Cows, Zombies and Me, but not Football.

(32....)

I am still working on the workshop; progress is exceedingly slow at present because not having a design can lead to technical issues as you progress. One of which I am trying to sort out in a neat way so that no one will ever know I might have made a design error. And I have almost finished . . . . Phew . . . . It is not structural so the workshop will not fall down, but I needed to sort it before I put the corrugated sheets on the outside walls or that would have been so much harder. Anyway that should now be a piece of cake . . . . . That’s an odd saying. Why something being relatively easy should be linked to a piece of cake makes no sense to me. If someone asked me to make a piece of cake I would consider that extremely difficult indeed. And not a piece of cake even if it was actually a piece of cake if you get my drift.  I mean I can make ginger biscuits dead easy and damn good ones too, but cake no.

I have been out this evening saving a cow which had got onto the road and was well spooked. Not helped by idiots driving too fast and refusing to slow down for the poor critter. Anyway the farmer who owns the cow turned up and it is now safe in its field again. . . . We suspect it may have been Zombies that released it. For reasons I have not yet worked out it seems Cows don’t like Zombies and Zombies don’t like Cows. Actually when you look back on films involving Cows and Zombies it is hard to think of one where both Cows and Zombies feature, generally its either one or the other.

Right I plan to have a cup of tea and a chill not watching football in any form whatsoever . . . . I am not a fan of football and I suspect neither are the Cows or the Zombies. So despite our differences we have much in common.

Athletics, Drugs, Winning and Money

Yesterday we learnt the shock news that rather of lot of folk in the world of athletics are cheating by taking drugs; I say shock in an ironic way as quite frankly it is not really much of a shock.  It appears the poor old Russians are taking the worst of the criticism at present and as one would expect are denying everything.  I think we know deep down that it is very likely that all the stuff about Russian athletics is true. But to be fair Russia over the years has been criticised for all sorts of stuff which has made their leaders very paranoid indeed. And the most paranoid of the lot I suspect must be President Putin who is keen to be seen as a strong and important international leader of a super power.  So he will be keen to keep Russia up there doing well at everything from running to bombing folk and many things in between and in some cases some assistance may be required.

In respect to Athletics and sport I don’t really think Russia are entirely to blame for the present situation all they are trying to do it look good and maintain their status as a superpower in all things. The real issue with sport and not just athletics is money, in the old days of Roger Banister it was all about doing your best win or lose and getting a medal or a cup and being part of an event.  Yes Roger Banister did have the advantage that he would turn into The Incredible Hulk if folk annoyed him which did lead to talk of illegal substances. Although he was never tested as he would throw the testers out of the stadium or lift shot putters over his head laughing hysterically, or was that President Putin. . . . Ah No hang on it was Roger Banner and his mate Trigger.

AH yes back to the point money and sport. Just think of the old Olympic ideal the reason it all restarted, a way for all nations to get together as one leaving their differences and politics behind to compete in the name of friendship . . . all that, it’s the taking part not the winning.

Well that is all very well but human beings are not entirely nice and the truth is folk in sport as a whole like to win and win at all costs.  Those of us who are not competitive you see will just never get to the Olympics in the first place or even the final of the school Egg and Spoon race.  Now add a highly paid and lucrative career advertising stuff, and winning starts to get more important and in order to maintain that lucrative career a lot of folk will do what ever it takes to win. Add the logic that some must think which is, if they take drugs then I need to take drugs in order to maintain an even playing field. Once you say that taking drugs is not really cheating it is maintaining the balance.

Sadly there is so much money tied up in sports of all kinds that most if not all of them probably are full of dodgy deals drugs and many other things of which we do not know. Look at FIFA or how the locations of Olympics are chosen and what is spent on stadiums and the like in a gory attempt at one-upmanship between nations.  It is a bit like the Roman Empire in its heyday and look what happened to that.

I once played green bowls in a slightly mad team of people and it was Brill until one year we accidently won a cup and then there was a certain look in the eyes of some team members; it broke the team up and showed me the ugly side of competitive sport in the flesh.

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A Perplexing Anomaly about Sport, Aliens and Popularity

I am not a person who has a huge amount of interest in sport, something that may (or may not) be clear from my coverage of the Football World Cup and if you delve back into the deaths (sorry Depths) of my diary, the Olympics.  This is a personal thing, I don't mind if folk get excited by sport, I even have known folk who like sport so much they will have it on the television even when they are not in the room watching it.   But there is an odd thing linked to my coverage of these sporting events in my own rather offbeat way (although every word is true-ish), yes it appears I get far more pageviews on my blog.

So what makes the masses choose my blog to get the latest news of these sporting competitions? Many would say they learn absolutely nothing from my blog; OK they did learn the entire world cup was manipulated by Dave the Elvis Impersonator and won by German Androids. . . . . And the World Cup is probably not the Holy Grail. 

My main worry now is that in order to continue to see growth in the blog I will be forced to comment on more sport, but I am not a great fan of sport so I am more than a little perplexed by this strange state of affairs. Will I be forced to rely on the Commonwealth Games to perpetuate the excitement of the masses? And reveal that certain sports have been taken over by Aliens stealing the bodies of the unsuspecting sports people. . . it is a strong possibility.

Anyway the Ghost Writer spent his day in the office pondering the virtues of computers and using his own set of unique tools to perform tasks that other IT folk think of as plain stupid or blatant vandalism.  And as myself and the Ghost Writer are physically and mentally bonded together in a way that can only be described as diabolically indescribable, much like those Commonwealth Athletes that have been taken over by Aliens.  What this means is, when the Ghost Writer is knackered (so to speak. . . sorry small children your parents will explain) so am I. . . .

Therefore that’s your lot I’m off. . . I hate computers. 

     

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The very final Word on the Brazil 2014 Football World Cup

The 2014 Brazil World Cup has ended now and normality returns, which is my case has turned out to be cutting the grass. This is a mighty fall; only the other day I thought I had got my hands on the Holy Grail and planned to become a slightly friendly evil ruler of everyone in the entire world, with the help of the trusty band of RATs (Radical Abstract Thinkers).  I noticed that the Androids of the Knights Templar have had a terrible shock today when they realized the World Cup is not the Holy Grail and that they had been tricked by the Elvis Impersonator called Dave from Wolverhampton who pretended to be the Pope and implanted the idea in their minds that the World Cup was the Holy Grail. He . . .  it turned out had a bet on Germany to win for huge sums of money and was going to use any means possible to achieve his Goals (no pun intended again). So it seems the entire Football World Cup has been controlled by a man called Dave. All I can say is that once you know that somehow it loses it sparkle a bit, OK I am not a football fan and it did not have much sparkle for me, even less that the Elvis Impersonator. It’s a bit like the entire formula one racing circus being controlled by a man called Bernie  . . . . . . . . AH DAMN.  OK it could be worse he could be named after one of the Goons . . . . . . AH DAMN again.

So now the German Androids of the Knights Templar has melted into the Amazon Forest to continue their eternal quest and the world . . .OK Britain . . . OK Scotland gets ready for the next sporting event The Commonwealth Games.  . . . . . . . .HANG ON that Queens Baton looks a bit Holy Grail-ish . . . . . I wonder.

I did notice today that the Sports Press on the BBC have said what a great Football World Cup it has been and they have enjoyed every minute of their time at the matches, the luxury hotel, food drink and trips all on expenses . . . . . . . NO NO I KNOW I am just a grumpy cynical spoilsport (no pun intended).

Ooooooo yes I will be drumming tonight so normality is BACK, and I did see that Super Moon on Saturday and Sunday it was awesome.  

The Final Analysis of the 2014 Brazil World Cup and its achievements.

As the long reaching arms of the Knights Templar inevitably encircle the Holy Grail (World Cup) and the world watches knowing there is nothing they can do to stop it now (you will need to read this if you do not understand why). Little do they realise what I have discovered, which now makes their efforts futile. You see we need to look at the achievements of the World Cup as a competition in the cold light of day.

So what exactly has the 2014 Brazilian World Cup achieved as the two final teams (Argentina and Germany) face one another in their true colours?

Have the people of Brazil been left proud knowing that although they did not win, their team played like they loved football, like they did as kids on the beach pretending to be Pele or Jairzinho, running up the pitch being creative and taking risks . . . . . . .  AH NO.

Did it help to solve the terrible inequality and poverty that still exists in Brazil. . . . . . AH NO.

Were the ordinary folk of Brazil able to get tickets rather than them being all sold off at huge profits to the rich corporate bodies and the like. . . . AH NO.

Will the World Cup legacy help Brazil in the future. . . . . . . AH NO

Did it help just a little towards World Peace and understanding, a competition of true sportsmanship   . . . . . . . AH NO.

Has it made the World a better place . . . . . . . AH NO.

Is it the taking part not the winning that is important. . . . . . . . AH NO

Has the corporate world taken over the event so that it has become a money making machine for a few from advertising and appealing to corporate greed and elitism of the few. . . . . . AH YES.

So it is clear that the World Cup can not be the Holy Grail, but just a lump of gold or the whole competition would be an open, harmonious, and happy event without all that money stuff lurking in the background and all the secret wheeler dealing leading to suspicion of greed and corruption and a few men on a power trip.

So now I need to work out exactly where that Holy Grail is before you know who starts sending its Androids after me.

What’s that you say Skippy . . . . . . The old Funfair near Stockdale . . . . . . . Surely not. 

2014 Brazilian World Cup . . . Netherlands v Brazil, The Wicker Man. . . And the villagers painting expedition

In our little village community today it was paint day when we all rallied round and headed off to the Village Hall armed with paint brushes and painted. Well that was sort of the plan only it was a lovely sunny day and when we arrived there was just one other person. But we were closely followed by someone else who had arrived to do running repairs on the building; when I say running I do not mean he was running it is one of those silly saying and refers to the building . . . Not that it was running either. So the four (well three) of us started painting the entrance hall as our numbers were a bit less than anticipated. After a while we then lost one of our painters as they had to go off elsewhere and then after a bit longer we lost the repair man as he had to do stuff and also has to get up at 2.00am in the morning to do other stuff. I wonder what sort of stuff a man in a striped T-shirt, wearing a mask, and carrying a large crowbar does at 2.00am. . . . .  And why is a crowbar called a crowbar is it designed to dislodge crows from crevices where they have become stuck?

 So we were then down to two painters which was not exactly what was planned so once the entrance hallway was done we decided that was it, and the other jobs would have to wait. I’m sure the locals will turn up on mass soon enough, bearing pointy sticks, pitch folks and fiery torches looking for an unsuspecting passer by to tie into the Wicker Man before feasting and painting the men’s and ladies toilets. 

There are rituals and funny ways in the country and it does not do to question the reasoning at times, it is always best to cheer and join in. Unless of course you are an unsuspecting passer by walking the Shropshire Way and find yourself tied inside a Wicker Man while folk prod you with pointy sticks and set fire to the large bonfire the Wicker Man is on top of. 

Anyway that was what I did today . . . . . . . . I was wondering if it would help the Netherland football team (My Disheartened Androids) if I tied an unsuspecting passer by into a Wicker footballer and set fire to him. I know it’s too late for the final and my chance to rule the world but at least they would cheer up if they beat Brazil seven one like those German Androids. . .    

The least important football match in the World Cup (Brazil 2014)

As many of you know I have been reporting the news from the world cup in Brazil over the last couple of weeks and the slightly bizarre truth behind the veiled illusion that it is a sporting event to find the best football nation in the world.  As if the general public are likely to be taken in by such a far fetched tale. One thing I had forgotten though after the terrible defeat of my Androids when they lost out in the penalty shootout against Argentina is that there is a play off for third and forth position. Yes I know I don’t see the point of it either, not now the Knights Templar have as good as got their hands on the World Cup (Holy Grail).

 My Androids (the Netherlands Team) are very despondent, they know they have let me down and I did turn one into a Ballet Dancer and one into a small Beast for refusing to take penalties.  And Brazil as we know are very despondent as they were beaten to a pulp by the German Androids of the Knights Templar.  So tomorrow the Netherlands and Brazil have to play yet one more game of football which will not help either in any way and certainly will not help me rule the world. 

Even my little scam to sell a few tickets for the match to folk for a slightly inflated price has not gone well. Mr Ray Gun it appears has had to do a bit of a runner when he told everyone that Brazil was in the final; not the third fourth position playoff, and it was all a bit of a mistake caused by a Butterfly flapping its wings in the heart of the Amazon Jungle. Which is as we all know the origin of Chaos theory, and the reason that Brazil plan to chop it down and create a car park in readiness for the next Olympics.  No one wants chaos during the Olympics so those Butterflies need to go.

Ooooooooo apparently the government plan to ban folk chewing Cats. . . . . . . I know it’s a bit odd

2014 Brazilian World Cup The Final Conspiracy

I did not watch the world cup match between Argentina and the Netherlands last night as I was rather tired, but knew that my trusty Androids would easily defeat those Argentinians, after all, the German Androids had done the very same thing just the day before against Brazil. However I woke up to discover they had lost and on the penalty shootout. I then heard on the BBC News that the first two Androids asked to take penalties had panicked and said NO, unnerving the entire team. They have ruined my plans now and I will not be the ruler of the entire World forcing the very nice Steven Spielberg to make the blockbuster film of the book of the blog diary of me Rob Z Tobor.  I have since received a telegram from the very nice Steven Spielberg that read . . . . . . .  HAH AH AH AHAH AH AH AHHA HAHA HA HAH AH AHAHHAH AH Ha So I will not be making the film after all. Now I suggest you stop annoying me and go away. . HA HAHAH AH HAH AH HA HAH AH hah ah ah ah ah ha hah ahah hah aah ha hah  . . . . . . . . . . . .  Its OK I known he does not mean it and will come round to the idea very soon. 

I have realized though that the final is a fix, the Netherlands were doomed even with my Androids playing. You see the Germans as we all now know have been infiltrated by the Androids of the Knights Templar who are after the Holy Grail (world Cup). And as we all Know, who do they see as their head man, none other than the Pope and where does the present Pope come from, Argentina. Add to this the fact that the previous German Pope resigned to let the Present Argentinian  Pope take over in time for the world cup and we have one seriously big conspiracy theory, after all where is the one place on earth that you could hide the World Cup (Holy Grail). . . . . . . Yes the Vatican. No international police of any sort will get into there.

So it appears that the German team and the Argentinian  teams are in it together, I bet some of the Argentinian players are Androids of the Knights Templar and that would explain why my Dutch Androids were a bit off form.

However just so they know who the boss is I have reconfigured the two Androids who refused to take the first penalty for the Netherlands as a warning not to do such things again.    

OOooooooo and those compromising pictures of the Pope I planned to Blackmail the Argentinean Manager with were fakes planted by the Knights Templar to lull me into a false sense of security. They have turned out to be an Elvis Impersonator called Dave from Wolverhampton. . . .  Well He will have some explaining to do tomorrow to the press.

If Argentina win the World cup all I can say is it’s the hand of God and the whole match is rigged.  

The Reason Why Brazil Lost 7 goals to 1 against Germany

Do you remember back on the 19^th June I explained all about the Origin of Androids and how they were created by Augustus Von Androidus, then later on the 21stJune I reported the shock news that the German football team were playing an Android in their team and were firstly disqualified but later reinstated.  Then we learnt that the Androids of Augustus Von Androidus were in fact created for the Knights Templar to search for the Holy Grail. Things got more complex when I accidently let slip that the entire team of the Netherlands were androids planted by me (an Evil Genius) to steal the World Cup (Holy Grail) . . . . Yes the World Cup IS the Holy Grail (Honest).

And then on the 1st July we learnt that the Goat men of the Cameroon were using Voodoo to manipulate games as part of a huge betting scam.

Well last night saw what happens when the German team plays a team of Androids from the Knights Templar against the unsuspecting human forces of the Brazil football team. They have done this because the Knights Templar are convinced my own Androids disguised as the Netherlands team is going to win and it is now a battle of wits to get hold of the Holy Grail (World Cup). What really was the final downfall of Brazil was that the Goat Men of Cameroon had bet 200 to 1 on a seven goals to one German win so not only did they have to play Androids but they were under a Voodoo spell and stood no chance. 

Luckily for me the Goat Men have made a killing and will be partying long into the night for months to come and so have no plans to affect the last couple of matches. And as we all know I have sent compromising pictures of the Pope to the Argentinean Manager and hinted that maybe a two one win for the Netherlands would see them destroyed or else the Pope will be saying a lot in Latin.

So the Holy Grail will soon be all mine and my plans to rule the world are coming along nicely. I just hope you all like ice cream and Duvets and accurate clocks

The Netherlands World Cup (Holy Grail) Quest still on track at the 2014 Brazilian World Cup

As some or all or none of you will know I have a master plan to get my hands on the Holy Grail (World Cup) and rule the world, however Mr F has popped up to visit for the weekend so I sort of took my eye of the ball. No pun intended.  Then last night as I was drawing a new picture of Peeliam Orangeman the famous God of The Netherlands and the reason all their sportsmen wear bright orange, I was given some shocking news. Mrs Ghost Writer was checking FB while we were all chatting and told me that the Son of Mr M had put up a message to say the Netherland football team were goners and out of the world cup.

WHAT . . . .  That was terrible because they are my secret team of Androids the team built to win the World Cup (Holy Grail) for me so I can use the powers of the Holy Grail (World Cup) to rule the world like all evil genius’s are meant too.  And besides I had just finished Drawing Peeliam Orangeman the famous God of The Netherlands only minutes before. So I rushed to the computer and went to view the BBC News to find out what had happened. It said the score was Nil Nil and that they were playing a penalty shootout.  I needed to know so I hit the live link only to discover the penalty shootout was happening right there in front of my eyes. I shouted at my Androids and pointed at my drawing of Peeliam Orangeman the famous God of The Netherlands and warned them that they would all be dismantled if they lost and the Androids of the Knights Templar would steal the Holy Grail (World Cup) and my evil plan would be ruined.

Luckily it did the trick the Netherlands are still there doing what they were designed for, and my cunning trick to ensure Brazil are scuppered sending their main man to hospital in a well practiced accident went like clockwork. . . . .HAH AH HA HA Hah ah ah ah ah ha aha h ah ha ah ah ahah hahha ha.

As for the Argentinean team I have sent several compromising pictures of the Pope to the Manager of the Argentinean Football Manager suggesting that he insures his team loses or the Pope will have a lot of explaining to do.  

So it is just a matter of time now until the Netherlands wins the 2014 Brazilian World Cup and I Rob Z Tobor get hold of the Holy Grail (World Cup) and everyone will call me Emperor Rob Z Tobor and gravel (sorry Grovel) a lot. . . . . . . .  OK I will be a bit nice to some folk. . . . . . . OK YES I will be nice to Everyone.

HAH AHAH AHAH HAhah ah ha ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah hha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah a ha Hha ha hah ah a  AHAH AHAH AH AHAH AH AH AH AH AH AHAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAH AH A HA HAH AH ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ah hahaha h ha hah h ah ah hahah hahah ha hah ah aha h hhah                haha ha ha ha.

So Please do not put misinformation on FB it can be rather stressful. 

2014 Brazil World Cup ( Football latest) . . . New Plot Exposed

Who would have believed it, just a couple of weeks ago the world was looking forward to a friendly competition among nations where everyone was equal and it was down to the skill and tactics of the various teams to do their best in a game of two halves. Then we had the shock that certain teams were playing Androids to enhance their chances of winning. This news was closely followed by the news that those countries without the technical know how to build fancy Androids were playing members of the Undead such as Vampires and other creatures of fiction. But despite all the headlines the public gritted their teeth and continued to support their favourite team, football is a bit like that folk follow teams despite almost everything.

Then it was discovered that behind the scenes the Androids of the Knights Templar are convinced that the World Cup is in fact The Holy Grail and are plotting to steal it and return it to its rightful place (A secret cavern deep underground I suspect). Adding to the ever growing complexity of the story it turns out an evil genius is controlling many of the Androids on the pitch, replacing the entire team of the Netherlands in order to get hold of the World Cup before the Androids of the Knights Templar, yes the Netherlands are programmed to win. (I hope you are still with this, the plot is going to get even more complex) This evil genius (me) will then use the World Cup (The Holy Grail) to rule the world.

However all has not gone to plan, my own plans got accidently leaked early and some of the Androids are not playing as well as expected, but it appears that there is yet another force attempting to influence the outcome of the 2014 Brazil World Cup.  It has been revealed in the last twenty four hours or so that Cameroon are using Voodoo to manipulate games. The famous Ma-Ginti Tribe of the Cameroon are using their powerful High Priests, the fabled Goat Men of the Ma Ginti to put spells on players, teams and even Evil Genius’s to ruin things in what is said to be a huge gambling scam.

This World Cup is getting more complex than a Raymond Chandler thriller, how is an Evil Genius meant to deal with both the Androids of the Knights Templar and Goat men performing Voodoo and singing their terrible songs.

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The Story behind the 2014 Brazil World Cup (An exclusive and shocking story of power).

The complex story behind the 2014 Brazil World Cup is finally starting to unravel, but it is a complex story and I need to return to the past for it to make sense. Back to the very origins of the creation of the first Androids by the unknown genius Augustus Von Androidus (which I have discussed previously), you see it appears that he was a member of the Knights Templar’s. He built the Androids to recover the legendary Holy Grail, the gold cup of Jesus and his mates, because by then the number of members of the Knights Templar had fallen to a handful.  Well they had a bit of a hard time historically people sort of set them on fire.

As the Androids continued their mission to find the grail, it became clear in more recent times that there was a certain gold cup that was worshiped by millions of people from all over the world, and they needed to find out if this was the gold cup they were searching for. Why would all these people worship this cup apparently awarded for winning a game called football, it made no sense to the Androids and so they have assumed that this is a crude cover story to protect the grail.

In 1966 the Androids even got hold of the cup briefly, but before they could examine it properly some pesky kid called Dan Brown and his dog Pickles (on his way to a fancy dress party dressed as Leonardo Da Vinci . . . that’s Dan not his dog) stumbled across them and the Androids had to vanish into the undergrowth of Beulah Hill. They managed to steal it again in 1983, but by then they were convinced that a switch had been done, and so the Androids are now pursuing the new cup. They are sure that this time they have the right cup.

However an evil genius who has been aware of the Androids long hunt for the Holy Grail has built his own androids to ensure that he will win the World Cup and obtain the Grail which he knows from watching that Indiana Jones Bloke and Monty Python will give him eternal youth and ultimate power.

This genius has even persuaded a certain player to bite people to convince the powers that be that the world cup is riddled with Vampires, but Mr Suarez is not a Vampire merely a Red Herring.

So what is the name of this Evil Genius who will get his clutches on the World Cup? Live for ever. Rule the world and make folk eat ice cream. . . . . . . He is called Rob Z Tobor.

Hang ON that’s ME

HAH AH Hah ah ah ha ha h hah ah ha hah ah ah ha ha ah ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ha h hahha hah ah ha hah ah ah ah ha h hah ha ah ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ha ah h ah hah hah ah ah ah ah hha h ha hah ha

HAH AH HA HA ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah ahah ahha ha ha ha

AH DAMN I may have revealed my plan a bit early.

One small bite for man, one giant leap for the goalkeeper

As many of you will know I have been revealing some of the lesser known facts about the World Cup in my ever popular Blog (I use the term ever popular loosely). Telling the world about the news that the world cup is full of Androids and now Vampires and various other creatures and beasts of a non-human based life structure. But I have come to believe my blog has upset the powers that be somewhere in the voids of cyberspace. I don’t think it will be Quinton and Charles of GCHQ as my blog apparently is the only light relief they get as they trawl through the myriad of websites and blogs involved in social media.

The reason for my suspicion is that if I Google for news of Androids and Vampires through the rather popular Google search engine (I am a great fan myself) playing in the Brazilian World cup my own blog comes in at about page 25 million. Now we all know this could only happen if someone somewhere wants my blog kept quite, suppressed and out the way.

I have even protested outside the local Google Office, a small wooden shed in a field just up the road.  Where a spokesperson said the following

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute     

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute

Does not compute

Suarez is a vampire

Ban the vampire     

 Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep  bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep

On the head. . . . Back of the net

Anyway I am suspicious now that there are more folk about in the greater world as a whole who are androids than I thought. And a useful tip to spot one (so I am told) is that they clutch small touch screen devices where they obtain their instructions from, using discrete thumb and finger movements to communicate with their great leader,

In late news (for me) it appears that Luis Suarez has been banned for four months.  He stated afterwards My solicitors Amstrad Amstrad and Amstrad were rubbish and seemed to favour the Androids. But as a Vampire I am planning to hang about for a while. . . 

Brazilian World Cup Latest . . . Luis Suarez innocent claims Harry Potter

Football continues to astonish the watching masses around the world when we learnt yesterday that Uruguay have been playing a Vampire as their leading striker (for legal reasons we cant mention Mr Luis Suarez . . . . .DAMN). Of course since the ruling that players do not have to be human Uruguay are quite within their rights. It has to be said though that biting is certainly not permitted normally, even by Vampires while on the pitch and the worlds press have been quick to condemn the player. The condemnation is not universal however and a large lobby group, led by Zombies, Ogres, Banshees, Giants and Demonic Beasts has argued that it is unfair and he was merely finding out if the Italian player was one of those Italian Androids as he was convinced it(he) was making mechanical noises. They further say that Mr Suarez’s leap to the ground clutching his teeth proves emphatically that the other player was full of Ferrari made mechanical parts which is going to result in expensive dental work.

Even Mr Harry Potter in a surprise statement said. . . . . . He’s innocent. . .  Its totally unfair Vampires and other terrible beasts of fiction are being discriminated against by the international corporate world of Capitalist Football who prefer the android because it’s placid and can be turned into profitable merchandise novelty toys and the like . . . . . . Hey I sign autographs if you want me too, £20.00 pound a go.

     

  Mr Suarez himself has been quoted as saying . . . . . I'M a Vampire, I bite folk it’s what Vampires do, I have it under control most of the time, but playing against Androids just made me see red. . . .  I like red . . its my favourite colour particularly if it is dripping out of a neck.  

Please NOTE since the writing of this diary entry a spokesperson for Mr Harry Potter says he has not made a statement of any sort and this is rumour and vengeance by a person called Rob Z Tobor who is bitter and twisted because of his lack of success at writing and he is just jealous that Mr Potter is a great wizard and stonkingly wealthy. . . . . . YA SUCKS BOO.

Further Shock News From Brazilian World Cup

After the shock news the other day of Germany’s disqualification for playing an Android, the world of football today has been turned upside down yet again by the news that Germany has won its appeal. It has been decided at the highest level that the rules do not say that players must be human and so Germany have been reinstated.  But shortly after that news was announced at a press conference in Brazil early this morning, further new conferences were called that have rocked the world of international football further.

Shortly after Germany were reinstated America announced that their first true international Soccer star, striker Dell Drone was in fact entirely made of carbon fibre and operated by Nano-technology designed by NASA. This was closely followed by the news that Italy’s Fiato Florentine was a Fashion Mannequin with Ferrari built mechanics.  Then Japan admitted that their entire international woman’s football team are Androids.

Even here in Britain, England has confessed that the last full member of the England Football Supports Club Mr Tim (the Spectrum) Sinclair is in fact a modified Reliant Robin. . . . . Come on Tim. . . .

Later when interviewed at his home Roy of the Rovers, one of the last living members of England’s 1966 squad said. . . . . . . Its disgusting they are all a bunch of big girls Blouses, that Tommy Dorsey would be turning in his grave. . . . . . Call those football boots they are rubbish. . . . . . Here I met that Diana Dors once . . . . . didn’t she marry that Benny Dorm bloke. . . . . . . . .

Germany disqualified from Brazilian World Cup. . . Android Shock News

In what is said to be one of sports biggest ever shocks, Germany have been disqualified from the 2014 Brazilian World Cup. It appears that one of their leading players, I think his name is Muller Cogs Lightberg or something similar, has turned out to be an Android and not human.  

How ironic when only the other day I was discussing the origins of the term Android and its forgotten inventor Augustus Von Androidus. But it appears that the Great Great Great Great (or something like that) Granddaughter of Augustus Von Androidus still had his original plans and drawings and someone hit upon the idea of recreating one of the Androids to become the heroic leading striker of the German National Football team. 

It does explain the reclusive life style of the player and his constant clicking, grinding and hissing noises on the pitch which many other teams had officially complained about and which the German manager has always said was rather bad wind. And no one would have noticed if he had not pulled his fake latex chest up over his head along with his official team shirt after scoring the winning goal during their first World Cup game.  The Germans at first said he was not an Android but a cyborg (not the IKEA set of draws but the man machine thing) and mostly human; but after tests it has been found he is definitely non human in every respect except image and a strange obsession to kick a ball about for 90 minutes in a game of two halves.

There is talk of a German protest at the disqualification decision on the grounds that nowhere in the rules does it say players need to be human and it has been pointed out that back here in Britain in 1912 Scragend United played a duck in goal for two games.     Although it was done for a bet when the manager was drunk at Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn, and the duck let in 132 goals, But the Germans still claim it set a president.