I'm still doing stuff. . . . But not here

OK I am a terrible blogger these days, but it does not mean I am not quietly working away in the background. One little project has been creating a bit of artwork for a friend who has written a book. It all sort of got delayed somewhat due to life the universe and stuff. This is one of the pictures for that book.

Due to all the delays I then thought  . . . . . . Hang on I reckon I could write a book, it must be easier than drawing pictures for a book, and so as I type I am about half way through it at about 60,000 words. It would help if I could type a little better than I can and also if I knew in a little more detail how it will end. All I know for certain is that Brian, Brenda and their Parrot will be OK and Inspector Clarke will end with a new fancy office and the possibility of a sequel.

Right folk it is time for me to go it is late here in the UK and I was up early this morning delivering things to my daughter.  

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RUMPELSTILTSKIN and the Pirate ROOK

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RRRrrrrr Har Har Har Hardy Harrr RRRRRRRrrrrr It be R and R stands for Pirates.

Mum said I had my chance; P stands for Pirates…….  NOT R

But me and the dog disagreed and said “RRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrr Harrrrrrr Harrrrdy Harrrr”.

Captain Flint the Parrot said “Pieces of Eight who’s a pretty Polly then” and Mum pointed out they were P words a bit like Pirate; but I told her that today I was not having a Parrot sat on my shoulder, but the Steam Powered Duck from yesterday and I planned training him to be a ROOK……. Quack. Well he is trying to be a ROOK Quack, Ok not a very good ROOK…..Quack

The English Teacher at school was helping, she said “A ROUND the RAGGED ROCKS the RAGGED RASCAL RAN” and the duck said QUACK., QUACK QUARK QUARRRRRK QUACK. It was a start, the Steam powered Duck will be a Rook in no time……... Maybe?

RIGHT I must RETURN to the REASON, the RATIONALE for RELATING all this RUBBISH, the letter R. The teachers were RIGHT behind me they love Pirates and RECKON we could turn this into a RIGHT ROLLICKING READ. So everyone cheered and shouted  “RRRRRrrrrrrr Harrrrr Harrrrrdy Harrrrrrrr ROOKS be in ye RIGGING HARRR hardy  HARRRR RRRR”. ROGER added “and Ye RHINO’S and RATTLESNAKES” (Miss Stephanie hated RATTLESNAKES as you will see from the link) but I think he is being RIDICULOUSLY silly. So after a good old sing song in assembly RECITING, ROW ROW ROW your Boat, we went off to be RUTHLESSLY REBELLIOUS RENEGADE REVOLUTIONARIES otherwise known as Pirates HARRRRR Harrr Harrrrrrrr HARrrrrrDY rrrrrrrr

Esmeralda knobbled ROGER with some dodgy Narcotics so that he was giggling a lot, which meant we were able to RUN him up the flagpole so we has a Jolly ROGER HARRRRRA rararr rarar rar HARRRR HARRRRDY HARRRRRR rrrrrrr, very RESOURCEFUL although ROGER seemed a  bit RESONANT or RELUCTANT but we promised to RETRIEVE him later. We then spend the day doing the three R’s READING Writing and Piracy (P is nearer to R than A so Yarrrr sucks boo).

Quack …. Yes sorry Duck, I mean ROOK, have you considered sitting in the crows nest  

 Esmeralda was dressed up in her REGAL REGALIA and a RA RA skirt and brandishing an assortment of REVOLVERS.  And RICK dressed up as RUMPELSTILTSKIN RESTLESSLY chasing RUSTY needles all day and REPEATING I bet you don’t know who I am to which everyone would RETURN the comment “ You’re RUMPELSTILTSKIN RICK” and he would REPLY “I REPUDIATE that and REFUSE to RESPOND”, and the Steam powered Duck sorry ROOK would shout Quackers . I think in its own way the Duck sorry ROOK was calling RICK and IDIOT.

OK I must RUN this has got REPUGNANTLY RANDOM and the a lack of RESPONSES means I am RELUCTANT to write more

QUACK…….

I quite agree duck………..sorry ROOK)

ROUGH

Yes dog sorry it needs a REWRITE but I am in a RUSH.

No really I am sorry about tonight it did not work out as planned, but then that can happen, I sit down and write. Never quite sure where it will go and every now and again it does not work; tonight I feel is one of those nights maybe trying to do the A to Z twice back to back is just more than my poor old brain can cope with…… and I would like to add that although we forgot to get Roger down I spoke to him on his mobile phone a few minutes ago and he said he was OK

Quack

SHUT UP Duck…….Sorry ROOK. 

The Famous Architecture of the PERPLEXED PINEAPPLE PAGODA of PERSIA

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad.

 
I have always thought the Letter P was one of the better letters to deal with in the A to Z

The Letter P 

It has been perishingly cold today with persistent petulant piercing rain penetrating the pores of the poor folk walking their Pekinese in the park, it was predicted so why they have to punish themselves is rather peculiar, and the Pekinese looked perished and puffed out anyway.

In school today we were discussing the principles of Architecture and in Particular the Famous Perplexed Pineapple Pagoda of Persia built by the Prince of Persia in the 15^th century at the Peak of his powers.  It is apparently known as the Perplexed Pineapple because of the polymorphic plebeian perpendicular pitched pillared pivoting Staircase that penetrates the Pineapple Pagodas prestigious Crown. The dog incidentally says “Poppycock and I could write what I know about Architecture on a piece of paper the size of a peanut in big letters”. All I can say is POOOOOO, the dog is just a posy protagonist, what the dog fails to take into account is all the readers know less that I do about the Famous Perplexed Pineapple Pagoda of Persia. And anyway If that very nice Steven Spielberg is going to make the block buster movie (sorry the sequel to the block buster movie) then a prestigious panoramic location is a priority.

Interestingly the PERPLEXED Pineapple Pagoda was built as a Pigeon Loft for the princes prized POISONOUS PERUVIAN PUFF PIGEONS who would Promenade importantly in the pinnacles of its crown. Mr Plant the Architecture lecturer said it was quite plausible that the Pagoda was built as a pleasure facility and………..

It was at this point that the lesson came to an abrupt halt when Esmeralda’s pyrotechnics’ panicked the pupils and they pushed out of the doors towards the Pub for a pork Pie. It was all a bit chaotic until Peter the landlord of the Pub started playing his bagpipes……. A sort of Pie Piper…… Mmmmmm I have always wondered where the meat in his pies came from???......... ……. ……. ……YUM

Ooooooo by the way Captain Flint the Parrot says “Pieces of Eight ……… Polly needs a Poo”

So much for the principles of good taste……. really 

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An OBSCURE Russian OLIGARCH, OWLS and Harry (p) OTTER

O Dear….. Despite Obverting my eyes in an Odd way I still ended up On the ORANGE school bus (the only Orange school Bus) ON what was an Ordinary day.  According to the Weatherman on the wireless (the Oracle Of all Our Weather) it was going to rain all day something Orrible (sorry horrible) Only it was Sunny sort OF.  On the bus Esmeralda was being rather Ostentatious and it turned Out she has spent her Oliday (sorry holiday) working for the ISOBAR handing Out flyers offering free entry and a free drink. She was also hopping to make some other cash selling (Blackmailing) Obscene photos of the lemming of Petrograd; however they have posted all the photos On their Facebook page and have Ordered more for Old friends back in Omsk.   

Just in case you are thinking WHAT????..... You don’t obviously follow my Diary on a regular basis, I am Open to such Outrage but feel at this point it is time for you to go Off to Other Offerings in cyberspace, Outwards and Onwards so to speak (write).

OK at school the Headmaster had invited the OSLO OCARINA ORCHESTRAL ensemble to play after the Ovation and Oodles of praise from their previous Outstanding visit.  The OSLO OCARINA ORCHESTRAL ensemble are funded by an Obscure Russian  Oligarch who made his fortune selling Owls to Obsessive Harry Potter Fans desperate to buy any sort of Harry Potter Objet d'art. Anyway me and Harry Potter are not mates as you know, and I will not gloat by saying he is now an Obscure has been Wizard doomed to Oblivion……(OH sorry I did say it……….. HAHH HAH HAH HAH  HO HO HO HO HO HO HOH Hahah hahahhhah )

After various odds and ends of lessons including Oceanography and Observing an Ocelot and an Osprey and making Ointment from Olives (O God now I sound like Harry B******y Potter) I went home on the Orange Bus

At Home the Dog was involved with the Occult trying to sacrifice an Octopus that have been force fed Okra in the old  tradition of offering Odin something Offbeat.  The Octopus you will be pleased to know escaped. However the dog showed me the Octopus’s large empty rectangular tank and said “ O look the large rectangular tank has turned into an Octagon HA HAHAH HAHH HAH HAH HAH HHAH HAH HAH HAahah hah hah ah ahah haah ha hahh ha hah hah ah ha haahah h      ….. .. . . ..ha hahahh haha hah hah “

OK that’s It over for today………

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The NEOLITHIC NEMESIS of the NIGHT and Auntie NELLY

Navigating Nomadically through the never-world of cyberspace I feel I need to mention My old friend of cyberspace and a Noble Pirate, Captain Nessman of the High Seas (I know name-dropping). Now me and Captain Nessman have known each other for nearly two years (no longer) and have nurtured a good friendship. Even when Captain Nessman  would suddenly nip off in to the NIGHT sky crossing the great Nabulus seas in his Neoclassical Nuclear Pirate ship The Nautilus, No that’s wrongs that’s Captain Nemo’s or was it Leonard Nimoy’s from Startrek? ………. Never mind.

But Now Captain Nessman of the High Seas has settled into a new life as a Notable Academic in many things

Auntie Nelly who is Ninety Nine said she spent last night in a night club with Nigel the nice man from NICARAGUA, She said the narcotics can make her Very nimble. Mum says Auntie Nelly is a nightmare and once ran Nude through the Norwegian Embassy, and smuggles the dogs Nitroglycerine though customs at the nearest airport hidden in her Zimmer frame.   

 

Apparently the Neolithic Neon Newtonosaur had been seen in the woods, needless to say me and the dog went to explore. The Neolithic Neon Newtonosaur was so named because Isaac Newton was the first person to see one through his telescope. Bearing in mind he had just invented it, (the telescope not the Neolithic Neon Newtonosaur) and had the only one (again I refer to the telescope), so not as impressive as it might appear.  Anyway it is worth remembering that the Neolithic Neon Newtonosaur a nasty niggly nomadic beast, The nemesis of the night, should not be confused with the Nano  Newtonosaur a small Norse furry Creature.

It was not long until we came face to face with the so called nemesis of the night, the Neolithic Neon Newtonosaur but it was strangely happy, and it told us it had just met a pretty girl who had given him a invite to the ISOBAR and he even gets two free drinks after she said he looked like an INTERGALACTIC INVADER from IO. We did say what ever you do don’t drink the Billberry bush MOONSHINE  and you should be fine.

I seem to have drifted away from N words a bit but as the dog says an N is Just a Z that has fallen over. But I can’t work out if it has fallen forwards or fallen backwards ………. Ah mum has said IDIOT.

I am told this is not the way to write a novel……………. OK why Not?

So…..NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA……….

HAH HAH hah ahah ahah ha haha haha hah ahah aa a 

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The MYSTERIOUS MUMBLING MUTANT MONSTERS of MESOPOTAMIA

After a morning chatting with friends in the Bishops Castle, we returned home because dad has had a brilliant idea. He is making the first Steam Powered Muck Magnet that will remove muck from almost everything using a magnetic flux density Motionless Multiplex Drive Motor. But this may take dad hours or maybe longer so I will move on to my more mundane day.  

After a lunch of mulligatawny made with Mutton, eaten with toasted Muffins, me and the dog went out to explore the woods, a new part this time with its own small microclimate, where we met three Mutant monsters, the Mysterious Murderous Mumbling mummified Mutant Monsters of Mesopotamia. Playing Music and muttering about the mysteries of Mythology and mythological men.

Having a long conversation with the Mysterious Murderous Mumbling mummified Mutant Monsters of Mesopotamia was well misjudged as the following few minutes of conversation will make clear (They are called Mumbling for a very good reason).

Dog   “AH, you must be the Mysterious Mutant Monsters of Mesopotamia”

Monster 1  “Musrestuizt Musvieinvy Mddheewyhf Monkeys”

Monster 2  “Muxicllly Muised My move Miffgsdgss Rob”

Me            “WHAT?........... I don’t think so”

Monster 1  “Marionettes Mintressed Mouse move monsoon Muesli” 

Me            “WHAT? Monsoon Muesli”

Monster 1, 2 and 3 and dog  “Muesli YUCK”

Monster 3  “ Monsoon miedres  Misslrfed makes much Hail”

Dog            “At least four feet”

Me             “WHAT?”

Monster 3  “Much Hail”

Dog            “midget Microbes Making Migration in Miniture”

Monster 1, 2 and 3  “HA HAH HAH HAHH hah hah ah h haha hahh hah hah ahh ha hha hahah ahhah h”

Me             “What?”

Monster 1  “Mondi  Mombi  Mumbai”

Mombi

Me             “Mumbai?”

Monster 2  “Mumbai Rob, Mumbai Dog”

Monster 3  “ Mutter mutter Mutter misdsbbtty Mumbai”

Then they headed back into the woods where the trees and undergrowth were much thicker.  The dog said they were off to a party in Mesopotamia with The marauding mean megalomaniacal Mankind Mutilating Marionettes of Moldova, and we might have been invited if I have not said No……….. WHAT?

Anyway back at home we discovered that dad had accidently inverted the Magnetic poles of the Muck Magnet …….YUCK, Mum is not pleased………

OK Must Go……….. Mumbai Everyone ….” Misffleerlkrrek Midbrwsfgges”

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Liquorish liquors, lager and Liebfraumilch, the Lap Dancer and the LLama

“Look” said the dog first thing this morning as I lay lazily in my bed. And looking out the window I saw a line of Lemmings; The Lemmings of Petragrad (Lemmingrad) looking in. Yes we have reached L and the lemming were out last night listening to loud Latin music played on lutes, and downing Liquorish Liquors, lager and cheap liebfraumilch  in a lap dancing club. Before landing themselves in trouble with the Law for Lascivious language and lobbing Leaches at the lap dancers and playing Leap Frog in the lavatory.

They were lucky though, because of a loophole in the law which states Lemmings can not be held responsible on a leap year. So I have agreed to mention the largely lost  legend of The Lemming of Petrograd (Lemmingrad) yet again, Like anyone is listening (reading) the lumbering lefty literature of little leaping rodents and there leaders,  Lamenting the long lost days of loyalty and luncheon meat.      

This time round the dog has decided not to wear lipstick, last time it turned into a liability as a lively liberal Labrador kept leering lecherously at him leaving letters about a liaison in the log shed and some lively lust involving licking (YUCK).

After a late breakfast, me and the dog went to the lodge of luminescence by the Lake where the lonely loathsome Lockkeepers ghost lingers, looking like a mad lunatic, and singing lyrically of the Lynx eyed Lyre Bird and the lobster. As it turned out he was quite Likeable, listening to him and his tales of Lilliput and how everyone, (the little Lilliputians)  got eaten by a Llama.

We thought about going to Llanfair and a trip on the light railway to see Auntie Karen but the dog thought we should go to

 Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch 

because no one else on the A to Z trail would. In the end though we went home  and the dog went off to lecture Ladybirds on Life and I got all lethargic and lackadaisical  and thought mmmmmmmmm, I have to think of something like lightning,  right now to make people laugh; sort of Jack the Lad. 

King Kong and the King of the Kelpies

The Letter K

As we all know last time I wore the King Kong outfit (yes way back in March 2012) was on the school bus which went kaput on the Kings road. But today I was able to wear it in the woods. No one Knew I was going to be there with the dog so we thought no KERFUFFLE this time around. So me and the dog and my knapsack with kipper and kittiwake sandwiches and a Kukri (OK a kitchen knife) in were exploring.

On our trip we saw a kingfisher, Kookaburra and a few Kestrels, a kitten and a Knight of the round table who said he was on a quest to Kill The King of the Kelpies. He also asked why I was dressed as the Big Foot; I told him “I’m not the Big Foot I’m KING KONG” before he went on his way. Then we met a midget who only came up the height of my Knees, He said “I’m the King of the Kelpies, and why are you dressed as a Big Foot” and I told him “I’m not the Big Foot I’m KING KONG” and told him of the knight who was out to kill him. So he said “it must be Kismet that our paths had crossed”.  He summoned one of his Kinsmen on a large Klaxon who said “why are you dressed as a Big Foot” and I said “I’m not the Big Foot I’m KING KONG”. 

They then dug a big hole and covered it in Kelp and Kardboard (OK yes yes, but I’m under stress) and the King of the kelpies in his Kitsch Kaftans Koat and Knickerbockers, sat in a seat and started to eat Kumquats and kebabs covered in ketchup and waited……….

After a bit the Knight of the round table returned and said “I have come to kill the King of the Kelpies and why are you still dressed as a Big Foot”   and I said “I’m not the Big Foot I’m KING KONG don’t you listen and there is a big hole covered in kelp in front of you”. But he didn’t listen and fell into the hole and was KNOCKED out.

At which point the King of the Kelpies turned into a huge dragon and ate the Knight of the round table; that was not nice and I said “that was not nice” and he said “And what is a Big foot going to do about it then”. And I said “I am not a big Foot I am King Kong and for getting that wrong I am setting the dog on you”. The dragon (the King of the Kelpies) laughed but the dog ate the dragon, and then me and the dog went home and the dog said Ooooooooo I fancy a Chinese for tea now”……………. Kool 

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The legendary JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS (Part Two) and a Jockey wearing a Jacobean Jacket

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad. 

The Letter J

Dam it, we really are winging it today. The dog said we just have look at life from its juxtaposition. He suggested driving a juggernaut in the Jet stream on a Jetty in Japan with the Hindu God of Jagannâth tied to the roof with Jute rope. There is no denying this justifies the dogs concept of a juxtaposition on life but it is not entirely practical.

So instead we followed The Fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence through the jungle (Yes Yes the Woods) to the JUNCTION with the Pool of JEJUNE to see the beast; the legendary JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS and hunt for Jewels and Jasper.

sorry about the reflection of the camera name on the water but I never said I was good at photography

Last time we were there it was hot like a June day but this time (a month later) it was more like January. It was clear that there had been some Jiggery-pokery just recently and the JUVENILE JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS has jolly well gone. Then me and the dog saw a Jockey. We assume he was a Jockey because he was wearing jodhpurs and a Jacobean jacket and hat (funny lot are Jockeys). He said that the Japanese has done a runner with it, having enticed it out of the  Pool of JEJUNE with a giant Jumbo sausage and juniper sauce plus a plate of juicy jaffa cakes and Jam.  But a passing jogger said he (The Jockey) was a jingoistic Jumped up Johnny come likely jester who was trying to sell his story to journalists.

So we left them Gesticulating (Dam that’s not J) at each other and jabbing one another with pointy sticks, and went off to hunt jewels on the way home until we met John from school on his way to the chip shop. He was looking rather jaded and down because he said he had been Jilted by Julie, who has run off with Gordon and he was going home to jot down a jolly little song about it all so she would never forget him.

Me and the dog both looked at each other and said JUXTAPOSITION or What?

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And on that note i must return to painting the walls of a bedroom JAZZBERRY (no I really am)

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The IMPOSSIBLE IMPLODING INTELLECTUAL and one too many at the ISOBAR

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad. 

Anyway 10 years where did that go Phew. 

The Letter I

Industrious, interesting, intuitive, inexplicable and insane all words that the New York Times has not used in their in depth interview in the imaginative mind of the individual who instinctively responds the interesting name of Rob Z Tobor (me or I).

So having now investigated many of the interesting blogs INVOLVED in the A to Z it is intriguing that many (ok a couple) have inexplicably imploded into the infinite void of infinity in the internet something Ian would I’m sure say was inevitable.

The dog insists that the imploded blogs are the result of INTOXICATED bloggers hanging about in the Isobars of cyberspace where bloggers become INEBRIATED by infusions of suspicious letters from the alphabet such as T or IT (An early evening meal, typically eaten between 5pm and 7pm in England) or Y’n or even G’n or J’n or possibly B’r (as in you’re my best mate you are).

Isobars are (also) as we all know invisible lines of pressure of a known value along a line and it is a common fact that bloggers can not work under pressure. So losing Inertia, resulting in Ineptitude, killing their inventive minds.

While on the subject of Invisible things here is a little drawing of the Cheshire Cat I did some time ago just before it became Invisible (as they do)

If you meet a pretty young girl who gives you a card to an Isobar offering free entry and a free drink just say “I’m an Intergalactic invader from IO (one of the moons of Jupiter), and my iguana has insomnia”……. It has always worked for me as they then run away.

Mum has said IDIOT. I thought she might, she said that last time I wrote about EYE’s.

Anyway I irritatingly (for you) intend to illustriously inch my way to Z and beyond. 

The Ghost Writer says IT IS  alright for you lot he has had to work all day in a grey office spilling the guts of temperamental artificial intelligence which was shouting Igloo Igloo Igloo, I'M an Igloo.

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Not part of the 2022 A to Z . . . Goldilocks and the Three Bears . . . . . . Sort Of

 Way back when . . . . In a time when I had more time; I used to write stuff like this in my daily diary. It has been a while since I last read it . . . . Gosh time does fly.

We had a supply teacher in English today, the regular Teacher had vanished. Anyway she said she was called Miss Loxley Green because when she was young she was a hoodie. Esmeralda thought she was well cool, she had never had a hoodie as a teacher before. She said we had to write a fairy story about vampires and werewolves. We did all this last year with fairy tales, so I said we've done that; but Miss Green stared at me, so I wrote the following.

Once upon a time there were three bears (see its things in threes again) who went for a walk because their porridge was too hot to eat. Anyway while they were out a Miss Goldilocks turned up and thought porridge YUM so ate the baby bears porridge, but thought I am still hungry, so ate both mummy bear’s and daddy bears porridge. She then went upstairs and jumped up and down on baby bears bed which broke, and mummy bears and finally daddy bears, which was well cool like being on a huge trampoline.

Because she was laughing hysterically she did not hear the three bears arrive home who said look its Miss Goldilocks. But at that very moment the big bad werewolf leapt out of the wardrobe and ate Miss Goldilocks.  The bears were very displeased and shouted at the big bad werewolf who said that Miss Goldilocks was in fact a vampire clone and there was loads of cloned vampire Goldilocks’ all over the place and he was there to save the bears from being turning into The Living Dead by eating them (the Miss Goldilocks’). Blaming all the bad press he gets on three pigs (yes there were three of them) who tried to build houses on the greenbelt by getting round the planning laws using straw. Big bad werewolf put in a formal complaint to the council and then the pigs tried to ruin his reputation. Anyway the point is the three bears said the big bad werewolf was big and bad and told him to go.

The following morning mummy bear overheated the porridge again daddy bear moaned, but mummy bear said IF HE SPENT LESS TIME IN THE LOO READING ALL THE GRIMM STORIES IN THE PAPERS THEN THE PORRIDGE WOULD NOT NEED TO BE MICROWAVED TO HEAT IT UP AGAIN. Baby bear said they should go to the woods because he had heard from his friend that bears do things in the woods, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . so they did.

When they got home they found three cloned Miss Goldilocks laughing hysterically and leaping up and down on their beds. Big bad Werewolf was right they were cloned vampires So they shouted HELP US BIG BAD WEREWOLF, but a voice from outside the window said OOOOO YES YOU WANT ME TO HELP NOW AFTER PHONING ALL YOUR FRIENDS LAST NIGHT AND SAYING I WAS BIG AND BAD I DON’T THINK I WILL NOW. So the vampire Miss Goldilocks bit all the bears who turned into The Living Dead, after which the big bad werewolf ate the Miss Goldilocks’, after all he has a job to do. And the three bears wandered in the woods forever doing what bears do in the woods forever ……… THE END

I had just finished reading my story to the class when Miss Loxley Green leapt at me and tried to bite my neck, but Esmeralda was a bit upset as she wanted to be a vampire and stabbed at her with the new poker I had made in metalwork Miss Green laughed hysterically and said only a silver bullet could destroy her. As it happens when Esmeralda stabbed her with the poker Miss Green turned to dust, apparently I used the wrong bar of metal to make the poker and had accidentally used the metalwork teacher’s stash of silver bullion. He had it hidden away to supplement his pension.

One final footnote to the story it would appear the real English teacher is roaming the woods as one of The Living Dead.