An A to Z Coronavirus observational guide. . . J

J

Journalists 

Journalists and news reporters are always looking for that next big story to report on and there is not one much bigger than a pandemic causing chaos across the planet. However it could be argued that in their enthusiasm to chase the story and grab the headlines they may have caused some of the mass panic by the public. Early on in the first few days when some were going mad in supermarkets it certainly did not calm folk down by reporting it on television, radio and social media telling us all the shelves are being stripped bare.  That is the best way to ensure even more folk rush out to buy even more stuff to avoid the risk that they might run out of food and essentials. This then gets reported and we end of in a cycle of fear and uncertainty as several people fight to the death over the last pack of toilet rolls or hand sanitizer on prime time television.

I don’t want to appear critical of the journalists are they try to report the latest news on Covid-19 because that is what they are paid to do. Just at present the world has become a single issue news story, let’s face it as time passes the news media are desperate to chase every possible angle to catch the public’s eye. Sadly the public tend to be attracted to the more doomsday and sensational stuff. Which is why if a car crashes everyone stops; gets out their smartphones and video’s it, not really what we are meant to do.

I guess the one thing that journalists will have to be aware of is that the masses can only take so much news about a single issue for so long before they get weary and their minds start to wander. I have noticed this myself, I have a look at the BBC news site for an update and that’s fine. But then the news on the radio or TV will cover the same things for hours. Still these are strange times and things are not going to change for a while yet.

As I’m writing slightly ahead I can now add that the Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been moved to ITU so I suspect the news will be rather focused on that for a few days now. I am not a fan but I hope he is OK.

The True Story behind the John Lewis Christmas Advert (2015)

Once upon a time not very long ago there was an old grumpy man who lived in old wonky house right in the middle of a posh housing estate which was full of advertising agency executives, and various directors of large multinational companies and their families.  They where not keen on the old grumpy man and he was not keen on them.  Then one day a very strange thing happened a small sink-hole opened up over night in the front garden of the old man's house. He was quite pleased and thought he could finally get rid of a load of old rubbish he had lying about in the garden that the neighbours had been complaining about.

Well after he had thrown all sorts of stuff into the hole such as the old rusty bike, the old mattress and bedstead and a few battered bits of furniture and various other stuff he realised that the hole was very very deep. In fact he could not see the bottom of the hole even with all his rubbish in it so he thought he better complain to the local council and get them to fix it. Well lots of council workers turned up and peered down the hole and dropped lines down the hole and even got a scientist to look at it but no one could work out how deep it was.

Of course the council were not happy so they decided they were going to make a big concrete lid to cover it up to protect the public while more research was carried out. telling the grumpy old man he would put up in a posh hotel until things were resolved. He was very happy with this, but the night before the men were due to arrive to do the work and seal the hole, the grumpy old man took one last look down into the deep dark hole when something happened.

You see that night it had been announced on the news that NASA had discovered a pile of rubbish on the Moon that looked like someone had been fly tipping. The West blamed the Russians (they do that a lot) and said it was them but they denied it (they do that a lot) and said it was China who in turn blamed North Korea who said it was indeed them and that they now owned the moon.  However the little girl who lived next to the old man saw the picture of the rubbish and recognized it as the stuff the grumpy old man had thrown down the hole in his garden. It so happened she did not like the Grumpy old man much because he kept complaining about her cat to her parents who would then blame her and tell her off. So as the old man took his last look into the hole she sneaked up behind him and pushed him in

The next morning as the workmen turned up to cap the sink-hole they found the little girl dropping a present into the hole attached to a load of balloons telling the men it was for the man on the moon and he was called Dave and was a bit grumpy.

She then ran home and told her dad (an advertising executive with John Lewis) that she had sent a present to the man on the moon. . . He then suddenly leapt up from the breakfast table and said I have just had a brilliant idea. Well the little girl (his daughter) was not entirely happy because she said it was her idea and it was a true story, but by then he had rushed off to work. But she did get some satisfaction that night as she peered up at the Grumpy Old Man stuck on the moon with her telescope waving to him and laughing hysterically. Sadly the grumpy old man’s eye sight was not good and he thought it was his granddaughter who was on her gap year hiking in North Korea.  

Apparently NASA are now planning a rescue mission but it may take some time. . . . .  

  

Roger (Rocket) Ravens . . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Roger (Rocket) Ravens

Roger or Rocket to everyone that knew him had one ambition in life and that was to be the first man on the moon and so he spent his life building the Ravens Rocket Mk1 in his garden in Port Talbot. The only town who would allow anyone to build and launch a sizeable rocket from a suburban back garden without a licence.  Making it the rocket capital of Europe for a short time until the local council truly understood the risks.

It took many years to complete but with the assistance of several eminent thinkers and engineers of the time including Marlin Mascots, Harrison Horsechestnut Hutt, Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas and Miss Yemiliano Yaragoza he did finally finish his rocket in 1869, and on July 20th set off on his greatest adventure destroying several houses and a café on take off which did not go down well.  At this stage Mr Quinton Quantum-Quizzical said to the assembled press we know Roger (Rocket) Ravens is in his rocket but we do not know if he is alive or dead and therefore we have a paradox where both states can exist at the same time.

The trip lasted about 9 days in total and he successfully landed back in the Port Talbot  allotments, which did not go down well as it was reaching the point where the main harvest was due, and complains were made to the council.  The massed crowds were egger to see the large quantities of blue moon cheese they had heard of, but Roger (Rocket) Ravens only had a pile of grey rock. At this point folk lost interest as Port Talbot had lots of rock already and they did not really want more. And the hopes of selling Welsh rarebit made with moon cheese as a tourist attraction had now vanished into the dust (grey moon dust).

A few weeks later Roger discovered his rocket smashed up and in bits in his garden, an act of vandalism thought to have been undertaken by angry allotment holders. The local newspaper the Port Talbot Gazette proudly ran the main headline that night . . . . Who Killed Rogers Rocket. . . . A headline that has never been surpassed to this day by the local paper.

However  Roger (Rocket) Ravens was content knowing he was the first man to walk on the moon and that one day someone will find a Welsh flag with a large Welsh rarebit next to it (Rogers Rarebit  . . . . HA HAH AH ah ah ah ah ah hha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha).

The Eclipse, StarGazing Live, Professor Brian Cox and the Sacrifice at the Village Market.

Oooooooo I took this picture of the eclipse I was very pleased with it 

Here in our little village we have a really great market, it sort of arrived here about two years ago by accident when the market stall holders fell out with the owners of the previous location.  So Friday morning is always market day when the villagers go and we all have our ritual of shuffling round the stalls buying exciting stuff and chatting about what has happened over the week.

However today was different, you see this morning the great gods in the sky spoke to us telling us it was time  to appease them (the gods) with a sacrifice of some sort. And while doing this we were to wear silly glasses that meant we could not see a thing resulting in us falling about in a haphazard way. Luckily I did not have any silly glasses only the ones I wear every day to see where I am going, but I did get my trusty three and a half inch reflector telescope out with its special filter that allowed me to watch the Gods as they battled in the sky. And by way of sacrifice I ate Bacon sandwiches and stocked up with cakes for later as I have heard rumour of the super moon. It appears those Gods are very active. This is what happens when folk stop having bacon and piling rocks up into interesting piles or forming rings out of the big ones.

Anyway we survived the wrath of the Dogs (sorry Gods) and I managed to get a couple of cool pictures of the eclipse. Plus I got to eat Bacon Butty’s and I have cake to eat while watching those strange wizards on the TV tonight, Professor Brian Cox and Mr Dara O Briain as they tell us how they have satisfied the Gods for now on the very interesting StarGazing Live TV show.  They smile a lot and never eat cake and I think we all know what that means.

 Its at times like this we need to remember the late great Sir Patrick Moore, I bet he would have been smiling a lot too.

OH did I mention I burnt a hole through my hand today. . . . . DAMN

N is for Nonsense, Newts and the Northwest Passage (a history lesson about Great British explorers)

A tale of a Great British explorer, and What makes us Brits Great.

Many Moons ago . . . . . .

Captain Nigel Nash had long planned to sail his ship the Nautilus to Nepal in his search for the fabled Northwest Passage to Norway. Then luckily for him one of the New Nouveau riche, a Naturalist called Sir Napier Winky Knapsack. . . (The inventor of the Knapsack) heard of his plans.  Sir Napier Winky Knapsack said he was prepared to finance the intrepid journey, but he wanted to search for the famous and incredibly rare Nepalese Nocturnal Nodding Newt (no not like nodding dogs in your car).

The journey was long and fraught with numerous nasty obstacles along the way of which we will not talk now, or we will be here till the cows came home (a silly saying, as they come home every day)…. 

As they sailed into Nepal much to the surprise of almost everyone not the least of which is my geography teacher? They cheered and set about organising the long trek into the mountains to hunt for the incredibly rare Nepalese Nocturnal Nodding Newts which are blind and live in caves. This proved difficult as there was talk of a tribe of cannibals called the Nip Nip tribe. However the good news was the the Nip Nip tribe hated the unnatural and in their opinion Chemical laden Nasty Junk Food of Western man, so all that was needed was a bottle of Cola  and a Big Mac in a polystyrene carton about your person and they would see you as contaminated meat, and not fit for human consumption.

With the help of the much friendlier Nap Nap tribe they set off up into the mountains. It was an uneventful trip full of snow,  Yeti’s, crevasses, rock slides and angry mountain goats, a few deaths and the amputation of several fingers and toes.  But they reached their destination unscathed (well a bit unscathed). . . . . . As they surveyed the scene they were surrounded by the famous Nip Nip tribe, but Captain Nigel Nash and his men waved Big Macs and bottles of cola, taking big swigs and burping loudly. The Nip Nip looked appalled and were about to leave when the Naturalist Sir Napier Winky Knapsack asked a Nap Nap translator to give the Nip Nip the following message. . . . . . .

I am a Naturalist called Sir Napier Winky Knapsack I am looking for the very rare Blind Nepalese Nocturnal Nodding Newt that lives in the caves. I wish to return to Britain with many Breeding pairs to save the species for mankind. Can you help me meet some

However the Nap Nap sort of got the translation wrong and what the cannibals of the Nip Nip tribe thought Sir Napier Winky Knapsack said was the following

I am Sir Napier Winky Knapsack, Completely organic; I have lived in the caves of Britain eating Pears and Bread and the occasional newt. I have spent all my life on a natural diet. I would like to come with you so you can eat some of me.

Of course the Nip Nip tribe were very pleased and cheered and led Sir Napier Winky Knapsack up into the high mountains and he was never seen again.  Captain Nigel Nash waited a few days but the crew ran out of coke and burgers and so returned to their ship to continue the hunt for the fabled Northwest Passage to Norway, which they never found although they did discover NotFound Land.

On their return to Britain many folk asked Captain Nigel Nash about the Naturalist Sir Napier Winky Knapsack, which after a time started to annoy him and so he took to telling folk. . . . . . . . . Well a nod is as good as a winky to a blind Newt

Liberties of London, a small Japanese Sheepdog and Zombies from the Wizard of Oz....

Sundays as I have said before have been very quiet in cyberspace, however this can be good and bad depending on how you think of cyberspace. If you see it as a party in a large hall full of interesting folk and you turn up and find they are all at home and the only person to speak too is a small Japanese sheepdog who has had a bad day and is rambling on about lions, tin robots and straw men. Having first lost his barrel of brandy then the sheep refusing to cooperate, that are now all outside with protest banners saying We Prefer Welsh Sheepdogs; Well then Sunday is not a good day to be wandering about in cyberspace. But if you think of cyberspace as a big store like Harrods or Liberties of London and you have turned up and it is entirely empty except for say a little old lady who is testing umbrellas by stabbing at manikins with them and shouting don’t you come round here with your furry gingerbread penguin ONESIE ASKING if I have seen the Zombie from the Wizard of Oz . . .(sorry distracted a bit there), then Sundays are a great day. Where you can run up and down the aisles doing things like drawing a moustache on the Mona Lisa or sending slinky’s  up and down in the lifts to confuse them. Or making Lemon Bon Bon sweet circles so that on Monday morning the staff will assume the store has been visited by aliens, until they see the moustache on the Mona Lisa, then they will blame me…….. They did last time……..

So what did I do today well I re-potted a palm, that’s the plant not the part of someone’s hand; I have worked out that the Ghost Writers car has a hydraulic problem so may not need a new clutch; I dug a small hole and I defrosted a small freezer. OOOoooooo and I ate a pork pie . . . . . . YUM

I also discovered an ancient wooden monument designed to point at the moon in the early evening, I have not worked out what the exact significance of this monument was in the past, although I have reason to believe it was to do with harnessing the power of electricity from lightning strikes which was then used to light flares for the various Micro Gods of our ancestors, ancestors such as little old ladies testing umbrellas who would navigate using the light of the flares to avoid Zombies in ruby red slippers out walking their dog Toto, a small Japanese sheepdog that has lost its sheep somewhere on the notorious Curdsand Way.     

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The Monty Cardboard Robot Club and organizing Britain's First Commercial Rocket Flights to the Moon

Here at the Monty Cardboard Robot Club we take our Rocket building seriously, not like that Harry Potter chap, you don’t see him making rockets. There is much talk of commercial flights into space and space tourism and so we plan to have a slice of the action with our patent Steam Powered Cardboard Rocket. One of the first differences you will notice with our rocket is that you can open the window in order to be able to wave at folk during takeoff.  However it will also have a small warning sign warning passengers on our return trip to the moon that it is ill advised to open the window once in space, there will be a disclaimer about this on the ticket as we are not stupid.

Some may question making this rocket in cardboard, but it is light and robust meaning we can save fuel for the flight or squeeze a few more into economy (they don’t get a window to look out of).

However one small issue is dad has made me move wood about all day today from one place to another, which he says he needs to test the steam engine, he has suggested a wood fired steam engine so that once on the moon passengers can replenish the fuel supply from the virgin forests of the moon, which are as yet untouched by man (a chain saw will be available). I am a little concerned that if the trips became popular we might end up destroying the moons forest for ever, a very distinct possibility if we make our fortune, but sometimes in order to make an honest living we must destroy the odd forest.

Mum says we are IDIOTS and that there are no forests on the moon  . . . . . . WHAT surely NASA could not have chopped down all the trees already. You would think that they would have taken more care and made efficient spacecraft; You see what happens when you make rockets with metal they use loads of fuel…..

Mum has said IDIOTS again? 

The Science of Dark Matter, Squirrels and Micro Gods

Mr Chris the Builder was back today as planned and as he worked away busily making concrete squirrels and I was back down in the mud of the deep trench, (if you are wondering Zombies really hate Squirrels, it is a well known fact). Anyway as we toiled away Mr Chris the builder said to me Rob it has been a long time since you discussed anything of ANY scientific note, its all Zombies these days and he is right so I thought SCIENCE thoughts not Zombie thoughts.

So as I was thinking and we moved some three foot paving slabs which are rather heavy beasts it occurred to me that energy and force can all be a bit odd, well some forms of them can. Lifting paving slabs is all very easy to understand; your body is a source of energy that creates a force and uses the body to lift the slab by physical contact with the slab. But if you think about the moon it goes round the Earth held in place by a force called gravity, it might sound simple enough but a force can only be exerted on a thing if there is a link. Like lightning that is energy that links to the ground, and it has substance, it is a real thing, an understandable force.  Gravity in order to be gravity has to somehow have some sort of link, and we are not talking small links with no force after all the link creates tides at sea so this is serious energy and force and plainly a huge and substantial link. So how come we cant see it, like a giant shimmering blue haze all the way to the moon, well I am glad you asked me that because I will tell you what this link is made of…… Dark Matter

Yes for ages scientists have told us that the universe is mainly made of Dark Matter but no one can find it, what they need to do is start looking at the gravitational links between everything. Links are links because they are made of stuff even if you can’t see the stuff, and the stuff has substance, if there was no link then things like the moon would just drift off and cats would float into the sky. So in short Gravity has substance and the substance of Gravity is Dark Matter, but for reasons best know to the appropriate Micro God we cant see it or do useful things with it . . . . . OK yes dad can he has a Dark Matter Motor to run the all new Mk2 Weather Machine which he hopes to switch on in just a week or two.

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The Rocket, the Ghost Writer and the Vampire Ghost Wasps risen from the dead.

It appears that the Ghost Writer was in his big office today, the one that he will be moving out of very shortly; in fact he now has a date to leave this office which is about three weeks from today. He says this is all very well but there is loads of stuff in that office and he has this huge pile of paperwork that he has ignored since 2001 sitting in the middle of his desk, which will also be going (the desk and the paperwork). He thinks he will have to be a Ghost IT Man as he will no longer have an official desk in the new office, but he will get a shelf and draw to put things in, as he says the powers that be do not really understand all the baggage that goes with an IT man even a part time dodgy one.

Oooo yes the Ghost Writer is also grumbling about his car which is sulking with an unspecified electronic fault, you see an old fashioned steam powered car would not do that.

Yesterday I mentioned that I had been having a little bonfire burning some of the old fir tree in the garden, well unbeknown to myself while I was doing this I was being attacked big style by unseen beasts. Now clearly there are not that many unseen beasts that can attack chaps so that later on you realize that the unseen beasts have in fact stung and eaten half your body leaving you in a state of delirium and pain. I can only think of one group of unseen beasts that would be keen to do this as revenge for the destruction of their nests, and that is Vampire Ghost Wasps risen from the dead and out to give me hell for being nasty to them. It was nearly launch time before I was OK . . . . . . . 

Now you may think when I said launch time I meant lunch time but no you see dad is testing his new project in the shed, as he plans to send a small eccentric and unsuspecting child to the moon soon to look for the space gecko, he has not told me who he has in mind yet, but they are either mad or an IDIOT…..

Anyway I am not allowed to either mention or draw the rocket as dad only has planning consent for a rainwater recycling tower not a huge moon rocket, so best I say nothing. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN

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The Man in the Moon, Strange Worlds and a Round Trip

A round trip today to get tiny things eventually arriving back home with the tiny things that we set off on the round trip to get; that you see is the nature of a round trip you arrive back where you started even if the overall shape of your trip in not round but more triangular. You seldom see folk saying I am just popping out on a triangular trip I will not be long, partly because some clever folk would ask if it was an equilateral triangle and then that would get you all flustered and you would end up forgetting why you needed to go our in the first place. Anyway in short what I am saying is we popped out to get some small stuff this morning that we needed.

Right now at this very moment I am pondering whether or not my drumming partner is due to turn up tonight or not, he has whizzed off to exotic parts of the world lately so our drumming schedule is out of sync, much like myself since 1972 when my watch stopped and no one told me for at least a week. I was a bit younger then, although I still am or I could not be the eccentric child of cyberspace could I; and I just assumed that time had stopped. Well lets face it no one tells you about things like that when you are younger and back in about the early 1950’s quite frankly I found the entire idea of time rather alien which is rather ironic because Mr Jones tells me Aliens are using me as a standard unit of time. I am not sure I approve of being a unit of time, what happens if I want to slow down a bit or even stop for a while….

Oooooo yes while on the subject of Aliens it appears that a large space Gecko has eaten the man in the moon, it was his own fault he should have never ventured onto the surface for a closer look at the beast.  I have electronically enhanced my drawing of this event which I was able to view from my trusty three and a half inch reflector telescope, sadly there was little I could do to help. After all he was on the moon and it was a very large space Gecko and you would hardly want me to make stuff up and say they became friends and danced about as a confused cow passed by would you . . . . . . . . . (AH DAMN).

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Boats, Moons and a quick Hello and Goodnignt

I am back at the helm I can say that because while I was away I made the boat the helm is attached to, so in other words I can take the helm with me.

This is a short diary entry because it is near as damn it midnight, and probably will be by the time I get this in cyberspace, but in short PHEW its hot . . . . And Hay that moon looks cool, I got a picture of it using my little telescope so WELL COOL indeed.

After saying farewell to Mr F and heading home Mr F came to see us and arrived just an hour or so after we did, so he is staying for a couple of days, but he has to head home to be in work Monday morning.

I will tell of our trip tomorrow but it is good to be back in the West among the rolling hills of the English Welsh borders . . . . . . . So for now GOOD NIGHT . . . .  

Christmas Shopping, the Moon and an interchangeable drill attachment with variable speed control and built in hammer drill option

It was well sunny today even sunnier that yesterday so dad was pleased because the solar panels were making power today, just over 10.5 Kilowatts which is not bad for this time of year, particularly as in the last few days it has been rubbish. And the Ghost Writer is bright and chirpy again because it appears that after a long conversation with a man in Ireland all is well with the world of IT and emails  (for now anyway).  

First thing this morning it was very frosty and although we feed the birds they eat it faster than we can put it out at present, sadly we do have to ration them a bit bearing in mind we are next a wood because the thing with birds is they tell their mates who then tell their mates and so on. The result of which is you put out a pile of seed, peanuts and half a loaf and 3 minutes later it is as good as all gone and they are all fighting blaming each other for eating all the food. Well all except the Black Caps who are so fussy that they will only eat certain foods and it must be the right colour, it is a wonder they survive the winter.

taken using my little 3.5 in reflector telescope

 pointing a samsung NV10 down the eye piece

Esmeralda has discovered one of the drawbacks of being made mainly from metal is that is does get very cold and a pair of woolly fingerless gloves made by granny do not work well on a stainless steel hand with huge razor sharp talons. And even less so on an interchangeable drill attachment with variable speed control and built in hammer drill option. Apparently Esmeralda’s granny is making three pairs a day at present but does not mind as the alternative is more jumpers for Granddad, he now has almost the entire collection of Disney characters and granny plans to move onto The Hammer House of Horrors soon.  

I have finally started to seriously think about Christmas, although I am not going to do anything yet until I have thought about it a bit more, I have decided to ponder things for maybe two or three more weeks. After which I will say O MY GOD and run round in circles a bit waving my arms around and finally putting a large carrier bag on my head, I think Christmas can be a bit like that at times. I may also be forced into that terrible thing we have all started doing, that very few like to admit too, particularly while fighting your way to the till in the toy shop, but I plan to shop online.  I know yet another coffin in the nail of the high street shop, the friendly face behind the counter wearing antlers and a Santa hat while Slade sing Merry Christmas endlessly on a continuous loop.

Finally I have been out to take photographs of the moon, only it is very cold indeed, I refer to the moon, the night and me. . . .  

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A Werewolf, a Earthling, the moon and Tiny Tim . . . .

I have been pottering about today in the garden looking for interesting things and doing stuff. I guess with my readership being international it might be best to explain what pottering is because in does not involve making pots, as in a potters wheel or the old tradition of coil pots. It refers to dong things that sort of need doing but in a sort of non urgent way, possibly even getting distracted for a short time to look at cows arguing about tunnels and realizing they have travelled at least three hundred yards in the wrong direction again…..

And I don’t think you can be pottering if you do something that is of no use to man nor beast because that is generally called messing about and I often get the two confused and discover I spent the day messing about when I thought I was pottering. I did remove two wooden posts but not the one with cables attached to the top with 11,000 volts going through them.  Then after a game of Scissors Paper Stone which I seem to loose again I found myself strimming all the grass; WELL that was not fair.

The moon is very bright tonight which can only mean one thing Werewolf’s. They are rather partial to bright moons, and myself and the dog have spent sometime out watching for them, but the true is that things are not idea for Werewolf’s. What with the cows using the moon light to practice wandering about in random and completely unsuspicious way, but looking incredibly suspicious about it while trying to dispose of soil from the tunnel. 

Then of course there is Mr Jones who sees nights like this as perfect for an alien encounter so is running about in the wood with no clothes again with I am an earthling written in permanent marker pen on his chest plus a smiley face which then looks grumpy when he looks down to see where he is going. He has to do this because the woods are full of cow sized holes.

Then there are those damn owls who seem to have been taught that song by the squirrels now so they are sitting on the power lines dancing and singing Tip Toe Through The Tulips, I cant see any self respecting Werewolf joining in with that lot, so we are off. . .

Ooooooo hang on though look at that? . . . . . . . . .. that’s a surprise.

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Moon Rock, Channel Four, Paralympics, and adverts

We had a surprise visit from Miss Fionaski today who arrived with a present for the Ghost Writer of Biscuits from Mars. Apparently you have to eat them in the morning and they have a strange unpronounceable name which when translated says Biscuits of Curiosity, so I know they must be Martian…. She also had a small piece of Moon rock for him that was all wrapped up in a strange newspaper with Martian writing on it, I think it must have been Martian because I could not read it. It appears the rock has NA 69 on it which I think stands for Neil Armstrong 1969; anyway I have now put it in pride of place in the Big Orange Room, after all it is what the Ghost Writer would want, if I asked him…. Which I won’t.

It is an interesting piece of rock because half of it glows, this will explain why the moon shines some of the time but not all the time, it all depends on which way the rock is pointing

We have just tried to watch a bit of the Paralympics, which started today only we have just given up watching a bit of the Paralympics because Channel Four who are in theory showing them, seem to be more interest in cramming in as many adverts as possible, so about every 10 minutes or less before they have another break. It is so annoying that even hitting the mute is not helping much, resulting in us all switching off and returning to things of a more practical nature, not sure that my blog constitutes something of a practical nature? But now I can say in my opinion Channel for have got off to a really rubbish start showing the Paralympics, lets hope they get their act together and show a bit more sport, less adverts and less waffle …….

I also had a bonfire today (yep another one) and another pile of stuff has been burnt just the raggedy bits of two rather large trees to go so just two huge piles of stuff left HAY HO. OK that’s it I am off how to look at a guitar and do a bit of this and a bit of that……..nudge nudge say no more.

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Close Encounters of the Third Kind , Olympics Day One and the dark side

Today has been fairly peaceful although a strange person arrived with raffle tickets to a balloon race (not a hot air balloon race but small ones full of helium), it was all part of a dog show but the dog hates dog shows. He has been banned from most after he ate the ‘best at show’ Pekinese at Crufts after it kept yapping at him, and although he tried to reason with it in both Cantonese and Latin it was to no avail. So to shut it up he ate it, it was very embarrassing the owner was very upset and the whole thing was suppressed to avoid frightening the Pekinese owners of Great Britain.  The dog said it did not taste that good anyway. 

The Chicken said he wanted to do a re-enactment of Close Encounters of the Third Kind today because while he was at the Big Do (Olympic Opening Ceremony) last night he came across the big mountain and now knows exactly how to get to the top to meet the aliens. Thinking about the Big Do (Olympic Opening Ceremony); not only did it have the mountain with the route to the top but it had all the flashing lights men in white coats and someone playing the piano…. Mmmmmmm?

As many of you know Captain Nessman of the High Seas has appeared in my diary over the last couple of years, and quite right too as he is a good chap and well deserving of a place in the block buster movie of the best selling book. But in recent times he has started new adventures and will soon be heading across the seas to China; however today he has announced his engagement to Miss Lang which I think we will all agree is WELL COOL. Every block buster Movie needs a bit of romantic interest so this is excellent news.

OK I better return to those Olympics again and report on the day’s progress for the Brits in case no one is watching; well we almost sort of did really well. Had it not been for the fact a few folk were a bit faster, so we would have won loads only we sort of didn’t. But remember at the end of the day all this sport is so that the whole world will be a much better place where fair play and a sense of honour are important. It is therefore better for the British to smile do their best and not to get all stressed, it would be sad to see us become a country of win at all cost fanatics and not enjoy the event.

Ooooo I have had another go at taking a picture of the moon..

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Lunar Molecular Astro-Solar Oscillation and an orange slug

One more week at school after today so we are sort of chilling doing easy stuff so today we discussed Lunar Molecular Astro-Solar Oscillation. I am sure it was the physics teachers fault; all I said was I have got my telescope back from Miss E who gave up looking into space when she realized all the boys on the Astronomy class that meets after school in the dark of evening spend all night looking into space.  It was very chilled and the whole class had to agree that afterwards not one of us had a clue what the teacher was talking about. But looking knowledgeable and nodding in a knowledgeable way, going AH and pretending to take notes has seen most of the class successfully get through many subjects. Dad says this skill is something very important because with this skill we could all become politicians or bankers.   

Today has also involved the colour orange firstly we discovered a rather interesting orange slug, none of us remember seeing an orange slug before so it was quite interesting. The dog thought it might be clockwork; he said it seemed very possible that it was a Clockwork Orange Slug before falling about in Hysterics. Anyway it turns out that this slug is just the right colour for the music room. It’s called a music room because it sounds posh and will end up with all the music stuff in so not really posh more practical. So we went off to get paint the same colour as the slug.... This seemed simple enough but not when you have to deal with shop assistants who are afraid of slugs and shop managers who insist that slugs are banned from the shop. Why would anyone ban a slug from a DIY store, OK they are not going to spend a lot, but on the other hand they are quiet and courteous and have never been known to steal DIY equipment. OK if it was a greengrocer then yes they have been known to nibble the odd lettuce without paying.

In the end we managed to get the paint by sticking the slug on the outside of the window, the dog very kindly licking the window clean afterwards, Yes slugs are a bit slimy (very slimy) but he is back home now, well next door as it happens, dad throw him over the stream saying the grass is greener on the other side to the slug who foolishly believed him. Mum said the slug was an IDIOT. 

My Blog in Dynamic View again

The Goat and the Moon and the Archers

At school today the super moon was discussed, the result of the moon passing close to the earth and clipping the secret short wave radio mast on the roof of our house that mum communicates with her spy friends with. And which I am under strict instructions not to mention in my diary……….. ………. AH, mum has said IDIOT now. The result of course was Esmeralda was out trying to catapult the school mascot (the goat, I realise there are new people following in cyberspace these days unaware of the goat) into the path of the moon. It is all very well but then the maths teacher used this to get us to calculate possible angles and velocities in order to achieve her goal.

The outcome of all the calculation seemed to be threefold

1 the Maths teacher was well happy and in his element scribbling lines of trajectory on the blackboard for hours

2 The goat was happy as during the daily trials he landed, as he has many times, in the fresh vegetable section of the out of town supermarket. They have banned the goat several times but his entry though the skylight is always a surprise to the manager.

3 We have finally proved that even with the moon skimming dead low, so that we all need to duck as it shots over, Esmeralda’s Steam powered catapult is just not good enough. And as the headmaster has banned rockets after the last incident where governments got a bit grumpy.  Despite the goat holding the altitude record for a goat in a rocket giving the school is greatest achievement to date     

4 …. AH……… no one expects the Spanish Inquisition

Once I got home I found Sooty the Cat had a baby Thrush and although I managed to get it from him it was in shock and the poor little mite died (Sooty is now told off). As it happened just after that mum planted cat mint and both Sooty the Cat and Heavy Harry the Cat were well spaced out trying to sniff it. In the end the plant was surrounded in canes to stop them destroying it…….. The dog said IDIOTS; he says that but you try and get his favourite Russian Vodka off him and he is just the same.  And the lambs in the small holding behind the house were running up and down the field like demented loony’s, there were about fiffy of them so it was rather amusing and me and the dog had a small bet. Sadly as ever I lost, thinking about in hind sight saying “I think the black sheep will win” was OK until the dog said “I think the white sheep will win”. Bearing in mind there was only one black sheep. 

O my God my diary has turned into an episode of The Archers tonight how did that happen (if you are an international reader and are unaware of the radio program The Archers………… Lucky B**********)

The Super Moon and the four poster bed and you know who again

Sometimes days just sort of vanish time seems to skip a bit. I still can’t work out if this is an illusion or it really happens, and if it does really happen how do I find out. Today was such a day because it is evening now and I am not entirely sure what happened. I know that mum and dad have finally moved into the bedroom they planned to use as a bedroom when we moved to this house six months ago. Having finally got the mattress for the four poster bed from the Russian Imperial palace, Pics included if you are reading in the wonderous world of cyberspace.  However if you are reading the best selling paperback, The Diary of Rob Z Tobor, volume two………AH sorry about that.

I was also trying to get outside to do a few things today but every time I tried it would start to rain, I tried a few times and it happened every single time so that’s it I have given up now and as you can see I am writing my diary instead. Although I am not writing my diary when you are reading this as that might be anytime in the next several hundred years or so, and yes I am aware that to you that is now but that is the great quirkiness of time for you.

Much to the disappointment of those reading the rather popular paperback; again I have included pictures of last nights sunset and the moon. There was lots of talk of a super moon the size of a huge moon and it was round and could be seen in the sky, it was a bit like our normal moon but huge very very huge. So I took a picture of the moon last night I think it must be the wrong moon because this moon looked like our normal moon only it was remarkably fuzzy due to some rather interesting clouds (super clouds).

Finally it appears that my very good friend Captain Nessman of the High Seas might be settling down and hanging up his anchor? Or is it sail, I’m sure it cant be a sail, if it was a sail then it would resemble camping. I am not entirely sure Captain Nessman of the High Seas is the camping type….. Camping and pirates seems wrong to me. Still it will be interesting to see who that very nice Steven Spielberg casts as Captain Nessman and his partner when he makes the block buster film. My agent tells me he is still only offering £75. 05p for the manuscriptand we should hold out for the full £123.00, I guess that’s what agents are for (I think).

OK that’s it is not a day to write loads so I’m off.  

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there is much we don’t know, there is much we will never know and will never want to know or will never understand it anyway if we did know

Last night the moon had a large hallo and I did take a picture of it, for some strange reason all my readers are demanding proof these days, really what is the world coming too.  And today due to persistence and the curious mind of the cat (as a species) our cat catching device caught a cat. It was the cat we thought would be caught by the cat catcher and after an introduction to the mushroom sprayer he was freed back to the wild.

He was a bit wild himself then and slightly damp, he is a nice cat, a large black and white cat but just how many cats can we feed because there are loads more of them out on the perimeter of our home, their little eyes twinkling in the darkness.  Some might say it is not PC to soak a cat but we suspect he will turn up again with a Mac (HA HAH Hah hhah hah hah hahh hahh hahah hhah ha that is a geek computer cat joke not an Eek joke about a mouse HA HAH HAH hah hah hhah hahhah ha hha)

School continues to teach us that there is much we don’t know and as the science teachers continue to tell us there is much we will never know and will never want to know or will never understand it anyway if we did know about it, so what is the point. And that after eighteen blackboards and one hundred and seventeen feet three inches of white chalk it is all very annoying to keep having the goal posts moved about, what with new curriculums, exams and bloody governments departments interfering with the syllabus; so that chemistry is now to hard for his students to spell yet alone manage to mix up a nice volatile mix of highly explosive chemicals which only ends up with his best students being held by MI6 for three months.

I think the teacher was having a bad day luckily Esmeralda did manage to explode her desk towards the end of the science lesson so the teacher cheered up loads.

Apparently I have heard that Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy who is part of the great Mushroom experiment has succeeded in growing huge buzzing flapping creatures; I knew it would all end in Strange Alien Creatures from the planet Venus, although I had not planned on them taking to the air. The dog thinks they are going to seed all the clouds with snow and bring mankind (well the UK) to a grinding halt so they can take over and turn us all into mutant zombies unable to spell simple words like chemistry or science. Making us work in Starbucks and Tesco pandering to their every need and that of the humble cat as a intergalactic practical joke which has mushroomed out of control.  Mum has said I am not to write about this as the government are trying to keep the lid on things …………….AH 

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