The Greatest A to Z
Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World
A
Poetry is easy . . . . . .
. . . . . . . . . or so some say
So through the Alphabet . . . . . .I will play
Starting right here . . . here
with the letter A
And a rather silly
nonsense poem, to end the day.
So to the distant sound of
a mad dogs bark.
I’ll start at the start with thee Aardvark.
AH
DAMN.
B
The Bee and the Bear met a Beaver
Who looked rather
aggressive with a large meat cleaver?
He shouted be gone, Back off, and leave me Be
I’m busy chopping down, this Big tree.
So the bee he Buzzed and the Bear
he growled
And a Banshee somewhere Behind them howled
And that then made the mad
dog Bark
Then what turned up but another Aardvark
AH
DAMN (again)
C
Here we are by the C
All blue and wavy and a
little wet maybe
With Caterpillars Cute and Cudl-eeeee. . . . . (No its not Cheating)
And we all run about on
the Count of three.
As Crabs and Catfish
play in the bay
Or so the gnarled old
Seadogs do say
But Seadogs are mad and
tend to bark
Arousing the monstrous Sea
Aardvark
O NO
AAAAauuuuuuuuuuugggghhhHHHHH
D
Did the Dodo Die out or was it a Deception
To avoid meeting Great Danes at a posh reception
Because all they do is
shout and bark
So is Dodo is now Disguised as a smallish Aardvark
And does your Dog get up with the lark
And chase sticks about in
the park
And is it mad and tend to
Bark
Annoying the park keepers
trusty old and loyal Aardvark
E
When an Elephant meets an Electric Eel
There is bound to be a
noisy squeal
As one beast gets squashed
by the others heel
And . . . . . . .
Creates a huge ten
thousand volt Arc
Which is the sort of
voltage that will make a dog bark
Or light up they eyes of an adult Aardvark.
Out in the deserts of his
favourite park.
F
They say it’s the Fault of the barking dog
That made the Frogs Flee into the Fog
And made the Fishermen turn to grog
While Flying Fish flutter over a Floating log
And Yet
The constant sound of mad
dogs Barks
Results in the thundering hoofs
of stampeding Aardvarks
G
Always look closely at an
F or G
Just in case it should be
the image of thee
With a sacrifice of Goat and toasted Ghee
While witch doctors dance
round . . . . . . the sacred tree.
Shaking gourds
. . . . . . .
And Grannies old Knee
And it’s good to know if
ghouls creep about in the dark
Your faithful dog always
loudly barks
Alerting a flock of man
eating Aardvarks
Who will eat the ghouls just for larks
Gosh
H
Henry is having a
long chat with Horris
Because Harold has chopped off the head of Boris
And all because he was
naughty with Doris
Although Doris ’s
dog has a terrible bark
Which Harold would wind up just for a lark
Then strangely one night while
out in the dark
An ironic twist occurred near
the pond in the park
When Harold had his head chewed
off by a large aardvark
. . . . . . . . . . called Henry
I
There once was an invisible imaginary imp
Who rode through the ocean
on an interesting indigo shrimp
.
.
.
Impossible
I think. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Said an Aardvark
In a sink
J
Jack and Jill when to Jail
For stealing Jewels from the Royal Mail
Which made their little
dog start to bark
But it was chased away by
the jailer’s aardvark.
K
The King was Kalled
because his Kat was Killed
Katching kippers with a
jug it filled.
Full of toast and cheese
and well known Chinese remarks.
And the ancient claws of
ceremonial Aardvarks
L
Never laugh at a lazy llama
It will only end in Legal drama
With LawyerS making loads of cash.
As they sue you for being
incredibly rash.
And never let your dog bark in court
If you want to ensure the
Aardvark is sought
As it scurries through the
corridors of the power
To make its nest in the
ivory tower
M
No one likes a large Monstrous Mole.
A really huge one that
will dig a large and rather Monstrous Hole.
Destroying your lawns
equilibrium and it majestic
dynamic Flow.
Before it chases your dog
and aardvarks,
Through the white winter Snow.
N
Never
nibble the
toes of a newt
Or try to glue one inside your
bosses boot
Because Newts you see have a Nasty streak
And will suck out your
brains making your future bleak.
Yes newts are clever
Newts have been
known to bark
And it is a little known
fact that they invented
The Newtonian Aardvark
O
O dear said Oscar as he dropped his pet Otter
Into an Orifice made by a notorious Rotter
And although he tried to
entice it with Octopus livers
It escaped off . . . . into the rivers
Because as we know
Otters are Tarka’s
and not really givers.
(Tarka’s . . . . Takers) HAH HAHAH AHH Ahah h hah ah ah hah h
a hha ha ha haha ha ha ha.
O
I know
You are wondering where
The Aardvark
Did go
It fell in an O’LLLLLL . .
. . . . ?
P
Peter the parrot is a priceless bird
It can sing the Star
Spangled Banner and impersonate the late Thora Hird
And if feeling peckish or cant think of the right word
It pretends it’s the aardvark from Shakespeare’s play
Richard the Third.
Q
If you stand . . . . . in a queue . . . . . . . with a Gnu
People will quietly whisper . . . . . . . in a quadrangle
. . . or two
Or quiver with fear and shout loudly AuuuuuugggghhhhHH Shoo
Or throw bits of Aardvark
. . . . . . At the Smiling Gnu
And maybe at you.
R
ROUND the RUGGED ROCKS the RAGGED RASCAL RAN
Past a ROTUND RABBIT and a small bald RETIRED man
And as he passed a ROASTER that made a strange sound just like a bark.
He lost his concentration and tripped over an Aardvark.
S
The SLIMY SLIPPERY SERPENT SLIPS SILENTLY underneath the
. . . . . SIDEWALK
. . . . . SIDEWALK
In the dark where man and beast get eaten by a grumpy old
. . . . . Night Hawk
And little dogs run about and annoy pedestrians with their
. . . . Barks
And every one will run and hide with the arrival of . . . . . . . . .
(Huge indomitable and fearsome man eating)
. . . . Aardvarks.
T
In the TINY TOWNS in . . . . . .
THE hills of TRANSYLVANIA
Is a beast THAT drives THE population mad
And has become a world compulsive mania?
With is sharp pointy TEETH . . . . . .
Sucking blood in THE dark
Everyone lives in fear of
THE Vampire Aardvark.
U
Hanging UNDERNEATH UMBRELLAS
You will find some UGLY fish
Who think that they are bats
Rather than a battered dish.
They think they are being clever
Hiding from the multitude of sharks
But hiding in UMBRELLAS
But hiding in UMBRELLAS
Means they will be eaten by
Aardvarks.
V
There have been a VERITABLE multitude of beasts
in the VISION of my VERSE.
But some will think my nonsense poetry
is rather more a curse.
And most will say it is poetry,
which is full of . . . . . . . . Impropriety.
Well everyone . . . . with one exception . . . . . . . . . . . .
The Welsh Aardvark Appreciation Society.
.
W
W
If you live in darkest WALES
You will be used to dragons with scaly scales
That have long and pointed pointy tails
A land WHERE the WIND and rain it never fails
WHICH is WHY
As hard as you might try
You will never spy
An Aardvark . . . . . . . With your beady eye.
X
O dear we have arrived at X
Meaning we must mention the terrible Tyrannosaurus Rex
The fearsome beast from the past doth . . . .Hark
Till it choked to death on a large . . . . . . . . . . Aardvark
Phew made it past the tricky letter . . . . (OK there was not a lot of X’s in that)
Things can now only get (slightly) better . . . . .Maybe?
Y
WHY WHY WHY WHY . . . .I hear you say
WHY not Y instead of WHY today
And WHY have Aardvarks from Z to A.
WHY?
Because Aardvarks you see must have their say
And so as down the alphabet we do transcend
It appears we have now nearly
Reached
The
END
But not quite.
YET
Z
Have you ever been to the Zoo
And noticed signs
saying . . . . . .Please avoid the
Aardvark Poo
This is good advice and
something you really should do
Because if you don’t . . .
. . . . it will stick like glue
And result in the throwing
away
Of your favourite shoe.
So this is it we have
reached the END
But did you know that Zombies . . . . . are the Aardvarks Friend
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Let sleeping Aardvarks
lie. . .
Thank You for Reading
