How to keep warm in the cold using Rats and Wooly Jumpers

It was a very cold day today, one that nibbled about at the extremities of one’s body resulting in the addition of many layers. These many layers may work remarkably well at keeping you warm, but it is only when you see someone else wearing additional layers that you come to realise there is a fine line between the practical and madness. Yes I think we all know who we are talking about . . . . The Ghost Writer, who popped in to say its jolly damn cold outside and I have resorted to wearing several extra layers of CLOTHING? It was pointed out to him that if there was one thing he did not need to point out to us, it was the fact he was wearing extra layers. I even removed several layers of clothing for a while in order to look normal (sort of normal) but decided that looking mad and being toasty and warm, beats looking normal and freezing. Strangely no one in school commented on my appearance but looking back on it I seem to remember that all the pupils resembled woolly balls of wool and sounded very muffled.

The Ghost Writer has told me that if you wear a few large rats under all the layers they make great hot water bottles although you do need to make sure they remain well fed and that you do not make any sudden movements. They do not take kindly to being sat on…….

It is the day after the start of the End of the World, I have to admit I am not sure if it has started to end or not, certainly no one is screaming or running about flapping their arms in the air. But then that is not easy with fifteen woolly jumpers on anyway, I just hope that the world in not going to end in a giant freeze as I was hoping for a warmer End of the World, luckily I do have a larger than average collection of jumpers due to a technical error when we moved house resulting in me obtaining loads of jumpers. I will run away now as the open fire is calling me to go and throw wood and coal on it for the evening.

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The Golden Yod . . . Photographic evidence of the Yod Particle

At school today I was complaining about the End of the World and the late arrival of Yod (The Golden Yod so I am told) to the physics teacher. But he said I am looking at this in the wrong way and I need to think of The Golden Yod as a collective of particles, not a big hand arriving or a man with a big beard because we are dealing with space the universe and everything, but we should be thinking more in the terms of the Large Hadron Collider. It appears it was built by a secret organisation of physicists who built it to search for the so called Yod particle.  He said once you know what you are looking for it should be much easier to see the arrival of Yod and that in his opinion as a physics teacher and member of a secret society dedicated to the strange Yod culture, I should have my camera ready to take a few photos pointing towards the West round about dusk.

So I did and have managed to take a photo of the illusive Yod particles as they entered the earths atmosphere, the dog was quite excited and said that he thought there was an outside chance that they might be made of cheese slices but mum said the dog was an IDIOT.

  

By way of celebrating the successful sighting of the Yod particles myself and my fellow drummer played our End of the World Drum Rhythm tonight, it appears that the Yod Particle is just the first phase of all this End of the World stuff, and I read somewhere today that it may involve chickens.  I am not sure if that means that the Space Gulls are in fact chickens or that there will be Space Gulls and chickens.

The Ghost Writer who managed to go to the office today (he has had Man Flu too) was well annoyed because he said it was the sunniest day for weeks and thought it was due to be Armageddon  weather. He also thinks it is unlikely that chickens will be involved in the end of the world as they are quite frankly stupid. I did say our chicken is not stupid and is hiding from aliens and huge cheese slices on top of the Christmas tree, but he seemed to take a completely different point of view about the intelligence of the chicken?  

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A tribute to Sir Patrick Moore, because WE SIMPLY JUST DON’T KNOW the answer

This whole End of the World thing gets more likely by the day, as sadly one of the few people on the planet with the knowhow and experience to deal with aliens, Space Gulls and huge cheese slices from the far reaches of the universe died today. Sir Patrick Moore who was only 89, was indeed Britain’s favourite amateur astronomer and one of the few people who might have been able to convince the aliens bent of world destruction that we are in fact not all bad.  Sir Patrick in his heyday would have put his monocle into his eye looked the grand commander of the alien fleet of  war machines square in the eyes and said . . . . . . . We simply just don’t know . . . . The alien grand commander thrown off course by the comment would then be subjected to a brilliantly informed subjective assessment By Sir Patrick Moore as he pointed to Ursa Major explaining that it is known to many as the Great Bear and that bears like cheese and get on well with seagulls. He would then pat the alien on the back shake his hand, say Well that’s all we have time for tonight and maybe apologise for the cloudy weather. The baffled aliens would never be able to destroy earth knowing Patrick Moore was in his garden looking at them through his telescope.

We are now dependent on Professor Brian Cox, and although I enjoy his appearances in the media his smile can look a little insincere on the odd occasion, well just imagine if the Alien Grand Commander misunderstood him smiling away and being all bouncy and enthusiastic or worse still Professor Brian Cox played some of his music to him . . . . . It will be curtains for sure.        

 We have now just about completed making our living room look like Christmas which is just as well as aliens are possibly turning up tomorrow (give or take the estimated error of 300 years). And we think we have a world first this year. Yes we have the Christmas chicken on top of the tree. The chicken says aliens will never find him sat on top of a Christmas tree provided I don’t go telling the world and posting pictures on him/her all over the internet. . . . . . . . . . . . . AH ….. DAMN sorry chicken 

Rest in Peace Sir Patrick Moore. 

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The End of the World, Christmas, Aliens, spacegulls, cheese and a homemade Christmas chandelier

As you all know there are two events due fairly soon and I have been discussing both of them in my diary as I prepare. And so far  Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy, Captain Nessman of the High Seas and Mr H have all in there own way influenced my own thoughts on one of these . . . . . . . Yes The End of the World. Well today it is the turn of Mr ESB (A chemist and grower of pineapples who lives roughly at the top of Snowdon (the mountain not the Lord) but in Texas. I add part of our conversation here to make you all see where my powers of logic have led me in anticipating the form of the End of the World

Mr ESB 8 December 2012 13:42

I am not sure how weLL birds share food, as I have neVer eXperimented with them. I did once do an eXperiment with sliced cheese as an outdoor material of construction. I placed several slices on the horizontal top side of an old T shaped pipe clothesline pole. The cheese got veRy hard and lasted several weeks. Ants would crawl around on it eXploring and eXpiring. For some reason ants died on the cheese. Soon the ants stopped coming near the cheese of death and did not even attempt to rescue their faLLen comrades. I would do the eXperiment again, but I didn't want to accidentaLLy kiLL any ants.

ME 8 December 2012 15:13

I am interested to hear your story of the cheese and the ants as I have never heard that before. Why would cheese have this effect on ants or is it something to do with cheese slices in particular rather than a traditionally made cheese. I like cheese a lot but if I was put on a cheese slice that was proportionally equal in ratio to that of the ant and a standard cheese slice, would I die... Maybe the End of the World will be the result of huge cheese slices falling to Earth from space, which is certainly something most people would not be expecting. As part of an Alien invasion it would be very effective as the element of surprise is a key factor in any battle.

Now I think we can all see that all the parts are coming together . . . yesterday we had Yod; Yod is almost certainly a cheese term or my names not Rob. Then there were the Huge Space Gulls and it is a well know fact that gulls like cheese and as we have rightly worked out that Space Gulls must be huge, really huge. So to attract the huge Space Gulls what you need is huge cheese slices, the result of which is us humans die on the cheese slices or are crushed underneath then they are in turn eaten by the Space Gulls leaving the planet to be invaded by aliens. SO if you see large slices of cheese falling out of the sky they are not a present from Santa, they are a part of an evil plan from aliens to destroy us all.

In other news Man Flu continues to mess with my head and so I have kept the day simple and started to prepare for the other big event, Christmas so I created a homemade Christmas chandelier that will match the Christmas tree and other décor as there is a chance that Christmas may arrive before the End of the World. Thanks to Mr H it appears that there is a built in error of 300 years and twenty one days due to various powers that be in the past messing with the calendar. You see you can’t even trust a calendar these days….

Ooooo I think I saw a large cheese slice fall out of the sky today I even got a picture which I will add later (to FB) or below on the blog

You can see that passing through the atmosphere has started to melt the cheese slice