Wilbury Wainwright Wrong . . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Wilbury Wainwright Wrong

Wibury Wainwright Wrong was brought up in a strange household where his father also an eminent inventor of his day, had gone slightly mad and spent much of his time sat in the bath with a bicycle wheel on his head convinced he was a penguin. And when Wibury Wainwright Wrong reached the age of 18 he promised his father that he would make a machine that would allow them both to fly like the birds. So it was that Wilbury assisted by his younger brother Womble Wainwright Wrong built the Winged Wonder which successfully flew 300 yards in 1882 powered by a tiny steam engine which produced 14 HP. There were few witnesses as their father who also got to fly would leap out of the plane on landing and start rummaging for worms in the ground.

They thought little of their achievement as it was done to satisfy their fathers need to be a bird, but many years later they did complain that the Wright brothers were not the first people to achieve powered flight.  It was the Preposterous Club of Great Britain who took up the cause and complained to the American Embassy in London saying that the Wright brothers were wrong and the Wrong brothers were right. Well as you might expect this got very confusing and folk did not know if  the Wrights were right and Wrong’s wrong or wrong was right and Wright was wrong. Confused even more when someone said Two Wrongs don’t make a Wright, which led to a fight in Trafalgar Square where unfortunately  Wainwright Wrong senior still convinced he was a bird climbed Nelsons column and did something unspeakable on the head of Nelson while eating peanuts.  Everyone agreed this was wrong so in order to avoid the issue turning up in history Wibury Wainwright Wrong let history say that the Wright Brothers achieved mans first powered flight.

However the Wright Brothers got very paranoid after that and demanded that no one else was allowed to fly in the sky ever and spend many years chasing men dressed as penguins with bicycle wheels on their heads. Unaware that this was a common Victorian inventors ailment rather that a practical effort at manned flight.  As for the Wainwright Wrong family they lived a quiet life designing penguin enclosures one of which (the award winning Penguin House) at London Zoo has got a subtle hint of the propeller from their now forgotten monoplane the Winged Wonder. . 

S is for Soaring in Silent Skies

Indeed S is for Silently Soaring in the Spring Skies of Shropshire . . . . . . . .I know I appear to be working my way madly thought the A to Z again for no reason whatsoever. . . . . Partly because no one else is and I am just a rebel at heart. And it also sort of shows that even when things go entirely wrong there is always a way to find that elusive Letter of the alphabet. 

Now you are thinking what  went wrong . . . . . .Well last night when I sat down to chill and draw a quick picture for today I thought  . . . . The letter S . . . I can draw Superman so I did, but it sort of turned into a chap with a glider instead. No I dont know why this stuff happens either, part of the problem is using a ballpoint pen, it is (as I have said before) all or nothing as you can't undo a line once drawn, but I rather like that. 

The thing is once you have drawn a man with a glider you need to think S words  and post the picture like it was meant all along where folk go. . . . . well thats clever . . . . . . Although it is advisable not to say its all a bit of a mistake . . . . . .AH DAMN I may have just told you now.

Rain, Stargazing Live, Professor Brian Cox and the Toad People of Todimimiun 3

It has been wet blustery and grey again today and as the ground is now completely saturated it is gently snaking off down hill in pursuit of the sea. This has now gone on for a while, in fact it is a period of time that one could almost call unnatural which means that something unnatural must be happening and therefore there is one very simple explanation. So I feel I need to tell you all what is happening, you see Britain is being prepared for invasion by the Toad People from the Planet Todimimiun 3 who have their spacecraft hidden behind the moon even as I type…..   O yes that explains that rather strange large moon last night, they are just making sure that none of us Brits notice.

And it is no good thinking its OK the rest of the world will come to our rescue because, for one reason and another us Brits are not entirely the most popular nation in the world. Well lets face it some of the folk in positions of power have in the past not been entirely nice to other nations to put it mildly, what with delusions of empire and being better than everyone else.  So it is very likely that the rest of the world may see the sacrifice of Britain as a small price to pay in order to avoid all out war with the alien Toad people from  Todimimiun 3, well folk don’t like touching a small cute toad, yet alone a ten foot tall toad called Brian….

AH yes this brings us to an interesting point told to me by Mr Jones the Alien hunter, it appears all the Toad People are called Brian a name picked to lull us Brits into a false sense of security. No one is going to believe that something called Brian is going to harm them even if it is ten feet tall and has just swallowed their cat.  And this brings us to yet another point, you see on the television tonight is the start of the BBC stargazing live programme where they will go out of their way to insist that there is no such thing as the Toad People from the Planet Todimimiun 3.  And who is the person who will dismiss this theory as ludicrous madness, but none other than Professor BRIAN Cox . . . . . . . Yes note the name I think this says it all, the Professor is in cahoots with the Toad People or worse than that . . . . .  is one of the toad people.

Just look at the drawing of these Aliens which Mr Jones was able to do while out in the woods, that chirpy smile the enthusiastic sparkly eyes, the trendy shoes and the antennae, who does this remind us of . . . . . . Well none other than the Professor  . . .  Professor Brian Cox . . . . . . . . . . I rest my case and suggest we all take to the hills.

You may laugh and say I’m mad, but you just wait till you see a large toad in your bath you wont laugh then………………..  

Do Not Press the Large Red Button

 Today was another day of ticking along quietly and I must admit to not achieving a great deal, but then that is the great dilemma of mankind, human progress is slow. Anyway today saw several visitors for lunch including Miss Jo and Master Ja and Miss E plus Miss I and Mrs Ghost Writer and the Ghost Writer.  Master Ja reminded the Ghost Writer that he has to put together a super gaming computer made out of old bits from classic Edison radiograms, something he promised to do ages ago . . . . . the Ghost Writer said AH a lot but has promised to complete the task pronto which means in the next few days.

After long chats and lunch everyone vanished and went off to do the stuff they have to do but not long after dad noticed that a certain button had been pressed, it was the large red button that has the words DO NOT PRESS written on it in large type. It is a strange thing but once you write do not press on a button the one thing that some people can not resist doing is pressing the button, and it appears that today is no exception. Yes the button had been pressed.

I had always wondered about this button but luckily it was not me that pressed it, it might have been Master Ja, he is the sort of young chap who faced with a big button and someone saying go on give it a press, I have always wondered what it did, would be unable to resist. Dad did look a little worried and had to admit that is was attached to the weather machines Armageddon destruction setting which he had added as a bit of a laugh as you do, well most mad scientists would. The reason being it keeps the massed folk from the village storming your home with fiery torches intend on destroying your experiment. As dad says there is nothing quite like the threat of the end of the world to keep the masses in their place, which of course is true as long as you don’t put DO NOT PRESS on a big friendly red button; as the old saying goes . . . . curiosity killed the cat (and everyone else too).

It was OK though because there was an override key in a safe place so that it was safe and would not get lost, I know about them I have several things still lost in a safe place which I hope one day I will remember where it is.  It was just like one of those Bond movies where the bomb ticks and Bond still can’t find his secret gadget in the boot of his car. Dad said that the sun would turn very red and then explode, and earth would be swallowed whole by a  huge hot cloud of stuff like porridge (sounds like funny weather to me).

 Anyway to cut a long story short, I got a picture of the sun just before dad found the key with a whole 25 seconds to spare. . . . . . PHEW.

Although the Ghost Writer is complaining it means he has to make a gaming PC out of radiograms now. . . .    

Pink Skies and Seagulls

Today has been sunny I mean really sunny probably the sunniest day of the year I can say this because dad is smiling as the solar panels have had their best day in months. He says it is all to do with the Steam Powered Weather Machine, and it appears we have finally found out what we need to do to make it work correctly, yes it appears that if you give dad a large plain brown envelope full of used money the weather machine will generate what ever weather you like. In fact I think it is safe to say the more money in the envelope the better the chance of it working correctly.  Dad says it known in the trade as The Inverse Law of Unscrupulous Dealings and Skulduggery TILOUDAS to those in the know.

Unfortunately for me I had a day with the Ghost Writer in his office so I could look at the seagulls.  His office has a south facing glass wall and as near as damn it no windows so it was hot very very hot and on top of that the seagulls did not turn up, OK there was the one fake seagull……  I don’t know why there were no seagulls outside the office of the Ghost Writer today (although I might have an idea) as normally there are loads of them which is odd when you think his office is about seventy miles from the sea, but they have lived there for years and years.

On the way home we did see a very pink sky apparently if you see a red sky it means that Sheppard’s are having a party or something like that although you seldom see Sheppard’s any more but you do see lots of sheep.

I think me and the ghost Writer are a bit  zombie like tonight he apparently has loads of things to do, more things to do than he has time to do them in because of the nature of technology. You see technology might be faster but it is more complex and these two things cancel themselves out, so it takes just as long to do things as it did ten years ago. Only people wish to do things faster or at least insist that the Ghost Writer should be able to set up all the technology faster which he can’t. So when he is told its OK you have 4 weeks to do a technology restructure, he stands on the roof of his office and pretends to be a seagull, I think that might be why I did not see any today he is a rubbish seagull although he did eat fish for his evening meal . . . .

I am not sure any of this makes sense tonight but I am a half zombie and it is late. .