbledegook, you see my diary is just like this huge monster rope (Note Mr S’s shoes by the rope) of no practical use and frayed at the end. Well when I say of no practical use I lie as it is my long term memory,  well when I say long term I mean more that three days ago.

Farwell rope I hope the world treats you fairly and does not just string you along . . . . . . . . . .HAHAHAHHAH hahah ah ah haah hahha hah ah hahahhahah hahahah hahahahhah ahhah ahahhahahahaha

it’s a joke but Knot a good one  HaAHAHAHAH ah hah ah ah ah ha hah ah hah ah ah ha hah ah ha hah ah ah ah ahha a   

The journey of a thousand boxes starts with one IKEA Allen Key . . .

Recently I removed half a wall from what will be the kitchen dinning room and then sorted out another wall to put up a row of 2.2 metre high units. While this was happening some other men came and fitted Bi-fold doors on the end wall that replaced a large window. The fitting of the Bi-fold doors resulted in the building of a deck area or it was a bit like falling off a cliff onto the patio. And this has been done by our own friendly magic builder Chris who has done jobs for us for many many years and is rather good.

Then the other day I started the process of building the units, our kitchen is a build it yourself affair from IKEA in a bright gloss red the colour of blood O YES as subtle as you can get. Now I know some of you will be thinking . . . . . You bought a build it yourself kitchen from IKEA are you MAD . . . . .  Well not entirely they can be very cost effective as long as you are chilled with building something that arrives in 128 boxes. I agree 128 boxes is a bit of a scary prospect not helped by only having the receipt as a guide to what is in each box and then having to work out which inside goes with which outside ourselves.

However today I achieved my first milestone on the journey of a thousand boxes (it appears there are small boxes of bits in the big boxes of bits); I completed the carcasses of the four 2.2 metre high units. They are fixed to the wall, locked together, and all the same height as well as being square to the two side walls. This is no mean task in British houses which have a tendency to be slightly wonky, its an old building tradition that goes back to almost the ice age when man first arrived in Britain and bought their first flat pack item from IKEA, a rather posh stone circle at Stonehenge.

One thing I did do was break the first rule in the instruction manual for assembling these units which was do not do this on your own it is dangerous and may result in damage to you or your units. Well I am grumpy and anyway it was a cunning way to save a few pounds, this modernizing your home lark is not cheap so it is good to save where you can. . . I am after all a mean Scotsman. . . .