The Bonfire, the Dancing Owls and the Arrival of Christmas?

Today was quite a good day weather wise, being sunny and dry most of the day. Although we did get a bit of a shock when we went out to get milk at Tough Harry’s Store because lurking in the corner appeared to be a group of dark skulking beasts which at first glance appeared to be Zombies. Only as my eyes adjusted to the light in what was a slightly gloomy area of tough Harry’s, it turned out to be even worse that Zombies, because they were chocolate Santa’s . . . . . WHAT it cant be Christmas already how did that happen, maybe they are Zombies in disguise that must be it, its far more logical than Christmas in September who wants Christmas in September that is confusing.

  I had a bonfire today and finally burnt all the odd bits of tree that the men with chainsaws had to remove from the power lines rather a long time ago, it was a good bonfire and I suspect is still alight. I will go and check on it a bit later when the owls stop dancing about in the trees, I really don’t know why owls dance, I can see no evolutionary reason for dancing, particularly by owls.

I also spotted a toad being grumpy today, a butterfly eating a crab-apple and a wasp drinking lemonade. And I have been informed by powers who will remain nameless to protect them from folk going BOOOOOOO HUMBUG that the Bishops Castle michaelmas fair was not so good this year, but then I was not there drumming and that makes a big difference.

Finally our old friend Mr Michael is in hospital and not well, but bearing in mind his quirky and sometimes wild life it is not surprising  . . . . L

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The Big Bang, the Mattress and the Kitchen Sink

Last night as we watched the ten o’clock news on the BBC on our television there was a loud whooshing bang and the house sort of gave a very gentle leap to the West, so we all looked at one another and went off to find out what had happened as it could have been anything from the long expected Zombie attack or Aliens or the unpredicted End of the World.  Actually that last one would be rather amusing, after all folk have predicted the end of the world almost from the start of the world so if it turned up unannounced everyone would be dead annoyed (or dead).

As it turned out it was in fact one of our neighbours who is moving house and rather than take all the stuff in it, he has decided to torch it.  He had a fairly big bonfire the other week and last night he set fire to beds, mattresses, pictures, chairs, the piano, the gas cooker, the television, the bath, and the one everyone knows the kitchen sink. Of course some of this stuff does not burn to well so he had made sure it would burn by adding a large tin full of petrol and then as they say lit the blue touch paper and ran like hell; well not so much ran as sailed through the sky with a trail of smoke behind him….

I did run in to grab my camera but missed getting a photo of the really big flames as petrol and mattress burns really fast. His immediate neighbour kept guard for a while because he was (the chap who started it) running back and fore to his house with buckets of water as the long grass which was rather dry due to the recent heat was burning rather well also. Its WELL COOL (OK hot) living out in the wilds, as loads of wild things happen that are dead exciting….

Oooooooo yes we are off out for a meal tonight so this is it for now………

Madras Curry Fudge and Hedgehogs

It is one of those days again when I sit down to write my daily diary entry and realize that I have an empty brain and I really am now writing on the hoof (can you write on the hoof? I don’t know but I think I am). Last night after writing about what ever it was, (I cant remember, it was yesterday) I went outside to find a hedgehog (oooo yes yesterday was the beast of May . . . . . I remember), the hedgehog seemed a little out of it so it was moved to a location just out of the rain (yes rain?) and given a bowl of cat food, much to the disgust of the cats. Although there was little they could do about it as the hedgehog was rather spiky as hedgehogs are. Anyway this morning the bowl was empty and the hedgehog had gone and its OK because despite the fact that Mr Jones says it was abducted by aliens, I for one think it is rather unlikely, hedgehogs learnt how to avoid alien abduction when mankind was still grunting and poking a pointy stick in an open fire with a bit of meat (no not a hedgehog but maybe a sausage) on the end of it (and no I don’t mean yesterday when it was sunny but way back when).

While on the subject of food I tried Madras Curry Fudge today, it was a strange taste and very spicy hot, which for fudge is a bit weird to say the least. It is one of those things that messes with the mind and confuses it, and I still don’t know whether I liked it or not only that I don’t think I could eat much of it in one go without exploding.  It was on the chocolate stall of the new market in our tiny little village so next week I am going to try the Marmite Fudge. I could have tried it today but I had just eaten the Madras Curry Fudge and I am not sure my taste buds would have been able to cope with both.

Sadly there is little else to say about my day I did have to leap out of the way of a large concrete block which I tried to throw on top of my head but missed and the weather has been grey and cooler.

Ooooo and as I type the man way over the hill is having an awesome fire in his field and is so excited abut it he is running about waving his arms and pointing at the sky and stuff. Mr Jones says its aliens trying to flush out hedgehogs (I think he is going mad)……

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Bradley Wiggins lookalikes, a huge ferret and a spider

It was the first day of the Michaelmas Fair in the Bishops Castle; he has always liked a good fair and lots of steam. In the past I have been known to play djembe but the old band of drummers has now dwindled to just the two of us and my colleague who lives in the Bishops Castle has run off to things more exciting for the weekend. So I have spent the day having a big bonfire, these things are very useful, it allows us to dispose of loads of garden waste, plus mum can dispose of old classified confidential papers from MI6 and the dog gets to toast marshmallows. As it turned out staying here and having a bonfire may have been the right move, as during the day three ambulances passed heading off in the direction of the Bishops Castle with lights flashing. Then a short while ago a police car with its lights and siren both going shot passed heading towards the Bishops Castle followed a few minutes later by an ambulance with its lights and siren going.  

  

And no one can blame me as I was not there so PHEW.

This spider was passed by a Bradley Wiggins lookalike but showed no interest

First thing this morning we took a trip to Monty (the place not the man) to get stuff on the basis that getting in and out of the Bishops Castle would be a bit manic, only it was manic in Monty, not sure why but it was. But we saw loads of people and chatted, leapt out of the way of a man in a motor home who was a bit confused and determined to eliminate things and people, and got the stuff we wanted. We then saw a huge beast on the way home that tried to eat a Bradley Wiggins lookalike just outside Monty, it was either a polecat or a ferret but it was huge, maybe twenty feet long. But it did help us get past the Bradley Wiggins lookalike when it ripped the tyre of his bicycle and he vanished off into the hedge, they both vanished off into the hedge as it happens so rather convenient. Then after that we were confronted by a few more Bradley Wiggins lookalikes plus Bradley Wiggins dad lookalikes and what appeared to be Bradley Wiggins Great Great Great Great Granddad’s lookalike; although I must admit none of us know what he would look like.  I think all the Bradley Wiggins lookalikes may be to do with Tour of Britain passing through Montgomery yesterday.

 In response I would Like to say........ OH no I dont 

Alien creatures in conifer trees. More conclusive proof of alien life on Earth

We are talking aliens today because I have discovered they have already arrived and are hiding in conifer trees and lots of them too (aliens). As you know a bit back we had two large trees cut down, one some sort of spruce tree with spiky leaves and long cones and then the other, some sort of regular conifer tree. The spruce had a critter called spruce aphid, which I believe is green with red eyes which we were told was killing the tree off. The other was just in the wrong place and too big.

Today I have been continuing the bonfire I started yesterday; I love it when they are still glowing the following day. But as I was moving the mounds of conifer cutting and throwing them all on the bonfire I notice movement on the ground, THINGS? There were loads of them; I really mean loads as in loads…. Ok they were not big but I thought the best thing to do was try and get a photo and do a zoom job to get a good look at these strange things and…………………. ALIENS we have been invaded by aliens so don’t panic just stay away from conifers…… No best to PANIC

So here is my theory on these small things, wriggling about on mass on the ground and falling out of the branches as I tried to carry them to the bonfire.

I have previously mentioned that from time to time I have thought I have seen nano-space craft, this may seem odd to one or two of you who are thinking why send a tiny spacecraft to a planet; what is the point. Well a tiny spacecraft needs much less energy to escape gravity so can be powered by a sub atomic particle engine which will allow it to travel close to the speed of light, because of its small physical size. So a tiny spacecraft can travel fast and on much less energy and arrive on an alien planet discretely. Lets face it, a huge thing with flashing lights and twenty foot monsters in silver suits is a bit of a give away.

So in order to take over a planet you need a way of transferring alien DNA into the bodies and minds of the local planets life forms. Mmmmmmm… So what is the best way to do this…….  Well I would say a small tiny worm like critter that can bore into the body of its host then mutate the host using a secret DNA transfer process, which turns the unsuspecting host into a huge twenty foot monster in a silver suit.

It was therefore decided we needed a plan to thwart the aliens and this is what was voted for by a majority verdict with one objection (me). Everyone would lock themselves in the house with the windows closed and I would throw the entire conifer on the fire as fast as possible, but I had to wear gloves. Then I can sleep in the shed for a few days to see if I turn into an alien…… NOT FAIR….. I don’t want to be a huge twenty foot monster in a silver suit (actually it sounds quite cool)……. Mum just said IDIOT.

Ooooooo  I didn’t quite get it all burnt either, because I ran out of steam, something that would not happen if I was twenty foot high……. Mum said IDIOT again

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