The Scottish Independence debate and why the Scots will vote NO to Scotlands Independance

As a Scot living in England right on the border with Wales, having lived in Wales half my life I am watching the Scottish Independence debate with much interest. Because of where I live I get no vote which is a little ironic as many English living in Scotland do get to vote, I would vote YES myself, but in the last 48 hours feel the tide has turned and the NO vote is almost certainly going to win.

You see the Scots are a wild and passionate lot and in a battle will hold their pointy sticks and swords high and charge shouting rude things at the enemy even when outnumbered and with no hope of winning. Well I say that; this is what used to happen in the old days and 99% of the time sure enough we lose, but just on the odd occasion we win and we will cheer and relish the moment knowing that ultimately our glory will be short lived and we will be defeated by overwhelming odds. Just look at the Scottish football team.

The YES campaign lead by Alex Salmond (who needs to get into some tartan) at one time focused on this built in wild passion and belief that has seen the national football team continue to be supported even though most of the time they lose.   But in the last couple of days the YES campaign has lost its passion it has been dragged down into the nitty gritty of everyday life and questions like . . . . Will my ASDA shopping cost a bit more . . . . . 

Such arguments are futile, we are the people of Scotland, who can say if becoming independent will work or not for sure, or even staying part of the United Kingdom will be in Scotland’s long term interest. Let’s face it up to now the powers that be in England have not really cared about Scotland.  And saying . . . . ASDA will put its prices up . . . . Should make no difference.  We should be heading towards polling day waving our swords and pointing pointy sticks singing and making rude gestures at the English establishment.  The people of Scotland should be following their hearts and Rob Roy MacGregor rather than worrying about ASDA. Which is why I knew the campaign for YES was doomed when I heard a Scot saying . . . . . . The supermarkets saying we should vote NO has finally made me decide to vote to keep the Union . . . . . .  This is not the talk of a mad rampant Scotsman charging over the moors his kilt flying in the air.

In other news Ian the Musical Hat Maker (A Scot) and Auntie Karen (A Viking) called by so that Mr Ian could tune our piano (from Scotland. . . . OK German made) and we all had a jolly good time.  And had a lovely meal which all came from the local village Market . . . NOT ASDA

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Pianos, up-cycling, Skip Diving, trendy city folk and Kristy Allsop

OK I can't draw piano players or piano's (its a time thing) 

Today was a quietish day except for one thing. You see here in Britain among the trendy city folk it is very popular to go scurrying off hunting down the rubbish of others and leaping into Skips (Skip Diving) finding old battered stuff.  Then with your pile of old battered stuff you do a bit of rubbing down and painting and a quick change of use such as that old bicycle wheel becomes a useful lamp shade.  You can then set up a stall down the market and sell your up-cycled items for loads of money or show them off at a  posh dinner party as your guests struggle to drink champagne from the modified old Chrome hub caps from a 1953 Morris Minor (Chrome Hub Caps, those were the days).

Even television in recent years has taken to this idea with much gusto with all shorts of shows where folk such as Kristy Allsop (who is OK I think) make sheds,  decorate homes and stuff out of old stuff. Although sometimes on the TV I feel they cheat, when someone says we found this old submarine periscope and grandfather clock in a skip, you just know things are going on that we are not being told about. This is the way of television no one wants to watch a chap make a model seagull out of a broken damp and mouldy chipboard shelf from a 25 year old bookcase that is knackered.

Of course us folk who live in the Country have rather mixed views about all this, some think these city folk are Idiots . . . .  I’ve got a whole barn of old rubbish if the want to buy it. And then there are those of us who have spent most of our lives picking up free stuff and using it for one thing or another and we tend to call it scavenging and folk look at us and say . .  He’s as tight as a ducks ****** . . . .   No one sees it as trendy up-cycling.

Which sort of brings us back to today and the arrival of a Piano from Chris and Chris, which was abandoned in a carport for a short while as the house it has been in is being sold. Luckily the piano is in fairly good condition and it’s main issue is it is a bit sun bleached as it has been in a sunny location for many a happy year.  Anyway it is a C. Bechstein piano (and an old one I think) so it’s one of the better makes, and it almost certainly will need the magic hands of our good friend Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker to come and tune it at some time.  

Now you may be wondering what we plan to up-cycle this into, well our plan it to turn it into a piano and leave it exactly as it is.  I know us country folk are fools . . . . . 

1 Bugatti, 24 goldfish and 1000 coat hangers

Yesterday as I told a handful of folk well maybe two. . . . as all the other folk were busy apparently they had hair to wash and paint to watch dry, or a an ant to race in an ant race through the maze of eternal confusion at 25 to 1 odds on; I was too tired to post because of the Bugatti and the 24 goldfish.  Today as you might expect those folk are keen to know exactly what I was up to that involved 24 goldfish and a Bugatti, well you would expect that only they are not really interested at all. This is no reason though not to tell you what I was doing and why I was very tired.

It started with a mad rush to help Miss Issy in the charity shop in the great Metropolis of Welshpool where I was allocated the cellar as it was felt I might be better down there away from customers. OK a couple of them did peer down and say OOOOOOo she’s right there is a monster in the cellar, I never saw it mind you?

Then I found the Bugatti, not the car but the clothing, I never knew they did clothing, but it seems they do and it (a jacket) fitted rather well so I bought it. So I am now the proud owner of a Bugatti WELL COOL. I also threw out about 1000 coat hangers . . . . . NO its true that place is overloaded with coat hangers.

After that Auntie Karen and Ian the Musical Hat Maker and Rock Star called in to say hello so we all stopped for tea and coffee and said rude things about certain politicians with a vague link to the local area and then all tried on clothing, Mr Ian finding a rather nice Dinner jacket for himself enhancing his rugged cool rock star image. . . .

Then after the shop closed I had to save 24 goldfish from the Ghost Writer who had received them as an early Father’s Day gift. He was discussing the options of fried or curried so it was felt he may have got the wrong idea about the gift and they needed to be rescued from his oven pronto. He had named them all either Pi, Cake or Supper so the fish are now safe but may need to talk to a therapist for anxiety.

Anyway after all that it was no surprise I was tired, I was better today as it was rather a nice day and so I was able to introduce the fish to the Steam Powered Duck and attempt Leech juggling  . . . . . . . . . Don’t try Leech juggling I don’t recommend it.

Ian the Musical Hat Maker

(A US N01 in its day)

The World of Friends, Rock Stars and Mr M

It has been a mixed day of events that started with the very sad news that Mr M had slipped into a coma in the night, although we have been assured that he is not in any pain. He is still hanging in there but sadly it is a case of insuring he is not suffering and can maintain his dignity.

Anyway we also had visitors for lunch in the form of Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker, Auntie Karen, Mr Charlie and Miss Jane, it has been a long time since we have seen them and it was good to return to some normality for a few hours. Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker is a man full of interesting tales from his past in the music industry as a rather modest and always friendly rock star, both as a solo artist and writer, and as a member of Brinsley Schwarz. And he told us all about folk like Paul McCartney and what he got up to when they were on the same tour in the USA, and of the time he found himself standing right in the middle of a police stand off in Nashville by accident when an armed gang were robbing a book shop.  I wonder if the police got to read them their rights HA HAHAH HAH AH HAH HAha hah ha hah hah ah hah ahha ha hah ha ha ha. 

Mr Charlie and myself went out and peered at a strimmer for a while and removed bits and nodded in a knowing way and pointed at things before we returned to eat loads of good food and continue to chat of many things including the advantages and disadvantages of using two fire guards.

Then after they all ventured home, we headed off to see Mr M and chat to him, it is always important to chat to folk even if they are in a coma because almost the last thing to stop working in the human body is hearing, so even if folk cant respond by say poking you with a pointy stick, they will know what you said.  We then returned home and ate more food and moved a fire guard a bit.

I hope this continues to make sense as it is getting late and I am getting tired ………..

Dick Barton Special Agent and the Zombie Archers of Ambridge, Art and Chickens.

Today turned into an interesting day what with one thing and another, it got off to a great start with Bacon and pancakes for breakfast with maple syrup which is a good way to start any day. Then it got a bit noisy when a tractor and trailer turned up next door, and it now appears that the folk who live behind us and keep rare breed chickens have decided to do the re-enactment of the film Chicken Run and have added yet more chicken houses. It will be interesting to see how good rare breed chickens are at making aeroplanes. Anyway it is a bit of a worry as they seem to have enough chicken houses now for thousands of the beasts, which means a seriously large aeroplane.

I then helped the Ghost Writer with his Radiogram based PC gaming machine he is sorting for Master Ja;, which is apparently brilliant as long as you only play games based on a pre 1955 world, so Dick Barton Special Agent and the Zombie Archers of Ambridge should work really well.

Then this afternoon we went off a preview to see Auntie Karen who is exhibiting her needle felt pictures and hats at a not too far away gallery and events place, we got to chat to Auntie Karen who took my picture and told me that it would be useful to give to the police if any trouble started, I tried to smile a lot but still looked suspicious in the photo. Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker was there also giving moral support for Auntie Karen, and drinking tea and telling all the punters tales of life and the universe (Mr Ian can tell a good yarn and will keep folk amused for hours). In fact Mr Ian was accompanying John Hegley at the same location only a few days ago, Auntie Karen and Mr Ian the musical Hat Maker are a talented couple.

There was loads of other interesting art there including sculpture, painting. and I even found a really cool looking Meccano Beam Engine, I did ask before I took a photo, it is bad form to go round taking photos in an art gallery without asking. Anyway there were loads of people there who I knew so that was cool, although one person did say everyone looked shorter and fatter that she remembered (it was not me PHEW) apparently this is also bad form in an art gallery during a preview.

We then ended the day with a Chinese takeaway from the Castle of the Bishop so I have eaten loads, which means that last statement about being shorter and fatter is sort of true well half true as I am still the same height.

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The Olympic Torch, as safe as Bobs Diamonds....

It has been a lovely day today, when I say lovely I am not referring to the weather as it is still wet and grey although not cold so that’s OK. Yes we went off to see Auntie Karen and Ian the Musical Hat Maker, rock hero and very nice chap. It was as always really great to see them; they live in the rolling hills of Wales in a house full of twists and turns and steps and small crevices full of interesting things. They have lived there for a long long time so all of the twists and turns and steps and small crevices full of interesting things are multilayered with interesting things, which is the best way to keep interesting things in my opinion.  Mr Ian was showing me his internet radio which is WELL COOL, he even tuned into the local Icelandic radio station which no one could understand because they were all speaking in Icelandic. But I think I will need to get one of these radios as radio reception here is not great even for the basic stations.  

  

 

Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker is famous for his happy smiling face as he whizzes round his designer kitchen with its myriad of cooking options (electricity, oil, gas, coal, nuclear and the radar range) and threw together a rather yummy lunch of loads of different things although mainly vegetarian. However he did have mini scotch eggs in honour of his Scottish heritage and wafer thin ham that required a special technique to pick up in honour of Auntie Karen’s heritage, none of us quite got the hang of picking it up, however we still ate it all.

Mr Ian then told us tales of things like his attempt to set fire to the local member of parliament with the Olympic torch when it passed by the nearby town of Welshpool. However he was stopped by several large men on motorbikes who were smiling and waving to the crowd.  In the end he got away when a man from the bank tried to get the motorcycle Olympic torch outriders to invest a small amount of money in a high yield investment scheme which he assured them was as safe as buying diamonds from his mate Bob…….. AH

He also was telling us that he had an imposter on the internet once who said that he was Ian the Musical Hat Maker, But as I said, that is mad why would anyone pretend to be someone else on the internet…….. Even mum and Auntie Karen said IDIOT?      

Auntie Karen has started making hats, not music hats like Mr Ian but felt hats and they are rather COOL. She plans to wear them when she plays on stage with her band Hoots which sounds a bit like Hats (a bit), as I have said in the past Auntie Karen plays the saxophone. So they are both very musical although Mr Ian rather laments the good old days when songs were songs and everyone had to be a good musician. But with a million radio stations on his hi-tech internet radio he can still find a few things to listen too, even his own songs from time to time.

Anyway Auntie Karen and Mr Ian thank you for a lovely day it was lovely to see you as always, we hope you like the gooseberries, red currants and salad from the garden….  

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anthropomorphic saxophonist robot..... 
This is a late addition for my very good friend Mr ESB

Auntie Karen, Ian the Musical Hat Maker and the Russian ballet dancer

So I am able to return to all the various portholes in the fabric of time space and cyberspace having finally escaped the strange A to Z alphabet world. As some will be aware if I am going to do something like that then, if I can I will do it over the top making life difficult for myself. It is the nature of the beast. Mum says IDIOT

So today is far more chilled although I am aware that I do have the deadline of the 14^th June for the manufacture of the Montgomery Cardboard Robot Club Cultural Olympian for a big grand show and as things stand he is so far just a hand.

OK back to the diary Auntie Karen and Ian the Musical Hat Maker came to see us today, and had lunch, and we discussed the world and various things of interest like, do Russian Ballet dancers make good waiters. I can hear some of you thinking WHAT? But recently in the heart of Mid- Wales Auntie Karen and Mr Ian were staying in a posh hotel (it’s what famous rock stars do) where it appeared that one of the waiters appeared to be a ballet dancer according to Auntie Karen. I think he may have been a Russian spy searching for the famous Welsh rare bits due to a slight error in translation.

It was a good day as Auntie Karen and Ian the Musical Hat Maker are jolly good fun and we all need cheering up, bearing in mind the weather, which is wet and more wet in the last week. It is nice to see Mr Ian not walking in circles and he appears to be taller Mmmmmmm?

For those of you who have wondered where I had gone and if I was returning, well guess what

I HAVE RETURNED (sort of …….a bit) 

For those of you back at the blog........ Yes I'm sorry I am still hear

Auntie Karen 

The Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons and the Pink Pullover

Mr Price was a little perplexed this morning by a flock of Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons perching on the poles of his Prized Pagoda, they are rather Partial to Pecking Pink Petunias which Mr Price has in perfusion in pots  on his patio. So as a result of us feeding the birds Peanuts, means an almost certain probability of the Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons Pestering Mr Price. The paradox was that the Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons perching on the poles of Mr Prices Prized Pagoda were Perplexed by him leaping up and down flapping his arms about while wearing a pink pullover.

In the end he grabbed a megaphone and was shouting Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked; If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, Where's the peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. But as the dog said the Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons are Peruvian and don’t have a Cooooo what he is saying before falling about in hysterics (the dog not the POISONOUS PERUVIAN PUFF PIGEONS).  

I have been put to practical use today and moving the last items out of Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop on what is the last day and the sign is now plucked from its position above the window. People were pointing, PROGNOSTICATING and protesting and saying Please Please stay. But Mr Beelzebub said its OK I will arrange a party full of Pyrotechnics, pestilence and putrefaction and Pelicans. And all the people went ……………..AH.

As a small present Mr Beelzebub presented me with a prestigious Pre-Raphaelite Petrified Porcupine in a pine and polypropylene presentation case he did say that sadly the original glass had been pinched so it was now plastic. He did however know a professional plumber who could replace the plastic with glass and putty, properly.    

Dad is planning to fit an old prehistoric looking Pitch Pine door to his shed (or Play Pen as mum calls it). He was pottering about in the play pen (sorry shed) today and has made a High Pressure Steam powered pneumatic pre-programmable Platypus  using Platinum for Mr Price, as the Poisonous Peruvian Puff Pigeons live in perpetual fear of the Platypus which I would like to point out in passing is also Poisonous

Anyway enough of being profound I most pitter patter off to other projects, Politics and Pilchard Pizza ……………. YUM    

The Lemmings of PETROGRAD say ……….. POWER to the PEOPLE

And I would like to say to Ian the Musical Hat Maker ………… HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mr IAN

OK that’s plenty for one night.

This is my very good friend Miss Fionski the Famous Russian Spy who has nothing to do with the letter P but It is nice to show that the main characters and events of my story are all based on the truth 

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The last day of Napoleon Beelzebubs Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop

Today turned into a very busy day indeed as it was the last open day (to the public) of Napoleon Beelzebubs Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop and lots of the regulars turned up to eat cake, drink tea, coffee and wine and generally have a good time and it was very busy. Even Miss Fionaski the famous Russian Spy, Auntie Karen and Ian the Musical Hat Maker and Mr Charlie and Miss Jane came to say farewell. Unfortunately I was on drinks duty and I did sort of loose the plot.

I am OK with drinks and nibbles for say a hundred but after about two hundred people my brains blurs. Luckily Ian the Musical Hat Maker being a famous rock star back in the days when famous rock stars we proper rocks stars was able to entertain the masses with his wit and charm (not my shrunken head with the snakes body charm by the way).  So while I got the coffee, wine and orange juice all a bit mixed up, the man who had the strong black orange juice with a little milk and three sugars was well confused; Mr Ian told the masses of his exploits travelling across America as a rock god. 

By the end of the day we were to put it bluntly WELL KNACKERED and so have had a rather nice Indian takeaway from the rather nice Indian in Monty and are all planning to chill tonight and maybe even tomorrow.

Finally after my short preamble into the letter “A” yesterday I am by request attempting the letter “B” today…… Why Because HAH AHHAH HAH AHHAHA HAH HHA HAH hah hah hah hah hahhahah hah

Big bad brown blue eyed bear was borrowing Brian’s brains to bath a bandicoot from Borneo. When I say Borrow I refer to Brian’s advice but there are no B’s in advice so BUM. Talking of B’s I saw Bees in a blueberry bush in the back yard but bees buzz too much so I bought a Bollywood movie called Booooooo and shouted Boooooo that made the Bees Buzzzz off Back Home to Barmouth Beach 

My very good friend Ian the Musical Hat Maker who with his new knees is now one inch taller and can leap about again WELL COOL

The very nice Steven Spielberg and the fickleness of fame, two front doors and the body parts under the M6 motorway

It appears we have five backdoor keys, three patio door keys two front door keys, one front door two key and a Wood Pigeon in the pear tree HA HA HA Hah hah ah hah hah hah ahahah hahah hahahh OK mum said IDIOT.  As it happens there are also keys to things we can’t find yet (WELL COOL), one must assume they will involve treasure and adventure, which is a fair and logical assumption.

The cats arrived back this morning and are exploring and eating (mainly eating really), and are confined to the house until Wednesday morning in order that they have time to work out that home is home. The dog says it’s all down to the fact that cats can not read or speak Latin, or even use a simple navigational aid such as the sat-nav. I have to admit even Captain Flint the Parrot can use the sat-nav, although as he says they don’t always take you to the right place.

It appears the Great Captain Nessman of the High Seas have set off on another adventure on the high seas. He does this, a blink of the eye and off he goes it is what pirates do. All we can do is hope all is well and he will return soon

Ian the musical Hat Maker is recovering well from his knee operation, but what I want to know is when they replace your old knackered knees with new bionic knees what do they do with the old knees. According to Pirate Pete the Pirate and some of his mates who also have, bits missing they are all used as hardcore under the M6 which is why they are always repairing motorways. Burying the new batch of body parts. The so called spaghetti Junction was nicknamed as such, because it is full of bits of intestine, which ironically, are usually full of spaghetti (it also explains the shape…… as in the junction not the intestine). 

Right back to events here; you will have noticed I mentioned front door two, yes when you open the front door and come in you are met with another front door it even has a door bell, so in order to ring the door bell at the front door you need to open the other front door. Now you are all thinking WHAT, but it is quirky and as we all know quirky is good, in fact quirky is very good and should be the basis of life. I even try to write a quirky diary (now book two of the so far unpublished trilogy) on my quirky keyboard; sorry I mean qwerty keyboard HA HA HA HA HA Hah hah hah ah hhahah hahah haha hah hah hah, mum said IDIOT again. I think I need to find a quirky publisher, and I still haven’t heard from that very nice Steven Spielberg yet, really this fame and fortune lark is well fickle.

Sorry it is not the M6 but well they all look the same really

Defeated by 24 hours and a cup of tea and Ginger Cake

 I have warned you all a point would come when, what I can do in the allotted 24 hours of a day would finally defeat me, even with an Einstein Cube. Today is that day. I am out of energy, so I will away to eat Ginger Cake and drink Tea.

Just to let the world know, Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker is now back home. So get well soon Mr Ian, I hope the new knee is as good as the other new knee otherwise its circles for you.

The voice of Stephen Fry, Virginia Woolf and my very good friend Ian the Musical Hat Maker

I have discovered a brilliant use for Stephen Fry, and one which I dare say the iconic hero of our time would much appreciate. I have discovered that if you read your words as if you were Stephen Fry, then it is a much better indicator of what you are trying to portray to the reader. I think it gives everything a whole new perspective. The dog says its still RUBBISH but he is reading it in the voice of Virginia Woolf …. HAHAH HAHH HAHAH . Mum has just said IDIOT.

Now you are probably thinking to yourselves, this is all very well but what about the diary, what exactly have I been doing today, well erm sort of nothing. Thing is it is raining and it’s not nice wild buccaneering, head to the wind; while the seagulls hug the waves rain. No it is just wet drizzly dull grey rain that just makes you wet and is no fun and we all hate that sort of rain. So there you go I have wasted my day. but it is half term it is traditional for school children to be incredibly inefficient and waste holidays and then realize on the Sunday evening, the night before returning to school that they have loads of homework to do …….. AH. Maybe I should not have written that mum has just shouted DO YOUR HOMEWORK.  I will do that just as soon as I have got this bit of fluff out of this small tube that I found under the floor which is off  a ???? Well it might be useful (the tube not the fluff).

By the way just to let the world know my very good friend Ian the Musical Hat Maker is off today to the hospital too have his second bionic knee (OP tomorrow). This is good news and means he will be able to do his famous triple somersault while playing the guitar solo in Stairway to Haven; although because his legs are not steam powered like Pirate Pete’s he says he will be unable to run at fifty miles an hour and estimates a top speed of only about thirty miles an hour.

Hopefully Auntie Karen has had a good drive to and from the hospital. Because we live in Wales you are sent half way to Scotland to have your OP because the powers that be, say that’s where you have to go, and you’re not allowed to complain or else.  

Now some of you are thinking hang on he’s done (written) some of this stuff before and I have but there are two things to consider. The first is Mr Ian has two legs and it really is not fair to leave him running round in circles and the second is YAH SUCKS BOOO I don’t care ……. Mum said IDIOT again. 

  

Big Bills Greasy Fur Ball Cafe, plagiarism and the budgerigar’s big cage.

It has been another full day which has resulted in yet another late diary entry in the diary have you noticed I very often use a word twice when there is no need to use it twice. But this is a distraction from the day. After a busy morning removing loads of rubbish from dads car so he can refill it with different rubbish I spent a while up a ladder trying to cut the top of a big hedge.

It is a very big hedge as it happens about twelve feet high and six feet wide but we have a really clever machine that will cut a hedge that big which dad claimed he invented but I am not sure, as it says made in China on it. And I don’t think any of dads inventions are likely to end up in mass production. Not sure why they call it mass production after all I have never heard of anything being made in large volumes in a church during the morning service except milky instant coffee. YUK

After lunch and other stuff Auntie Karen and Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker and Famous rock Legend from the late sixties and early seventies came to see us.  Auntie Karen stayed and told us interesting tales of life in Wales and various encounters with the obstacles of life, while Mr Ian went off to tune a piano that was making strange discordant noises near the cricket pitch. I have to admit I am not a fan of cricket so this is why it is seldom ever mentioned. But out of tune piano’s and cricket pitches are an unstable and volatile mix, which is why Mr Ian had to resolve the issue by tuning the piano.

Auntie Karen has a posh new eco car which is very shiny red, she had to buy a new one because Mr Ian accidently dropped the budgerigar’s big cage on the roof of the old car when it was in the garage and it crushed the car. The budgie was not in the cage at the time it had sadly died a few years ago so it was a deceased budgie, bereft of life it had gone off to meet its maker, it was sadly no more… Dead. Mum has just said IDIOT and accused me of plagiarism NOT FAIR after all it was a blue budgie and was from Norway. I think Auntie Karen said it was eaten by a huge Black goldfish but maybe that was something else.

Anyway Auntie Karen and Ian the Musical Hat Maker, famous rock star and all round nice bloke went home and we all went to Big Bills Greasy Fur Ball Café and ate Fish and Mulberry pie with cream (not at the same time by the way, well OK the dog did) then it got dark and then we came home and then I wrote my diary (OK writing my diary). The end (Well not the end just the end of the diary entry only it is not, this is). Mum just said IDIOT again so that messed that end up too so now this is the end PHEW

Glastonbury, Brinsley Schwarz and a huge hole in the garden

Some rain today and some sun again. But summer is not really as it should be now; we appear to have had all the good hot summery weather during the winter. The problem with the weather when it is like this is that the days sort of pass and no one notices that much because the days all look the same. So after school me and the dogs decided to make a snowman to change the season a bit.

Well as you might expect there is not much snow about in Wales at present so we made the snowman with wet sand and sprayed it with white spray paint. It looked just like a snowman made with snow as apposed a snowman made with sand which would be a sandman. The sandman can be good or bad depending on which story you read. Me and the dog thought we liked the nasty one, so we gave our snowman a sinister smile, Which frightened the cats so Sooty shot up the big tree and Heavy Harry decided to eat food.  Apparently the nasty Sandman collected the eyes of children, and then took the eyes to his iron nest on the moon and fed then to hungry aardvarks or something like that.

As you can tell me and the Ghost Writer are having a crisis of writers block not the first time this has happened to us but in conjunction with the weather and a cat trying to lick my hand as I type means we may have to dig a huge hole in the garden and explore for things.

Ian the Musical Hat Maker is on his knee check up today to check he has a knee and if he has got a knee then they will give his other leg a knee too. Then he will have two knees. He should have been at Glastonbury this year because he played there in 1971 as part of Brinsley Schwarz but what with the knee and people doing things that left the band out in the cold a bit. Not for the first time in the history of the band as Mr Ian says bands in the old days were ripped off all the time and it took years to sort out the paperwork.

Look you have distracted me again, me and the ghost writer are digging a huge hole in the garden. Mum has just shouted at us remember the old saying “DON’T dig yourself into a hole you cant get out of” ….. ah. I can hear mum saying IDIOTS up above us now.

Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker ........ Click on picture for another song

Auntie Karen says Ian the Musical Hat Maker is fine he has a paper bag on his head and is shouting directions in the car.

Just a quick link to a very good friend

http://www.reverbnation.com/iangomm

Otherwise known as Ian the musical hat maker

Afternoon tea with a Rock Star and mad cats and dogs in the garden

Sorry I am late tonight have been to see Auntie Karen, Ian the Musical Hat Maker, rock star and all round nice but grumpy bloke, Heidi, Toby and Florence who is very very very tiny but likes food. Anyway due to a poorly person on the road who had to be saved by air ambulance we had to take a long route home and I needed to eat loads before my diary.

It was good to see them and we got to eat cake and gingerbread biscuits and drink tea and coffee.  Dad and Ian the Musical hat Maker grumbled about stuff, loads of stuff as they like to do that. Florence is very tiny but it is very complicated sorting food out for her the dog says we should just stick a bowl of milk on the floor like we do for the cats but mum said IDIOT. I think she might be right it will be a while before she will be able compete with the cats I think.

 Mr Ian is getting better but his knee is not like Pirate Pete’s so he is much slower moving about but he got a gold star from his physiotherapist who said one day he will be able to climb Snowdon (the mountain not the Lord) but he is a bit worried because he hates mountains. Well climbing them anyway.

 Pirate Pete stayed at the house and listened to the cats sing Tiptoe through the Tulips while tap dancing but he said it just sounded like cats wailing to him and thinks they made a mistake yesterday when they ate the pigeon because he recons they needed the four part harmony if they were ever going to make it work.

It was another very nice sunny day which was really good, even the corporate sponsors seem happier today as we have anchored the pirate ships and returned to land. So no one has gone HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR. Shiver me timbers make ye landlubbers walk the plank and hoist the main brace. Ah I don’t think they liked that sorry. According to the dog and Rusty the Robot Dog Steven Spielberg likes dog’s loads and we need lots of dogs and no cats especially tap dancing singing cats. The dog thinks if he and Rusty go off to the woods and phone home a lot it might help. They are now in the garden with their phones the dog is riding my bike and Rusty is sitting on the handle bars with the bicycle lamp strapped to his paw. Sometimes I think the dog is mad. What with them and cats tap dancing up and down the patio while  dad and the crew of the pirate ships carry sea chests into his workshop that are full of guitar amps life at home has quickly returned to normal.

The to do list of men. buffalo icecream and Sooty

We have three Water Buffalo in the garden at the moment which are all standing in the fish pond. The man dad bought them from says he doesn’t want then back. The dog said they would be great barbequed but I am not sure if that is either legal or practical and there are three of them. The only thing I remember about buffalo’s is that Buffalo ice cream is very yummy.

It has been a very very quiet Sunday which is just as well as according to the man on the wireless today is the day after the end of the world although my good friend Miss Fiona said the end of the world is next year not this year. I am not sure how many ends of the world we are allowed as I would have thought it was just the one but maybe that’s wrong and we might have loads of them.  Yesterday’s end of the world was only very gusty in Mid-Wales so it was not a very good end. Only the goldfish appear to be convinced it might be the real end of the world but then they have three huge Water Buffalo in the fish pond with them. 

I have been pottering about today as mum gave me a list of things to do and so I have been busy with that but seem to have managed to do a whole load of stuff that is not on the list. Dad said WELL DONE ROB but mum said IDIOT me and dad are not sure which one of us is the idiot now. We were going to ask mum but dad said she was too close to the Armadillo toaster so best just to hide and do things. Dad said he was going to look at his list but he then went to his workshop and was working on a stream powered leaping thing with Pirate Pete. I asked if it was on his list but he said NO, I asked Pirate Pete if it was on his list and he said NO too. Anyway I thought I better help them because it was not on my list either.

The dog spent the afternoon running between the oven and the Water Buffalo with a tape measure, only mum confiscated his chainsaw in the end so he gave up and came and helped with the steam powered leaping thing the dog does not have a list, LUCKY DOG.

The black cat Sooty finally got close enough to stroke tonight, he is very bony and he is a boy cat. Heavy Harry was and still is protesting in the car again so it gave Sooty a chance to eat and realize that unlike Heavy Harry we are not going to beat him up

Just to let everyone know that Ian the Musical Hat Maker, rock star and all round nice bloke is now settled at home and making a good recovery he is finding Auntie Karen’s Flambéed bacon sausage and eggs at breakfast very interesting. He says they would never make that for him in hospital but mainly because it sets the fire alarms off and every fire engine for fifty miles turns up and someone gets told off.   

Rock Star Shoes a knee and the Bollywood evening

Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker has returned home with a new super bionic knee and all is well in fact he is making remarkable progress. The hospital were so pleased with his new knee they have been able to give Mr Ian a new special extra large foot. Unfortunately they forgot to mention the addition of the extra large foot to Mr Ian until after he came round from the anaesthetic.

He is not entirely pleased as his famous and now large collection of sparkly rock star shoes will only fit his one foot and he can only run round in circles. Ironically this is quite common in Mid-Wales, a lot of people run round in circles mum says dad is an expert and spent his whole life like that despite her giving him lists for thirty years which he has consistently failed to, at best finish or as often happens start. Apparently it’s a man thing if you give a man a list he will go off and do loads of other stuff most of which never needs doing. Some would say a bit like my diary, so that is good it makes me almost a man (sort of).

Anyway Mr Ian has been told it will be OK once he has his other bionic knee because then both his feet will be huge and he will run in a straight line again but as he points out none of his extensive collection of sparkly rock shoes will fit then and he will be left with the option of circus clown shoes. The doctors have tried to reassure him everyone likes circus clowns; but as  Mr Ian says this is Mid –Wales the indigenous population do not take kindly to laughter at the best of times and very often will shout BAH BA BAB BAH BAH BAH HUMBUG before scurrying off to eat grass or a nice patch of buttercups.

I have had a little bonfire today to clear some rubbish and make things look nice in the garden plus have a look for the black cat (Sooty) who still runs away in panic every time he sees someone. He was out last night going MEEEEEOOOOOOOOWwwwwwww a lot so woke us all up but has not been seen today. Heavy Harry having eaten this morning returned to the car and is having another sit in protest in the car.

Finally it is Bollywood night in Monty Town Hall tonight which sadly we are unable to attend but lots of effort has gone into making it look very authentic. Dad has even found them three large Water Buffalo which he has hidden behind the stage as a little surprise for them. They are sacred and are allowed to roam about at their own free will although they do seem a bit big to be wandering around on the first floor of the town hall.  

Ian the Musical Hat Maker, famous rock star and all round nice chap and Steven Spielberg has fallen asleep on the train

I found out late last might from Auntie Karen that Ian the Musical Hat Maker, famous rock star and all round nice chap has been made Bionic like Pirate Pete. Pirate Pete said they could have a race but mum has explained that although Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker has a bionic knee he does not have bionic steam powered legs enabling him to run at fifty miles an hour and leap twenty feet in the air.

Although he might find that fun and rather useful on stage the audience always like a rock star who can leap twenty feet in the air. Pirate Pete said maybe he could be a rock star; but mum pointed out he cant sing and is rubbish at playing the guitar …..  again. But after a few moments she said these days I guess that is not quite the obstacle it used to be. Pirate Pete has gone off to write a song now called HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR HAH. Pirate Pete thinks he might enter the Eurovision song contest next year on the grounds that most of the songs in that are rubbish too.

It has been rather chilly the last few days not sure why, according to the weatherman it is average but because we had all the sun and warm very early normal feels rather cold. I might have to go and visit Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop it is always nice in warm in there. As he says there is nothing quite like a real fire, he likes them so much, sometimes we find him standing in one of the large fireplaces on all the hot ashes and flames toasting marsh mallows and people with a lot of loyalty points. Although he does try to toast them in private as he says it scares the customers away a bit. Its funny about customers because since that last extra bank holiday when that royal got married and we all went ooooooo look a royal and ooooooo look another royal and ooooooo look a; and so on all the people in the town have vanished, well all the visitors have anyway. The dog is a bit upset he likes to lie outside the butcher with a sign saying starving dog my owner is nasty please give generously it works very well and the dog gets all sorts of things and the RSPCA does not come and tell dad off anymore, not after the dog ate the RSPCA mans frozen turkey and cake a few Christmas’s ago.

It was Quantum Mechanics at school again today and I’ve told the teacher that dad taught me how to strip down and repair a supercharged V8 Class 2 dragster running a nitro mix when I was six, but the silly teacher said IDIOT.

Someone has suggested we have another epic adventure because my diary is getting like a diary and that very nice Steven Spielberg has fallen asleep on the train reading it and if he misses his stop he will blame me and throw the manuscript in the waste paper basket. Which will be removed by crows as nesting material and quite frankly this is a lot of work to end as a crows nest. O dear that has started Pirate Pete and Captain Flint the Parrot off now with HAR HAR HAR HARDY HAR HAH; Pirate Pete’s new song and its full of HAR HAR HAR’s.

Paintings, Rock Stars and Knee's

Mum has painted me some curved pictures to hang on the walls of my super posh copper cylindrical garden shed, so when I got back from school I thought I better hang them up. My posh shed office workshop is ideal because it is made of copper so I think it should be a bit safer to be in if I have to stay in it because of you know what.

It was good to have a few of mums pictures because she sells them for millions of pounds, although dad said I really should not go around typing on my diary that I have paintings worth millions of pounds hanging in my shed at the bottom of the garden. He said it will put his insurance premiums up so I will not mention the painting and the fact they are worth millions again or that they are hanging in the shed……..Ah

To totally change the subject I got a phone call from Ian the Musical Hat Maker tonight he sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME to me, its not my birthday it is his birthday so he was singing happy birthday to me if that makes sense, I hope so. I don’t often get phone calls from famous rock stars who then sing happy birthday to themselves but it was COOL. He phoned to tell me that last week when I accidently went on the school field trip to the beach (not a field) and we all stopped outside Auntie Karen’s house for fish and chips and no one was in (not the fish and chips shop but Auntie Karen’s), the reason Auntie Karen and Mr Ian were not in was they were knocking at my front door, and no one was in. We both thought it was very odd that we were at each others houses at the same time and no one was in; that is a very big coincidence. Not only were we at each others houses at the same time but there was no one in at the same time too, very strange. Ian the musical hat maker then told me all about his knee’s, he is the very first rock star to ever do that.

Sorry I am a bit late tonight but I had maths homework to do, well sort of, the dogs done it I think. I’m sure it is not meant to be five pages long and involve integers and stuff.