Forty Aliens and a Funeral . . . . .

I know what you are all thinking, you are thinking OK then what happened to all those Toad People from the Planet Todimimiun 3, and it is a fair point, but little do you know just what a close call it was. Firstly the huge Aurora Borealis as predicted on Stargazing Live by Professor Brian Cox and his sidekick  Dara O Briain did not happen, so the main battle fleet fled. Then as we fought the few (about forty) fool hardy Toad People who attempted to invade in the early hours of the morning in the school canteen, with pointy sticks and Freddie’s Ferrets, Esmeralda threw a huge cauldron of tapioca pudding over their leader. Well it appears I am not the only one who thinks tapioca pudding looks like frogs spawn. And it was all too much for the alien Toad People who ran off screaming that we (that’s us humans) were a deranged barbaric life form that shows no respect to decent hard working amphibians bent on colonising the universe in order to improve the lot of slimy critters that live under rocks…..

They have threatened to attempt to invade again soon . . . . . Maybe not today . . . . . Maybe not tomorrow; but about the same time next year, so keep a look out for Stargazing Live on the BBC it is a dead certainty that the events are connected. . . . . I know their cunning plan.

  The other good news in all this is tapioca pudding is off the menu for a few weeks now . .

Early this morning the Ghost Writer ran off with our car again as his is still not working, although he has been told that all the parts have been ordered. He had an emergency call from his place of work where a rather strange IT problem had occurred. They said if they did not know any better they would be convinced that the main supervisors PC was full of toad slime and bits of frog; although as they said such a thing was madness. So the Ghost Writer told them a tale of IP conflicts and default gateways, which always makes folk sort of glaze over and think of things like seagulls and garden gnomes.

Then this afternoon we all went off to a funeral of someone who was one hundred and one. That is quite old and you can’t be sad if someone of one hundred and one dies quietly at home. There were loads of folk at the church and the fact I never sing at funerals and weddings was not noticed, so no one will ever know . . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN.

While there I also learnt of another local person who died and it now means that in that particular town almost all the strange and slightly eccentric folk that lived there from way back have died.  I am sure that the average number of eccentrics per 1000 head of population is decreasing, you really don’t get real eccentrics these days, they tend to be folk with money pretending to be eccentric; real eccentrics have a habit of keeping their heads down and just get on with being eccentric and modern society is not eccentric friendly (or amphibian friendly)……….

The Funeral of Mr M and the Kala Kar

Sadly it was the funeral of our old friend Mr M and despite the fact he really only had the one son who could be there as a direct family member a lot of his friends managed to make it. It was an odd sort of funeral as his son has always been convinced that Mr M was a hardened Buddhist, but he was not really and would have been happy to have a bit of everything on the grounds that would cover all the options once he arrived where ever we arrive. We then went off to the after funeral reception where we ate a bit of food chatted about Mr M and the old days and some of his mad exploits and trying to work out where he hid the gold in the garden which he did years ago to avoid tax. Although doing this while being rather merry is a bad move as it then leads to years of digging holes looking for it again but failing.

After a rush home and feeding the cats we then rushed off again to team up with Mr Charlie and Miss Jane (who were also at the funeral) for an Indian meal in Montgomery, where we discussed many things including old bird cages and the making of small cardboard birds.  The last small cardboard birds were faulty and I now have decided to start from scratch again and make a Mk2 small cardboard bird design, although I now have to make twice as many as Mr Charlie and Miss Jane wish to have one or two for their cage.  They told the chap at the Indian that I am a great artist and although I agreed and said I was I also had to point out that I was a very modest great artist so I seldom tell people, he (the chap from the Indian) then said that I was a KALA KAR which is apparently an artist in Indian so WELL COOL.

Last night the weather was very windy and we found ourselves battling along some tiny roads in the dark as we were out visiting friends for a meal last night also. I know it sounds like we are out all the time having a good time, but this is not true as we are not out that often or my diary would be really exciting which it is plainly not.  And as a result of a bit of wheeler dealing I am now the proud owner of a big posh camera, the main drawback of which is I now have to learn how to actually take a picture with it.

I was also planning to tell you more about the conversation between the shop assistants on how to stab people and what is the right type of knife to use, but it is very late and it has been a long long day…..  

Spiders and Hotels

I am back with some time to write (I think) as you know we have been off at the funeral of Miss A, and Mr F has come across to spend the weekend. While we were away we spent two nights at a Premier Inn which had two slight problems. One the bar and restaurant were full of noisy morons all evening and the car park seemed to turn into somewhere for boy races to pretend to be IDIOTS which they did very well, and the food was as far as we were concerned rubbish, no I mean really rubbish; I have never had fish and chips before that tastes of nothing. The up side to this was that on the second night we found a WELL COOL Indian restaurant in an old church that did great food and was also cool (as in not hot).  The Funeral all went to plan although we did get lost between the church and the crematorium but luckily found it after a slight detour and as we were travelling faster than the hearse we were able to tuck ourselves in behind it as if nothing had happened.  As we left the crematorium which as it happened was an interesting building the next funeral was entering and I have to say I have never seen that many folk at a funeral before and I reckon there was no way they were all going to get into the building because there were hundreds of cars queued out onto the main road and off round the corner.

When we got back home all was as it should be and no Zombies had invaded the house, it can be dead annoying after a long hot and tiring trip along the motorway to spend time fighting zombies and other monsters. Mind you I did find a strange spider in the fruit cage that had made a large silk den using leaves that was full of tiny spiders, I assume they were its young although despite me asking none of them would talk and point blank refused to respond to any questions what so ever. OK I am off again now as I have things to do . . . . . . . It is getting a right old game all these things to do all the time ……………….

The inside of a huge three headed caterpillar with tusks eating ginger cake in an igloo and a funeral

Another day and as it happens a sad day because today was the funeral of Mr R B. Mr R B was a well known man who lived in Montgomery for many many years and we have known him for a long time as did most people in the town. He was for a long time the headmaster at a local school and as it happens also kept goats for many years, now I must point out this is purely a coincidence and I had not considered this till recently. And I can state with confidence that none of Mr R B’s goats were ever catapulted over his school, only certain goats are capable of flying ( I use the word loosely) and his were not flying goats.

Anyway mum and dad had planned to go to the funeral but as it happens dad needed to get a thing to put in a pipe to fix a thing that needs fixing and what with time and logistics being what they are they ended in the wrong place at the time of the funeral. However I suspect that Montgomery may well have been grid locked anyway as Mr R B was well liked and had links to all sorts of people; he was also a temporary vicar although I am not sure what a temporary vicar is called.  I believe there was to be Welsh songs sung too and I am not good at Welsh and singing so I it was probably best I was not there.

There was much talk of rain today by the man on the BBC weather on the radio (I say on the radio, he was not standing on it, it a sort of figure of speech thing) but at the time of typing none has materialized. It was very foggy first thing this morning so I took the opportunity to investigate what the inside of a huge three headed caterpillar with tusks eating ginger cake in an igloo made of clouds looked like when seen from the inside and I have to admit it is a bit of an anticlimax I was hoping to see bits like organs and blood not just loads of fog and mist and a crow and several pigeons.

In other news dad has given me a device to  put in a pipe to fix a thing that needs fixing  and has told me I can come in, have soon supper and go to bed as soon as I have fixed the thing that needs fixing       . AH  . . . . . . . . . . DAMN I better go then DAMN.

Tally Ho 

The funeral, the spy and the alien

Today’s funeral was in many respects a much happier affair, OK yes we are talking funerals but the one today was for someone much older than yesterdays. And they wanted their funeral today to be happy, which it was, It was also held in the little chapel rather than the more grand main church, I think they are a bit friendlier in the chapel than the grand church. There was also loads of food afterwards for everyone, and I mean loads, I did try and eat as much as possible and was doing rather well at one point but then someone refilled the big plate on the table I was sat at with food again, but I was well stuffed by then and was only able to nibble chocolate cake.

Sadly I missed Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian spy who was near the back of the chapel, but then as a master of disguise it is easy for a famous Russian spy to blend seamlessly into the background of a crowd of people. I am not sure if Miss Fionaski was on a secret mission or not, but she was unable to turn up to eat loads of food in the town hall. I think she must have gone home to eat black caviar and drink Russo-Baltique Vodka as you do when you are a Russian spy.

I was also volunteered at home to sweep up all the leaves and the like that had blown out of the trees yesterday and filled our drive at home as I was not at school, what with going to the funeral. So I had a very exciting time this morning sweeping piles of very wet leaves, at least when they are wet they do not blow about all over the place although I prefer not to have a dog and two cats shouting you missed a bit. After yesterdays terrible weather it has been rather sunny today which is classic British weather; however we were lucky yesterday as there have been loads of floods and chaos in many of parts of the UK. It also appears that there is more rain and gales due tomorrow so some places are expecting more floods tomorrow and Monday, it is turning into a very wet year indeed in Britain.

This weather is not great for aliens and might explain why we have not seem any for a couple of weeks or so, after all squelching through mud in wellingtons is no fun for an alien or Mr Jones who has had to start wearing clothes in the woods at night while he waits in his effort to communicate with the aliens. As he says a man wearing no clothes and just a pair of wellington boots hiding in the woods at night in the cold of winter tends to make people think you are a bit odd. I think we can all agree with him about that.

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Funerals, cats and flying kites

Today has been a funny old day as we had to go to a funeral this morning of a family friend, funerals are not nice things really, but strangely you often get to meet people you have not met for ages, which happened today. It was in Montgomery church which is a really nice church even though I am not a churchy person, but it has some nice carvings and fancy bits in it that many small town churches do not have but then a very very long time ago Monty church was more important than it is now, as Montgomery was the County town until the railway, roads, cattle markets, shops and everything else sort of bypassed it completely and even the county does not exist any longer. I think this maybe be to do with yesterdays discussion of networks, you see Montgomery is physically just sort of in the wrong place to be a good network hub and even Montgomeryshire was regarded as surplus to the administrate requirements of modern life.

We will be going to another Funeral tomorrow in the Chapel in Montgomery so that will be a strange too, It has been an odd week really because I know of two other people known to members of the family who have died in the last week. But it is easy to forget that in the context of time as in all of time, all of us are but the blink of an eye lid so I am trying to find out whose eyelid it is and plan to prop their eyes open with match sticks.  The only real redeeming feature of this is that all those world leaders, power mad corporate capitalists and the like are no more that a blink of an eyelid along with the rest of us, we are all the same in the end.

In other news the weather has been terrible here today, I mean really terrible, we have had very high winds and the car was bounced about as we headed home after the funeral. Then once at home the winds got even worse and the roof was creaking and groaning and the rain got even heavier and it was dark by about 3pm luckily the roof did stay on the house and all is well as the worst has now passed.  

The dog tells me it was probably one of the windiest days we have had in the last year we have lived here, and that even a small stunt kite (stunt kitty AHAHAHH HAH ahaha hahahhah haha hah) easily lifted two overweight cats several hundred metres into the air with no effort at all. That may explain why the cats are rather wet and refuse to go outside now, and have attacked several thin bamboo canes, a table cloth and a fishing line which dad had put by to make an Armadillo lamp shade as a surprise present for someone. . . . . Luckily not me PHEW.   

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I think Mr H's link from his comment is also just the thing to show us all our place in the great big world

LIFE THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING

Many thanks Mr H