The EU Referendum why I am not a Nasty Chap

A Seagull in Scotland

I have decided to return to the rather spiky subject of the great EU referendum debate again, bearing in mind the hour grows closer and those of us with postal votes will be doing our bit very soon. You see some time ago here on the blog I explained why I plan to vote to leave, but sadly due to the rather bitter mudslinging match that continues and gets worse by the day it appears saying you plan to vote to leave now turns you into an evil bigoted and racist fool. I don’t really see myself as a  an evil bigoted and racist fool, well I hope I’m not.

One thing I am strongly in favour of is more immigration, Britain is a stronger and better country with people from other nations and I am all in favour of encouraging the talents of people from as many different cultures as possible. This I will accept is not the mainstream view of most of the leave supporters and campaigners who seem to fear the influx of thousands of undesirable immigrants stealing all our homes and jobs. This by the way is just not true they are in general nice folk, even the Polish woman who pushed right in front of me yesterday as I was getting a new key cut. This is certainly making the leave campaign look like the baddies. However being in the EU has not made us entirely immigration friendly. Just look at the hostility across Europe to the problems of the Syrian refugees. Many of these people are highly qualified professions who only want a chance to live in peace and provide a life for their families. Why can’t Britain do more to help them?

My main concern is still the huge bureaucratic machine of Europe which in my own humble opinion will at some point collapse like a pack of cards, but who can tell, I may be entirely wrong. I will still be voting to leave and I am still not sure if that is the right thing to do so I have a plan. You see in order to bring some harmony to a situation that is increasing bringing tension to ordinary folk across the country as each side shouts abuse at the other I am advising everyone to vote with a friend. Not just any friend but a friend with the opposite view so I will be voting with someone who is voting to stay in the EU. 

I think it is likely the stay vote will win; the fear of the unknown is a powerful force. But as a final thought just consider the latest football thing, the European Championships. A friendly competition between European countries where some fans get drunk and fight and kick each other so a bit like the EU. The fact is if we treated everyone equally with respect and dignity and helped our fellow man things like the EU would not be needed and football would be a much better game.  

As Shakespeare once said . . . . The fault Dear Brussels is not in your stars but in ourselves, that we feel underlings. . . . .  

Another day in the life of a blogger

Yesterday Mr Chris our friendly builder and master of many trades arrived about half an hour before we were due to head off for an Indian meal with friends; he had arrived with a vital part for the central heating.  Luckily although we did not have time to change the vital part we were able to remove the old part (the motorised valve drive) to prove that my assessment of the fault was in fact correct. Then before Mr Chris ran away he left the valve fixed in the central heating only position. This means the central heating is working rather well and not being overridden by the hot water thermostat, so although today has been rather chilly the house is nice and toasty and the office radiator is seriously hot. This is rather novel and has not been the case for months.

My trusty vehicle which has been at the garage for a couple of days has returned a bit dented on one of the front wings and although I don’t mind as the car is old, it is a bit annoying as it drives rather well now. The garages are really good and have said they will investigate and will give the car a look at next week.  I have said many times to many folk, never get too attached to a car as scratches and dents are an everyday hazard and if you get worried then you will go mad each time they gain another small injury of some sort. To tell the truth I never clean or wash the car and it is usually full of rubbish and stuff such as an axe, a crowbar, gloves, bits of wood, several small cheap kites and maybe a plastic rat and various things of the unknown.

Funnily enough in the post this morning arrived one of those Car Digital Vehicle Recording camera systems, so if I end up in a bump I will have recorded evidence of what happened. In the old days folk would be honest and admit things but sadly those days have long since become a thing of the past. Now folk blame the other driver, seagulls, trees, snowmen or Zombies.

My eyes seem to be a bit better now than they were and I am also feeling a little more bouncy again and with luck a decent spell of spring weather might turn up soon too.  Finally I noticed on the Midlands news that the British Quidditch Cup is taking place this weekend, now personally all I can say is a sport designed to be played on a flying broomstick either needs to be left to wizards or they need to lose the broomstick entirely. Just a small personally view point that will not make a blind bit of a difference to anything.   

Volume Six of the Slightly Eccentric Diary of Rob Z Tobor. . . A New Start

Well we start volume six of my diary at the start of a year, which is the first time that has happened. I must add up just how many words I have actually written because in theory volume six will take me very close to original target of one million, and the plan was always to stop and head off and do new things once I reached one million words.  Although I lost the plot of the plot if you get my drift many moons ago and my blog is now a bit of a hodgepodge of stuff . . . . . I am pleased to see hodgepodge is still a real word because it is one you don’t see much these days. I am not convinced the English language is as colourful and descriptive as it used to be, no doubt ruined by a combination of political correctness and text talk as well as cute cats on YouTube.

Anyway with it being the start of a whole new year and a whole new volume of my diary, some of you may be wondering if I have any plans. Well there are long and short answers to that only the long answer is very long and will involve me getting sidetracked by zombies, rabbits and a multitude of other things  that will end up with me mentioning conspiracy theories. So I think it might be best to give you the short answer to the that question, the one you have probably forgotten about, I know I have.

It was (Question)

Rob this Blog of yours . . .Do you have any plans any ideas about what you wish to write about this year, will it be new exciting and different, lets face it, it has got a bit mmmmmmmm boring and dull

(Answer)

No . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

So there you have it . . . . . I will be writing some Poetry again  and drawing pictures and pointing at things like Seagulls with a pointy stick . . . . and I have an interesting conspiracy theory I will tell you all once I think of it.

I hope you all have a great year and that 2016 will be the year when peace breaks out around the world, everyone everywhere will have food and water and everything and everyone is treated with respect.  

Now what on earth do I write about tomorrow. . . . . . . .AAAAaaauuuuuuuggghhHHHHHHH     

Did Volkswagen (VW) cheat . . . . . The Big Question Answered

It appears that poor old VW, (Volkswagen) have fallen foul of American car emission laws by doing a sneaky, but it may not be quite as bad as it appears at first. And as far as I can see Volkswagen themselves may have fallen on their sword a little too quickly, and I will explain why.

You see the world has pointed at them, well American have and shouted cheats cheats cheats stand in the naughty corner. . . and Volkswagen has slumped off stuck the naughty hat on and are feeling very down about it. Well they would do this because in many ways they are the equivalent of the school swot within the world of car manufacturing, something some of our American friends have always resented a bit what with one thing and another.

Now imagine you are the school swot and in an exam you are asked the question. . . . What do you know about the effects of Blue shift when dealing with light refraction in neon. . .  You think a second and then answer . . . I know nothing about the effects of Blue shift when dealing with light refraction in neon. . .  It is not the answer that is wanted but it is a right answer and you get your ten points for getting it correct. No one else thought about that and so did not write anything. Then afterwards the teacher tells the whole class what you did to make you feel bad, but was it wrong or was it a way of getting the points by giving an answer that complied to the question. . ????

You see this is at the heart of what Volkswagen did. They did not set out the test that the car was subjected to, in order to test the emissions of vehicles on roads in the USA, that was done by the American authorities. But back in Germany a rather clever software geek who looked at the test realised that the software that controls the emissions could be set to give a really great answer to the test, because the test conditions were fixed and rather predictable.  Now to me that is a bit cynical and underhand maybe, but not cheating, all it means is the test was wrong, in the same way the question. . . . . What do you know about the effects of Blue shift when dealing with light refraction in neon . . . . Is phrased wrong so that an answer can be given that is not actually the one required.   

A couple of years ago in Britain there was a huge scandal where politicians could manipulate their expenses to claim all sorts of stuff from duck houses to soft furnishings and posh televisions and the like. The politicians did not all put their hands up and say. . . .  sorry we cheated. . .  No they all said. . . we did not break the law. . . . in other words they were morally dodgy and corrupt, and may well still be for all I know, but it was not what might be called cheating more creative accounting.

And this is the key issue with Volkswagen have they really cheated or have they just made their vehicles fit the rules in a rather immoral way. It might seem a small point, but can you fine a firm for doing this . . . .  I suspect not, they have not actually broken the law.

One other point is that the emissions tests are a little pointless anyway because drivers all drive differently; do they have any relevance to a boy racer, granny, a commuter driving through the city each day, or a farmer sticking red diesel in his car or the man locally who ran his van on old chip shop cooking oil. . . That was one smelly van.  I think we can say No. Few folk drive their cars in a technically efficient manner.

If Volkswagen would like employ me to defend them in the American courts I will consider the offer although I am not cheap and don’t have a passport, so would need plenty of warning. . . . And I am very scruffy and don’t drive a Volkswagen but will if they give me one.

OOoooooo one other small point. Had Volkswagen supplied rigged non production cars to be tested in order to comply then that is cheating, but it appears all their cars have this cunning bit of software so that may not be right but it is not actually wrong (Legally speaking).

The difference between Men and Women . . The Truth Maybe? and a Parrot (plus Harry Potter)

When the human race is young, both boys and girls tend to believe everyone, I suspect we are programmed genetically to do this in order to learn that we really should not go around believing everyone. Then as we get older this changes, but men tend to believe women more than women believe men and men tend to believe men more that women believe women.  But this changes again as we get old, where women tend to believe everyone again and men become grumpy bastards and believe no one not even their own family, convinced that everyone is out to get them. Which is generally true

Dogs trust everyone and Cats trust no one and no one should ever under any circumstances what so ever trust a Parrot.

Well if you have read that and you are under the age of ten then you will believe every word particularly if I mention Harry Potter. If you are over 20 then I suspect it will be mainly other chaps who will nod and say well that’s sounds OK with me, reassuring their kids that it is all in fact true while their wives say I am in fact an IDIOT and talking rubbish. Anyone over the age of 60 reading this has probably got glasses on and arrived at my blog by accident and don’t care if it’s true or not whether they are a man or a woman.  As for me well I wrote it so I know the truth only I will have forgotten it by morning . . . . . DAMN.

The Most Boring Blog Post . . . . . . in the World

It is plainly clear that my blog has suffered from the side effects of my Man Flu which continues to suck the life blood out of my brain making it difficult to be motivated and bouncy.  Add to this the fact the weather is not the sort of weather that a grumpy bloke feels motivated and bouncy in. Yes it’s cold and wet and the remains of the bit of snow we had can be seen on the hills around us. It was not enough snow to make a Snow Dog or Snow Zombie with or do much at all except look out the window at and go YUCK. This is what myself and the cats did we looked out and went YUCK.

In order to alleviate some of the irritating cough I presently have I bought a bottle of a Vicks cough mixture for irritating coughs which seems to work but tastes like liquid Vick. Someone did suggest covering my feet in Vick at night when I go to bed, sticking a pair of socks on to avoid a rather nasty mess of Vick all over the bed. They said it cures everything but I am by nature a grumpy disbelieving cynical sceptic so have no plans to do this unless all else fails.  And anyway none of you are interested remotely is any of this or the fact that the bathroom plumbing sort of played up last night at 11:00pm in the evening and so I was grovelling about swearing at screwdrivers and bits of pipe and the like.

The good news is that we are off to have a meal tonight at Big Bills Greasy Fur Ball Café, the greatest eating establishment in the world. I am not sure what I will have yet as it often depends on how Big Bill is feeling at the time, as is the prerogative of all great chefs

Only a short time ago I removed the very last bit of yellow wallpaper from the walls of what will be our new posh living room. It has taken much longer than planned to do partly because I have Man Flu and partly because its building work which as we all know always takes longer and costs more than expected.

So there you have it this is the words most boring blog post, but it keeps you all up to date with the events close to me. Well some of them I am not going to try and explain about the LED lighting and the small flock of seagulls hiding in a tea chest singing old Beach Boys songs to a Mole.

Oooo you will note as I predicted television companies are getting excited about the election already with talk of a seven way leaders head to head (oooooo that will be fun) and the Queen is still alive but you don’t see her about MMmmmmmmm.  . . . As for Marks and Sparks . . . Well, read my predictions? 

And we have mice but not by choice, sneaky critters.

The Big Questions I Can't Answer (or a Quiz Night)

I am off at a quiz night tonight to very possibly be asked to answer questions, as that is the general nature of quiz nights. I am not a silly unknowledgeable chap, however I am not good at answering questions at random out of the blue, it is not what I do.  Also Quiz nights tend to have questions about popular television, I do not know much about popular television except most of it is rubbish and my poor old brain is confused by the fact it is popular. Quiz nights also have questions about sport and football, a game involving a round ball and played by chaps from abroad who earn huge amounts of money; one of whom once said something about Seagulls. . .  And popular music is in general another subject that tends to crop up at such events. . . I am also not good at popular music which these days seems to involve boy bands and folk who have won TV talent shows . . .  I have decided to answer all these particular questions with either  . . . Tiny Tim or Country Joe and the Fish . . . that way I stand a small chance of getting one question right.

The good news is this quiz night is to be held of Big Bills Greasy Fur Ball Café, the home of the greatest food in the world and at midpoint in the proceeding we all stop for chicken pie and chips unless you are a veggie in which case it’s the veggie option. This makes the humiliation of being last by several hundred points behind a mad old granny and her team of cats acceptable.  Sometimes a man has to do what a man has to do in order to consume the delights of great pies.

Of course this years blog theme which I keep departing from on an almost daily basis is The Big Questions, so it is more than a little ironic that I will be sitting blank faced, drinking orange juice shouting TINY TIM TINY TIM TINY TIM at my fellow team mates as they ponder on the question  . . . . Who was the last Governor-General of the Belgian Congo? and for a bonus point what was the name of his dog . . . . While they try and think if Baron Théophile Wahis was the last one or not because he was not that keen on dogs only to find out after that rather ironically (there will be much irony) he did have a small dog called Tiny Tim. . . . .  At which point I will look smug and nod with a knowing nod.  As I have said Tiny Tim must be the answer to something. I have a feeling he sang a cover of that famous Charles Dickens song . . .  Santa in Red. . . .  

A life in the sky is fraught with peril

No1  . . .Chocks Away

No2 . . . Roger

No1 . . . Who's Roger

No2 . . . What?

No1 . . .Who is Roger

No2 . . . He's not real, its what a chap says

No3 . . . Has Roger got the chocolates

No1 . . . What?

No2 . . . What?

No3 . . . Who has the chocolates

No1 . . . No one has any chocolates

No3 . . . You mentioned Choc's

No1 . . . NO not choc's. Chocks they are those little wooden wedges in front of the wheels on the airfield.

No3 . . . OK. . . Roger

No4 . . . Yes

No1 . . . Sorry No4 what are you asking

No4  . . . Someone said Roger

No1 . . . I thought we have established Roger is not real and he does not have any Chocolates

No4 . . . But my name is Roger

No1 . . . But No2 told me you were not real

No2 . . . Roger means OK I have understood your message, not Roger.

No3 . . . So has Roger got any Chocolates

No1 . . . NO ONE HAS any Chocolates

No4 . . . Yes I do

No3 . . . What kind of chocolates Roger

No4 . . . Milk Tray

No2 . . . I dont like Milk Tray, thats a bit unfair.

No1 . . . Does it matter, we are all in different aircraft sharing is not really practical.

No4 . . . I dont mind sharing

No1 . . . OK Roger I'll have the one in the gold foil.

No4 . . . AH DAMN I have just eaten that one.

No 3 . . . Roger has started eating the chocolates

No2 . . . I dont care I dont like Milk Tray so he can eat them all as far as I'm concerned.

No1 . . . OK look I'll share my ice cream then

No2 . . . WHAT?

No3 . . . WHAT?

No4 . . . Tally Ho

No1 . . . What? no its just a plain vanilla wafer. . . .

Plane . . . . . HAH HAH HA HAHAH HAhah ah ahah ha ha ha h ahah hah ah ahha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah a ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha ha haah ah ah ah ah ahaha ha

    

The complete guide to themes in the April A to Z blogging Challenge (Sort of)

In my last and very comprehensive guide to the April A to Z Challenge I sort of mentioned themes, and said that of course the main theme was the Alphabet itself which I am sure is true. Well it is how I have always seen it really. But of course there is always much talk of themes within the overall progression through the alphabet and whether to use them or not and what is a good theme in the first place.

Well much of this will depend on the nature of your blog, mine is a bit mad so my theme for the A to Z is also a little mad, it is what the punters would expect (that’s readers not folk in boats in Cambridge). But everyone has a different blog and different reasons to blog, if you are an Author then it is maybe a chance to entice a few new readers with little glimpses of your treasured publications. And artists may use it to show their work with pride and joy hoping folk will go Gosh I must buy that right now . . .  But you could use anything you like for a theme, rocks, fish, people, rabbits, chickens, inventions, history, geography, fairy tales (I did that last year it was great fun),  seagulls, more chickens, cars, guitars,  sea monsters, motor bikes, places, mechanical wonders of Victorian Europe, Mountains and mountaineers, space, aliens and even more huge monster chickens with pointy teeth.  So in reality almost as many things as your mind will allow you to conjure up, the world as they say is your oyster. 

Of course there is one small pitfall in this grand idea that can really throw some folk a lot, you see they can become too entrenched by the detail of their theme and after a great start working out their letters, they suddenly get to X or Z and think O MY GOD why did I decide on the theme of Popes. The thing is don’t panic the A to Z is like a shop window full of sweeties to entice folk into your blog so make a Pope up; plus some interesting facts about how the Grand Duke Ferdinand gave Pope Zilliphilius the Forth the last Unicorn in 1538 as a gift. Only the Pope thought is was food and they all had a great feast and all was well until it was discovered that Unicorns are rather poisonous and everyone sort of died and the whole affair was sweep under the carpet, so to speak by the Vatican. The saying sweep it under the carpet is also very silly, have you ever tried to sweep a roast Unicorn under a carpet it is not easy, even harder than a cat, and that leaves a fair sized lump in the carpet. . . . . . .  Hang on I got side tracked.

Ok well that is about it on themes but make sure you choose one you like and know it will get you from A to Z without too much difficulty and remember don’t get too detailed, your theme is a promotion effort, leave the bigger picture until after April when you can discuss the detailed rise of Pope Zilliphilius the Forth in 1533 leading to him meeting the Grand Duke Ferdinand, and their treaty of the following year in Rome, so that the dukes son could invade Holland without upsetting the church.  Yes your eyes are stating to glaze over, so I think you get the point……… No one needs the small print on the A to Z; short sweet easy reading is best….

And one last tip if you get bored or disheartened by your Theme half way through, either just go random and post about anything you fancy or try another theme for the rest of the alphabet or make up dodgy facts about nonexistent Popes , it is entirely up to you, you are your own boss in this matter. 

Trusty Old Converse Trainers unwittingly saving Aliens and other stuff

I had my trusty old converse trainers on today in order to ensure safe passage through the day. However the headmaster reckoned as today was the last dry day for a while and I was wearing what he called a manky pair of old trainers I could cut the school playing fields. Well that was not fair I tried to explain that for a tiny period of time my old converse trainers were famous on the internet, well for about a week they were, but it was like water off a ducks back . . . . I am not sure about that old saying I spent ages chasing a duck once to get the water off its back and as far as I could tell it looked just like water.

Cutting the grass was hard work for both me and my footwear but it did come with its own rewards because while I was cutting the grass I saw a small but noisy aeroplane, well it sounded like a small plane but it was invisible and it circled overhead then headed off in a northerly direction.  I then saw two invisible Red Kites (the birds not the fabric device used by Professor Frankincense). When I say I saw these things I looked at where the noise came from but did not see them as they were invisible.

However after lunch where I had told Esmeralda, Freddie and his ferrets and the school Mascot (the goat) about the invisible things I took them off to show them to prove they were there and real, and I was surprised to find a crop circle or a grass circle. This means that the invisible small plane was in fact an alien spacecraft, probably one of the Venusian Battle cruises mentioned yesterday and it was having engine problems. And the Red Kites were in fact aliens from Venus (the planet not the tennis player) and they were saying thanks for sorting out a decent landing pad with nice short grass. 

We have been out to see Mr M again to make sure he is OK I was able to show that if you slide a walking stick up the side of someone's leg while they are wearing trousers and are a bit poorly, they are completely incapable of moving. Mr M is not eating all his food so I also balanced five oranges on the end of his walking stick; that was before I trapped him in bed with the leg trick. AH  . . . . . . DAMN I have a feeling I may have forgotten to remove the walking stick from the side of his leg before we left. I guess the nurses might notice.

More events of unimportance

I have been rather lazy today, although this morning I did go and see the doc who reckons I am still sane but my joints are rubbish and tells me I will never run the 100 metres in less that 10 seconds ever again which is good news. Then my plans to go outside were sort of scuppered by drizzle and a grey sky, which is quite a contrast to last night when the sky here was crystal clear for the Meteor shower. It was very impressive although shouting there’s one does not work because it takes too long to say even if you try and say it very very fast or just say T O or even just T. Shouting just T is not a good idea either as voices in the dark started shouting For good sake get him a cup of Tea we are trying to sleep. . . .  

So back to today, I attached a new light fitting to the ceiling in the end in order to be productive and then I decided to use the computer to tweak my artists impression of a meteor shower. Mr Jones said he did not watch the meteor shower as it was in fact a cunning distraction tactic used by aliens to distract the public and that we need to watch The Day of the Triffids, I did a rather good re-enactment of that film once so I can understand his point.

Anyway I have some arty things I need to do so I may vanish off now and do the arty things of which I am sort of briefly passing over in a non descriptive veil of vagueness in order to imply mystery and excitement. It is an interesting fact that us humans always think that the thing we cant see or get too or have is far more interesting and exciting than they really are, although in this particular case that is not true as it is far more interesting and exciting than you think it is (I think).

Ooooo just as a small passing point I dreamt we had twelve cats last night; I know this because I woke up thinking this lot is going to cost a fortune to feed. I just hope Zombie defence systems work on cats although dad says they don’t and I will probably turn into a Zombie Cat and eat the brains of small rodents……..  

Aliens, interesting geometric shapes and large green monsters

Being a pupil; head boy as it happens (as you should all know) at a post modernist cyber-Academy somewhere in cyberspace, has certain advantages to that of a traditional school. You see on a hot sunny summer’s day when the students, and teachers for that matter are ambling about aimlessly bumping into one another and accidently sawing cats in half in the woodwork class, the health and safely officer can send everyone home on the spur of the moment. . . . So he did, on the grounds that he fancied a nice chilled day, I think more schools need to think like this it is great for student and teacher morale and a sunny day helps intelligence, (a well know fact).

At home I decided that it was time to attack and destroy three monsters in the garden three large green monsters known to all as The Three Bishops. These three monsters have been staring at us for some time now biding their time waiting for a loss of concentration so that they could pounce. Now none of us have got it in for Bishops in particular, but even a Bishop can be in the wrong place and so out came the chainsaw and I chopped then up and will burn the Bishops in the next few days. It is not everyone who gets to set fire to a Bishop.

In other news it appears that while I was busy doing battle chopping the arms and legs off Bishops aliens had left a sign in the fields to the side and behind us in the grass. Creating interesting geometric shapes which Mr Jones insists are telling him they wish make contact with the government and that we should phone the prime Minister and get him here pronto. He would of course do it himself but apparently they have blocked his phone and told him rather unfairly that he is a raving IDIOT, OK he might be a little over enthusiastic but not a raving IDIOT. And you can’t deny we have a field full of interesting geometric shapes suddenly turned up today out of nowhere.

Oooooo yes if anyone is wondering where the dog is at present he is on a sabbatical; being large and from the South American Jungle with red eyes and also fluent in Latin he felt he needed to go and chat to the Pope and advise him on stuff; and maybe nibble the odd saints bones to authenticate them.

Since dad reset the weather machine after the issue with the Big Red Button, the weather has been hunky dory here, I might press it again if things go down hill

Neil Armstrong and the slightly faulty space suit

Today has not been that exciting, it is as I have said before not easy to do exciting stuff every single day so sometimes it is best to go off on a tangent and look at other events that might be of more interest.  I think it is very likely that all humans have days that are not exciting, I bet Neil Armstrong’s diary was dead exciting as he went to the moon and back but even he would have times when he was not doing exciting things. Writing . . .  

‘got up, had breakfast took the dog (Mandy) for a walk, tried on space suit ate dinner, tried on space suit again went home fed dog, dog wagged tail but chewed hole in space suit . . .’

 It's OK, but let’s face it not the sort of stuff folk want to read, they want to know about the aliens on the moon and the hand to hand combat with huge moon monsters and how he managed to hold his breath for three hours after finding a hole in his space suit made by a dog. I can remember him climbing down those steps onto the moon, and then saying in a slightly hesitant way “That's one small bite for Mandy and one giant hole for man. . . . . . . .AH DAMN”.

So you see I am at the stage in life where dogs are chewing holes in my space suits and have made my moon trip to fight moon monsters even trickier than it was going to be. However to resolve this I have been out to draw a selection of possible monsters I could fight back here on planet Earth that might make interesting reading at some point in the future if all else fails (like the space suit). OK my battle with the fly might not last long unless I can convince dad to make a thirty foot high steam powered hydraulic nano technology controlled  man eating fly with pointy teeth and a buzz ray that can destroy cats (sorry I think I mean destroy buildings).

OK I am off now

Oooooo yes Sooty the cat has taken to sleeping on the ceiling at night but no one knows why, very odd.    

Sorry Nothing happened today and I can not get into the Wood Mouse's Party

What an interesting day today because nothing really happened I went to school and came home and said hello to Mr Jenkins. Me and the dog had a really good think about what had happened but the dog thinks nothing happened of any note to him either so we then went and asked mum and dad.

Dad said he had downloaded the manual for a car from the internet but that does not count so dad has done nothing either and mum said she was ordering calendars and O Dear cards for Mr Beelzebub well that does not count so; so far no one has done anything or to put it another way everyone has done nothing. I did wonder if Pirate Pete had done anything but he said OOOOOOO NO WHY OOOOOO IT WASN’T ME  so even if he has done something I don’t know what it is so I cant write about it so that means I still don’t have anything to write about except nothing and I am not sure how much anyone can say about that. I even asked Captain Flint He said he had done loads of things today but it turned out to be eating loads of Brazil nuts and I had to tell him it doesn’t count either. I wish I hadn’t because he went off on one then complaining that I was belittling both parrots and eating Brazil nuts and if he was writing a diary it would mention Brazil nuts ever day. And if mine does not then he was not going to read it, Parrots cant read silly bird, not much anyway. It has still left me with the problem of having nothing to write about tonight although Flipper the Wood Mouse has just told me he made a whole in the wall of our hallway today as a new home and was having a moving in party tonight and we are all welcome. That would be fine but none of us can fit through the hole so can’t go, well that is not entirely true because the Nonobot family from under my bed are going. Anyway that is it really sorry everyone but these things happen, it is the weekend ahead so more time to do things and as I have nothing to say I will go and eat loads of food YUM.

Elaine Kerley                                    That's a lot to say about nothing!

Eighty seven thousand words and counting