The Magic Beans and other tales

A few days ago, I don’t remember exactly when, I did try looking back to see exactly when; but one of the draw backs of possibly writing a bit too much is that when you wish to pin something down you find that you need to read a lot of other stuff too. One thing I am not a great fan of is reading even if it is reading my own diary, thus all the errors and the like; anyway as I was saying a few days ago I discovered some peanuts that had germinated outside by the bird table and thought I would bring them in, put then in a pot and attempt to grow my own peanuts (OK the UK is not the best place to do this). What I have discovered is that the peanuts appear not to be peanuts, they looked like peanuts to me and were in birds peanut food but what is growing in the pot is not peanuts. I am not an expert on what a peanut plant looks like but my mate Mr Google says that what I am growing is in fact Magic Beans . . . . . . . AH DAMN.

I’m sure a lot of you will think Magic Beans Ooooooooo Goody but no I have been (Been – Bean . . .AH HAH HHAH HAH HAHAHH HAH HA HAH HAH HAHH AH hahah) researching magic beans since I discovered this and all I can say they only bring trouble of one sort or another. So now what do I do; I feel I cant let the Magic Beans die, after all they have battled a long battle to get from being germinated as a flower on a bean stalk many hundreds of years ago, though drying out in the hot sun of 1001 Arabian Nights to being exchanged for cows to finally being thrown into a big bag of bird food.  So I now have to let them grow up into the sky where I will no doubt get complaints from the gliders that get released over our house in the summer, gliders and giant bean stalks are not very compatible.  Then I will have all sort of giants, monsters, huge mutant green fly and various other issues to deal with, when all I was after was a few peanuts and on top of all that I don’t have a clue what type of Magic Bean they are yet. The dog says they are almost genetically modified Magic Beans and will eat humans that fall into the huge flower heads desolving them slowly in some horrible acid found deep within the slippery insides of the flower head.

So there you have it even Miss Issy who came to visit said AH Magic Beans, is that the time I better go but was very kind and gave me some peanut brittle (I can’t grow peanut brittle)

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The Olympic ban on Hamsters with straws, and a Coconut Palm

I dug up some potatoes today as the leaves are wilting a bit. OK yes I hear everyone going WHAT we don’t come here to read you have dug up potatoes and are planning to have them for tea……. Yes I know, the nice Steven Spielberg will not be impressed with gardening but it has been that sort of day, I have to admit I even repotted a Date palm and a Coconut palm. That sounds exotic but they both live in the house. The Date palm is one of the smaller ones with a maximum height of 10 feet as for the Coconut palm  well it might attempt to escape through the roof rather quickly. Coconut palms and British bungalows are slightly non compatible long term and it will not fair well outside in British weather, this according to the dog is because Coconuts are shy ………… HAH HHAHAH hah hahhah hah h hahahh ah hhah ah hh ha hah hah hahh hah hah ha a ah ha…

The palm in its new pot

I have also been cutting down some branches of trees although not the ones near the power line which I have been told really are 11,000 volts. That’s not what the dog told me when he made me cut all those other bits down next to the power lines a while back.

Although the weather has been OK today so far dry and sort of sunny without being too extreme it is Sunday, and as we know sometimes Sundays can suck the brains out of you’re head much like some aliens do or some monsters or hamsters when you are asleep. One of the reasons we don’t have a hamster anymore, after he was found sat on Mrs Jones head with a straw while she was having a little knap. It took the doctors ages to get the straw out of her ear and she says it has ruined her hearing on her left side, I never knew you could hear through your side as well as your ear until then.

I keep seeing Olympic things popping up in odd places at present, however the farmers are happy because in order to avoid copywrite infringements aliens are no longer producing crop circles as they are trying to avoid any bad press after rumours of them sucking the brains out of security trainee’s causing all sort of agro. And it also appears that just in case, the Olympic committee are banning hamsters from the Olympic Stadium, well all except the handful involved in the opening ceremony who will be frisked for straws first…..

I must go the slugs are demanding more beer…. 

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