Saturday and it has been moderately quiet
although there was some evidence that a man in designer sunglasses pretending
to read a crumpled newspaper in a fairly nondescript silver car was spying on
us. He was parked in the only place that it is possible to see anything in our
house and we think we have seen him before. As some of you will know we have
had problems with MI6 and the CIA in the past and those designer sunglasses are
always a dead cert giveaway of government agents.
I have however had more important things on
my mind today because there is a rumour that the Biology teacher who is now a
zombie will be back at school next week, apparently it turns out there is
nothing in the schools contract with its teachers that states the teacher can
not be a zombie provided they can teach the curriculum to an adequate standard.
Now I don’t know a lot about zombies but
one of the more important things I remember is you must be able to outstare
them or it is curtains for everyone . . . . . . the so called Zombie Apocalypse
With it being a quiet day
I have been practicing the art of out staring a zombie, it takes nerves of
steel to do this and so the only way to start is to practice with the one
creature that is even more difficult to outstare. But which will not eat your
brains or rip your arm off or even stumble about in a random and incomprehensible
way, Ok they do move about in a random and incomprehensible way, certainly a
way that most men do not understand….. Yes we are talking Dairy Cows they have
an ability to stare at you that makes it very difficult to maintain eye contact for more than a few
seconds. Anyway by the end of the day I think I have mastered this almost completely
obsolete skill and feel confident that I will now survive being taught by a
Zombie biology teacher. I have a suspicion we may be doing even more dissection
than we do now and I have been told that we already are 287% above the national
average as well as the only school to dissect horses and antelope in the UK
As part of my continuing
attempt to reassure the doubters of my diary that this is a genuine diary, I
decided to video my final victory over the cow in the how to
out stare a zombie practice run. I also recommend that you all go out and
stare at cows or else the zombies will get you…
You have been warned
My video of cow staring
Hmm.. something is wrong with my internets. It wouldn't suprise me if a cow was involved.
ReplyDeleteI hate cows. really really do.
I managed 29 seconds before I buckled.
I would punch a cow in the face if i had to.
I have notice several problems in windows based operating systems with Norton based antivirus in the last week or so. I think some sort of glitch has happened. I have changed antivirus to something else and did a restore to an earlier date on my pc and I appear to be OK again. . . . .
DeleteI think the cows are having problems too at present
Delete