A Brief Guide to the Principles of Evolution, Biodiversity and the Herd Instinct

I can hear some of you saying . . . How come we humans have two legs and two arms and a head and stuff. . . . .  and it’s a good question. You see it’s all to do with evolution and although humans are a smug bunch who like to say to every other beast on the planet Ya Sucks Boo the truth is we are not as unique as some would have you think. You see just think how many critters have four limbs and a head at the front end, and dispose of food at the other, the list is huge.  Even birds have four limbs; it’s just that two have turned into wings giving them a rather clever method to get about. Whereas in our case the front limbs are arms and the back ones legs, allowing us to do stuff like ride a bicycle and poke about inside our ears with our fingers or type blogs about Evolution.

Evolution of course is a long process it takes time. . . . (I say time but as we learnt previously time does not exist it is merely a ratio of the movement of individual things in relation to the movement of other things as defined by the movement of a particular object used as the standard. . . . . but folk call it time). . . . . . . . Man now sees himself as Top Dog in this process which is very silly as we are not dogs, and shows the foolishness of us humans.  You see mankind is a relative newcomer to planet Earth and some critters have been about for ages and there are more of them too. But in most cases these critters are small, big critters have certain issues in terms of survival, they need space, they are susceptible to environmental change and humans like to eat them or jab at them with pointy sticks a bit, as its fun.

Now as time passes evolution would normally predict that biodiversity will increase, but us humans are always keen to eat new species so most of the meal sized things are sort of becoming extinct.   One of the odder aspects of man is that we are critters of habit and could be classed as one of the worlds herd animals like Cows or Wildebeest, an old survival instinct from the days when we were shoals of fish and huge prehistoric scary things ate us.  This is why we tend to take revenge on big beasts now and get our own back by eating them, but our in built herd instinct is also why we all wander round IKEA and huge shopping precincts in a rather predictable way allowing ourselves to be brainwashed into buying loads of rubbish like plastic dinosaurs.               

One final experiment you could try yourself, get two friends to dress up in raggedy clothes and cover them in tomato sauce, then get them to stagger out of the public toilets on a busy street as you shout Lookout Zombies Zombies run for your life . . . . . .  I think you will find folk will run on mass in the opposite direction much like the Wildebeest do from a Chinese herbalist.     

China and sore thumbs

I have noticed that from time to time my blog has been read in China, there are a lot of folk in China, and it is a huge place with strange interesting cultures and strange interesting politics. You see China like all so called super powers has a paranoid political system. Now if you are reading this in China I am not being nasty because it is the same in Russia, America, Britain and Europe . . . .  It is the way of world politics.

The reason I bring this up is because I am the Slightly Eccentric Child of Cyberspace with a cyberspace based diary in several locations and it is interesting from time to time to try and work out who reads my diary and how easy it is to find my diary. So it was with great interest that I have noted that if I use a Chinese search engine to look for myself, I don’t appear to exist. Well that is not very nice. I now have to work out why the powers that be in China don’t like me, I am surely not a subversive dissident, well I don’t think I am, I have been known to grumble a bit OK quite a lot. Some think it is because my diary makes little if any sense in English and so in Chinese it might look WELL COOL, but in terms of rational reasoning with a good sub-plot where Mr Jones finally reveals he is in fact the very nice Steven Spielberg casing the diary prior to making an offer I can’t refuse . . . . . . . . Sadly NO.

I will say that one thing China is good at though is making stuff they do some seriously good quality products these days and I would recommend everyone wanting large volume and a decent price to consider some of their reputable well established companies . . . ... Do you think I might get a mention in a search engine now … OOOOooooooo go on….

I slightly singed my thumb today which for a short time was a bit sore but is OK now, I also did some scavenging and got four metal framed tables which are part of a cunning plan in recycling. What is rather annoying is at present on TV there is a program where a chap is making a super beach hut with recycled stuff. Fine but he turns up with bits of oak from the hulls of ships and aeroplane parts and old scaffold poles, now old scaffold poles are like gold dust in a place with no gold dust and a mad lady with a vacuum cleaner. So great, but us normal chaps have to run off with a large vegetable oil tin from outside the local takeaway and rusty tables with chipboard tops that need burning, resulting in a slightly singed thumb.

As the old Chinese saying goes . . . . . . .  Do not look at what you see, but see the possibilities of what you look at.

I am good at making up old Chinese saying . . . . . 

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The Hunt for Vampires, Zombies and Ghouls and a rocket made from parts from China

This morning I thought I would hunt Vampires, Zombies and Ghouls as it was rather warm; and in order to be able to sneak up on these terrible beasts I also thought the best thing to do was to disguise myself in such a way that the Vampires, Zombies and Ghouls would be unaware of my presence. In other words I disguised myself as a terrible beast that might eat bits of brain or feet.

Rob the Zombie

As I prowled round the village using cunning guile and stealth I sadly saw nothing, but I was aware that at least one of the Vampires, Zombies and Ghouls must be close by as I could hear people screaming and running off in all directions. I did try to ask a couple of the villagers about the beast but each time I approached them the terrible  Vampire, Zombie or Ghoul or what ever it was scared them off, a rather cunning plan if you ask me to stop me catching it.

Having returned home for lunch and having been told to go and wash I was forced to hunt the beast without the disguise in the afternoon but by then a large group of villagers were out with twelve bores and pointy sticks. They said the beast was horrific the scariest thing they had ever seen with huge eyes and pointy teeth and mad hair, apparently they said it looked just like the mad demented twin brother of me.  I am really annoyed I never got to see it, but when I told mum she said we were all IDIOTS?

Anyway despite the roasting humid evening I thought it best to do a bit more work on the Zombie defence system and even our friendly builder Mr Chris says he will call in next week to ensure that what ever terrible thing was prowling the gardens and woods it will not get to eat me.

A Rocket

AH yes something terrible happened yesterday you see dads rocket which will only ever be the second all British expedition to the moon has been criticised by Mr Addman and Mr Flip who have said that most of the rocket is made from Chinese sourced parts. They have (well that Mr Addman has) demanded that that we write on the side of the rocket Mainly constructed from parts manufactured in china. I did not have enough paint to do this, but in order to appease their concerns I managed to write A BIT CHINA on the side; I was planning on writing Chinese but ran out of space.

Snowden, GCHQ, NSA or Mt Snowdon and the Four Eyed Devil Beast meets IKEA

Although I have been busy I do not appear to have anything tangible to hold up and say AH YES look I created this huge thing today with pointy teeth and undulating legs that can scurry about in small spaces, which is well cool for a huge thing. Only it is not a cool thing because it does not exist. So far today I have not be able to return to the Animal-Scope (mark one) to do stuff, I have added mark one because I plan to build the more complex mark two Animal-Scope very soon.

As it happens it is also Sunday today and coldish and wet and traditionally in Britain that means either sitting about doing not a lot pointing at seagulls and wood pigeons in the trees and saying things like OOOOOO LOOK A PIGEON, or spending the day in IKEA, but that is far to far away to go to from here just because it is wet. In the old days of course folk would head off to church but it is not as popular a pass time as it used to be and the local church regularly has a congregation of two, the vicar and the organist. It appears that someone said that the rumours of the strange Four Eyed Devil Beast were in fact just rumours and it was not going to eat everyone who spent their days frolicking in IKEA. You can see the advantage of Micro Gods they are far more comprehensive; having just the one God means that once people think the Four Eyed Devil Beast is not going to get them they lose interest in singing in a large cold building to save themselves.

  

Talking of Four Eyed Devil Beasts and being saved I notice that Mr Snowden man who let slip that we are all being listened too by NSA in the USA, and GCHQ in the UK (hello Charles and Quinton) has had to sneak off to Russia now after King Kong (sorry Hong Kong, his sister) got all confused by a large pile of paper sent by the American Government. Well if you sent a large pile of paper to China then the word Origami comes to mind and so you really need to make it clear or the whole international legal process becomes a Plague of Frogs, several Biplanes, a swan eating a leopard and the Chinese speciality with reams of legal documents, a Giant Panda hiding in a Bamboo Thicket on a Mountain (an origami favourite). Ironically it was only after making the Giant Panda hiding in a Bamboo Thicket on a Mountain, that an official noticed the word Snowden on the mountain and realized their error because of course the rather famous Welsh mountain is spelt Snowdon, But by then Mr Snowden was in a plane (not a Biplane) and heading to Russia where President Putin is lets face it not going to help the government of the USA much after he was made to feel rather uncomfortable at the G8 summit, so I think we can safely say that Mr S will be off again soon in his bid to outrun the  Four Eyed Devil Beast.

Oooooooo yes one small thing it is OK to use the internet on Sunday because they don’t work in NSA or GCHQ on Sunday’s, they tend to be in IKEA, except Charles and Quinton who are getting paid double time and like reading my Sunday diary entries (well done chaps).