Roger (Rocket) Ravens . . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Roger (Rocket) Ravens

Roger or Rocket to everyone that knew him had one ambition in life and that was to be the first man on the moon and so he spent his life building the Ravens Rocket Mk1 in his garden in Port Talbot. The only town who would allow anyone to build and launch a sizeable rocket from a suburban back garden without a licence.  Making it the rocket capital of Europe for a short time until the local council truly understood the risks.

It took many years to complete but with the assistance of several eminent thinkers and engineers of the time including Marlin Mascots, Harrison Horsechestnut Hutt, Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas and Miss Yemiliano Yaragoza he did finally finish his rocket in 1869, and on July 20th set off on his greatest adventure destroying several houses and a café on take off which did not go down well.  At this stage Mr Quinton Quantum-Quizzical said to the assembled press we know Roger (Rocket) Ravens is in his rocket but we do not know if he is alive or dead and therefore we have a paradox where both states can exist at the same time.

The trip lasted about 9 days in total and he successfully landed back in the Port Talbot  allotments, which did not go down well as it was reaching the point where the main harvest was due, and complains were made to the council.  The massed crowds were egger to see the large quantities of blue moon cheese they had heard of, but Roger (Rocket) Ravens only had a pile of grey rock. At this point folk lost interest as Port Talbot had lots of rock already and they did not really want more. And the hopes of selling Welsh rarebit made with moon cheese as a tourist attraction had now vanished into the dust (grey moon dust).

A few weeks later Roger discovered his rocket smashed up and in bits in his garden, an act of vandalism thought to have been undertaken by angry allotment holders. The local newspaper the Port Talbot Gazette proudly ran the main headline that night . . . . Who Killed Rogers Rocket. . . . A headline that has never been surpassed to this day by the local paper.

However  Roger (Rocket) Ravens was content knowing he was the first man to walk on the moon and that one day someone will find a Welsh flag with a large Welsh rarebit next to it (Rogers Rarebit  . . . . HA HAH AH ah ah ah ah ah hha ha ha ha ha haha ha ha).

The Eclipse, StarGazing Live, Professor Brian Cox and the Sacrifice at the Village Market.

Oooooooo I took this picture of the eclipse I was very pleased with it 

Here in our little village we have a really great market, it sort of arrived here about two years ago by accident when the market stall holders fell out with the owners of the previous location.  So Friday morning is always market day when the villagers go and we all have our ritual of shuffling round the stalls buying exciting stuff and chatting about what has happened over the week.

However today was different, you see this morning the great gods in the sky spoke to us telling us it was time  to appease them (the gods) with a sacrifice of some sort. And while doing this we were to wear silly glasses that meant we could not see a thing resulting in us falling about in a haphazard way. Luckily I did not have any silly glasses only the ones I wear every day to see where I am going, but I did get my trusty three and a half inch reflector telescope out with its special filter that allowed me to watch the Gods as they battled in the sky. And by way of sacrifice I ate Bacon sandwiches and stocked up with cakes for later as I have heard rumour of the super moon. It appears those Gods are very active. This is what happens when folk stop having bacon and piling rocks up into interesting piles or forming rings out of the big ones.

Anyway we survived the wrath of the Dogs (sorry Gods) and I managed to get a couple of cool pictures of the eclipse. Plus I got to eat Bacon Butty’s and I have cake to eat while watching those strange wizards on the TV tonight, Professor Brian Cox and Mr Dara O Briain as they tell us how they have satisfied the Gods for now on the very interesting StarGazing Live TV show.  They smile a lot and never eat cake and I think we all know what that means.

 Its at times like this we need to remember the late great Sir Patrick Moore, I bet he would have been smiling a lot too.

OH did I mention I burnt a hole through my hand today. . . . . DAMN

Stargazing Live, Professor Brian Cox, Dara O Briain and the classic film The Day of the Triffids..

Today has been one of those rare days that we seldom see at present it has been sunny and not windy although there is still plenty of water about in fields and on the roads and other places where water would normally not be on mass. I have armed everyone I can with pointy sticks to protect us from the possible invasion by the Toad People from the Planet Todimimiun 3. It may well be that tonight will be stage one of their attack using the cunning tactics of the intelligent intergalactic reptile mind, you see they plan to use distraction to start with followed by an idea they have picked up from the classic old 1962 film . . . . .  The Day of the Jackal  . . . hang on that’s not right I mean the classic old 1962 film. . . . . The Day of the Triffids.   You see tonight is the third and last night of Stargazing Live where Professor Brian Cox and his sidekick  Dara O Briain  who we know are in cahoots with the Toad People from the Planet Todimimiun 3 because of the Brian connection to  Aliens; (if you are confused you really need to read yesterdays diary entry) even Briain is almost Brian so enough said me thinks………

You see on stargazing live there was much talk of the aurora borealis being rather spectacular tonight and possibly visible from the UK about midnight.  If you all remember it was the lights that made everyone blind in . . . The Day of the Triffids after which they were eaten by the Triffids.

All this is far too much of a coincidence and it should be remembered that Toads and Aliens much prefer to attack their prey at night. So my advice is if you see the aurora borealis (due as I said sometime around midnight) then you are likely to be attacked and eaten by the Toad People of Todimimiun 3, but they are all called Brian so confuse them first by shouting something like look out Brian. SIR Patrick Moore is behind you then stab at them with your pointy stick or hit them with your telescope if all else fails.  And remember to wear dark sunglasses if you do see the aurora borealis, or the Toad People will get you for sure.

Oooooo yes talking of the foreshore I have a feeling that Toads like the Triffids do not like salt water so make sure if the alien invasion gets underway to watch the film The Day of the Triffids, the 1962 one not one of the rubbish remakes that will only confuse you; and keep a pointy stick handy. . . . .

OK chaps it is every man for himself so Tally Ho and the best of luck, if all goes to plan we will be eating toad pie for the rest of the year. . . . . . . . . YUM . . . . . no hang on YUCK . . . 

The Man in the Moon, Strange Worlds and a Round Trip

A round trip today to get tiny things eventually arriving back home with the tiny things that we set off on the round trip to get; that you see is the nature of a round trip you arrive back where you started even if the overall shape of your trip in not round but more triangular. You seldom see folk saying I am just popping out on a triangular trip I will not be long, partly because some clever folk would ask if it was an equilateral triangle and then that would get you all flustered and you would end up forgetting why you needed to go our in the first place. Anyway in short what I am saying is we popped out to get some small stuff this morning that we needed.

Right now at this very moment I am pondering whether or not my drumming partner is due to turn up tonight or not, he has whizzed off to exotic parts of the world lately so our drumming schedule is out of sync, much like myself since 1972 when my watch stopped and no one told me for at least a week. I was a bit younger then, although I still am or I could not be the eccentric child of cyberspace could I; and I just assumed that time had stopped. Well lets face it no one tells you about things like that when you are younger and back in about the early 1950’s quite frankly I found the entire idea of time rather alien which is rather ironic because Mr Jones tells me Aliens are using me as a standard unit of time. I am not sure I approve of being a unit of time, what happens if I want to slow down a bit or even stop for a while….

Oooooo yes while on the subject of Aliens it appears that a large space Gecko has eaten the man in the moon, it was his own fault he should have never ventured onto the surface for a closer look at the beast.  I have electronically enhanced my drawing of this event which I was able to view from my trusty three and a half inch reflector telescope, sadly there was little I could do to help. After all he was on the moon and it was a very large space Gecko and you would hardly want me to make stuff up and say they became friends and danced about as a confused cow passed by would you . . . . . . . . . (AH DAMN).

.

A tribute to Sir Patrick Moore, because WE SIMPLY JUST DON’T KNOW the answer

This whole End of the World thing gets more likely by the day, as sadly one of the few people on the planet with the knowhow and experience to deal with aliens, Space Gulls and huge cheese slices from the far reaches of the universe died today. Sir Patrick Moore who was only 89, was indeed Britain’s favourite amateur astronomer and one of the few people who might have been able to convince the aliens bent of world destruction that we are in fact not all bad.  Sir Patrick in his heyday would have put his monocle into his eye looked the grand commander of the alien fleet of  war machines square in the eyes and said . . . . . . . We simply just don’t know . . . . The alien grand commander thrown off course by the comment would then be subjected to a brilliantly informed subjective assessment By Sir Patrick Moore as he pointed to Ursa Major explaining that it is known to many as the Great Bear and that bears like cheese and get on well with seagulls. He would then pat the alien on the back shake his hand, say Well that’s all we have time for tonight and maybe apologise for the cloudy weather. The baffled aliens would never be able to destroy earth knowing Patrick Moore was in his garden looking at them through his telescope.

We are now dependent on Professor Brian Cox, and although I enjoy his appearances in the media his smile can look a little insincere on the odd occasion, well just imagine if the Alien Grand Commander misunderstood him smiling away and being all bouncy and enthusiastic or worse still Professor Brian Cox played some of his music to him . . . . . It will be curtains for sure.        

 We have now just about completed making our living room look like Christmas which is just as well as aliens are possibly turning up tomorrow (give or take the estimated error of 300 years). And we think we have a world first this year. Yes we have the Christmas chicken on top of the tree. The chicken says aliens will never find him sat on top of a Christmas tree provided I don’t go telling the world and posting pictures on him/her all over the internet. . . . . . . . . . . . . AH ….. DAMN sorry chicken 

Rest in Peace Sir Patrick Moore. 

.