The 2019 A to Z Challenge . . . Letter Q

Q

Ask a Duck which is his/her favourite Letter in an alphabet and he/she will always say the same thing Quack . . . . .Which brings us to plans involving the Letter Q and Ducks such as The Quad Plan of the world famous architect Frank Lloyd Wright. You see not many folk know this. Actually no one knows this but Frank Lloyd Wright based his designs on principles he learnt from watching Ducks nesting. It is why so many of his iconic house designs involve water, a hard shiny exterior and a white interior with soft yellow furnishings at their very centre. Although the novelty Duck noise door bells were never entirely a success with the public, partly because pesky kids would ring them and then run off and hide leaving an innocent duck on the doorstep to take the wrap.  Luckily most ducks are faster or at least as fast as a speeding steam locomotive as we learnt on a previous Letter. . . . . I bet you now wish you had read the earlier Letters, but I have no intention of telling you it was Letter M . . . . . . . . . . DAMN

Harry

He might look cute but OOOOOOOooo No. 

Houseflies . . . . .What is their cunning game

As you know I live in the countryside with the woods to one side of us the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence behind us and rolling fields full of cows and the local village. I say village it is almost a village it is not big, but we do have a village hall which has its Friday market due to a twist of fate, and a rather good health food store that has been here for almost ever.

Now being rural with cows peering over the hedge at us and water (sort of) behind us means we do see rather a lot of flies in the summer, yes even the rural ideal has its little annoying issues and flies are a bit of a pain at times. But for reasons I have assumed must be connected to some sort of long term change in the world order or even linked to alien invasion, this year the flies have mutated. Yes they still look like your average housefly being blackish with six legs and wings but they are now ferocious and aggressive. 

I mean flies have always been a bit annoying but not actively aggressive dive bombing you and hitting you in the face. Flying directly at you rather than thinking OOOOoooo is a huge human I better get out the way. So why has this happened it is not something I have seen before. As I have said it must be something like aliens or the like.  I know aliens are a long shot but just imagine if insects coordinated their attack on us poor unsuspecting humans with our soft sensitive skin. I heard that once on a TV advert so it must be true, not that the insects had coordinated their attack on us, but that we have soft sensitive skin.

Another thought was maybe this is a global warming thing because insects can adapt much faster to environmental change than other critters which is why some beetles moths and other insect critters from warmer climates have been seen in Britain but not larger things such as Panthers, wallabies, porcupines and pterodactyls . . . . . AH DAMN. . .   No the point is all the big ones have been brought here by folk who then get bored and let them go, where as the little insects have made their way here by choice.

Still I may not know exactly why the flies are so aggressive (its aliens for sure), but they are; which is why we have a big glowing flyzap in the kitchen.  Finally I will say you can not but be impressed by a fly sat on the edge of a very hot frying pan like it has not got a care in the world trying to work out how to steal my bacon as it cooks. 

The Fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence and a quite look back at the past

It continues to rain here rather a lot and the ground is well and truly saturated, the fabled minor stream of inconsequence that runs behind our house and off into the wood must be at least a good 12 to 18 inches deep and almost three feet wide. This means that it still only counts as a minor stream of inconsequence which bearing in mind all the rain and flooding in Britain is rather good when you live in a bungalow.

I really should write loads more but am going to do a sneaky and tell you what I wrote way back on Friday, 28 October 2011 . . . (why I hear you type, well I’m lazy and its wet and dark and the middle of winter).

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The new house is right at the far end of the wood, right at the end of a thin ribbon of wood that follows the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence, the source of which is right next to our new house. So me and the dog thought it was time to take a little trip to explore. There were two reasons for this. The first was that it has been a very quiet day; the second reason is I really can’t believe you wish to hear about boxes again.

The third reason is it has been rather nice and sunny today an excellent time to explore woods (I sound like Monty Python now). So three reasons why I was in the woods, although the forth one would be that the sequel to the blockbuster movie of the book; (book one) based on this, book two, so far is full of boxes, and that is not a good plot. So four reasons why no one expects the Spanish Inquisition….. Mum has said you know what again, sorry mum however I have thought of a fifth reason……. No only kidding.

 In the woods the trees are all loosing there leaves and many animals are hibernating such as Hedgehogs, Bears, Beavers, The Lemmings of Petrograd, The Dark Creature of the Undergrowth and Uncle Frank. Uncle Frank always gets hibernating and flying south for the winter mixed up, which is an easy thing to do according to mum and dad, but I think they are being nice. But it is cheaper for Uncle Frank to hibernate in the wood than spend all winter partying in Ibiza

We had a long wander through the woods, the dog destroying yet another catapult made by the Dodo’s. He says it will be the last of the year as they have turned their attention to building a Jacuzzi (otherwise known as a hot tub) to keep them cosy over the winter months.  This is the result of them getting to read a Woman’s Own magazine left in the wood by a camper. Yes you see the consequences of leaving your rubbish in the countryside. The repercussions of these acts are not always easy to predict, so please ensure you always clear all your rubbish and dispose of it correctly. Thank you.

Dam it distracted again; we made it to the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence and as was discussed last time (Yes you do need to pay attention) we found evidence of the Madman of the Woods, we even thought we heard the distant call of the wild; HAR HAR HARDY HA HAR a sound with a familiar ring to it. The dog even found prints of a strange animal in the muddy banks of the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence a strange creature with six legs …………. …………. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Anyway it got dark and we had to return home as we were all visiting a particularly famous old lady of Monty who is ninety nine today; and it is not the done thing not to visit. So we did. I did say she was not to run about in the night singing in the street and climbing lamp posts. Mum said IDIOT which I thought was a bit harsh after all she is 99 ……….. AH apparently she was referring to me. 

I have a friend, called Mr Jones.

Who is famous for his, scary groans.

And likes to wear, a pointy hat.

While dancing with, the vampire bat.

And in the middle of the night.

He will knock on doors, to give you a fright.

But at Halloween, he is in the wood

To shout TRICK OR TREAT at …………  Robin Hood.

HA HAH HAHAHH hahah hah hahhah hahhahhah hahahah hha ha ha hah hah hahah.

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OK back to 2014 yes a lot of time has passed; the dog is still with the Pope I think, teaching him stuff about the Romans and Greeks and the little old lady died having reached 101. And I gave up spelling DAMN like DAM because folk thought I was silly and they did not see the ironic dark humour of a large wall holding back all that water. Since spelling DAMN correctly all that water is now all outside and I think that says everything. . . . . 

AH I may have to use an old picture tonight also . . . . . .DAM . . . . . HAH AH HAH AH HAH AH HA HAH HA HAHHAH haha ha ha hah ha ha ha ha.  

Gosh I have written a lot of rubbish in the last few years……

Professor Frankenstein’s Monster, Jimmy Savile and Zombie Cats

As many of you (in Britain at least) will know if you listen to a wireless or watch a television set there has been much talk of  the man who is now the most hated man in Britain, no not a politician not even one of the leaders of the various parties but Jimmy Saville. For various reasons including good taste I have avoided any mention of the man in my diary but something was said on the wireless earlier that made me think I should make a comment.

You see they said on the news program that the police were looking into various scenarios and options in order to make an arrest in the Jimmy Savile case. I have to admit I am not sure of the precise words; I have sort of switched off about this story because it appears to revolve more round the BBC than the victims, and I think everyone should just accept the BBC is just another victim, even if as a result most of the other victims then suffered.

However the thought now that somehow the police might be looking into a way of digging Mr Savile up and reviving him in a sort of  Perry Mason or maybe Starsky and Hutch meets Professor Frankenstein’s Monster sort of way; made me think hello what’s going on now then. 

 

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I am not entirely convinced that a decomposing Zombie Jimmy Savile in the dock will exactly help the situation and a life sentence may be difficult to uphold if he is one of the walking dead. After all if you are the walking dead just how long is a life sentence?

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I have just had a substantial break from writing my diary because Sooty the cat arrived in the house looking like a drowned rat that had been rolled in cow muck, maybe he fell into the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence . So he was not nice and he smelt worse than he looked. In fact the ironic thing about this is he looked and smelt just like a zombie cat or what one would assume a zombie cat or even a zombie Jimmy Savile would look and smell like. So we have all been doing battle with the cat in the shower, he is not a cat that likes showers and bearing in mind he has just returned from a fate worse than death involving water (and cow poo) the shower was not where he wanted to be, or me.

He is clean now well I hope so, or as clean as you can get a cat that is panicking and has all his claws on red alert, and so I have returned to my diary. Heavy Harry the Cat who was looking fairly chilled and resting in the office has taken one look at Sooty the Cat and has done a runner it appears that cats are also worried about Zombies too, in particular Zombie Cats.

Still if the Zombie Jimmy Savile is locked away for all eternity the one concession he might be allowed is a zombie cat as company.

Sorry I have not got round to telling you exactly what happened today but I will say the Ghost Writer was grumpy after an emergency IT call out . . . . .   

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The dentist and the flood (Ground-Hoffman Day )

Today was going to be our family trip to the Dentist so me mum dad and the Ghost Writer who insists on coming with us on the grounds that the dentist is very scary and sort of reminds him of Dustin Hoffman in the film Marathon man. I really would prefer it if he did not remind us about that, but he does each time; and hides in the back of the car making dentist drill noises shouting IS IT SAFE……..  Anyway today’s trip to the dentist was not like normal trips to the dentist because when we all got up and looked out of the windows the world was wet really wet as wet as it could be for wet. So setting off to see the dentist was not an easy task. The first flood we came too had a panicked driver in the way, but we got round them and through the next flood OK,  then after a couple of miles we arrived  at the next flood which was about 100 metres long with a sort of new river crossing the road but we got through that too. The new arrived in Forden a little village where the water was sort of gushing out of the drains with people poking sticks at it? And we got through that flood, but we than reached a flood that vanished off into the distance round a bend,  so we abandoned the trip to the dentist and started home. The Ghost Writer was WELL HAPPY.

Anyway the trip home meant getting back through all the floods we have been through to get to the point we abandoned the trip. This was OK we did get back although it is annoying to be driving slowly through a long flood to have a ********* **** ****** ****** IDIOT as dad called him driving a huge 4X4 drive from the other direction at speed sending a huge wave over the car. Luckily the car engine and electrics were OK, but next time the dog gets to eat him.

We then meet someone who had driven through one of the floods too fast and had managed to kill all there electrics, by then we realized in really was dog eat dog so we waved and said it will dry out in the summer.

Then as we arrived home we thought too ourselves, we better check the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence, because it has never had this much rain and water in it before so I was sent to look because I was told I was the most expendable one. So as I crept up on the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence expecting a torrent of white foam and rapids I was faced with a vision of a gentile small stream that must have risen in water level by almost one inch. It is called the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence for a very good reason apparently.

After that is was just a case of keeping our heads down and shouting at the Ghost Writer who insisted on being happy because the rain had saved him from the dentist, (for now).

OOOOooooo I have been drumming tonight to the great river god

And I took a picture of the little flood just by our house although it was not as impressive as the others, but I did not have my camera then

My Entire A to M so Far (Abridged).... so Time for a Party

Yesterday I managed to Mention M as you might have guessed..... I am Magnificent at this MAD game as many bloggers might have discovered, I am also MOSTLY Modest but not when mentioning M. Anyway I am meandering away from the main thread of my mission, My Manuscript (Diary).

As everyone knows who reads my blog (or reads the book or watches the block buster movie)  the MYSTERIOUS MURDEROUS MUMBLING MUMMIFIED MUTANT MONSTERS of MESOPOTAMIA made it to a party last night with their friends The marauding mean megalomaniacal Mankind Mutilating Marionettes of Moldova but The Marionettes of Moldova said there were strings attached. The party you see was at the now infamous illicit ISOBAR and they had all got their invites from a pretty young girl, which gave them, free entry and a free drink.

They thought hang on we have heard of the ISOBAR what is it we are meant to say……AH yes  “I’m an INTERGALACTIC INVADER from IO (one of the moons of Jupiter), and my IGUANA has INSOMNIA”. So they did but she said “In that case you Might get two free drinks” so they went.

Much to their amazement also there were; The LEMMINGS of Petrograd and a Llama, The legendary JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS, The KING of the KELPIES, the Ghost of HARRY HOUDINI, The GUILD of GROTESQUES AND GARGOYLES and Godzilla,  the FIERY FIGHTING FISHERMEN of FISHGUARD, The  ELITE of the EUROPEAN ELLIPTICAL EARTH ENGINE Club,  The DEMENTED DEADLY DORMICE of DOOM,  A CARNIVOROUS CAVE CRAB of CAMBODIA, and a AUTOMATED ALUMINIUM AND ANTIMONY ARTICULATED ARMOUR plated ALBINO ARANEOMORPHAE (SPIDER SORT OF THING) ANDROID.

They were all out of their heads (well everyone except the HEADLESS HORSEMAN) on Billberry bush MOONSHINE and some sort of monsterious mixed up Alphabet Cocktail….. Then this MORNING when they woke up it appears they had blown all their cash and a pretty young girl appears to have compromising photos of MOST of them playing Leap frog in the lavatory.

 OK bloggers in all that rushing to write that I cant remember if I used twelve letters or all  thirteen letters, so what you have to ask yourself is are you feeling Lucky SO ……….DO you feel Lucky bloggers.

If anyone thinks I am going to do this again when we get to Z you are MAD …………HA HAH HAH AHHAH HAH HAH HAHAHH Hah hah hahaha hahh a  a ……………HA HAHH HAH HAH HAH HAH HAH AH H HA

HA HA HA HAH AH hah hahhaha hah hah ha hahah ha ha

AH MUM said IDIOT

Time off HA .......... I laugh in the face of adversity 

The legendary JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS (Part Two) and a Jockey wearing a Jacobean Jacket

Dam it, we really are winging it today. The dog said we just have look at life from its juxtaposition. He suggested driving a juggernaut in the Jet stream on a Jetty in Japan with the Hindu God of Jagannâth tied to the roof with Jute rope. There is no denying this justifies the dogs concept of a juxtaposition on life but it is not entirely practical.

So instead we followed The Fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence through the jungle (Yes Yes the Woods) to the JUNCTION with the Pool of JEJUNE to see the beast; the legendary JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS and hunt for Jewels and Jasper.

sorry about the reflection of the camera name on the water but I never said I was good at photography
(I think)

Last time we were there it was hot like a June day but this time (a month later) it was more like January. It was clear that there had been some Jiggery-pokery just recently and the JUVENILE JURASSIC JIGANTICIUS JOLLISCARYIUS has jolly well gone. Then me and the dog saw a Jockey. We assume he was a Jockey because he was wearing jodhpurs and a Jacobean jacket and hat (funny lot are Jockeys). He said that the Japanese has done a runner with it, having enticed it out of the  Pool of JEJUNE with a giant Jumbo sausage and juniper sauce plus a plate of juicy jaffa cakes and Jam.  But a passing jogger said he (The Jockey) was a jingoistic Jumped up Johnny come likely jester who was trying to sell his story to journalists.

So we left them Gesticulating (Dam that’s not J) at each other and jabbing one another with pointy sticks, and went off to hunt jewels on the way home until we met John from school on his way to the chip shop. He was looking rather jaded and down because he said he had been Jilted by Julie, who has run off with Gordon and he was going home to jot down a jolly little song about it all so she would never forget him.

Me and the dog both looked at each other and said JUXTAPOSITION or What?

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And on that note i must return to painting the walls of a bedroom JAZZBERRY (no I really am)

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Irritating Insects and an Interrogated Icelandic Iguana in an Igloo

So “I” today; I thought I better ask mum about the letter “I” but she said IDIOT …………………Ah

OK before I get too far I must just say we went to Mr Charlie and Miss Jane’s house this morning because its Miss Jane’s birthday tomorrow so Happy Birthday Miss Jane (as it happens Miss Jane does not follow me anywhere in cyberspace because she says I am BONKERS (that’s MAD for those of you  following in international cyberspace) …..WELL COOL. Mum said IDIOT again now. We did get to sing Happy Birthday and I got to eat magnetic sausage rolls and cake…. WELL COOL again.  

Because it was Saturday and dry if not sunny, me and the dog spent the afternoon exploring the strip of wood that follows The Fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence, it seemed an Interesting Impromptu if Improbable place to start our search for eyes (YUK) sorry I think I mean “I’s).

The dog decided that the best Idea was to play the game Eye Spy With My Little Eye something beginning with “I”. So once in the Woods, I started and the dog tried to guess

Eye spy With my Little Eye something beginning with “I”

An Ibis Investigating an Igloo

NO

Irritated Itching Insects (a vague reference to the dogs Fleas)

NO

The Illustrated guide to the Inca’s 

NO

International Investigators Interrogating an Icelandic Iguana 

NO

A Mutant Moaning Groaning Egyptian Mummy

 No …….. Hang on none of those words start with “I’s”

But it appeared that a Mutant Moaning Groaning Egyptian Mummy was walking towards us in the woods. The dog thought he would investigate while I remained inaccessible in an immense tree. As the dog introduced himself to the Mutant Moaning Groaning Egyptian Mummy it turned out he was Igor the Invisible Man from Indonesia who became Invisible while suffering an infection (influenza or inflammation of the Ilium) .  Apparently it’s traditional for the Invisible man to be covered in bandages, that’s seems rather incredible?  

Anyway the Invisible man said it is impossible to indulge in interesting conversation because everyone says WHO SAID THAT AH HAH HAHH HAH hah hahahah hahahahah ha  and he gets Iridescently Irritated Instantly.  On the way home we went to his flat, with its illuminated Indigo Interior which he called his IPAD. It was incredibly good luck meeting him today although the dog thinks he’s an Imposter, I said the dog was a bit impetuous as he was invisible and a man.

At home I ate Ice-cream (an impulsive indulgence) and mum said IDIOT 

I apologise if tonight’s diary entry is incomprehensible but I tried….. HAH HAHAHH Hah ah hah hah hah ahah hah hahh hahahah hahah . …….Mum said IDIOT again?

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The OS map, The African Queen and X marks the spot (John)

It was grey again today I didn’t even see a squirrel, probably because the grey squirrels have now totally blended into the sky rather than finally decided to hibernate, although I wouldn’t blame them if they have hibernated . So what happened today well to tell the truth it was yet another day when very little happened? It is the time of year and the weather, and a lack of heat and light and other things.

I quite fancy getting outside and doing interesting things, Me and the dog still have The Fabled Minor Stream if Inconsequence to explore on our home made steam boat which we have named The African Queen because dad has carved a figurehead for it of Burt Lancaster. Yes we all know even dad knows but he said Burt Lancaster is much easier to carve because of the patch over the one eye and the plastic surgery enabling him to guest appear in Robocop as one of those blobby things (NO not Mr Blobby).   

The Fabled Minor Stream if Inconsequence is at least three inches deeper than it was when we moved here but then if has rained a lot so the African Queen will sail down it well good

I have been checking last years diary interestingly enough it shows an interesting trend in as much as the first weeks of January are remarkable uninteresting. I even checked in one of my new gardening books which said don’t worry there is nothing to do, although if you want to dig a huge deep hole; now is a good time of year. Yes OK but I don’t.

Mum and dad did buy the OS map for the area that has our house on it today, although the first map they were given turned out to have someone’s walking route all highlighted along with their stops and a big X saying John next to it. They really did not fancy finding out if John was still at point X, so they asked for a new map, me and the dog said we would have looked for John, but they said just in case he was a decomposing body and knowing me and the dog would bring him home for tea, they thought it best if we don’t know where he is NOT FAIR. 




Yes OK sorry Bloggers I have returned to Dynamic View again for a while but i also have a new blog THE PICTURES OF ROB Z TOBOR it is very new so will take time to get its act together

The Unremarkable Pool of Muddy Water, homing cats and the lost Coco Pops

Saturday and I have spent the day in the garden exploring stuff. When I say stuff I refer to things in the garden and not the boxes from our old home which are full of stuff and on which was written STUFF in the end due to the general pressure of time; anyway, I am discussing the garden.

As you will all be aware right next to the house is the source of the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence, but today behind a hedge we found The Unremarkable Pool of Muddy Water. It was very exciting because it is where the black and white cows who live in the field like to come and drink, well sort of, bearing in mind it has rained all week and the last thing they wish to do is drink the intoxicating waters of The Unremarkable Pool of Muddy Water.

As it happens today was the first sunny day of our so far short stay at the new house (I say new but this is classic 1970’s bungalow) and as a result of the sun we had our first sunset. Mum and dad were well pleased it has been twenty eight years since they lived in a house where there was a sunset, as they have lived under the protective rocky hill on which Montgomery Castle was built in 1284 sometime in August about half past six I think although that may be entirely wrong, it may have been nearer eight HAHAHAHh hahah hah hahah hahahah hhah hahah hahahah hahhahah. Mum has just said IDIOT.

The nice little old lady who lived here was unable to prune trees, so some of them are a bit tall, so dad started to prune a couple near the house, He used explosives to sort of explode the tops off much to the amusement of the dog, but it did frighten next doors two pigs and mum called him an IDIOT too.

I also saw a small black cat that looks like Sooty the Cat and have discovered it is also called Sooty the Cat ………… AH. Well that will cheer up Harry the Cat who likes to beat up Sooty the Cat because there will be two Sooty the Cat’s now. Harry and Sooty will be back tomorrow morning to rejoin us (when I say rejoin I don’t mean they have to stick us together again, just that they will be home) but they have to stay inside for a few days to establish where home is. A bit like homing pigeons, only you cant race a homing cat  very well so it is not entirely the same as it happens and they don’t go COOOO more HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS (that’s the Cats not the Pigeons).

Mum and dad say I am not allowed visitors until they can find things like plates, knives and Coco Pops and various other important things or we will all look like IDIOTS, well I am used to that.