Hello everyone it is I, I
am here again, I know I should be posting everyday but I am doing other things
and they do get in the way of messing about in cyberspace writing a combination
of gibberish, diary and the answers to all those very very important Big
Questions . So I am here to tell you all of a terrible mistake I made the other
day, well the day before yesterday to be more precise. The reason I did not
write of this terrible mistake yesterday is because I was still recovering from
the stress that the terrible error inflicted upon my mind and body.
Well I can here folk are
starting to wonder exactly what sort of terrible mistake Rob Z Tobor could
make, because lets face it, it is not something that folk would perceive me of
possibly ever doing. Mistakes are not
something I do (OK I do loads of them but never admit it. . . . . . . DAMN I
should have not said that). Anyway I think it is about time to reveal all . . .
you see my terrible error was to go to
IKEA during half term. Well it just
never crossed my mind as we travelled along the M54 and down the M6 towards the
land of many things that folk can’t pronounce. Not even as we battled along a
grid locked motorway did the penny drop (yes it’s another saying that is
stupid). No it was only as we arrived and saw the massed hoards of families who
had thought . . . . . . I know its half term lets take the kids to IKEA, that’s
a cheap day out (cheap day out it is not, with their cunning ways of making
folk spend all their money). Anyway it was hell in there like being in a
Hornets nest full of Hornets that have just been poked with a pointy
stick.
We did get what we wanted
and were not tempted by all those little things they line up for one or two
pounds along the way so that folk find they have spent five hundred pounds in
total and have a trolley full of unpronounceable stuff they don’t need. And
screaming kids who have just thrown up a load of half decomposed Swedish meal
balls over themselves and a cage full of cheap Panda’s at the checkout.
It was serious hell I hate
it when a shop is full the masses massing to attach each other, and the only
light relieve was a Chinese woman who was giving a small child a good telling
off in Chinese. It seems odd to me that the Chinese would shop in IKEA as most
of the stuff IKEA sells comes from China
Of course the short
version on this particular post is . . . . . . . I went to IKEA, it was Hell. .
. . . . But this is a blog not Twitter,
and it does explain to some degree why I am not good at Twitter, it has no soul
I mean . . . . I went to IKEA, it was Hell . . . where is the romance in just saying that.
OOOOOooooooooo I am up to the Letter K on the A to Z and its looking very good so far. . . Mad but good.
OOOOOooooooooo I am up to the Letter K on the A to Z and its looking very good so far. . . Mad but good.
I was confused by the seemingly oDD ritual of why someone would take s'pposedly good Swedish Meat Balls and allow them to decompose half way (how do you measure this accurately, I pondered) and then have screaming children launch the decomposed SMB into the air and then know where to stand so that the dSMB would hit them. And then I imagined using an implosion device like the igniting sauce, oops, I mean source, of a thermonuclear device, smushing the dSMB into the intended victim. But how do you get a dSMB Implosion device snuck into an IKEA? Practice, practice, practice, location, location, locomotive.
ReplyDeleteI think you may be reading slightly more into the situation than the actual event deserves. I had better re-read my post as it was written in hast (the reference to speed not the place). . . . . .
DeleteThe locomotive is an interesting train of thought . . . .HA HAHAH ha h ah ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ha hha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah a
Agree, hahahahahaha, yes, but I was TRYing to read m0re into it than I knew was there.
DeleteYour picture reminded me of some photos I saw of superbugs that are immune to most antibiotics. Antibuyoptics is when you resist the urge to get new glasses.
DeleteI recently resisted the advice to buy new glasses which is why I cant see as well as I maybe could.
DeleteI have neVer been to an Ikea store, so I guess I could go on imaging it is equivalent to Disneyland combined with a lumberyard and now I can add deli to include meatballs.
DeleteYour description is getting close. If you also add a maze, as they do rather like to ensure you walk their chosen route as depicted by arrows projected onto the floor, it is just about right. Add maybe a hint of despair in the air and a slight worry that everyone else might just be a zombie.
DeleteSo it might be best to have zombee costume in your pocket to slip into right fast. If the air of despair would disappear there would be desp. So desp equals vacuum? Yes.
DeleteNo, not yes, but yesp!
DeleteCapitalism will always fill a vacuum in the market.
DeleteMan 1. . . .What will we fill this Vacuum with.
Man2. . . .I have no IKEA. . . .
HAH HAHAhahahahah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah a
I just found out they are turning the LHC back on with vast improvements. I think this requires that it be renamed the Larger Hadron Collider. I am suddenly reminded of the childrens book Go, Dog. Go! by P.D Eastman
DeleteI have a solution for you: Ikea online
DeleteIkea is Hell. Many people don't know that, but it's true. The Devil is Swedish. The meatballs are inedible. Beware hex-keys.
ReplyDeleteWell that explains those Viking horned hats from times of old. I have never tried their meat balls, there are certainly things a chap should not eat. . . . . Mr Ikea's meat balls I feel are one of them.
DeleteI have only ever been to an IKEA once in my life and did not understand it. Everything was everywhere and I spent more time looking at the arrows on the floor guiding me to the exit than I did looking at the strange chairs with bits sticking out of them or the over sized tables with slanted legs and curious holes in plates for no other reason that it's kooky.
ReplyDeleteI did try and take a short cut by climbing over some boxes (or they could have been kitchen spoons I couldn't tell) but then a guard tried to tell me off... tried but failed to get through as I had already made it to the towels and he was forced to follow the rules and keep to the arrows.
There is now a trend with families with loads of small children to walk in the opposite direction to the arrows. This has a habit of creating the so called shock-wave effect as seen on motorways,
DeleteThey used to have some real bargains once but I have noticed prices have started to sneak up on certain things. However if you need a plate with a hole in, it is the place to go.