The Tale of Mr Ratty

(37 . . .)

We saw Mr Ratty again a few days ago so reluctantly I had to put poison in Mr Ratty’s home. Well I had to make a rough guess at his exact home. My problem is I am trying to avoid poisoning other beasts so where you put poison is very important indeed. Over a period of several days I had no sightings of our furry friend until earlier today when a large ratty beast turned up to eat the bird food. So once again I put some poison where I thought he was . . . . . . Under my workshop . . . . Typical. Well I guess it is getting used . . . . .

Then a few hours later when I went on patrol I found a dead Mr Ratty. I do feel bad about this but my wife hates the beasts and to be fair they will breed quite fast if they get the chance. So I picked up Mr Ratty by his tail and thought I would dispose of him in an old composting bin to avoid him entering the food chain and killing off other critters. 

On dropping him in it, I discovered he was in fact just very poorly and not dead which explained his still floppy state. This left me with that terrible dilemma, to ignore the poor beast or put him out of his misery. So I did the right thing . . . . . Sorry Mr Ratty but I did say sorry; so he has gone to meet his maker now.

Well I think that is enough for now I will be busy for quite a few days but will be back soon to tell you all about it. . . . . . Assuming I remember because my brain is rubbish.

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A view from a roof

(12...)

What a lovely sunny day it has been today. This meant that I was able to do some really constructive work on the roof of the new workshop I am building myself.  I achieved a bit yesterday but being Britain when you need a guaranteed window of a few days with no rain, (they are far and few between)  when you get one you go for it... Today was predicted dry and so is tomorrow and probably the day after. And that is good enough for me to get that roof felt fitted. It seems I just bought enough too. With basically nothing left over so  ...  PHEW.

One thing about a lovely sunny day working on a roof is you get a great view of things. Our garden is rather overgrown which is good and it means it is full of wildlife, not just Zombies and Hedgehogs either. It is full of butterflies and all manner of small flying critters which is probably why we get House Martians chatting on the power and telephone lines. House Martins sound a bit like dolphins to me which might explain why we never see them in the winter. They turn in dolphins, let’s face it, it’s got to be easier than flying to Africa chasing insects for dinner.

Right a few pictures taken from the New Workshop roof today. . . . .

The summerhouse I built has a proper roof not felt

Note the Zombie trail across the field

Pesky Beasts.

MMmmm we do have quite a few trees and shrubs

You can start to see that a Zombie could hide for ages in that lot

The Latest trend in Selfies . . . .The Shelfie

Are you fed up with all those selfies that folk insist on sticking all over the internet well now is you chance to get in early and help create a new trend the up and coming new and far more exciting SHELFIE 

Yes with the help of an IKEA shelf unit and a wood saw I give you my first Shelfie

AH DAMN I have a wobbly IKEA shelf unit now.   

The Door and The Diary the Norwegian, the Troll and Harry Potter.

OK yes it still needs painting

I can here several folk thinking Hey ROB what’s with all those odd stories lately why don’t you give us some real information something sensible not all that damn loony stuff, why don’t you tell us what you did today. Yes OK I take the hint so I will tell you of my day . . . . . it’s boring though, really boring. 

A box arrived this morning from BT to replace the old box we have from BT, apparently our old box is so old that in less than a months time it will stop working and will officially be obsolete. Typical although the new one does not appear to look that much different to the old one, so I guess at some point it will be a box change . . . .Oooooooo that will be an exciting diary entry for you all.

After that we decided to go to a Garden centre in Welshpool, it did take longer than planned as there was a silly man in a car who was going rather slow. Anyway he decided he wanted to leave on the same exit as us at the roundabout, even though he indicated differently that was sort of close. I was going to shout at him, but I was not allowed to. As we entered Welshpool behind the silly man it was chaos due to a large lorry unloading at the main lights it took ages to get through, as we got near the huge lorry and the lights the silly man we had followed decided that the best place to wait for things to sort themselves out was parked next to the huge lorry. O yes that was clever blocking the entire road was a great help, we left him loads of space to reverse out the way but he just sat there and so he totally grid locked Welshpool which made him very popular.

Anyway after things were sorted we went and bought a couple of plants and then headed home using another route, we are not silly enough to go back the same way.  Then I set upon making a slightly ventilated panel for a door by drilling loads of holes in it. I based my design on an old Iceland Norse calendar that can predict the full moon and it’s designed so that once ever five hundred years the rising sun shines through the holes and creates the image of Sven Erik Astro-turfston the legendary Burgan Troll Slayer who discovered Iceland way back when . . . . .   Those Burgan Trolls were sharp witted and clever trolls and it was one of the great battles of Norwegian History.

Trolls do get a bad name everyone assumes they are huge blundering half wits a reputation that is not helped by the likes of Harry Potter and his mates who got into a right strop when they were beaten in team chess by a group of Trolls. . . . . . . .  O NO they don’t tell you that in the books or the films, they soon forgot about that little incident and then make the trolls out to be IDIOTS. . . .  But some of us know the truth Mr Harry (can’t beat a Troll at Chess) Potter. . . YA SUCKS BOO.

Ooooooo I better stop before this gets a bit too long.

I have just had a cup of tea….

Not entirely child friendly but very funny if you live near Welshpool

"Here's Johnny!" . . . . An Axe, a Chainsaw and the GPS

I have spent a good part of the day using a chainsaw and a large axe although the woodwork teacher said that fine delicate Marquetry is best done with smaller and slightly more delicate woodwork tools. He is of course right but on the other hand using a chainsaw and a large axe is a great deal more fun and exciting. 

We were working in pairs and normally I would be teamed up with Freddie or Esmeralda but today we had a bit of a move about, why do teachers do stuff like that everyone was happy, but no no we all have to work with new people to improve our team spirit  and stuff. So I was working with Targuin Charles the third, who is well impressed that I am head boy of a posh academy.  I did explain that I became head boy due to a typing error in the pupil database and that the school had to become an academy because the comprehensive schools system does not allow school mascots (the school goat) to eat pupils. As an academy with private funding from the Petro-chemical industry and the Goat Preservation Society (GPS), the occasional loss of a first year or what ever year a first year is these days is sort of glossed over as the price of creating a generation of eccentrics.  And well it is the way of the world we all need to learn that goats are not vegetarians and will eat anything that moves, or does not move for that matter.

Anyway, Targuin Charles the third’s dad had lent Targuin Charles the third a nice French Walnut Louis XV Marquetry Bureau from 1793 to do a bit of repair work on, so the pair of us set too with the chainsaw. Targuin Charles the third had never used a chainsaw before so he thought it was great fun although he was a little heavy handed which meant that the nice French Walnut Louis XV Marquetry Bureau from 1793 was a little gnarled looking by the end of the day but I have to admit Tarquin is a natural with an axe. His little face smiling through the woodwork room window in a slightly mad glazed way as the chauffer turned up, his rather posh little voice shouting "Here's Johnny!" (that’s the chauffer I think) as he ran out to see him clutching his axe (my axe as it happens I must get it back tomorrow). The woodwork teacher says he might get some MDF and a bit of white gloss paint to sort the French Walnut Louis XV Marquetry Bureau for Tarquin as he looked a bit stressed.

Oooo yes in another wood related incident as I was walking up the drive this morning a man in a huge logging truck hooted and waved, I was not expecting that because I don’t think Mexican Dave drives logging trucks. So it is possible that the Mexican Wave started yesterday is still working its way along the road  . . . . . . .WELL COOL.

AH yes, also My friend from the world of Blogging Me ESB had a thought and suggested a change of tack as I forgot what was going on for a couple of days, and suggested I try writing about what was going off. Ironically when I looked at the news earlier I found that the Pope was going off to stop at Castel Gandolfo or as we would call it The Castle of Gandalf, I sorry but a man going off to live in the Castle of Gandalf wearing long white ropes to read old leather bound medieval books with locks on makes me wonder if he planning to do what I do from time to time and do a re-enactment of a certain film trilogy. They are long films too which would explain the need to retire.   

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The traditional wooden Trojan Christmas Seagull as originally made by the ancient Aztecs

At school we were making a traditional wooden Trojan Christmas Seagull as originally made by the ancient Aztecs, I was not aware of this old tradition, it is not one I have heard of before, but the Woodwork teacher said it is a very common tradition in modern Sweden. He told us that the ancient Aztecs finally moved to Sweden when they were persistently persecuted by the Spanish who nicked all their gold. It was the Seagull god of the Aztecs Huitzilopochtli, that led them to their new land Sweden, the woodwork teacher said some historians in particular the History teacher foolishly say that Huitzilopochtli was in fact a hummingbird but that is stupid, as a hummingbird would never get to Sweden.

Well that is certainly true you don’t get hummingbirds in Sweden well OK you might in posh restaurants but I never been in one although I think I might have had a deep fried hummingbird in batter and chips (that’s French fries if you are American) once in Scotland, and the Vikings did live there for a long time.

Anyway as I was saying we were making Trojan Christmas Seagulls out of wood so that they can be filled with gifts of wonder for Christmas day. The woodwork teacher insisted we worked in pairs and so I found myself working with a new pupil who is from Russia, he told me he was excellent at woodwork and had made many Owls and wood pigeon in woodwork in the past back home. He told me not to worry because his middle name was Perfection, however I am not sure his parents had really thought this through because his first name is Alackof. Anyway we toiled away all day and by the end of the day had a Seagull to be proud of its heads majestic, its long necks arching into the sky and its razor sharp little teeth and scaly body glinting in the light of the woodwork teacher’s desk light. The woodwork teacher himself said he was totally speechless and in all the years he had been teaching had never seen a seagull like ours ever before; in fact he said he thought it unlikely he would ever see it’s like ever again in his teaching career. Me and Alackof were very proud and showed our seagull to the headmaster, but he screamed and ran away which was a bit odd, but some people can be very scared of birds so that would explain it I think?

Ooooo by the way I believe some royal person is pregnant, but well these things happen when adults do naughty things apparently. I thought royals were not meant to be naughty in case it brought about revolution and general chaos….. 

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