A Catalogue of Excuses and other reasons this diary is Slightly Erratic.

Have you wondered where I have been  . . . . What do you mean NO. . . Right I am going to assume you mean YES or this whole diary entry would be futile and we don’t want that do we . . . . What do you mean YES . . . I am assuming you mean NO and have just got a bit confused. Folk often get confused reading my diary although I don’t know why.

Right here in Britain it has been hot, really hot. SO hot in fact that a chap who likes to write his diary might go delirious and forget. YES it was that hot here (well almost 35c - ish). And I have been making the workshop so was busy when I was not delirious. Then to add to this I was abducted by Aliens who were planning to do tests on me until I suggested they read my diary. They let me go then saying I was obviously a faulty model and they would find a better human to chop up (sorry experiment on). 

Then rather sadly our cat (The Grumpy One, Harry) is very poorly so he has distracted me as he's being drip fed Squirty Cream at present. That is helping, well its helping the cat he is looking slightly better today He still looks very very poorly though. Yesterday he looked like he would not make it to morning, but he loves Squirty Cream so much he will refuse to die while there is a possibility of another small dish of it for him. And he is eating some food again, and being less fussy that normal too.

I have also been patrolling the garden at night to look for wildlife and things such as Zombies, in the warm evenings. To tell the truth I have seen very little; I think the reason is that our other cat Sooty meows like a banshee at present and does enjoy a walk round the garden. His body is OK, but his brain is not and he is also totally deaf now which is why he howls so loudly I think. So a very sick cat and a deaf mad cat are also jolly good reasons why this diary is getting trickier to write by the day.

I will leave now and drink tea.  

Yet another obstacle in the path of the perfect diary.

Harry in better times

By the Way Sid the Seagull who is a Pigeon has left now I will never know what happened to him but hope he headed home. We were but ships that passed in the night (a few days). Anyway it does mean calling him Sid the Seagull was a suitable name bearing mind he/she  is/was a Pigeon. 

The 2019 A to Z Challenge . . . Letter Y

Y

After the various wondrous possibilities of Plan X we are brought down to earth with a bump with Plan Y because Plan Y is a Plumbing System so called because of the shape of the 3 port valve. Well this is the nature of Plans some are huge master plans undertaken by mad scientists bent on taking over the world. And others are simple everyday affairs where a copper pipe is bent round a corner.

The one upbeat point to Plan Y is that any plumbing system worth mentioning will involve water and lots of it. And we all know what water means within the context of the now almost complete A to Z challenge, it means Ducks . . .

I used to do drawings like this for every letter once

But a chap would have to be Mad to do such a thing

AHAHHHHAh ah ah hah hha ha ha h aha 

a ha ha ha ha haha hahahhhah ahahah ah

a ahaha hahahhahaha

a ha ha ha ha 

a ha ha ha

a ha ha

.

.

.

DAMN

Something of no interest to anyone what so ever

In order to post a little something tonight in order to keep the momentum of the blog going I have randomly selected an old post from the past which is probably complete gibberish. But I am tired and need some sleep and maybe a few days of sunshine, but I may have to depend on the Gods for that one. . . . . . not the sleep I can manage that fine.

So here is an old post and one with a hidden message hidden within it . . . . I know no one paid much attention to the hidden message the first time round either.

     


THERE'RE BACK . . . . . . Well when I say back I’m not entirely sure they have been here before although Mr Jones says they have, and he knows these things even though the general view is he is as mad as a hatter.  Yes last night after going to bed what should start happening but those lights again a rather strange and eerie glow round the house, and despite me getting up to investigate I could not work out what it was. Then as I decided to return to bed who should I spot hiding in the shrubs watching the lights but Mr Jones, it is not like Mr Jones to hide he is usually running about naked with his large sign saying I am your Friend; as I have said many times before.   But it appears that on this occasion the aliens are according Mr Jones seriously unfriendly aliens known as the Rat people (from Eaglefleebite 7) who look like twenty five foot long Rats. Well that sounds unfriendly to me, apparently they eat all your skirting boards at night plus your legs and maybe your nose and will chew the odd finger too. So if you wake up in the morning with no skirting board a chewed nose and the odd limb missing you will know it was the Rat People of Eaglefleebite 7 led by their notorious leader Big Boris.

I would like to reassure the public that the Rat People of Eaglefleebite 7 are not the same as the members of RATs (the Radical Abstract Thinkers) who do not go about eating the  skirting boards in folks houses so don't start shouting at us and throwing stuff at us like cheese (not unless it is a good strong cheddar). Us members of RATs (the Radical Abstract Thinkers) have enough problems with our own arch enemy the CATs (the Common Average Thinkers) who start terrible rumours that we make stuff up and exaggerate and that my diary is nonsense and that there is a really boring explanation for all the lights at night and that a twenty five foot long Rat Person from Eaglefleebite 7  would not fit through the front door of the average house so it is unlikely to eat skirting boards and that at best it would be a ordinary mouse that say a cat (as in a real fluffy cat) got bored with and gave it a few minutes to try and escape before biting its head off. You see those CATs (the Common Average Thinkers) have no imagination and will never get to meet huge rat based alien life forms with pointy teeth from Eaglefleebite 7 that eat folk, and they will live to regret that one day . . . . . . .  . . . . . I think?

Harry Houdini, Harry Potter and a question. . . Is JK Rowling an Alien

It is clear that folk do like a bit of escapism, not as in Harry Houdini the escapologist but as in Harry Potter and his ordeal with the forces of evil.  I mean if you think the big two films of the moment appear to be Star Wars and Star Trek and there is much excitement at the short taster of Strange Beasts and where to find them . . . the next almost Harry Potter film. I say almost because I don’t think he is in it, it is not like the Hitchcock films where he sneaks in as a bit part and maybe says Expelium acrowfly at a passing crow turning it into a cheesecake. (WHAT?)

Anyway the point I am getting too in my long winded way (a cunning plan to make my diary look dead interesting) is that magic and sci-fi, aliens and ghosties and other strange beasts have a massive following among the masses in their various formats. And the reason for this is the desire we all have to think there is more to life the universe and stuff than just poking at wasp’s nests with a pointy stick and smiling at cats. In case you are worried there may not be, its OK there is; I know for certain but it’s too long a story to explain why.  But as I say folk need interesting tales and have done for thousands of years, and this sort of led me to a thought, one that those of you of a strong religious belief in any particular faith may disapprove of. I will not be religion specific because different faiths have different beliefs and different holy books.

And here we are getting to the point of all this; could it be that books like the bible are in fact the ancient equivalent of Star Wars or Harry Potter. . . . OK I can see that at least one person is not happy, but it could be there are loads of dodgy holy books that have caused all sorts of issues over time because of mankind’s desire to belief in alien’s magic and strange beasts and the like. And they all do that good fighting evil stuff, I mean who is the most likely chap to see a strange light (or alien Spacecraft) to follow in the sky . . . a shepherd. . .  

And if Aliens beasts and Magic were in the mind of man a few thousand years ago man needs to ask why, could it be that aliens arrived thousands of years earlier and have assimilated themselves into the very fabric of mankind. Is it possible that I am the last real human. . . . . Look I know I’m a human because aliens would not type as badly as I do and come up with preposterously loony ideas that are not only very plausible but probably right. Maybe all the Magic and monsters are red herrings so to speak (If you don’t understand what a red herring is and think it’s a fish then you are an alien for sure), or maybe these are skills from those early aliens which are now lost. 

You see one thing I have discovered is that if you tell it like it is, as I do in my blog then no one will read it. This can only be because there is a conspiracy by alien wizards and space bears to suppress the truth as told my me. . . . .  it would also explain the popularity of Star Wars and Harry Potter. I know it means JK Rowling might be an alien, she does have very high hedges around her garden that could hide a spacecraft and I have never been invited to visit. 

So if you are an alien and would like to explain what your plans are then I suggest that you. . . . . . . . . . Take Me to Your Leader. . . .

And I know the Royal Family are all aliens with their secret hand signs as they pretend to wave at the public. 

Listening to Wooden Poles and Phoning Home (sort of)

Just in case anyone is wondering why there is a picture of a Zombie

AH I DONT KNOW . . . I sort of drew a Zombie

Sorry about that

Well today I did a bit of painting making the new House Sign look posh, although it looked rather posh anyway so I am making it a bit posher.  It did involve having to go out and buy some paint as the paints I had lurking about in the garage were not only rather old but were not the right colours.  The trip was uneventful except for one small thing that left me pondering, so I thought I know that is a good little curiosity of a thing to mention on my blog.  I think I can not be the only person who thinks Ooooooooo Phew that will make my blog more interesting, when they see something slightly odd.

So I can hear you type do tell us of this curious thing which you have told is curious but then gibber about for ages before getting to the point. So I will get to the point it was a man listening to a pole . . . . Exactly what is all that about. To give you slightly more detail in was a man in a orange day glow jacket using some sort of stick looking listening device, listening to a wooden telegraph pole or maybe it was power, I cant remember now but the poles are about the same size.  Now I have seen folk listening to the ground with purpose made listening sticks it is a common way to hear water leaks underground, but poles with overhead cables. Maybe it some sort of new magic trick being used by those folk at GCHQ who are listening to wooden poles and they can hear every word we say type or even think. I mean its magic so who can tell. But it was a first for me I might at some point Google it and see if it has a rational reason behind it, the only one I could think of and which is sadly very very boring (no pun intended) is they might be listening for Death-Watch Beetle. Those little critters love a piece of wood and I have a feeling it is about this time of year they start all that clicking to their mates.

I know that was far too rational for this blog and therefore I have dismissed that idea as total lunacy. I suspect the truth will turn out to be an Alien trying to Phone home. Aliens have been convinced they can phone home ever since that Steven Spielberg put the thought in their minds. And we all know that it is a futile thing to do; and listening to the post is just going to make you a laughing stock once I put the video on YouTube, so all his mates back on Pluto can see it.     

HD85512b also known as Earth 2 or Super Earth and possible issues that may arise

Earlier today while busy doing stuff I was contemplating writing an interesting tale about HD85512b or Earth Two as it has become known in the press.  Humans have long been keen to meet aliens and the like and this is a great opportunity if it was just a bit closer.  But then I thought to myself even if we did meet them communication would be rubbish.  We sort of assume most of the time that because as humans we are clever it would all be easy and anyway if aliens get to Earth they would be super clever and work out what we were talking about.

Well there are two important points, the first of which is if we are so damn clever how come we have never managed to talk to other species on Planet Earth. All critters communicate using some sort of language (OK some of the tiny ones don’t).  Maybe it is possible that science has already achieved this but it is an official secret for rather logical reasons, I mean imagine how folk would feel about eating beef if the following conversation happened every time you went near a field of cows.

Oooooo hello rob what have you got there is it nice

Ah yes its a burger, they are rather popular

It looks interesting is it made of grass

No its a bun made of bread with fried onions, a bit of mustard and A meat burger

meat???

Well when I say meat I mean stuff

Stuff. . . . . What sort of stuff

Well mmmm sort of beef

WHAT

Well its only a bit of meat, a tiny bit really Look

AAAuuuuugghhhh that looks like Gertrude.

Gertrude no its just a burger I mean I would never eat Gertrude, well certainly not any important bits.

I don’t like you any more

Ah sorry about that Look I will only eat sheep

Bastard. . . . . . . 

Well as humans kill or eat almost everything that moves communicating with it would cause issues so it might well be that science and the powers that be have suppressed this.

Of course the second issue is if super intelligent aliens did turn up they would look upon us in the same way we look upon Cows and think hey these critters will make great burgers. Leading to the following conversation

You can not eat us . . . we are Humans

and very tasty you are too

No you don’t understand we are intelligent beings

Are you sure . . . you have not done much

Yes we have . . .  we have been to the moon

AH hah ahah ah ah ah a hahah ah ahah h a ha hah ah ahaha ha you are funny critters the moon is just up there I mean it is not exactly very far is it.

Well we have stuff like Mmmmmmmmmmmm toasters and bombs and love a good war

Well I think that sort of proves our point. that is just a waist of a good burger. Look I tell you what I will not eat the squishy bits I don’t like them anyway, you can keep them

WHAT

Now just hop into this liquidiser

Bastard

So despite the human desire to meet aliens, one would have to conclude that it would not end well.  Let’s face it if we manage to get to a planet in the future will we communicate with the life on it or eat it, particularly if it has four legs and is cow shaped.

Why Pluto Killed Cyberspace and my Triumphant Return

It appears that all is not well in cyberspace, well when I say not well I mean I have lost the internet. OK if you are reading this then it means the internet has returned and all is well again. However if you are not reading this then it is possible that things are not working as they should.  Just imagine the world of cyberspace without me Rob Z Tobor it would not be the same. . . . If you are all having a party and talking about me behind my back I will not be pleased even if I don’t know about it because someone has nicked my broadband.

So here I am typing away in an optimistic way assuming that everything will be OK soon . . .  OK soonish, as its starting to get dark and all is still dead in the mystical world of cyberspace. It was OK until that satellite starting messing about around Pluto, maybe we humans have upset some sort of icy alien critter and they have decided it must be my fault. . . .  I can imagine some scientist saying. . . .  OOOOOoooo No you need to go and see that Rob Z Tobor he is always annoying aliens all the time. . . .  They say that because I have all these brilliant ideas and they are jealous, the world of science is full of jealousy and intrigue even if scientists insist they are all friends, which they are not.  

 

Anyway that’s it I am off now to phone a man who will probably be in an Indian call centre and who will tell me it must be the phone line in my house because BT equipment never goes wrong ever. And besides I am merely a member of the public and therefore an IDIOT.  Luckily I know that there is a house not far away using a BT hub and they also have had issues so they can’t blame me or an icy alien from the Planet Pluto either.  

It appears from the phone call with a disembodied mechanical voice on the phone that there is a major problem which will be fixed soon. . . . . . When I say soon I mean ages.

Total Gibberish Caused by Persistent Writers Block

George had moved to King Street because of his obsession with all things connected with space and aliens, in fact it was this obsession that led to him painting his wife Mavis green. She did not object too much although she did say later that she would have preferred to have been warned in advance rather than wake up in the morning covered in green paint.  George himself said that he had never entirely understood Mavis and by painting her green she made a very good Martian, and he was working on a Martian Phrase book. Although Mavis was convinced she was speaking English and told George that everyone else understood her perfectly well.

It was rather ironic then that several weeks later George received a text message from Mavis to tell him she had been abducted by humans who were planning to do terrible experiments on her.  In reality she had run off with Mr Clark the librarian to Spain because the stress of being a Martian had become to much and as she told Mr Clark, George was completely mad.

Several houses along King Street at No24 lived Harold Beckman famous as the first British man in space, who spent several weeks on the International Space Station until the accident where he uttered those famed words HOuston we have a problem. . . . Again?  Since then Harold always kept a small can of oil about his person and insisted that his door hinges were oiled once a week.  As he told the postman on many occasions as he oiled the hinges of his front door . . . Nobody wants a squeaky door on the air lock. . .  He often referred to the front porch as the air lock. It was his four days trapped in the airlock of the International Space Station that had brought this way of thinking about, and his early retirement was finally thought for the best after he started to wrap his head in Kitchen foil and was found oiling the wrong end of the cat.

After Mavis was abducted (ran off) George spent many hours discussing this with Harold who said the Aliens were everywhere sabotaging all the critical doors around the world so that one day when they invaded folk would find they were immobilized by jammed doors making mankind useless and unable to defend themselves.

Their friendship however came to an abrupt halt when a young assistant at Boots the Chemist handed over some photographs he had developed for Mr Harold Beckman of them (George and Harold) both dressed as Penguins in a state of arousal. It was a great scoop for the local press but not so good for Harold, George or the assistant at Boots the Chemist who was sacked for breach of confidentiality.  Harold kept his front door locked after that and George ran off to Spain to escape from sniggering neighbours, where he found Mavis working in a tapas bar. She told George that her mind had been wiped by men in white coats so she had forgotten about him. They got back together after a bit and are now often seen scampering along the Spanish beaches wearing Penguin suits and giggling.

I hate Writers Block. . . When will it finally go. . . .AAAAuuuuuggghhhhh.

Shock news of latest sponsor to distance itself from FIFA and the World Cup

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An April 2015 A to Z Reflection Post about the 2015 A to Z Challenge

It is that time again a time when we all say it is very sad BECAUSE it is all over and what fun we have had when secretly we are all going THANK GOD ITS OVER HAH AH AHAH  HAHHA HAHAH HAH AHH AHAH AH HAHA HA HA HA HA HA. So now it is time to reflect on everything and ponder and write about our reflections in an interesting and analytical way, something to grab the hearts and minds of all the others who have finished the A to Z challenge and who are also secretly going. . . . . .  THANK GOD ITS OVER HAH AH AHAH  HAHHA HAHAH HAH AHH AHAH AH HAHA HA HA HA HA HA. And who are also thinking DAMN I need to write something really interesting that has not been written by all the others who are writing a reflection post.  

Every year I try to write something new something different something unique and this year I have decided to use the Big Dipper or as most folk around the world know them, The Roller-coaster for the descriptive analogy of my progress along the path from A to Z.

Well like the Roller-coaster the A to Z has many ups and downs

It involves much screaming

While we are rattling along with our eyes closed it seems to take forever to reach the end

But then once we reach the end it seems like it took no time at all.

You often find that you are bouncing about so much (and screaming) that it is impossible to hold a proper conversation.

Folk often need to go and lie down afterwards and have a little rest.

People having finished are often silly enough to think Oooooooo I might do that again.

And most importantly it is almost impossible to eat an ice cream at the same time.

Finally I think it is worth pointing out I hate roller-coaster's.

So there you have it, I along with many many many others have finished (almost?) yet another A to Z Challenge. I have done many A to Z’s because I have done several at other times of year and I think I have completed at least two every year since I started,  so I have now done a minimum of eight although ironically I have probably done more unofficial A to Z’s that official ones. And why would I do that I can hear people wondering . . . . . . Well it is simple I am an IDIOT.

I may take a little rest next year and watch from the side, I am getting far too old for this and the brain is not what it was, and it can start to feel a bit isolated down at the bottom of the list.  I mean I had to take to commenting on my own blog for some street cred.

Finally (No it really is) I would like to congratulate Master Meglos for finishing the A to Z, because he is certainly the youngest person by far to have undertaken it,  It is impressive for someone of Master Meglos’s age to even attempt it, so getting to the end is a good start for a young person with ideas of ruling the world.   

The Eclipse, StarGazing Live, Professor Brian Cox and the Sacrifice at the Village Market.

Oooooooo I took this picture of the eclipse I was very pleased with it 

Here in our little village we have a really great market, it sort of arrived here about two years ago by accident when the market stall holders fell out with the owners of the previous location.  So Friday morning is always market day when the villagers go and we all have our ritual of shuffling round the stalls buying exciting stuff and chatting about what has happened over the week.

However today was different, you see this morning the great gods in the sky spoke to us telling us it was time  to appease them (the gods) with a sacrifice of some sort. And while doing this we were to wear silly glasses that meant we could not see a thing resulting in us falling about in a haphazard way. Luckily I did not have any silly glasses only the ones I wear every day to see where I am going, but I did get my trusty three and a half inch reflector telescope out with its special filter that allowed me to watch the Gods as they battled in the sky. And by way of sacrifice I ate Bacon sandwiches and stocked up with cakes for later as I have heard rumour of the super moon. It appears those Gods are very active. This is what happens when folk stop having bacon and piling rocks up into interesting piles or forming rings out of the big ones.

Anyway we survived the wrath of the Dogs (sorry Gods) and I managed to get a couple of cool pictures of the eclipse. Plus I got to eat Bacon Butty’s and I have cake to eat while watching those strange wizards on the TV tonight, Professor Brian Cox and Mr Dara O Briain as they tell us how they have satisfied the Gods for now on the very interesting StarGazing Live TV show.  They smile a lot and never eat cake and I think we all know what that means.

 Its at times like this we need to remember the late great Sir Patrick Moore, I bet he would have been smiling a lot too.

OH did I mention I burnt a hole through my hand today. . . . . DAMN

Aliens, Black Friday, 40 inch Televisions, Conspiracies and Professor Quatermass.

After many years it appears the so called Black Friday chaos finally arrived here in Britain yesterday, a place not used to Black Friday. And it has come to my notice thanks to the very informative Bumferry Hogart that all was not as it might appear from a distance. You see Mr Hogart or Mr H as we like to call him was brave enough to venture out into the wilds of sale land and found folk acting normally and even smiling. To those of us watching the news this was a shock as on the BBC news we got to watch massed crowds fighting in the playing fields of England . . . sorry I mean the aisles of Tesco as they fought to the last man over 40 inch television sets. This is interesting because (as I have already discussed with Mr H) a couple of years ago when the good folk of Britain in certain places (cities) rioted one of the main items targeted by the looters was 40 inch television sets.

In fact 40 inch television sets seem to have a strange effect on the public and the people who own them. So I have had to conclude from all the evidence that has been placed in front of me that the minds of man has been subconsciously manipulated by Aliens of a higher intelligence many millions of years ago to desire a 40 inch television.  Of course the Aliens have been waiting quietly for us to get to the stage where our own intelligence is good enough to develop the mass produced 40 inch Flat Screen Television. Which means mankind has now finally reached a point where we now sit and worship these 40 inch large shiny black monoliths in our living rooms. Now ask yourself does this remind you of something, a film maybe called . . . 2001 a Space Odyssey. 

You see these large black 40 inch screen technological devices are more than a simple television set they are the incubators of the dormant offspring of the Aliens who will at some point leap out of the screen and into the body and mind of the humans who have been sent into a comatose state by watching hours of talent shows and minor celebs doing stuff like dancing and eating armadillos or Dads Army. 

And once the humans have been assimilated and genetically realigned they will join the army of existing aliens who insist those of us who do not yet own 40 inch televisions should get one because it’s a must for every modern home. This way it is only a matter of time until we are all taken over and Mankind as we know it is changed forever becoming Aliens just like the ones you see on the TV. . . . . . .

I blame that Professor Quatermass. . . . 

The Predictability of our own Future, Fate and other Things . . . . . The Big Question

I was quietly minding my own business as I do When I was asked Are you the chap who answers those Big Questions and my answer was Maybe or Maybe not Why and they said well I was wondering about stuff, sort of what's it all about How come I'M here now and not sat on a hot beach, just how do we end up being us and STUFF.

Don’t you just hate it when strangers ask you questions like that but to be fair they do have a point because what we are and what we do are rather fragile things indeed. Many of us may think we are in control of our destiny but are we.  Starting back at the beginning we are born, a genetic throw of the dice by two people who may or may not have plans to produce children. And once in the world we are in the hands of others who may or may not help kick start us on our way to fame fortune and adventure. Here in the West we have the advantage of school, but a personality clash with a teacher or another pupil or any number of things can change what we learn and what qualifications we get. Which in turn can send us on any number of unknown options and lock us out of many many more.  What we do can depend on if we live in a town or in the country and that can be down to family and all sorts of things.

So at what point do we finally get to take total control of our destiny, well I’m afraid we never really do. It may appear that some do but the fact is even those right at the top are there due to thousands if not millions of interlinked events that have created the world around us.  Some of these events are things done by others, some are things that happen by accidents of fate, like winning the lottery, meeting someone in a shop or café or the zoo.

Of course we can do some things to steer our lives in the general direction we wish to go and sometimes it can work out as planned a bit like leaping about in front of the very nice Steven Spielberg’s bedroom window naked shouting Hello Handsome . . . Although sometimes these little things we do to steer our lives in the direction we wish to go have unforeseen side effects that lead down new unpredicted paths. Such as running down a road naked pursued by large dogs and several police cars, leading to the theft a bicycle which by a stroke of luck has a friend of Mr Jones the Alien Hunter in the basket and for twenty five pounds and the use of a mobile makes the bike fly over a small forest to safety.   Strangely national governments try and do stuff to steer things in the direction they wish things to go and have very similar problems, but are seldom saved by aliens on bicycles who are friends of Mr Jones.

So just remember we all start equal for about 10 seconds then it is 85% luck and 15% our own efforts, so be as nice as you can to everyone because who is to say that but for the hand of  fate you could be them and they could be you. 

Mankind's Past and Mankind's Future . . . . The SHOCK Truth

The other day someone said to me hey you are a professional blogger don’t you answer all those tricky questions about stuff. . . . To which I said yes and that is the easiest question I have ever had to deal with, but then they said well I was wondering why the social economic structure that mankind lives within is so complex when say a duck messes about, eats grass and maybe heads south for the winter.  I did try and explain that I normally only write about 500 words per post and we have already used a whole load up and have not ever started to deal with his rather complex question.

So in order to deal with this I will answer it in two bits because there are in fact two very different answers to this, one very long answer and one much shorter. Tonight will be the shorter answer. Both are equally valid and have their supporters within the scientific community at large.

So consider the dilemma of being a super intelligent lifeform keen to colonise the universe, but also aware of the issues involved. I have previously explained it is as good as impossible to do this. However there is one way it could be done and recent discoveries in space support this theory, you see the basic building blocks of life have been found in space and we need to ask ourselves why it is there. Well it is likely it was put there by a super intelligent lifeform and represents the key genetic data of their own species at a micro biological structure level, where it (the building blocks of life) drifts through space. Once encountering a planet gravity ensures it covers its surface. And because of the microscopic size it does not burn up as it falls through the atmosphere.  Once on the planet it then interferes with the process of Evolution in the most suitable species and gradually turn the DNA of the host being into the original (alien) lifeform.

Have you noticed how Mankind suddenly headed down an entirely different avenue of evolutionary process to other apes and we now have a lifestyle closer to that of termites and ants. Just look at how folk move about in IKEA and large shopping centres, the Great Apes just sit about or chill in trees and never build large towers like termites.  If you add to this to the question of what sort of super lifeform would put the colony and species before the individual in order to colonize the universe; and the answer is clearly an insect one such as termites or ants.

We are not ants we lack the required number of limbs but viewed from a great height our cities are very similar to that of the termite and insect colonies. And we have ever increasing laws and regulations to control us, pressurizing us to conform to the will of the masses. Something clearly changed us from being apes, and it is very likely we are in the process of becoming pre-programmed alien beings.

You may laugh but just think about this next time you are following the little arrows around IKEA without question picking up large fluffy termites for the kids to play with. . . . . . . . . . .     

Are you going to meet an Alien. . . The Big Question Answered.

It is time to tackle one of those big questions which I now do as part of my life as a Professional Blogger. It a grand life being a Professional Blogger now that the money is starting to roll in, it’s a bit of a surprise and beats working for a living. I did not realise my fellow bloggers were on to such a good thing. . . . . .

Anyway I had a thought the other day; I have yet to meet an Alien as in a real one. Yes I know Mr Jones has met loads but I think he tends to think anything that moves in the woods at night is an Alien particularly if it’s tall silver and has flashing lights and a death ray.  But the reality is most rational folk don’t see Aliens, and one needs to ask the big question WHY?

The first question we need to ask is are there Aliens out there in the vast voids of space that are intelligent enough to make spacecraft and therefore give us a fighting chance of bumping into one another. Well Yes there are loads of them, however there are other issues involved that make what should be a reasonable thing to happen, actually happen. Two great civilizations from different planets meeting shaking hands, legs or tentacles and then attempting to kill one another (its what intelligent life sort of does).  

So why has it not happened and the incredibly boring answer is pure and simply down to maths, physics and distance.  The Universe is big very very big. We as in planet Earth are out on the outskirts of it in a rather boring bit of the Milky Way which in itself is not that exciting. The Milky Way being just another Galaxy among millions of the things. If each Galaxy contained just one super intelligent lifeform there would be millions and yet the chances of meeting are as good as Zero.

There is yet another issue time (you know what I said about time) well the Universe is said to be 13.8 plus billion years old so far and let’s say has at least another 1000 billion years to go before you know what happens. . . . . . YICKS.  So the odds of two intelligent lifeforms turning up at the same time on different planets close enough for them to meet are so remote that we can say it amounts to Zero. So we now have Zero times Zero chance of meeting an Alien.

And its gets worse because the distances involved mean that even travelling at the speed of light it would take longer that any sort of Alien is likely to live. This is not helped by the fact that a spacecraft could not travel at the speed of light or even remotely close because space is full of dust and stuff. And at those sorts of speed one tiny grain of dust would destroy the spacecraft.  So the chances of an Alien lifeform making a suitable spacecraft are almost Zero. . . So Zero times Zero times Zero . . . .  In other words Mr Jones’s Tall Silvery creature with wings, flashing lights and a death ray is not an Alien but something else.  

Ooooo I worked out how the Earth will be destroyed the other day. That is I thought of the idea the other day not that Earth was destroyed the other day.          

Scottish Independence . . . NO Campaign Latest Shock News.

There are certain things that need to be acknowledged as we head rapidly towards the great YES  NO vote that will, we are told change the world (OK Great Britain) forever.  Well what sort of thing (or WHO) changes the world, because quite frankly as humans changing it to much is not a good move at all.  So we need to ask ourselves in whose best interest would these changes be, obviously not humans so by a process of elimination we must be talking Aliens.

And because these changes are associated directly with the YES NO Vote we have to assume that the entire process has been instigated by the very same Aliens, but what is their cunning plan. And exactly which side are they on, are they supporting the YES or NO campaign.  Well I think I can answer that question quite easily, it is clear that the Aliens are supporting the NO campaign because of three key observations.  The first of these is historical ask yourself where do people see Aliens and Alien spacecraft in Britain, Almost always in the South of England. Yes OK the odd one turns up in Wales and the North of England but they are like Hens Teeth in Scotland.  Secondly look at the political leaders supporting the NO campaign Mr Miliband, Mr Clegg and Mr Cameron, are they Alien Androids and all the same model at that working to instigate the Aliens cunning plan; I bet they are.  Thirdly consider all the big corporate businesses throwing their weight behind the NO campaign. The organisations are reclusive secret bodies that tell us little, an ideal place for the massed hordes of Aliens to do their deeds changing our world so they can remove all the humans or enslave us

Now I can hear some of you say that is madness but consider this, if Scotland becoming independent is really so bad then why would the powers that be who are now telling us this, allow the vote in the first place.  It makes no sense whatsoever unless behind the whole thing is a grand master plan of evil cunning and quite frankly in this particular case the only ones who will gain must be an as yet undiscovered race of Aliens from the far reaches of space.

I suspect they have noticed that the Scots are a feisty belligerent bunch who have a strange language, seem to survive on foods that would kill most humans in a few days and will fight any Alien that they see once nightfall arrives. Waving those pointy Sticks at the powers that be and shouting ARE YOU LOOKIN AT ME PAL. . .

So I believe this is an entire exorcise sorry exercise in destroying the Scottish spirit forever, so that the Aliens can move North and eventually conquer the entire world.  All that stands between us (the human race) and becoming the puppets of Aliens is a YES Vote. . .

I think you know what to do. . . . . .

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The as yet unknown Insect People of Saturn . . . . . Keep Watching the SKIES (sorry EYES)

The Ghost Writer has been in his grey office today pondering the strange world of IT, now before you all say hang on that got nothing to do with unknown things, that is not entirely true. You see he is going ga ga (as in loony, not the singer . . . .as I have said before) and so quite frankly has not got a clue what he is doing, so he spends most of his life in a state of unknown.  He is much happier like that, sometimes it is best not to know.

You are all no doubt all aware that in the last couple of days I have had close encounters with Vampire Moths and tonight I almost came  face to face with a large pale coloured spider. I say almost because it ran off and hid when I sneaked in to grab the camera. I have learnt I need to photograph everything or folk say things like O yes how big did you SAY; it stood four feet high and snarled at you……. Well if I wave a photo at them they go O MY GOD ITS HUGE KILL IT……. However the spider ran off so no picture only an artist’s impression . . . . . OK I may have got carried away a bit, but I have a theory.

Well all this insect activity made me think HANG ON maybe all these insects are just acting like pre-invasion scouts testing the lay of the land working out if us humans taste good before they (the Insect People of Saturn) attack us.  This now appears very likely to me because the small scouts (almost certainly nano robots) insects will be telling the main battle fleet in space that our main defences consist of nasty smelling aerosol sprays that are as good as useless, sticky strips of paper that catch the odd fly and scented candles which appear to choke the humans and for some reason even most humans can't understand clear plastic bags full of water hanging outside windows.  Yes it appears the insects may not only think we are weak and feeble but with rather tasty blood but also mad.

I have no plans to hang plastic bags full of water outside my windows. . . . No one is going to call me mad. Although it will make an interesting backdrop in the popular Steven Spielberg movie The Invaders from Saturn . . . . Based on a popular blog by Rob Z Tobor.