The Mechanical Knights of Trumble-Spinny . . .A tale based on a true story.(sort of)

Well with the departure of many political leaders in Britain and the countries  apparent lean to the right, it appears that my humble blog has now totally vanished into the darkness of cyberspace where man and beast fear to tread. . . OK when I say tread I don’t mean physically tread this is cyberspace not the forbidden forest of Trumble-Spinny north of Dunconkilly.

Which means that I can write almost anything, so I shall start with a story about the Forbidden Forest of Trumble-Spinny north of Dunconkilly?  Yes many many years ago there was a great clan leader called the Queen of Dunconkilly who lived in Castle Dunconkilly near the small town of Dunconkilly in the kingdom of Dunconkilly. These were the days when the various clans in Scotland would fight and shout at each other loads, set fire to pigeons and wave swords in a ferocious way at small children. Telling them the evil Cait Sith would get them in their sleep.  Unfortunately the people of Dunconkilly where not fighting folk they had been brought up with a good education reading books thanks to the Queen of Dunconkilly who wrote many many books.

However the good folk of the Kingdom of Dunconkilly where not pleased by the constant insults of the un-kept and dishevelled passing clansmen calling them names, throwing deep fried haggis at them and waving their sporrans at them all in a rude suggestive manner. And a request was made to the queen to resolve the issue so that the people of her kingdom could have a peaceful life.    

So it was that the Queens great professor of Science (Professor Stumbldore) invented The Mechanical Knights of Trumble-Spinny. These were fearsome fighting mechanical men who waited, ever alert in the forest of Trumble-Spinny north of Dunconkilly overlooking the only way into the Kingdom of Dunconkilly. If the clansmen attempted to attack the Queen of Dunconkilly and her people shouting terrible things and waving their swords, then The Mechanical Knights of Trumble-Spinny would repel the hoards of wild looking Clansmen sending them running. And as time passed the forest became known across Scotland as The Forbidden Forest of Trumble-Spinny north of Dunconkilly. Even today folk do not venture there and it is said that the Queen of Dunconkilly is still happily writing books in her castle about the strange and wondrous events in her kingdom. 

  

Perpetual Motion Machines and Naked Charity Calendars analyzed . . .(PART 2) and introducing Professor Brian Cox

After craftily skimming over all the issues involved in creating the ultimate nude charity calendar of Scientists and Perpetual Motion machines I think it is time to deal with the whole subject in more detail, fundamentally getting to the Bottom (no pun intended) of things.   Interestingly there are two very difficult issues to deal with in creating this particular nude charity calendar that need to be discussed. Firstly the Perpetual Motion Machine is a tricky device to create many have tried and failed, and secondly Scientists generally don’t appear on calendars naked.

Starting with basic principles we all know that a perpetual Motion Machine is a closed loop device and in order to work 100% of the energy in the loop has to stay in the loop. In the old days when man made rather nice Victorian looking machines (The so called Victorian Era) many a chap would construct things that had gears and weights that moved about in a grand fancy looking loop. Simply put they all worked on the same idea. . . .The thing being pushed or pulled was pushed or pulled by the thing pushing or pulling it . . . . (Remember for later)  Simple yes but flawed because of the unseen losses in the loop none of the devices were true closed loop systems. They all were subject to the laws of physics and so gravity results in friction, heat loss, energy lost to the outside environment in small but significant ways, resulting in a less than 100% energy transfer around the loop and failure.

So I can here you type if you are such a smart arse what is the solution to these issues that have left the world of science and even that Professor Brian Cox floundering about scratching their heads and saying . . . . . It’s the engines Captain they’ll nay take it. . . . . Hang on that’s not right.  Well the solution is simple yet extremely difficult and very small. Yes there is only one way to beat the world of the basic laws of Physics and that is to use Quantum Mechanics and make a Sub Atomic Particle Perpetual Motion Machine.  It sounds tricky you would need better eyesight than I have but once you get that small stuff changes and gets weird really weird. Particles can be made to be in two different places at the same time. Remember what I wrote earlier . . . . The thing being pushed or pulled was pushed or pulled by the thing pushing or pulling it . . . . Well with a Sub Atomic Particle Perpetual Motion Machine it changes to . . . . . .  The thing being pushed or pulled is pushed or pulled by two things that were pushed or pulled by it. . . . . . In other words it has a boast of energy in the loop in order to keep it going for eternity or in other words Perpetual Motion or Perpetual Energy. It is why atoms never stop moving and stuff like that.

            

OK tomorrow we can integrate this into the bigger picture for June on the ultimate nude charity calendar of Scientists and Perpetual Motion Machines, and then I will be available for a Nobel Prize round about Christmas. That’s if some Scientist does not nick my idea first, mentioning no names Mr Professor Brian Cox. . . . .  or Mr October as he is know.

Intelligence Agencies, spying, the Mk3 Mechanical Spy Bird and Steven Spielberg.

The British and American Intelligence Agencies have said I am allowed one more go at designing a decent mechanical spy bird or they will stop following my online diary and that will result in most of my readers vanishing (as most of them are them). But they also say that if I do a jolly good job, OK it was the British Intelligence Agency used the word jolly, Americans don’t really say Jolly a lot, if ever, they tend to say kick Ass or use slightly cruder terms such as SHIT or YO never GOOD SHOW CHAPS like us chaps in Britain, as it happens such things are seldom said in Britain much these days really, it is the changing times.

Anyway all this is by the by and of no consequence to man nor beast or spies.  What the chaps in the murky world of intelligence gathering have said, is that if I make a really good job of the Mark Three Mechanical Spy Bird they will secrete a small device under the pillow of the very nice Mr Steven Spielberg, so at night it will repeatedly repeat the subliminal message into his ear . . . . . . . . . . That Rob Z Tobor is a rather clever chap who has a cracking (if long) diary which would make a great film. Go on you know you want to; make the movie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Well who could not be persuaded by such an offer?

So here we have the all New Mk3 Mechanical Spy Bird, as someone once famously said in a very similar position, well when I say similar it was sort of similar-ish……………. One small flap for man one giant leap for spying…….. OK he did not say exactly that but he meant to,  I think?

How come they have never let any women go to the moon it seems a bit unfair, maybe they are just not stupid enough to volunteer

Of Mice and Men, Albatross and Puffins and Mr Putin

The other day I drew a picture of a mechanical Albatross in the style of Mr Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci that could circumnavigate the entire world. At the time I suggested that it could be used by GCHQ here in Britain and NSA or the CIA in the USA to spy on folk. However these organisations have said that although the plan has merit the likes of President Putin is going to be rather suspicious if an Albatross is peering at him through the windows of the Kremlin as he talks to his generals. It appears Albatross do not sit on building in the middle of large cities watching the men and women of world power, so they said to me . . . . . .Rob you need to redesign that bird and maybe make it blend in a bit more with the environment it would be used in as a spy bird . . . . . . So I have thought long and hard about this and thought to myself, what would the great man Mr Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci do. In a flash the answer was clear the perfect choice of bird, a bird no one would give a second glance at in Moscow or Pyongyang where they could almost sit on the shoulders of men as they discuss many secret things (that’s the men not the birds) . . . . . . . . . . . Yes you have guessed it the humble Puffin.

Anyway I sent my design off to GCHQ and NSA and before you could say  . . . . . the seagulls are holding the umbella in the park today . . . (a bit of spy talk) they have sent me a response saying . . . . . . .. . . ROB Z TOBOR you are an IDIOT. . .

Well there is no pleasing some folk, I understand how Mr Da Vinci felt now when he showed his drawing of his helicopter to the king.  

Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci and the Albatross drawing

A long long time ago there was a rather clever chap called Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci, and when I say clever he was seriously clever with the added bonus of various other skills too; who drew a helicopter. Now when I say a helicopter it was quite frankly a rubbish helicopter but the fact was he sort of knew that somehow and someday folk would finally crack the idea of flight and be able to make a machine that actually achieved what he had in his mind. At the time folk just nodded and smiled and agreed, but thought the idea was crackpot, but he had friends in high places and did some great drawing and painting so no one said it was a mad idea. Anyway besides all this he was a bit of a one for undoing bodies on the quiet, and no one is going to argue with someone who dismantles the bodies of ordinary folk going about their daily business.

 

Anyway I thought if I was to draw a flying machine in the style of Mr Leonardo di ser Piero da Vinci then maybe in about five hundred years time folk will say, that Rob Z Tobor was not as mad as everyone thought he was (although he was rubbish at typing and spelling). OK I know what you are thinking . . . . . Yes the flying machine has sort of been invented and well and truly used for all sorts of stuff, very true but no one has made a mechanical flying Albatross yet that can circumnavigate the world and arrive back home as fresh as a daisy (to use yet another silly saying). OK Yes I can now hear you asking why, well for one thing it is the ultimate spy machine, who would suspect an Albatross sat on the window sill of a high powered meeting, sort of listening and recording everything while it nibbles a bit of fish. And like the laser which when invented had no practical use but has thousands now, the manmade Albatross will become as common a sight in the homes of the masses as the real Albatross is today . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN.

OK so the point is I have drawn the mechanical Albatross to ensure that at some point in the future folk will look at it and say . . . . . . Well he was NOT mad. . . . .  

  

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The Apprentice Final, Lord Sugar, the BBC and Leonardo Da Vinci’s famous Steam Powered Mechanical Duck

Last night I watched The Apprentice the program on the television where that Lord Sugar is selecting a business partner and making a few pounds at the same time (he is no fool that’s for sure). Last night was the interview with the last five candidates remaining where they have to explain their business plan to several high fly business folk who pick holes in each plan and tell them they are in fact total rubbish.

As I watched it, it became very clear that in reality all five of them really did have really rubbish ideas, well OK four of them did, but the fifth was doing a sneaky and had another partner hidden behind the scenes so basically got chucked out for not playing by the rules.

It now means that the last two in the Apprentice final who are both women have ideas that I would not invest in, let alone poor old Lord S who I guess has to grit his teeth and smile… One wants to start a international baking brand which seems slightly mad (??..... Ooooo look a flying pig) and the other, non intervention cosmetic surgery or as far as I could tell, stab folks faces with needles full of stuff (I think)

So I hear you say what has this to do with me, well you see my idea for the program of mass producing Leonardo Da Vinci’s famous Steam Powered Mechanical Duck (ironically called Rob), recreated from the long lost drawing he did, to sell in its millions to the Chinese who love ducks was laughed out of the board room. Those yuppie BBC folk said my idea was futile and would bite the dust before it ever got going, although my prototype Da Vinci Steam Powered Mechanical Duck bit Lord Sugar rather than the dust during the demonstration which may have affected the final decision and I for one was not amused by being told that all Steam Powered Mechanical Duck scientists are in fact a bunch of Quacks ……………. HAH HHAHAH HAHH AH hah ah ah ha hah ah hah ah ah ha hah ah ah ah ha hah ah aahhh OK it was a bit amusing 

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