Avoiding the cracks in the paving and a huge spider

So here we are the end of another day and the day before the start of the Paralympics, I am rather looking forward to seeing some of these. Because they are being held in the UK it means I will get the opportunity to watch some on a television. Tomorrow is also the birthday of the Grumpy Ghost Writer and we are all off to have a meal with relatives and chat and sort of party. Although it is not easy to party with a grumpy Ghost Writer who will shout and tell everyone HUMBUG.  What he needs is a twenty five foot long sausage roll covered in a million candles; that will cheer him up. He is getting very old now so a million candles is about right because after a certain age the trick is to cram as many candles as possible on things, resulting in the person not being able to blow them all out without a need to have a little lie down afterwards.

It appears today was another quiet day, I say appears because there I was pondering the universe and not walking on the cracks on the patio paving because it would result in a huge hairy 15 ft high spider leaping out from behind the hedge. The dog went to look for the spider but said he could not find one. I had to explain it was a pretend spider not a real one as I needed an excuse not to stand on the cracks on the patio paving and a 15 ft spider seemed like a jolly good one.

Of course the dog kept watching me then and every time I stood on a crack on the patio paving the dog would shout at me, I did explain I was pretending that I had not stood on the cracks because it is difficult to ponder the universe and avoid them at the same time. In the end the dog dressed up as a 15 ft spider and when I accidently stood on the crack leapt on me stabbed me with a hypodermic needle wrapped me up in silk rope and hung me in a tree. By the time I came round it was tea time and I had to shout for ages to get someone to cut me free, I did explain to mum and dad that the dog did it, but he said it was a very large spider that had emerged from a crack in the patio paving.  Mum then asked me if I had not been stepping on the cracks in the patio paving to avoid the huge spider, well I said YES BUT…… Then the dog said he had spent the day fighting the huge beast to protect me, at which point mum said WELL DONE and gave him a large bone, I did say that’s NOT FAIR so mum gave me a large bone too?

According to dad once children start avoiding the cracks in the paving it must be almost time to go back to school after the long summer holiday (summer?)....

.