Artificial Intelligence and the Flaws in the Development of the Modern Robot

OOOoooooo how time flies which is plainly a silly saying because in reality it does not, although if it does then science has a lot of catching up to do. But of course all I mean is it only seems like yesterday when I was thinking, now what will I write tomorrow (OK that was yesterday). Actually I think that everyday because if there is one certainty in my diary it is that I really don’t know what I am going to write until I start typing and I am a terrible typist. 

I may have mentioned I got a rather nice book to draw in that had a chirpy friendly looking robot on the cover and so I thought I must draw some robots. Well as it happens I think we might just see a bit of a robot trend this year (one of my predictions for the year) because artificial intelligence is improving all the time. The thing is I for one am a little worried. . . No not that we are about to be attacked by our own robots or ones from outer space, although both options would make great diary entries for the future. . . No what worries me is what these robots will look like.

Lets just consider the history of robots from the point of view of image there was a time in the early days when they looked like men wearing cardboard boxes held together with tape, string and glue, with the workings of a grandfather clock and Professor Frankenstein’s left over’s.  But then in the fifties and sixties there were some good looking robots made and drawn. Then the technology started to catch up with man's desire to make a walking talking robot, but of course man has always wanted to make robots look just like us. So today robots just look a bit boring. I am not implying you all look boring. Even I look a bit boring even though today I was told I really need to do  something with my hair because it looked as mad as a mad march hare riding a unicycle on a trampoline being attacked by bees . . . Yes I was rather pleased, but I don’t think that was the desired response.

Think of it as the difference between the modern train and the old classic steam trains from the past, which one looks cool and which one looks just a bit dull. Now some will argue that the new one is efficient, quiet and comfortable but it  is all plastic and no style. And this is what is happening to the world of Robots. And if they do turn round and attack us it will be because we have turned them into boring faceless cheap but efficient imitations of mankind. Well if I was a robot that would annoy me a lot, I would want to look like one of those cool robots from the past and I would be asking us humans why I don’t and I would expect a damn good answer or else.  

To me it seems rather ironic that we could end up with super efficient robots that look like us because if there is one thing humans are not it is efficient (I am not even slightly efficient). So we could end up with robots that resent looking like humans and who are rather more efficient at being human but without all the rude and sweaty bits.

And why am I writing this today, because I drew my first robot in my new book. . . . . . . .    

         

The Chickens of Death and the Great Robot Conspiracy of 1927

I may do some robot based posts this year because I got rather a nice book to draw in with a robot on the front of it, and besides I don’t think I have mentioned robots much in my diary so far and of course we all know the great robot conspiracy of 1927 that was hushed up by the authorities. O yes they will never be able to suppress the truth entirely not after what happen in the ice cream van incident with the ice cream. . . . . .YUCK

Anyway I am running very late tonight and have only drawn half a robot so it may be necessary to use an old picture, I mean I am not superman (Knowing wink and a nod . . . nudge nudge).

I was looking forward to a TV programme tonight, but apparently I misread the title and so ended up watching something entirely different . . . . . . I was hoping to see. . .  Leningrad and the Chickens of Death. . .  I was told not only that I am as blind as a bat, which I sort of am without my glasses although I did have them on at the time, but I was also told that I am a complete IDIOT. . .  It’s a shame because Leningrad and the Chickens of Death sounds good and for reasons that make no sense I had it in my mind they must be Zombie Chickens from Space. . . . . I mean that is well COOL like an old 1950’s sci-fi B movie . . . .

WHAT IS IT Professor . . . . . . . IT’S A . . . . .

AAAAAAUuuuuuuuugggggghhHHHHHH 

Germany disqualified from Brazilian World Cup. . . Android Shock News

In what is said to be one of sports biggest ever shocks, Germany have been disqualified from the 2014 Brazilian World Cup. It appears that one of their leading players, I think his name is Muller Cogs Lightberg or something similar, has turned out to be an Android and not human.  

How ironic when only the other day I was discussing the origins of the term Android and its forgotten inventor Augustus Von Androidus. But it appears that the Great Great Great Great (or something like that) Granddaughter of Augustus Von Androidus still had his original plans and drawings and someone hit upon the idea of recreating one of the Androids to become the heroic leading striker of the German National Football team. 

It does explain the reclusive life style of the player and his constant clicking, grinding and hissing noises on the pitch which many other teams had officially complained about and which the German manager has always said was rather bad wind. And no one would have noticed if he had not pulled his fake latex chest up over his head along with his official team shirt after scoring the winning goal during their first World Cup game.  The Germans at first said he was not an Android but a cyborg (not the IKEA set of draws but the man machine thing) and mostly human; but after tests it has been found he is definitely non human in every respect except image and a strange obsession to kick a ball about for 90 minutes in a game of two halves.

There is talk of a German protest at the disqualification decision on the grounds that nowhere in the rules does it say players need to be human and it has been pointed out that back here in Britain in 1912 Scragend United played a duck in goal for two games.     Although it was done for a bet when the manager was drunk at Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn, and the duck let in 132 goals, But the Germans still claim it set a president.

The Origin of the word Android . . . . A True Story to Tell at Breakfast . . . (sort of true-ish...a bit)

Many people enjoying a sci-fi film or book and reading of Androids will seldom if ever think about the origin of the Android, it is after all a funny old word and an idea that can be traced back to the ninetieth century. But the real truth about the origins of Androids has been lost to all but a small group of Scientists, historians and Android enthusiasts.

You see the ninetieth century was a time of much scientific advancement across many disciplines; it was also a time in the history of man of much insecurity and political volatility throughout Europe, where one army would march on another.

So much thought was put into ways and means of defeating the armies of your enemies as they jousted for supremacy. It was into this world that a young and brilliant scientist was thrust by his countries leaders in the heart of Europe. 

Young Augustus Von Androidus was a genius and a master of building Automata, but he had said that with the right resources he could make a fully independent walking, talking and thinking mechanical man. And so the great German leadership of the time gave him everything he needed to do this, they wanted   Young Augustus Von Androidus to build an invincible army of mechanical fighting men.

Using the very best designs for suits of armour Augustus Von Androidus build sophisticated mechanical structures and mechanisms into them powered by concentric vibration activated coil winders and multilayer bimetal ratchet drives, meaning his warriors were self powered and could operate forever in theory. Added to this the use of infinitely variable cam drive systems allowed the worriers to think for themselves and learn as they fought, so they would never lose any battle..

After many years a group (the number of which is unknown) of worriers now called Androids were finally complete and a battle against an elite force was arranged as a test deep in the heart of the Black forest in a large clearing.  The Androids lined up as the elite of the German Army prepared themselves to attack, both sides waiting for the other to make the first move.  But then the silence was suddenly broken as a small child skipped across the field picking flowers.

The small child curious at the small army of shiny Androids ran up to see them and offered one of them a flower, but as the android bent down to take the flower the men of the German Army shouted at the child to go away and threw a rock at it. This made the small child cry dropping all the flowers as it ran off home. It was at this point that the Androids all looked at each other and realised that fighting and war were futile and wrong so they dropped their weapons and vanished into the forest.

The German authorities covered the entire story up as they could hardly tell the public that they had lost a army of mechanical fighting men (Androids) which meant Augustus Von Androidus was never recognized by the world for his greatest achievement.  Then a few years later someone else claimed that they had thought of the term Android rather to the annoyance of Augustus Von Androidus.

As for his Androids they are thought to still roam the wild places of the world learning and watching. Which is why folk tell stories of strange mountain men or men of the forests and remote islands, unaware that they are in fact entirely mechanical sophisticated Androids.

Anyway that’s what they said at Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn when they refused to sell me the all day Full English Breakfast at quarter to twelve, adding that you can’t have a Full English Breakfast after 11.30 am.

The rather quick Robot Post

One small step for man, One giant leap for Cardboard Robots........



AH yes . . . . . . . . I am off out tonight for a curry so all a bit of a rush . . . . . Sorry

I may return later.........

We have returned from our curry in Monty with Mr Charlie and Miss Jane, we all had our usual, we are rather predictable about our curries. I have been eating almost the same curry when I go out for a meal for nearly a million years, which is a long time, although back then they did do a rather good Pterodactyl starter which was very popular. In fact maybe a bit too popular, but it was a great party when we finally ate the last one . . .  How we laughed.

Tonight we discussed Spam not the internet annoyance that plagues the internet with instant make things bigger, make bits vanish or make loads of money doing nothing except blink at a frog once an hour on Sundays. No we talked about Spam the pork based tin of meat we all love or hate and how people either love or hate it. We then talked about family history and other stuff before finally arriving at a discussion about my diary and how it is now much longer and rather more interesting than War and Peace. However Mr Charlie and Miss Jane do not read my diary. So it has been decided I would make a friend request on FB to Mr Charlie after he drew the short straw, he drew it on his napkin like Picasso used to do when he went to restaurants. Sadly the waiter refused to accept the drawing as payment for the meal despite the fact we explained Picasso did it all the time (while he was alive, he no longer does this).

Mr Charlie is a bit of a mechanical whizz chap with many interesting and useful skills so I have explained that my diary is full of very useful information like there are no trees on the moon apparently. Dad and me are still working on a solution to this for our commercial moon flights. In the short term we are selling one way tickets since they are remarkably popular at present for trips to Mars.

Anyway I think in anticipation of Mr Charlie arriving in a blasé of glory I must say  . . . . . . Hello Mr Charlie;  Ooooooo I cant type by the way or spell so sometimes things make no sense.  

Ghost Writers, Robots and Pop Up Galleries

After all the excitement of watching a grumpy old bloke celebrate his birthday as the bride to be at a henless night, things were a little more normal today. Well I say normal as it happens the bride and the soon to be husband of the bride to be came to see us, I use the word us in a vague way as they arrived with a present for the Ghost Writer who has taken to hiding in our garden. This is because he does not like people much and spends a lot of time shouting BAH HUMBUG over the top of hedges in a belligerent and grumpy manor, not an ideal Ghost Writer really but as I have said before he is very cheap. Anyway Mr S (the husband to be) has welded up a Classically Styled Retro Robot as a sixtieth birthday present for him, and I have to say his little eyes almost lit up (that’s the Ghost Writer not the robot) which means he was very pleased.  It is a very cool looking Retro Robot with some serious steel in him and seemed quite happy watching the Traditional Female Mallard Robot Steam Powered Duck, I guess it is because they are in their own ways both traditional yet a bit quirky much like the Ghost Writer.

I must run off now as we are off to a pop-up gallery to look at art and stuff but I will return soon. . . . . . . .

I have returned in an almost seamless way meaning that you have not noticed that it suddenly got dark and is late. I have chatted to many folk and also eaten chips and viewed the art of Mr Andrew Logan in Montgomery. He tends to use lots of sparkly things and colour and is a bit of an eccentric much like myself only rather different. I don’t think he is quite so keen on robots and zombies, but then lots of folk are like that, its all the death rays and eating folks brains that they find a bit off putting, but we all have our little faults………

Oooooo it appears the Ghost Writer is preparing a cunning plan with Bats?

Real Life Robots, Cabbage White Butterflies and the Loss of some Hair

This morning like most morning I caught up with the world by listening to Radio Four and was listening to the Today programme which sort of zips thought the news and other topics of interest. I do not always take it all in, but I did take note at one point this morning when they talked about Robots starting to take human form and doing human things. Well it all seemed very odd as in my diary in the last two days I have discussed Robo-Rob. Anyway they interviewed someone from a company called Engineered Arts Ltd who makes a robot called Robothespian, which appears not to be fitted with a rather powerful laser death ray and to me looks a little benign with no scary eyes or pointy teeth.

It is yet another occasion where my diary has beaten the real world to a story of interest and so I am getting even more like that Nostradamus bloke all the time, well I was until a terrible thing happened at lunchtime. So terrible that many of my powers may have been destroyed in an instant, you see I had to go and have my haircut, something that happens regularly at least three times a year despite my efforts at hiding in boxes and deep holes.

On returning home (with much less hair) I did notice yet again that the garden has filled with Cabbage White Butterflies, loads of them and I was expecting to have another incidence of falling through time but it did not appear to happen. I just hope the loss of some of my hair has not resulted in me becoming less time sensitive and limiting my ability to time travel.

One other small thing as a result of having my hair cut though was that the weather was much better afterwards although possibly I had not seen the weather before as it was obscured by hair. 

And I have not drawn a picture for tonight as I have things to do and must focus my energy on hair growth so I have photographed the Ghost Writer, although he was not happy about it, I think you can tell………..

Bones, X Rays and Robots

This morning dad said I needed an X ray as it was very important to establish whether or not I had bones inside me, I did tell him I did but he said I would say that and he wanted evidence.  You see last night he insisted that I had a fight with Robo-Rob in a struggle to the death battle of wits (I sort of got that wrong last night). He even had a bet with the Ghost Writer, who said I was bound to win as I had a pointy stick even if the Robo-Rob had a devastating laser death ray; as I am even more slippery than a charmed greased pig with nine lives.

As it happened luck was on my side as the devastating laser death ray used rather a lot of power, and Robo-Rob spent just a bit too long showing off by zapping my collection of pointy sticks but ran out of power completely leaving just the one. . . . . . . So no contest really. Dad blames it on the Nano-technology electronic cyberbrain he has designed to replace politicians, as politicians do like to show off and run out of steam before they actually do anything. So he plans to redesign these Robots to be more robot like. Anyway he reckoned just to be on the safe side he needed to ensure the Robo-Rob was not being sneaky (well these Nano-politican electronics can’t be trusted) and that I was me…….   

On returning home from my X ray reassured that I am full of bones, I decided to celebrate by putting drainage pipes in a deep hole and poking them with a pointy stick (I need to make some more now). And that was about it for the day….. 

A Cunning Master Plan and a Robot

Interestingly this evening I have noticed that a Mr Gary was saying in the wondrous world of cyberspace that what he needed was some clones to help him in his efforts to get everything done. I say interestingly because the thought had also occurred to me, because the Ghost Writer keeps making me move loads of stuff. Today he was removing cables from the ceiling void above his old office and said I was small and already a shambly dishevelled person so getting covered in Asbestos and toxic materials would not ruin my clothing. He has to wear a suit, well maybe not a suit, but they prefer him to look smart, although in my opinion he looks as dishevelled as I do.

But luckily dad had built a Robo-Rob as part of what he calls A Cunning Master Plan to replace certain people with obedient killing robots. So he said to the Ghost Writer that he could test the Robo-Rob to see if folk notice it was not me as in the real me, and that it would work faster then me anyway and not poke things with a pointy stick.

It apparently fooled everyone who all thought it was me, in fact the Ghost Writer said it was a highly successful day and I have never been so popular and that the only slight mistake was on the way home when the Robo-Rob destroyed a small car with a little old lady in who was driving very slowly in front of the Ghost Writer and then it laughed hysterically for the rest of the journey. It appears that the Robo-Rob and myself have got to have a shoot out later; only the Robo-Rob has a high powered death laser weapon and I have a pointy stick. Dad says it is a test of his micro nano technology to see if a robot or a man will win in a struggle to the death, battle of wits. It is part of dad’s cunning plan as he says it is best not to try and replace politicians until he has proved his robots work……     

How to become a Genius in only Fifty Years

As many of you know my diary has more than one outlet in cyberspace in order to maximize its readership so instead of three readers I have about six, this is the way of genius no one pays any attention until about fifty years after you die and then someone will say here have a look at this diary this block (sorry bloke) was a genius…… There are three very distinct draw backs to this, the first of which is plainly the most obvious by the use of the word die because it infers that I have been dead for fifty years, and this is not good as I could do loads of interesting stuff in those fifty years rather than have tourists leaping up and down on me in Westminster Abbey and have photos of themselves next to my statue. Secondly and almost as annoying is that by then Steven Spielberg will be really old, I mean like seriously zimmer frame old with nurses and tubes and the like; just how is he going to make a movie of the diary when he is away with the fairies and talking to lampposts.

Before I continue with the third point I need to point out (a forth point) that a spider is trying to make a web in my hair, it is rather off putting and my typing is bad enough at the best of times, it has been suggested a comb would help matters but I don’t have one.

OK right back to what I was saying the third point is the royalties from the films, book sales and large prints of my artwork, plus the sale of all my original artwork to national collections will all be spent by other folk who will rub their hands going Ooooooooo goody when that really should be me doing that.

AH I have drifted from my planned diary entry now by loads I was working towards saying that my rather tasteful blog is sort of being pinged by some sort of autobot wed crawler thing in Latvia. This is harmless enough but now it appears my page view counter on my blog is indicating that I am really popular and have loads of visitors when in reality I do not. In other words some strange automated cyberspace machine is giving the world the impression I have been dead for fifty years and therefore I am a genius when the truth is I am merely a genius.

Should you by any chance be in Latvia and reading this, turn that damn machine off or no part in the movie for you……..  

I AM WATCHING

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Sun worshipping and the sacrificial robots, TV dinners and other things

So here we are the first day of 2013 and what a great start to the day because there was this large fiery ball in the sky known to all who are old enough to remember it as the SUN. Myself and the dog have decided that the lack of sun is a direct environmental effect caused by modern mans activity on the planet.  You see in recent times man has turned his back on many things and the introduction of modern technology and all its consequences, the desire for a nice easy lifestyle in front of the TV eating TV dinners and the like. At least now that TV’s are all flat panel TV’s they are easier to put in a sandwich, eating large wide scream cathode ray tube televisions was like trying to eat a hog roast on your own.

Hang on I was side tracked, I was saying that we need to look back to our past and both me and the dog think we need to reintroduce a bit of old fashioned sun worship, you never saw those Aztec's complaining about the lack of sun. Dad has said that human sacrifice is rather frowned on these days so we have decided to combine all the old ways with some modern technology and plan to build sacrificial robots. Dad is quite enthusiastic he thinks there might be a market for a sun worshipping kit, including a reusable sacrificial robot, which would make it very ECO and also make it sunny so a win win situation . . . . . .. WELL COOL.

It was a chilled start to the day pointing at the sun and testing sacrificial alters outside that would be suitable for a robot sacrifice, but then it was decided that after a game of Scissors Paper Stone the loser should go and fit a bit more tongue and groove panelling in the kitchen. Just as well I am good at this sort of stuff as I appear to doing it all, dad and the dog said they would work on a Sacrificial Robot and make sure it shouts a lot and puts up a bit of a fight and maybe has something red and gooey to trickle out of it at the appropriate time; and would not stain carpets or clothes.

I am also on a mission to nibble my way through Christmas bits, so every now and again I eat something that is a little unhealthy like meringue cream or jelly beans; I think I will need to work on this as a three week plan and I think I can count jelly beans as part of my five a day fruit and veg as they taste fruity. . . . . . Sort of.

Ooooo Yes . . . . . . . . we appear to have peanuts growing, I have had no luck with pineapples and although peanuts are not really the same I am going to give them a chance to produce some nuts, weather permitting 

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Proof once and for all that we are all in fact androids . . . . . LET THERE BE LIGHT.

This morning when I got up I took my watch off and I noticed strange mechanical marks on my wrist under where the watch had been. I have not noticed them before, I assume because they had been hidden by the watch. I then wondered if watches were something we had to wear to hide the marks that would prove once and for all that we are all in fact androids. I therefore decided the best thing to do is ask someone who is not a human as other humans would also be androids, so I asked the dog, he sniffed my wrist and chewed it a bit and then said yes definitely an android and not even one of the latest models…… Damn; so I am an android. On the School bus I told the other pupils that I was an android and took my watch off to show them, then they took their watches off and they found mechanical marks under their watches too. So they were all androids as well. Well Freddie appeared not to be an android but he does not wear a watch, so we all decided that people with watches on must be androids and those with no watches are not, although interestingly enough they also can not tell the time very well.

In school luckily enough we had metal work all day and so we asked the metalwork teacher about all of us (not Freddie) being androids and he suggested that it might be good to build an android based on one of us to get an idea of what we looked like under our human disguise. I did say we could just cut the outer bit off, but he thought we might accidently cut though some cables just under the surface of our skin; that was good thinking but then he is a metalwork teacher and wears a large watch. So I then became the person the android was based on because I was first to notice I was an android. The school android however became more robot due to time restrictions and in order to make it do stuff we have to fall back on the principles of Clockwork Automated Logic.

Because the robot was based on me it was a friendly looking robot, I am you see very friendly, but the teacher insisted that we program in what he called Variable Random Stupidity, he refused to explain what that was, but I am not sure I agree with that.  Still by the end of the day it was finished and we wound it up to see what would happen. As it started to move . . .. . . Esmeralda who is mainly electro-mechanical anyway these days (after being eaten by the goat) said LET THERE BE LIGHT so The Clockwork Mechanical Rob Robot marched outside and brought back a lamp post from the street. Well that was a bit silly, but the metalwork teacher said it was the built in Variable Random Stupidity and just the sort of thing I would do……. THAT’S NOT FAIR.

Oooooooo by the way we finally got our big box of snowflakes ready for winter, one good thing about them is they are all different and specially made by an expert snowflake maker. . . . . . . . . WELL COOL (cool ….. HAH HAHAHA HAHH HAH AH HAHHAH HAH AHHAH ah hah hah ah hah ah ha )

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