Why I never finished the A to Z

Well it is completely terrible as I have not reached the End of the A to Z. OK I was sort of muddling along using old posts to weave a wavy route towards the end; and had even go as far as Y, but then it all went completely wrong and those last few letters needed to reach the Letter Z all just fell into the great void of nothingness.  I know you have been waiting for weeks wondering what the hell I have been doing and would I ever manage to complete a task I have completed many times before. All waiting for my final crescendo as Z loom's from out of the mist to finally make sense of all those other letters. The letters that without Z seem to be total gibberish. But well I have failed

 So there you have it Yes I got to Y but why I did not get past Y and get the last five or Six letters done is something I will never be able to explain . . . I might be able to blame it on Zombies, a Zebra and a plague of Zoraptera nibbling the woodwork of my brain . . . . . . Pesky Critters. I am sure that people will understand and will accept my apology for this failure I will do better next year . . maybe . . . . . sort of . . . . . . . A bit?........... 

The Vampire and the Vole

Well V means its time to repeat on old favourite of mine . . . . Yes I know what you are saying, but I do like this post it always amuses me and I wrote it. . . Well my hands did I still dont know where my hands got the idea from but that is hands for you.

VICTOR the VOLE.

“VHAT do you VANT” said the VAMPIRE to the VOLE.

“What”? Said VICTOR the VOLE.

“For a start off those are not V words” said VICTOR.

VICTOR the VOLE was very good at words and knew all his VERBS and VOWELS.

  

The VAMPIRE was very displeased because he was being criticized by a little VOLE and he shouted “I VILL bite VOU and VURN VOU into a VOMBIE, VES a VILE VITTLE VOMBIE”.

“A VOMBIE “ said the VOLE “surely you mean a Zombie”.

“VOMBIE VOMBIE VATS VHOT I VED” said the VAMPIRE, who was VERY angry; so angry he bit VICTOR the VOLE on the neck.

“I VARNED VOO” said the VAMPIRE.

And VICTOR the VOLE said “I suppose you VINK that’s VUNNY”.

And they both laughed hysterically as a cow jumped over the VOON.

The VEND 

The Undead, Vampires and a gang of Unscrupulous Little Old Ladies

Right today for the letter U I have unearthed my post from March 2012 and my first practice run. And as I said once before about doing a practice run, it is fine but then U then have to come up with a whole new post a few weeks later. Not so easy with U and the real U of 2012 was not as good as the practice U, O well that is what happens at times we make great master plans only to see then become Undone by the unexpected. 

OK enough of this time for my 2012 diary entry and my very first ever attempt at the letter U from March 2012. 

The Undead, Vampires and a gang of 

Unscrupulous Little Old Ladies

We have reached U and U know what that means I can use U instead of U (as in U and not me)……. Mum just said IDIOT, but I am not sure if she means me or U ……..Ah; it’s me not U apparently.

Today as I mentioned yesterday is the day of the UNDEAD . . . WELL COOL so we all went to school covered in white wash and Self Raising Flour, the UNDEAD like self-raising flour it helps them get out of their graves HAH AH HHAH HAH HAH HAH hah ah h hha hah hah hhahh ahah ha……. Mum said IDIOT again now.

On the school bus we all were going UUUUUGHHH or is it UUUUUUAAAAAGGHHH at UNSUSPECTING UNDERGRADUATES from the rather UTILITARIAN looking UNIVERSITY (which I have just made up in order to USE more U’s), and some UNEMPLOYED UNION members who took UMBRAGE and threw UMBRELLA’S in an UNADVISABLE UNCONTROLLED manner.  

When we got off the bus all seemed UNEVENTFUL UNTIL a gang of UNSCRUPULOUS little old ladies screamed at US saying IT’S THE UNBELIEVERS, THE UNSEEN, UNKEMPT UNDERCLASS’S KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE AS VAMPIRES.  What Vampires we are not Vampires UNTIL tomorrow, we did shout WE ARE THE UNDEAD NOT VAMPIRES but the little old ladies kept Shouting VAMPIRES, VAMPIRES, KILL THE VAMPIRES. UNNA from class UU17 said they were UNHINGED (the little old ladies not the UNDEAD) and they were ruining the letter U UNNECESSARILY. To which the little old ladies shouted KILL THE VAMPIRES. I can’t help but think when we turn up as Vampires tomorrow U will not see a single little old lady to shout KILL THE VAMPIRE. I just wish they had not thrown their UNDERWEAR at US, that was UTTERLY UNMENTIONABLE (Ah I just did) and rather UNFORTUNATE.   

So after a then UNINSPIRING day in school where Esmeralda was hitting a lump of URANIUM with a hammer to see if it would blow UP and the Cricket UMPIRE pointed out that URSA Major was in the UPPER Quarter which will lead to UTTERANCES in the UNDERGROWTH by the UNDERTAKER (I did not UNDERSTAND a word myself). I UNSURPRISINGLY headed home to the fading shouts of KILL THE VAMPIRES. I think I did hear one little old lady shout KILL THE UMPIRE when her grandson was given LBW (Leg Before Wicket for those of U reading in the USA)

The Carpet is all finished now, a job well done although the dog ate the UNDERLAY and some of the fitters UTENSILS, but the dog is UNCONCERNED…… As U will have guessed by now some of my Diary is UNTRUE, UNLESS it is; although that’s more UNLIKELY.

Oooo Roast UNICORN for tea YUM, and I must try and fang (sorry find) my Vampire teeth for tomorrow.

 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

OOOOOOoooooooo by the way if you have commented and I have not responded yet I will it is a time thing at present . . . . . . sorry about that 

S is for . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

I plan to Sit this one out in Silence

The Quirkiness of the Long Distance Blogger and an Inventor.

Today as an extra bonus I am giving you two Q's . . . Yes us Brits love a good Q one is from an old A to Z, you know the one about inventors. And I need to say now there are things in that such as the bicycle that will only make sense unless you read the entire A to Z it came from although I dont recommend that unless you have several hours to read it all. 

The first is not from an A to Z but makes an important point. This was from my days of writing a post every day which I did for 3 or 4 years through rain snow and rabbits. 

Now dont feel you need to read them both I will not be offended ( I will but hey it is OK you have stuff to do). . . .So here we go the letter Q from two entirely different angles.

The Quirkiness of the Long Distance Blogger

As a long term slightly quirky blogging diarist, I have to give myself little goals to achieve. Not goals like in the world cup where you have to kick a small round thing into a sort of fruit cage affair.

One of the primary objectives of any blogger is does anyone actually look at your blog, are they friendly, will they send you large sums of money, will the very nice Steven Spielberg make your very very long diary into a blockbuster film or films, (it is very long).  If the answer to all these is no then you have to find odd little glimmers of hope from other things.

I therefore have achieved something this month that is very positive indeed, this month has seen the best month ever for Page Views with close to seven and a half thousand as we approach the end of June. Now I have no way of knowing if that is good or not and I am aware that certain things can distort those figures, so I do not use those dynamic view design options they add thousands of page views that don’t exist, I learnt that very early on. I also do not count my own views of my blog or that would just get confusing and I do not allow anonymous commenting that just attracts automated web crawlers and they are well annoying beasts.

I suspect folk are going to say . . .  IS THAT ALL HEY I GET THAT A DAY . . .  but I just don’t know what is good or bad in the world of blogging, it is full of smoke and mirrors and a lot of hype so I just keep to my own goals.  Strangely if there is one thing the football teams in the world cup hate it is own goals, but as a blogger it is what keeps me striving to bigger and better things, well that and the dream that the very nice Steven Spielberg will stop burning the manuscript to the film of the diary of the book of the blog

The world of blogging is a fickle world but there are some good folk out there, Mr ESB, Miss Laura, Mr Addman, Mr H, Miss Lily and Master Meglos, Miss Hannah,  Mr Flip, Mr B, P Von P, Mr G to name but a few. And so you may ask yourself why do we do this, what drives us in our quest for fame fortune and celebrity without moving from the comfort of our armchairs. The answer is simple we are all IDIOTS……….

The A to Z of Slightly Strange

Unknown Victorian Inventors

and Explorers

Quinton Quantum-Quizzical

Quizzical by name, quizzical by nature was Mr Quinton Quantum-Quizzical’s little catch phrase which he repeated at least half a dozen times a day to his faithful assistant (Ivan Pavlov) and his cat (called Quantum). And there was no denying that he was a quizzical man, experimenting in all sorts of things from chemistry to mechanics and even electricity and alchemy. One day he was invited by Professor Venomous Voldemort to an experiment at the Royal Observatory which involved a cat or at least part of a cat. And this made Mr Quantum-Quizzical ponder his own cat that spent most of its time sleeping in a box in the laboratory. So how was he to know for sure that the cat was alive or dead, because while it was in the box both options were possible and this led to an interesting paradox for Mr Quantum-Quizzical.

So he invented the Quantum Cat Quizzer a device that you can attach to your cats collar or a box and it periodically stabs the cat with a sharp point if the cat does not move. So if your cat falls asleep in a box you will know the cat is alive when it leaps out and runs round the kitchen panicking. If it remains in the box then it can be assumed to be dead.

The device worked well to some degree but it had issues like being made of cast-iron which did make the device heavier that ideal, and a dependence on steam as the devices energy source, leading to several overheated cats. Who when stabbed repeatedly with the Quantum Cat Quizzer did not move, proving the cats were dead.

Although Quinton Quantum-Quizzical did finally master the design of the Quantum Cat Quizzer, the tide of public opinion was against the device as us British were by then turning into a nation of cat lovers. Also several little old ladies very badly injured when their cats having been stabbed with a sharp point hid on their owners heads where the poor old cat then got stabbed again leading to further injuries to the little old ladies.

In the end Quinton Quantum-Quizzical finally put forward the theory that most cats in a box are in fact alive but most little old ladies in a box are dead. A good theory, but one that led to him being repeated stabbed with a sharp pointy stick by his own mother who often slept in a box with his cat.

His assistant Ivan Pavlov suggested they try some experiments with dogs instead but by then Quinton Quantum-Quizzical had decided that he was going to become a nun and was last seen dressed as a penguin with a bicycle wheel on his head. 

.

.

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The PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE PAGODA of PERSIA

Ah yes another old post from a previous A to Z and one of my favourite ones . . . Well what does that say about me I wonder, but lets face it we all must have a few letters from the A to Z's over the years that we like. Where we sit back and think well that worked OK how did that happen. . . PHEW . . .  And OK yes I admit it I may have tweaked the photo just a tiny weeny bit just to sort of add impact to what is an entirely plausible tale  . . . . O yes it is . . . 

Quite frankly I am amazed I have made it to the letter P this year as I said several times back at A B and C I am a busy chap doing stuff. I mean I am in the middle of building a very odd summerhouse with quirky bits and towers on which all being well I hope to enter into a little competition. OK it will not be this year I'm a bit late but by next year it should look awesome a bit like the PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE PAGODA of PERSIA. . . No its true. . .Anyway that brings us back to the Letter P so . . . . . . .

Oooooo yes this was back in the days when My blog was my diary (A slightly odd diary)

The Famous Architecture of 

the PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE PAGODA of PERSIA

It has been PERISHINGLY cold today with PERSISTENT PETULANT PIERCING rain PENETRATING the PORES of the POOR folk walking their PEKINESE in the PARK, it was PREDICTED so why they have to PUNISH themselves is rather PECULIAR, and the PEKINESE looked PERISHED and PUFFED out anyway.

In school today we were discussing the PRINCIPLES of Architecture and in PARTICULAR the Famous PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE PAGODA of PERSIA built by the PRINCE of PERSIA in the 15th century at the PEAK of his POWERS.  It is apparently known as the PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE because of the POLYMORPHIC PLEBEIAN PERPENDICULAR PITCHED PILLARED PIVOTING Staircase that PENETRATES the PINEAPPLE PAGODAS PRESTIGIOUS Crown. The dog incidentally says “POPPYCOCK and I could write what I know about Architecture on a PIECE of PAPER the size of a PEANUT in big letters”. All I can say is POOOOOO, the dog is just a POSY PROTAGONIST, what the dog fails to take into account is all the readers know less that I do about the Famous PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE PAGODA of PERSIA. And anyway If that very nice Steven Spielberg is going to make the block buster movie (sorry the sequel to the block buster movie) then a PRESTIGIOUS PANORAMIC location is a PRIORITY.

Interestingly the PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE PAGODA was built as a PIGEON Loft for the PRINCES PRIZED POISONOUS PERUVIAN PUFF PIGEONS who would PROMENADE importantly in the PINNACLES of its crown. Mr PLANT the Architecture lecturer said it was quite PLAUSIBLE that the PAGODA was built as a PLEASURE facility and………..

It was at this POINT that the lesson came to an abrupt halt when Esmeralda’s PYROTECHNICS’ PANICKED the PUPILS and they PUSHED out of the doors towards the PUB for a PORK PIE. It was all a bit chaotic until PETER the landlord of the PUB started PLAYING his bagpipes……. A sort of PIE PIPER…… Mmmmmm I have always wondered where the meat in his PIES came from???......... ……. ……. ……YUM

Ooooooo by the way Captain Flint the PARROT says “PIECES of Eight ……… POLLY needs a POO”

So much for the PRINCIPLES of good taste……. really 

O is for an Osprey and an Ocelot

As you all know 2013 was the year of the fairytale, I mean everyone loves fairy tales. However writing 26 all new fairytales is not as easy as you think, well not as easy as I thought and by the letter O they were getting a bit odd. OK yes Odd is a very subjective thing I mean one mans odd is another man's normal, but I'm a normal sort of chap so I think I can use the word odd if I want too and anyway they are now fairytales so YA SUCKS BOO.  Ok I may be drifting away from the entire point if there is one which I suspect there is not so best just to let you have a read of my story

The Slightly eccentric A to Z blogging adventure

 of unknown and rather unpopular 

Modern fairy tales

2013

O    An Osprey and an Ocelot

  An OSPREY and an OCELOT were OBSERVING the OCEAN near OSLO one OCTOBER day, it was an ORDINARY day slightly OVERCAST with the OCCASIONAL glimpse of the sun (an ORANGE ORB in the sky).

The OCELOT said to the OSPREY   . . .

Was that an OCTOPUS eating an OWL in the OCEAN?

And the OSPREY said

In my opinion they were dancing to the sound of The OSLO OCARINA ORCHESTRAL Ensemble and an OBOE

They continued to OBSERVE the OCEAN then after a while the OCELOT said to the OSPREY

Was that an OLIVE Flounder OVERTLY OGLING an OTTER?

And the OSPREY said

I think they are engaged in ORIENTEERING

So they continued to OBSERVE the OCEAN and after a while the OCELOT said to the OSPREY  

Was that an ORBICULAR batfish opening an OCTAGONAL box?

An the OSPREY said

I think he is ON an OUTING to the grand OPENING of an OUZO bar.

Then a large OGRE came and ORDERED a ONION and OLIVE sandwich

But the OSPREY and the OCELOT said they did not serve sandwiches

The OGRE then said OOOOOOOOOH I better eat you then

And the OSPREY and the OCELOT ran away

Leaving the OGRE OBSERVING the OCEAN near OSLO one OCTOBER day

The OGRE then said to an ONLOOKER

Was that an OCTOPUS eating an OWL in the OCEAN?

And the ONLOOKER said

In my OPINION they were dancing to the sound of The OSLO OCARINA ORCHESTRAL Ensemble and an OBOE

But the OGRE jumped up and chased the ONLOOKER OFF into the distance

And all was quiet except for the gently sound of The

OSLO OCARINA ORCHESTRAL Ensemble and an OBOE.

The End


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Oooooooo a link 

N is for Nothing to do with N . . . . DAMN

Look Ok I have lost the plot completely now as today is the N day where the Letter N should be a prominent feature of the post and MMMmmmmmm (or NNNNnnnnnnnn) it is not; NO in fact there is almost Nothing here that has any link to the letter N in any way except ironically the word Nothing. Anyway these things happen, I mean there I was looking back over my many many posts pondering which N post to use and for reasons only known to my subconscious I ended up with a poem that is not N related. I do not have a good memory so reading it again made me realise just what a bad poet I am . . . Something I am very proud of, not everyone can write stuff like this you know. Go on give it a go. . . 

So here we have an Un N poem that will Nibble at  the Nerve ends of your Neurons. First posted round about halloween 2015 sadly in October rather than November an N Month . .  DAMN      

Poetry for an Infinite Number of Monkeys

 Halloween and Evolution

(A world first)

One day I found myself looking up

At an infinite number of Monkeys in a TREE

And an infinite number of Monkeys

Stared indignantly . . . . . 

Just looking back down at ME

They said they were not happy

And they shouted in my EAR

That it was them that wrote

The collected works

Of that bloke we call SHAKESPEARE

And they had planned to write

The concise pocket edition of Aristotle

And maybe Homer’s ODYSSEY

But they then decided to all go on Strike

Because they were still waiting

For their large Shakespearean FEE

So confused I shouted

Trick or Treat, as it is nearly HALLOWEEN

But the Monkeys just sneered

And said as a relative

I was the worst they had ever SEEN

And I tried to point out to them

That I was higher in the Evolutionary Process

Which was plainly clear to SEE?

But they very kindly pointed out

I was on the ground . . . looking up

And they were looking down

From up in the TREE

While in a pond near by

A single celled critter

Sung a SONG

All about Halloween and Evolution

And how he thought

Both had gone

Quite

WRONG  

M is for the plight of Mermaids, Monsters and Mythical Beasts.

I think I wrote this in July 2015 I say think I was not paying attention when I copied and pasted it here. But it is full of M words . . . OK it has the words Mermaids, Monsters and Mythical Beasts in it which is cool because they are good words. Unless of course you are being chased by a Mermaid, Monster or Mythical Beasts. If you are being chased by a Mermaid then I would suggest you get out of the sea, they are rubbish at running. Right enough of this idol chit chat time for my M word post . . . . . . OOOOOOO and I know I am trying to get back to comment on folks blogs as and when you leave a comment but I have had something like eight comments on L and that means I will be here half the night now sorting that out so be patient and remember I am a bit grumpy . . . And rubbish at typing.

Happy Easter by the way.

The plight of Mermaids, Monsters and Mythical Beasts

The World is a place where things change, there is little if anything anyone can do to stop it. Sometimes it is for the better and often it is not and most of the time it is impossible to tell if it is for the better or worse.  One of the sadness’s that gets little if any thought is that of the plight of Mermaids, Monsters and Mythical Beasts, O yes I can see a slight look of puzzlement on the faces of many as they dwell on what I am saying. You see many many many years ago such things had a real place in the minds of man, they were real and existed even if they were seldom seen.

When they were seen they were generally blamed for all sorts of stuff they did not do. Folk do stuff like that, blaming mythical beasts is to put it bluntly an easy way out of trouble.  I’m sure we would all happily shout . . . . The Mermaid did it. . . when someone is demanding to know who ate their ice cream.  Of course what happened is science turned up and along with rational thought putting an end to many of the beasts of the past as anatomically impossible or some such reason? Without . . . I will add the slightest morsel of remorse for destroying the deep held believes of many generations.

The thing is us humans need our Mermaids, Monsters and Mythical Beasts and so we are forced to find them in the wilder places of the world and ensure that they have some sort of scientific plausibility. Critters such as Big Foot, Yeti, The Loch Ness Monster as well as many other beasts, particularly of the deep sea and lakes.  But I can’t help but think the day will come when we finally kill them of as well.  And the strange world of unknown large and even small mythical beasts will be no more.

These things are in our DNA they need to be real, I mean just ask yourself why do folk like films like Jurassic World or King Kong or Godzilla its not just simple entertainment it is more deep rooted. Only the problem is it is no longer possible to see them as a real possibility of a world that might just still exist in a small corner of Planet Earth. . . . Like in the film The Lost World, a world that is now lost for good.

The world would be a better place if the possibility of Mermaids was distinctly a real possibility. 

L is for Lester Livingstone (inventor)

Back in 2015 I wrote . .  The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers it was a lot of work I mean it was not just writing a little tale for each letter but I had to invent something for each day and then draw a suitable picture to go with it. I also interlinked many of the little tales so if you read them all it would make an interesting coherent story. Sadly despite all the work only two people noticed all the links and it left me a broken man swearing I would never do the damn A to Z ever again. Yes Yes Ok I got over that a few hours later I am made of tough stuff and anyway I enjoyed it and at the end of the day surely that is the key point . . . Enjoy your own blog and have a good time creating it, do that and fame and fortune will soon follow. . . AH OK I LIE. . . 

Anyway I dont think I have posted an A to Z post from the 2015 A to Z yet so here is one of the more modest inventors who sadly seemed to meet the same fate as many of the inventors I wrote about back then.

 The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown 

Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Lester Livingstone

As a professional poker player Lester Livingstone was always looking for an edge to give him an advantage over his fellow players on the professional circuit.  And after reading the rules in detail realized that there was one rule that had been completely overlooked by the official body in charge of the professional gaming rules for poker. 

It appeared to Lester that there was nothing in the rules to say that a man could only have two arms. In fact the more Lester thought about this, the idea of a man having more than two arms appeared to have many advantages.  So he invented the Livingstone Limbs which doubled the number of arms a man could have to a very useful four.  And as a card player he was able to shuffle cards in ways that no one had ever thought of before, confusing his opponents to such a degree that they lost concentration and would lose.

It also meant Lester could tie his shoes and put his hat on at the same time, drive his horseless carriage and read the newspaper as well as a huge host of other useful activities that were thought to be beyond the skills of the average Victorian Gentleman.

His down fall however was his showing off and while juggling fifteen axes for a bet he had a terrible accident.

His final word as he lay on his death bed a few hours later has gone down in history and is often uttered by many folk even to this day in a similar situation.

AAAAauuuuuuugggHHHHH. . . . .  

K is for Kippers and the KGB as we all Know

Back in March 2012 my blog was very much a diary (sort of a bit) Ok it had a diary format and although folk would say stuff like . . . . . that’s total rubbish . . . The fact is, or was back then I could look back and work out what I was doing . . .mostly.  However there were days when it all fell apart and K in my test run for the April 2012 A to Z was a prime example.  Yes I did a test run for my first A to Z but the drawback was once April turned up I had to do it all over again and think of new stuff and new words for each letter . . . .Phew is what I thought at the time 

So here it is the Letter K from March 2012.

A misty start to the day, and another day at school for me, the Grey Office for the Ghost Writer and the KREMLIN for the KGB.  Breakfast was KIPPERS,and the dog has informed us (and we KNOW why) that it contains no  KOAGULATIONSVITAMIN or vitamin K to you and me, he says I would be better to roast a KESTREL and have KETCHUP with it. As a special K day treat all the pupils went to school dressed as large Gorillas. Mum got in a bit of a KERFUFFLE making my outfit and dad threatened to torch it with KEROSENE but it was well cool in the end bulked out with KAPOK.

Unfortunately on route to school the bus went KAPUT on the KINGS road a few hundred yards from the school. So we all walked the last bit up the KINGS road.  We did frighten a party of Little old Ladies who on seeing forty two KING KONGS and one KANGAROO wearing a KIMONO, (that was KEN), all playing KAZOOS, thought they were about to be KIDNAPPED. KEVIN was very KIND and did try and explain but speech gets very muffled in a KING KONG outfit and the little old ladies thought he said KILL the KITTEN with a KITCHIN KNIFE, which KICK-started a stampede.

OK this is not a Kangaroo, but it is the nearest Pic I have.

The next thing was a man wearing KHAKI, who we were told was a zoo KEEPER chasing us with a large net but we made it into school. Well not KEN he had a dodgy KNEECAP and you can't run fast wearing a KANGAROO outfit and a KIMONO with a KITTIWAKE sat on your head. Although KEN does KNOW KUNG Fu so did escape in the end with a KNOCKOUT blow to the zoo KEEPER.

The rest of the day was very quiet, KRIS did ask Silent KAY who sits at the front of the class if she would like a KNICKERBOCKER Glory at lunchtime or one of his KOOKABURRA sandwiches but she said KNOW ………… HAH AHHAH HAH HAH HAH ha hh hah h h ha haha hhah ha 

KEDGEREE for dinner YUM, I might keep some for AUNTIE KAREN, I could wrap it in KELP to KEEP it fresh.

I bet you think this was KOBBLED together in a rush while I watched the KETTLE boil through a KALEIDOSCOPE ……………..could be? 

J is for Japanese Crayfish Jousters

OK for J I am repeating the Letter J from May 2014 . . . .  if I get a day free I might write a poem for this years A to Z but we will wait and see as I have many things to do.

OOOOOooo the formatting here is rather odd but with luck it will look OK to everyone else (I hope)

J is for Japanese Crayfish Jousters

Once upon a time back in darkest history when Knights were Knights and villagers would scream and run about in fear of large dragons that breathed fire at all sorts of stuff, and wizards would cast spells turning large grown men into frogs or would turn slugs into small rodents or cats into violin strings. It was quite common for small childre

n when asked what they would like to do when they grew up, to all shout I WANT T

Of course such things never last and as time pasted and the fables and legends of the past faded into the lost corners of history when asked what they wanted to be when they grew up, small children would then shout I WANT TO BE A TRAIN DRIVER OR AN ASTRONAUT the dreams of the Japanese Crayfish Jousters lost for ever.

But even those, the simple dreams of small children have changed in just a few years, as the dark shadows of the corporate world and obsession with media penetrated the very soul of mankind. Because if you say to a group of small children now, what do you want to be when you grow up, they will all shout I WANT BE THE WINNER OF A TALENT SHOW ON TELEVISION, PLAY FOR MAN UTD . . . . . ..   AND HAVE BIG BOOBS.  But one day in the future a very nice man called say maybe Steven Spielberg will think Japanese Crayfish Jousters what a great idea for a block buster film and then once again everyone will want to be Japanese Crayfish Jousters like the old days.   . . . We can but hope. 

I is for Poetry with an eye in it (sorry an I in it) . .

I have been working on my homebrew summer house all day. OK not all day as I had to pop into Shrewsbury to get some screws, metal cutting discs for the angle grinder and a few other bits. And although it is made out of old things to make it look posh it needs some new stuff so it is all getting right complicated.  Anyway the thing is I am still repeating a few old posts from previous A to Zs cos most of them a jolly good (O Yes They Are).  

Todays is from last year 2016 although not from the A to Z and it has little to do with eyes sorry I's except there are a lot of I's in this poem (not many eyes) and it has words that rhyme with I like Pie and Die and Fence (Ah DAMN that is not right). 

So here we have it one of my poems from a time when I wrote a lot of them . . A time before I got seriously busy in the real world.  


As I walked, home one day

I saw a cute cat, sat on a fence

So I bought it from its owner

For three pound fifty pence

I told the owner I was hungry

And was going to eat it for my tea

In a curry or a cute cat pie

But the owner got upset

And said he didn't want his cat to die

But I said I was looking forward to my meal now

And so in order to keep his cat alive

He would have to pay a little more

Say about fifteen pounds twenty five

Later

When I got home

I told everyone

Of my great capitalist plan

And everyone agree, I was a very clever man

And although I'm rather modest

I  also had to totally agree

And I smiled smugly

As I tucked into a bowl

Of fresh puppy soup

And goldfish kedgeree