Moving things and 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 of everything

The Slightly Eccentric Diary of Rob Z Tobor (volume three and three quarters) continues for now because of things that are beyond my control, and as it happens almost 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 of everything in the universe that happens is out of my control. Meaning this is in fact the normality for myself; and everyone else.

Yesterday I was unable to write my diary because of the day’s events which involved the tweaking of various things for a wedding party for Mr S and Mrs I.  It was a bit blustery and there is nothing more annoying that having a party and then a large gust of wind running off with your marquee, lights, tables and chairs. Actually the marquee, table and chairs belong to the village, but residents have access to them which is a cool idea in a small village. As for the lights well one thing we do have in abundance is fairy lights.

So yesterday afternoon and early evening we had a very chilled and happy wedding party in the garden where folk smiled and ate food, looked for apples, and pretended they were Michael Jackson disguised as Spiderman. While the Ghost Writer tried to put on inappropriate music for folk to listen too such as the Tiger Lillies singing naughty songs.

Today Mr S, Mrs I and Mr K came to help dismantle everything as the Marquee is off to pastures new in a few days, so we all whizzed about and left the garden such that no one would ever know of yesterday’s events.  And I am quickly writing my diary as we will be off out shortly to move other things for other people . . . . . So as I have said before I WILL RETURN SOON….  

I AM BACK . . . . . . Yes I have returned having moved stuff, it makes me realize that I would be much happier as a hunter gatherer like in the iron-age or before, because back then you got to chase animals with a pointy stick, make a fire, eat the animal and a few berries, paint the odd picture on a cave wall, and then move on to a new spot. Life was simple and did not involve a myriad of complexities involving moving stuff. OK yes I do like stuff, ask those who know me and they will say Oooooooo that Rob has stuff with stuff in it and loads of it, but the key point to my stuff is it does not move about. Ok some of it does which explains why I can’t always find it, but when it is your own stuff it is psychologically lighter and easier to move that doing it for other folk. Back in the pre iron-age I would have just waved mu pointy stick at the other folk grunted and made rude gestures  . . . . . . . . AH hang on I still do that . . . . . . DAMN.

I took pictures of the marquee in the dark last night, but by then all the folk had run off, and a post marquee picture to show that all is as if nothing happened, so that passing swallows heading South will be unaware of how far I have evolved from being a iron-age man…….

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A Wedding and Men Made of Hay

Today we travelled to the land of The Hay Man, it is a strange place where people make men out of hay bails and other folk wander about scratching their heads saying Why has he done that, but no one knows WHY, so it’s a complete mystery. I will say it is a busy place and trying to park is a right old game, so we did get a bit of a tour before we arrived at our final place of destination.

BUT WHY I hear you say did we take this epic trip along strange roads untraveled by everyday folk for many a long year . . . . . . . . That was the Sat-Nav’s fault WHY do they take people on routes that are designed for a horse to travel on, although we did refuse to head off down the one with a huge sign saying unsuitable for vehicles with grass growing in the centre of it. Ooooooo hang what was I saying . . .Ah yes WHY did we go, well it was the Ghost Writers Daughter’s Wedding, (that is Miss I) who married Mr S as they wanted to get married a bit further away from their home location.

Miss I is (or was) of course the bride to be who was not at her hen night where the Ghost Writer acted as a substitute bride to be on what was a henless night, and Mr S is (or was) the soon to be husband (now husband) of the bride who made the Classically Styled Retro Robot.

It was a successful wedding because they are now married and after they got married we all went and drank tea before we set off back on our intrepid return journey without the use of a Sat-Nav and many other folk vanished off for fish and chips. (we opted for a Chinese takeaway).

There will be a smallish party next Saturday where the Ghost Writer and other family members of the bride and groom will be able to grumble at folk and point and say things like GO AWAY and WHO ARE YOU and WHY are you making a man out of HAY. 

It’s a bit of a worry, the Ghost Writer at a party is not a pretty sight……..

Ooooooo yes interestingly the bride forgot who she was, I don’t think that is meant to happen…….

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The World of the Wedding Party

I have returned, it was very hot again today and I have been outside painting some walls Moroccan Blue because we are having Moroccan weather at present so rather than the expense of going to Morocco we are making Morocco here.

Now I am sure you will want to know how I got on at the wedding yesterday which had perfect wedding weather particularly as the wedding reception was held at Mr Charlie’s and Miss Jane’s house, well in his garden. It is a large garden which was just as well because it had a huge marquee in the garden for everyone to eat in and then for the band to play and folk to leap about in.

Mr Charlie and His Daughter

Miss L the Bride 

I also learnt that it is very bad form when the vicar says “is there anyone here who can think of any reason why these two people can not be joined in holy matrimony”, (or words to that effect) to try and think of good reasons. Well no one said anything and I have always been told at school it is best to at least try and answer the question rather than leave it blank. And you are not meant to put forward six reasons and I was told being a Zombie does not stop someone getting married.

Mr Charlie Miss Jane and their son (who was not getting married)

On meeting the brother of the groom it is also not a great idea to say to the bride “Just as well you are not marrying the ugly one” when you then find out that the brother of the groom is his identical twin.

All in all though it was a very good wedding and everyone was happy, and I got to see the old climbing frame that the Ghost Writer made with Mr Charlie many moons ago and also the tree that poor old Bongo the dog was buried under after the Ghost Writer ran him down slightly by accident, also many moons ago.

One thing we have all learnt is that the countries security forces will read all this because it now appears they are the main users of social media, I did say to everyone as I was taking pictures that they should smile because MI6 would be assessing if they looked a bit shifty or not, and in general people look less shifty if they smile (apparently I don’t look less shifty, so I am told).

The Climbing Frame

Ooooo Fish and chips for tea tonight YUM although the cat complained about the fish. . . . Typical cat.

Ooooooo finally Hello MI6, the swallow flies in the corn field while my umbrella sings to the wood pigeon (I think) or in other words the microdot is in the wood shed . . . . . AH sorry but this code book is rubbish. 

The Marquee

No one ever photographs the photographer (but I do)

     

Seeing a man about a dog, French Fancies and Weddings and MI6

Today has been hot very hot, this is classic British weather not helped by the fact Dad’s weather machine has a jammed transit pin in the precipitated vacuum housing, so the one thing the weather machine can no longer do is precipitate; something I am sure some of you will say is probably for the best.  It has been a funny day of not much happening due to heat but then on the other hand I did not appear to have a lot of time free to not do much in, what with trips to places to see a man about a dog. I was not really seeing a man about a dog, I am using the well known saying to imply I went off to do things that are not very exciting and thought you don’t really want to know all that so I used the old saying . . . . See a man about a dog . . . . Which brings us back to where I started?

I have eaten a couple of French Fancies today (as in Mr Kiplings) and drank tea, I also used a hose pipe to battle some sort of squidgy monster thing that was trying to cross the Zombie defence ditch in the early evening and I ate another French Fancy.

Dad was/is dead pleased today as the solar panels on the roof have generated 27.5 Kilowatts of power, which is enough apparently to bring his half rabbit half android small furry experimental Zombie cute pet with pointy teeth into life for up to two days so a few more days like today and it will be scurrying about the garden just like the real thing (obviously the real one does not have a smoky bottom and sing old music hall songs.

I do have to warn you all that I may not be able to write my diary tomorrow because I am off to a wedding along with the Ghost Writer; it is an old friend of the Ghost Writers daughter who is getting married and the Ghost Writers friend is not keen on weddings. So we are going along to cheer him up and wave at cameras and stand in the wrong place during the official wedding photos so that in years to come people will look at the photo album and say Who are those weird people standing in front of the bride.

Anyway if I am not here tomorrow then you will be reading this still, but at least you know why.

I will return, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon to a cinema near you (sort of).

Ooooooo yes apparently the security forces (MI6, CIA, MI5, FBI and the other one we dont talk about) are all reading my Blog as they say it must be some cunning code........ 


The world is full of interesting blogs some of which sit quietly in the darkest corners of cyberspace  . . . . . . .WAITING