method learning, Hazel and the the Spanish Inquisition,

So the year slowly passes and school is getting into that time of year when everyone is panicking about exams, I never panic about exams because I studiously revise and remember everything. No, that’s not quite true, the dog studiously revises and I use mums spy communicating devices to communicate with the dog who tells me all the answers, this is called method learning or as the headmaster likes to call it cheating…. It is not entirely cheating because the dog does do some swotting for the exams.

Anyway school is getting quieter and so I will expand on my next little project to make a huge canopy that a large number of people can sit under and party. Ideally I would love to build this in bamboo but you just can’t get decent bamboo in the UK, not the thirty foot long and four inch in diameter stuff. It has always puzzled me why that will not grow over here because most of the other bamboo types seem too.

Luckily we have something that sort of works. although not as well, and that is hazel, no not hazel from school because she is structurally unsound. By that I mean she will move about so trying to make a building out of her is near on impossible. We are talking Hazel as in the shrub tree thing, it is a classic old world building material and going back a few thousand years the Brits would make houses out of hazel covered in a mix of mud, dung and straw. I have no plans to do that I will use canvas. It will then be lit with a million fairy lights and some seating. There was a time I would make seating, but I have been banned now after the last garden bench which mum and dad said reminded them of the Spanish Inquisition. It was made out of hazel which is interesting because Hazel at school is doing a project on the Spanish Inquisition, nobody expected her project to be the  Spanish Inquisition there was certainly an element of surprise involved……….. Hang on that has a familiar sort of ring to it

OK I’m away

Ooooooooo I should just say what a lovely warm sunny day today so please note BBC weatherman NO NOT RAIN, 

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A headmaster dressed as Rita Hayworth with the wrong legs

I don’t mean to be a bore and mention the weather again today, but I am going to be a bore and mention the weather again. Yes it has been a lovely day the sun shining and the birds singing and the dog sunbathing and the goat majestically soaring though the sky towards the supermarket. The only reason I mention the W word is because the weatherman on the wireless for the last three days has told me it is going to be rotten and rain.

I think the problem is the weather man on the radio is in the south east and weather apparently will not permeate beyond the famed Watford Gap which is not like the Cumberland Gap which is much bigger, I believe it is at least 15 miles

So today what happened ???????????? I remember the school bus, sun, the goat, the headmaster dressed as Rita Hayworth and mathematics; he was not dressed as mathematics, just Rita Hayworth. I think trying to dress as the sum of both would be rather negative…..HAHAHAHAHAH hah hah hah ahahaha hahah.

Then after a bit of day dreaming I arrived home on the school bus, then me and the cultural Olympian went on a trip to see a man about an exhibition. Where we discussed stuff and I left and arrived home (with the Olympic sculpture), pointed at things and tried to explain to the dog that there was a good logical reason for the headmaster being dressed as Rita Hayworth. In fact I believe it was a national event for headmasters although not all of them dressed up, apparently some of them feel it undermines there authority.

My writing is getting worse by the way these keyboards are just rubbish, I refuse to resort to one finger stuff but I still have not got the hang of the so called touch typing thing. As for as I can see; I can’t see how you can type with a qwerty keyboard unless you do touch the keys. And I am still typing different words to those I think I am typing which is far from helpful. The dog says I might be possessed by the ghost of Rita Hayworth who is desperate to tell someone she is not entirely happy with the countries headmasters dressing up as her. Particularly as most headmasters (well the men anyway) have not got the right legs. I have pointed out that most headmasters have both their legs not just the left one but mum has said IDIOT.  

I am going to go now as tonight’s diary entry is brought to you courtesy of the famous Writers block of which I have had reason to discuss in the past, they are a bit like boomerangs I think.


       

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A day of flying goats and cardboard flames

Yes it is Monday night and very late it has been a lovely day here again, although I noticed a man on the news said it was raining in London so it is not lovely everywhere. At school Esmeralda has been catapulting the goat over the school, again. The goat is happy as the fresh vegetables are back under the skylight in the out of town supermarket so it has enjoyed some fresh British strawberries today. They are much better than the out of season imported ones which never have any flavour, although I don’t think the goat is that fussy. And he does not get the chance to be discerning when being perused by staff at the supermarket anyway.

OK tonight is brief and to the point as I said it is rather late, I have been making flames (cardboard flames) as part of the great project but I got delayed earlier this evening as I was drumming. Man needs too drum it is a basic instinct from way back. I am not going to mention football (AH damn I did) because I don’t do football and have little interest in it unless the crowd are using some large hand drums, not something European teams do much….

OK that’s it goodnight everyone 

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a none commercial Olympic icon and Leonardo da Vinci

I have had a busy day gardening, it is one of the disadvantages of taking over a house and garden owned by an elderly little old lady who would not cut anything down. Although I can sympathize with the logic in this, no one likes to attack plants with a huge super sharp machete or a flame thrower set to stun. Well OK it is rather fun, me and the dog admit to having odd moments when we get carried away as we battle our way through virgin forest exploring precariously balanced eco-systems. It is how me and the dog got to find the very last giant deciduous woodland purple tree orchid. The dog said we should name it after us, but I had to point out we have just chopped down the last one and attacked it with a flame thrower………. So best we never mention it really………AH, I did.

Anyway we were in the garden doing gardening things, as the weather has yet again managed a rather pleasant day. There is still loads to do but we are for now all well done in and are resting.

I have also managed to get the bulk of the work done on making a plinth for the cultural Olympian to stand on. He will be a none commercial Olympic icon, which as far as I can see this not allowed as apparently all Olympic icons can only be Olympic icons if the have official corporate sponsorship. The cultural Olympian has no sponsorship what so ever let alone corporate, but in the true spirit of the Olympics he will sit upon his plinth proudly holding a torch, and will not be invisible.  I need to contact my contact man about the show he will be in as I have a feeling the whole thing is slightly larger than the organizers think it will be. After all it will stand about six feet tall, a fair size for a cardboard sculpture.

He will eventually be an exhibit in the world famous iconic gallery ‘The International Implausible Gallery of Insubstantial Rationality’, the advantage of exhibiting there is it is beyond the reach of corporate sponsorship and their army of legal representatives and the gallery will proudly display works of art that otherwise would never be seen like The Battle of Anghiari (1505) by Leonardo da Vinci or the The Statue of Zeus made by the Greek sculptor Phidias, circa 432 BC.

I am also contemplating making a larger structure out of hazel for a family barbeque next Sunday, the plan is to make a structure to put a large canopy over so it needs to by fifteen feet wide and twenty five feet long and maybe ten to twelve feet high. It would be easy if it were not for the fact I also have loads of other things to do. I don’t know why I do these things really, just as a small gap seems to turn up that will make life a little easier I fill it with a mad idea to do. Mum apparently has a theory as to why I do this she says that I am an IDIOT …….AH.

That’s it I’m off now sorry today was not that exciting but that is life for you. A daily diary is not easy to make exciting every day.... 

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