Quinton Quantum-Quizzical
Quizzical by name,
quizzical by nature was Mr Quinton Quantum-Quizzical’s little catch phrase
which he repeated at least half a dozen times a day to his faithful assistant (Ivan
Pavlov) and his cat (called Quantum). And there was no denying that he was a
quizzical man, experimenting in all sorts of things from chemistry to mechanics
and even electricity and alchemy. One day he was invited by Professor Venomous
Voldemort to an experiment at the Royal Observatory which involved a cat or at
least part of a cat. And this made Mr Quantum-Quizzical ponder his own cat that
spent most of its time sleeping in a box in the laboratory. So how was he to
know for sure that the cat was alive or dead, because while it was in the box
both options were possible and this led to an interesting paradox for Mr
Quantum-Quizzical.
So he invented the Quantum
Cat Quizzer a device that you can attach to your cats collar or a box and it
periodically stabs the cat with a sharp point if the cat does not move. So if
your cat falls asleep in a box you will know the cat is alive when it leaps out
and runs round the kitchen panicking. If it remains in the box then it can be
assumed to be dead.
The device worked well to
some degree but it had issues like being made of cast-iron which did make the
device heavier that ideal, and a dependence on steam as the devices energy
source, leading to several overheated cats. Who when stabbed repeatedly with
the Quantum Cat Quizzer did not move, proving the cats were dead.
Although Quinton
Quantum-Quizzical did finally master the design of the Quantum Cat Quizzer, the
tide of public opinion was against the device as us British were by then
turning into a nation of cat lovers. Also several little old ladies very badly
injured when their cats having been stabbed with a sharp point hid on their
owners heads where the poor old cat then got stabbed again leading to further
injuries to the little old ladies.
In the end Quinton
Quantum-Quizzical finally put forward the theory that most cats in a box are in
fact alive but most little old ladies in a box are dead. A good theory, but one
that led to him being repeated stabbed with a sharp pointy stick by his own
mother who often slept in a box with his cat.
His assistant Ivan Pavlov
suggested they try some experiments with dogs instead but by then Quinton
Quantum-Quizzical had decided that he was going to become a nun and was last
seen dressed as a penguin with a bicycle wheel on his head.
