The book that weighs twice the weight of a Harry Potter book

We were all hopeful of book one ending in a glorious battle in the woods between furry, spiky slithery, scaly and jumpy things but Jim says he has all the film he needs for the movie and they plan to use computer generated animation to fill in the missing bits. Like the Dark Creature of the Undergrowth as it was too dark to film, and the Banshees because they kept waving and shouting HELLO MUM.

   

The Lemmings and the Russian Hamsters are celebrating a victory for the old style left wing they say it has been a long time in coming as everyone has been seduced by all the capitalist propaganda and sparkly stuff like MP3 players, designer label clothing, blue ray rubbish and iphones etc. Me and Mercedes have decided not to tell them that Jim is going because he is going. The Lemmings are planning to commission a huge bronze for the centre of the wood simply called LEMMING. Well as dad says its been a long time since anyone commissioned a LEMMING bronze. Mum said IDIOT, not sure why but according to the dog there are loads of Bronzes of the LEMMING abandoned in the woods of Russia and it might be cheaper for the Lemmings to just import one of those.

The Ghost Writer was telling us he was off doing a good deed today but as is the way with good deeds it didn’t work out as planned; and so after the entire day working away he found himself right back where he started. Which means the poor old person he was helping said O DEAR NEVER MIND but found themselves  back in the middle of a complex maze of complex stuff scratching their head a lot. The Ghost Writer thinks he is loosing the plot (well that’s not new) because IT never gets the better of him and it has twice in a week now. I have pointed out he is also a Ghost Writer and that Harry Potter wrote seven books before he packed it in. The Ghost Writer says *********** that ********* Harry ******* Potter ************* and his ************* wand. ON the bright side however our book one weighs at least twice as much as his does and has at least three hundred more plots in it, and it works in real time (when I say real I refer to the clock only)………