English today and yes it was writing fairy tales again. This happens to us from time to time, we are minding our own business reading a bit of Homer, Alistair MacLean or Shakespeare and all of a sudden we are told OK time to write another fairy tale this time it also had no more bears RoB or else added to the end. Well that’s not fair. So here is yet another fairy tale (well it is cold and misty and Winter).
Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl called Cinderella who had two ugly step-sisters, Cinderella did not like having ugly step-sisters and would say to them O YOU ARE SO UGLY and the ugly step-sisters would go BUT BUT BUT BUT NOT FAIR. Cinderella made life for the step-sisters rather difficult by telling everyone she had to work all day and was locked away in the cellar at night. Everyone would boo the ugly step-sisters who would say BUT BUT BUT BUT NOT FAIR a lot, and they found it very difficult to make friends because everyone said they were ugly.
Then one day the handsome prince in the castle decided to have a big party and invite everyone. Cinderella saw her chance and went to her father and said Ooooo Daddy dear can I have some glass slippers and because she was beautiful he said yes spending a small fortune on them. She then blagged a posh horse drawn stagecoach from a hire company who said OK then as you are so beautiful. The step-sisters had to walk because their father had blown all his money on glass slippers and people booed them and said they were too ugly for the ball and they said BUT BUT BUT BUT NOT FAIR. Anyway at the Ball, Cinderella put her plan into operation; she knew the ways of handsome princes in fairy tales. And so at the right moment did a runner leaving a glass slipper. The plan worked because the very next day the prince proclaimed he would marry the beautiful girl who wore the glass slipper.
When he eventually turned up at the house of Cinderella and the ugly step-sisters, Cinderella hid in the cellar and just as the prince was about to leave she burst out of the cellar saying the ugly step sisters had locked her in there to which they said BUT BUT BUT BUT NOT FAIR
Anyway the prince married Cinderella who immediately banned all ugly people from the castle and her and the prince lived happily ever after. Life was also much better for the Ugly step-sisters who then had a quiet life at home having been forgotten about forever.
Then after a long happy life Cinderella, lay lying on her death bed when none other than Napoleon Beelzebub should turn up, who tells her that he has come to collect her. She protests and tells Mr Beelzebub that the priest said she was forgiven everything because she had been the beautiful princess, but Mr Beelzebub explained that He Who Must Be Obeyed might forgive her but as he (Napoleon Beelzebub) gets to see everyone first, Guess What. To which she says BUT BUT BUT BUT NOT FAIR. But as he explains to Cinderella, it is life that is not fair once you die then it is fair and so poor old Cinderella has to spend eternity shovelling coal for the furnace, which ruins your skin and gives you the hands of a stonemason.
I see your instructions were 'no more bears', so I was thinking you should try to sneak in 'less bears'. And when the person who counts bears inquires why there are any bears at all (their meaning), you can then reply that you thought a 'more bear' was an overweight fat bear, and all the bears in your story were 'less bears', bears that had been eating just Jenny Craig, or maybe just eating a Jenny or just a Craig. Anyway, a rather thin anorexic bear, which is better than my mispelling 'axorexic', which I would say is an angry hungry bear with an ax. Be careful with bears is what I guess I'm trying to say. Or is it?
ReplyDeleteWell Mr ESB I think you are right?? I say think because we have to bear in mind things are never what them seam and that includes bears so bearing the fact that a bear cant tell a bare face lie. We are all left looking for the tree in the forest with a bear and as I have pointed out before show a bear a forest and YUK.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes many thanks for all your wise comments we need More Mr ESB's in this world and less bare things
Ssssoooo, if more of me is a good thing, I s'ppose I can see about having an induced schizophrenia.
ReplyDeleteWOW! That's the first time I've ever felt sympathy for the ugly sisters.
ReplyDeleteIn life, you reap what you sow...or is that rip what you sew? Never mind. At least Cinders got her just desserts in the end...which I think was a strawberry and key lime pie.