The A to Z Challenge Two Day Special (Day Two) . .

LINK TO PART ONE

So here we are, Part Two of the Two day A to Z special. As we know last night we left the alphabet at halfway with the following

A herd of Llamas stampeding across the Kings land, accidently squash him then. As he is unable to run because he is well and truly stuffed with the flock of Jackdaws in the pie. That were aroused by the smell of ice cream cones, that were crushed in the crash where the incompetent ice cream van driver ran over the herbalist. Who in trying to kill the germs ended up killing the Frenchman who had shot the elephant that had squashed his dog that had eaten the cat stunned by the apple that had landed on his head killing the bee that had stung the ant that was eating the apple. 

And so it continues. . . . . 

A Monster promptly eats all the Llamas that squashed the King that ate the Jackdaws that pecked the Incompetent Ice cream  van driver who ran over the Herbalist who trying to kill the Germs,  poisoned the Frenchman who shot the Elephant that squashed the Dog that ate the Cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant.

Then a Naughty Nudist waving his hands about stops the Monster in his tracks. This of course is the same monster that ate all the Llamas that squashed the King that ate the Jackdaws that pecked the Incompetent Ice cream van driver who ran over the Herbalist who trying to kill the Germs,  poisoned the Frenchman who shot the Elephant that squashed the Dog that ate the Cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant. Lets face it there are not that many Monsters about that eat Llamas.

However a passing Ogre eats the foolish and rather Naughty Nudist who was waving his hands about and the distracted Monster that ate all the Llamas that squashed the King that ate the Jackdaws that pecked the Incompetent Ice cream van driver who ran over the Herbalist who trying to kill the Germs, poisoned the Frenchman who shot the Elephant that squashed the Dog that ate the Cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant.

A rather large PYTHON swallows the now dozing OGRE that ate the Naughty Nudist and the Monster that ate the Llamas that  squashed the King that ate the Jackdaws that pecked the Incompetent Ice cream van driver who ran over the Herbalist who trying to kill the Germs, poisoned the Frenchman who,  shot the Elephant that squashed the Dog that ate the Cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant

OK everyone has had enough now so the Queen out looking for her partner mistakenly thinks the PYTHON has eaten the king so that is the end of the line for it, bye bye Python.

But a huge flock of ROOKS out for revenge of their mates chase the Queen

Seeing a Large submarine a place where rooks tend not to go seems like a good place for a Queen to hide so she climbs aboard and sets sail.

Sadly a Torpedo destroys the Submarine and the Rooks and the Queen (Hey this is not a happy story)

The Unidentified vessel that fired the Torpedo stops to check that the Submarine full of rooks and a Queen has been destroyed

Never stop when Vampires are about because the crew of the Unidentified vessel are to put it bluntly all goners and now members of the Undead.

It is not often that a Whale swallows a load of Vampires but strange things happen at sea.

Then the mysterious Mr X gets involved and turns the Whale into Soup.

To make matters worse a passing Yak who has done no harm to anyone is also thrown into the soup by Mr X along with the Whale.

But then everyone is eaten by Zombies . . . . . Well what can you say, alphabets always end in Zombies.

So The Zombies have eaten the remains of the Yak, Mr X, and the Whale soup which had bits of Vampire floating about in it as well as bits of unidentified vessel, Torpedo, submarine, Rook and the Queen who killed the Python that swallowed the Ogre that ate the Naughty Nudist and the Monster that had eaten the herd of Llamas that  squashed the King that ate the Jackdaws that pecked the Incompetent Ice cream van driver to death, who ran over the Herbalist, who trying to kill the Germs poisoned the Frenchman, who shot the Elephant that squashed the Dog, that ate the Cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant    

        

Phew my head hurts now . . . . . . . 

The April A to Z (yet another pre-event final post) . . . . maybe?

Just a short time ago as I ate my evening meal I thought . . . . I have just had a good idea for that April A to Z thing in the wonderful world of blogging. But I have written my A to Z (almost) so instead I give you the One Day Half A to Z Challenge as a sort of warm up. I may do part two tomorrow I may not, it depends on what I do and who turns up.  

so here you have it the Almost April A to L one day special

An Ant sat on an apple eating.

A Bee landed on the Apple and stung the Ant which killed it.

The Apple fell from the apple tree stunning a Cat and killing the bee which had stung the Ant

A dog taking advantage of the situation ate the Cat which was stunned by the apple which fell from the tree killing the bee that stung the ant.

An Elephant upset by this squashed the dog that ate the cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant.

A Frenchman (owner of the dog) shot the Elephant that squashed his dog that ate the cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant (I think you can see where this is heading).

Virulent germs on the gun that the Frenchman shot the elephant that squashed the dog that ate the cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant . . . . made the Frenchman  very very sick.

A herbalist attempting to destroy the germs and cure the Frenchman accidentally killed him, but he shrugged his shoulders and said well that’s what happens when you shot an elephant that squashed the dog that ate the cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant.

Unfortunately an incompetent Ice cream van driver who was passing ran over the Herbalist who rather than kill the Germs accidentally killed the Frenchman who shot an elephant that squashed the dog that ate the cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant

A flock of Jackdaws aroused by the smell of broken ice cream cones created in the accident where an incompetent Ice cream van driver who was passing ran over the Herbalist. Who was trying to kill the Germs but accidentally killed the Frenchman who shot an elephant that squashed the dog that ate the cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant . . . . . Sort of peck the ice cream man to death.

 Then it just so happened that the King fancied a Jackdaw pie so that was the end of the flock of Jackdaws aroused by the smell of broken ice cream cones created in the accident where an incompetent Ice cream van driver ran over the Herbalist who tried to kill the Germs but accidentally killed the Frenchman who shot an elephant that squashed the dog that ate the cat that was stunned by the apple that killed the bee that stung the Ant . . . .

A herd of Llamas stampeding across the Kings land, accidently squash him then. As he was unable to run because he was well and truly stuffed with the flock of Jackdaws in the pie. That were aroused by the smell of ice cream cones, that were crushed in the crash where the incompetent ice cream van driver ran over the herbalist. Who in trying to kill the germs ended up killing the Frenchman who had shot the elephant that had squashed his DOG that had eaten the cat stunned by the apple that had landed on his head killing the bee that had stung the ant that was eating the apple.    

The END of Part One . . . . . . 

LINK TO PART TWO

The April A to Z . . . . A final word before it all starts

In a few days time it will be April and here on the blog I will be partaking in the annual Blogging A to Z, a popular little jolly that is done by a fairly large group of bloggers many of which do it each year. As I write this the list is at about 1400 which is a great deal less than last year but I have to say this is not a surprise as I have a feeling that the glory days of blogging are over and it is getting much quieter. OK maybe it is just that everyone is avoiding me at present and running away due to my rather uninteresting blog and bad tie pin (I mean typing).  As a stubborn maverick sort of chap I have to say this is not a problem because those who do hang in there are a jolly nice bunch of folk, although I really think they should be sending more cash through the post, and not that home made stuff with pictures of Pterodactyls on one side and the queen wearing a pirates hat on the other. 

Now I have written all but two of the posts for this A to Z as I will also be on the prowl as an Ambassador in the A to Z for Mr B (the mastermind behind the thing). This means I’m sort of a policeman making sure all is well. In fact I would like to think of myself as a sleeping policeman because I am an irritating lump in the middle of the road and I will be doing a lot of sleeping, However the good news is I can be persuaded to overlook any transgressions of the rules if a plain brown envelope full of money turns up in my letter box. Lets not think of this as bribery more a friendly donation to my retirement fund from a friend, I think folk will see that as acceptable, I know I do.

So what of this A to Z . . . . . What interesting thing have I written about. . . . Well I am writing the A to Z of the Strange, Unknown and possibly slightly unreal Victorian Explorers and Inventors. This is a tale of bizarre inventions, collaborations between inventors, it will see men thrown down mine shafts or dashed against pointy rocks in the sea. It will also see the deaths of some in the pursuit of their dreams, madness and penguins, Sensational court cases involving unspeakable things, the crushing of ego’s and a murder of passion.  This will be 26 short stories that are linked together by friendship, revenge, madness and various other things, it will in short be my best A to Z ever and possibly my very last. Who can tell, but right now I feel I have used up all my ideas, these  A to Z things eat ones mind; I may sit in the freezer with a bicycle wheel on my head and pretend to be a penguin. . . . That will become clear as April passes.

Good luck to those attempting this task it’s a big one.   

The Eclipse, StarGazing Live, Professor Brian Cox and the Sacrifice at the Village Market.

Oooooooo I took this picture of the eclipse I was very pleased with it 

Here in our little village we have a really great market, it sort of arrived here about two years ago by accident when the market stall holders fell out with the owners of the previous location.  So Friday morning is always market day when the villagers go and we all have our ritual of shuffling round the stalls buying exciting stuff and chatting about what has happened over the week.

However today was different, you see this morning the great gods in the sky spoke to us telling us it was time  to appease them (the gods) with a sacrifice of some sort. And while doing this we were to wear silly glasses that meant we could not see a thing resulting in us falling about in a haphazard way. Luckily I did not have any silly glasses only the ones I wear every day to see where I am going, but I did get my trusty three and a half inch reflector telescope out with its special filter that allowed me to watch the Gods as they battled in the sky. And by way of sacrifice I ate Bacon sandwiches and stocked up with cakes for later as I have heard rumour of the super moon. It appears those Gods are very active. This is what happens when folk stop having bacon and piling rocks up into interesting piles or forming rings out of the big ones.

Anyway we survived the wrath of the Dogs (sorry Gods) and I managed to get a couple of cool pictures of the eclipse. Plus I got to eat Bacon Butty’s and I have cake to eat while watching those strange wizards on the TV tonight, Professor Brian Cox and Mr Dara O Briain as they tell us how they have satisfied the Gods for now on the very interesting StarGazing Live TV show.  They smile a lot and never eat cake and I think we all know what that means.

 Its at times like this we need to remember the late great Sir Patrick Moore, I bet he would have been smiling a lot too.

OH did I mention I burnt a hole through my hand today. . . . . DAMN

The Aurora Borealis, Professor Brian Cox and why are humans not that hairy. . .The big Question

I have not pondered any big questions of late and this might explain part of the entire lack of interest in my blog at present, well that and my ability to ramble on about absolutely nothing. So I thought come on Rob Z Tobor time to look at the bigger picture and consider one of those Big Questions one where the answer is far from clear even for a chap like me. You see I was outside last night looking at the sky, on the off chance I might see the Aurora Borealis; did I see a hint of green through the mist and trees I will never know for sure, but stuff like that happens. Was that a three headed dog running along the dark ally at the back of the chip shop with a large lizard in its mouth (mouths), life is full of little glimpses of things out the corner of your eye that make you think . . . . . . Was that really a ???? . . . There is a whole different world in the corner of human eyes.

Anyway while I was out not seeing the Aurora Borealis, wrapped up against the cold with a selection of warm clothes watched by two cats who ran off when they thought they heard a three headed dog, (it was only three of next doors dogs howling at a banshee).  I had this thought why are humans not covered in hair . . . . No I mean proper hair like gorillas or bears (who are not bare) if we are the descendants of the great apes we should be covered in hair but we are not. This is odd because normally where an animal exists both in a hairy species and bald species the bald one spends its entire life in caves and has rubbish eyesight. And if you look at humans as a whole it is amazing how many wear glasses and have rubbish eyesight. Me for one if I take my glasses off I would be unable to tell the difference between a gorilla and say a hedgehog so I have to make sure I am wearing my glasses if I go out in the garden looking for hedgehogs (they taste delicious HAH AHah hahahah ah ah ah ah ha ha hha ha ha ha hahah ha haha haha ha ha ha). Add to this the fact that a lot of the very earliest evidence for man can be found in caves and potholing is still a popular sport made me ponder the very distinct possibility that the human race is in fact rather less a great ape as a rather weird sort of Monkey Mole or maybe a Mole Monkey.

I mean what was the first thing that man started making back in the stone age it was burial mounds or as the very hairy Great Apes would say as they pointed at the large mound. . . . . . . WOW . . . .  ****** look at the size of that mole hill. 

I don’t want to be a mole . . . . . . . DAMN.

Oooooo that reminds me Stargazing Live with Professor Brian Cox is on the TV tonight. . .  

Mr Jeremy Clarkson and the Great Top Gear Conspiracy all is revealed

Over the last few days I have heard many things about the great Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson debate. Well when I say many things I have heard or read a couple of things and have now made many assumptions that have led me to a Top Gear Conspiracy theory, I have said it before and its entirely true, everyone loves a good conspiracy theory.  You see there are some interesting facts in all this.  For example who informed the BBC of the alleged Fracas, well it turns out it was Mr Clarkson himself. Well that is not the sort of thing you are going to do when you are already in trouble; rush inside and tell the entire world that you chopped down the Cherry tree. . . .  Mmmmmm very suspicious? Then it turns out the producer has been part of the team for ages and has risen up through the staff to become a producer (a well liked producer) in a team where it appears Mr Clarkson is well and truly the main man. And I do not mean just the big star lying on a feather sofa eating grapes out of a hubcap, no he is one of the brains and driving (no pun intended) forces behind the show. So if he did not like this chap would he be a producer . . . NO. And there have been other little hints at stuff which has led me to my conspiracy theory.

SO . . . . . I can hear folk say. . . What stupid idea have you come up with now . . . . Well you see if you have watched the show you will have noticed it had lost its sparkle a bit this series. They were struggling for one of those brilliant ideas that has made the show the great success it has been for the last twenty years. Basically it had started to go a bit off the boil and stale. So in order to avoid it just petering out losing viewers, they hatched a great master plan to go out with a bang leaving everyone wanting more.

So what is this Foolish plan . . . you now ask. Well by Jeremy Clarkson discrediting himself it means the BBC has to sack him. Then his close friends and fellow presenters plus The Stig will refuse to stay, and then the crew will also follow Mr Clarkson to create a whole new car show watched by millions from day one on Channel 4. (OPTION ONE)

There is a slight possibility that the BBC seeing the dropping ratings hatched the plan to restore interest in the show. If in a few days time we hear on the BBC News that Jeremy Clarkson and the producers have made up and the show will continue to the end of this series then I think we can also assume it’s a conspiracy to boost the ratings of a show that has almost run its course. (OPTION TWO)

So there you have it call me mad (DAMN you called me mad), but conspiracy theories are not always that far from the truth. . . . Who can say its not all a cunning plan, after all the Top Gear team has achieved some unlikely goals in the past which have required immense planning. I mean if they can put a Reliant Robin on the moon then anything is possible.

What is the Truth about Jeremy Clarkson, Top Gear and the Fracas . . .Big Questions Answered

Here in Britain in the last couple of days the Big Question has been . . .  What did Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson do, what is the nature of the so called Fracas . . . .  Some of you who are not from Britain will probably know the name and that he is one of the co-presenters of BBC2’s rather popular show Top Gear, a rather light hearted motoring program.  Here in Britain he is a bit like Marmite he is a love him or hate him character for many reasons.

Now before I progress I need to point out that I am a rather left wing chap politically and a firm believer in equality irrespective of gender colour nationality wealth or disability. We should all have the same opportunities in life where possible to achieve our goals and do the things we wish to do.  I know I am an idealist because even the so called left wing counties in the world are far from equal; in fact some are worse than the so called Decadent West.

This brings us back to Mr Jeremy Clarkson who we are told is rather/very right wing chap politically. As I do not know him in person I can only be guided by the media. You see over the years he has reputedly said some terrible things, many of them on the very popular Top Gear. Now I watch this program, I like it, and find it rather entertaining and I have heard some of the comments and the like that have made the news. And to me as a lefty idealist he has always appeared to be a bit devilish rather than racist or sexist, he just likes to have a little dig at the modern paranoia for political correctness.  He is a very good motoring journalist and does a brilliant job on Top Gear, it is not his fault that this has made him very rich, and rich folk tend to be right wing. I suspect he is also something a Prima Dona after a rather charmed life as a celebrity but to me he has a dry wit, a way with words and is a great driver (or appears to be on the show). 

So what has brought us to the suspension of Top Gear and Jeremy Clarkson well it appears after a long day of filming the crew arrived back at their hotel at 10pm to a cold buffet. This led Mr Clarkson to let rip verbally at one of the producers and we are told man handle him a bit (exact details are a bit grey). Well I suspect he was tired and hungry and probably stressed, he is almost as old as me, OK a bit younger, but as you get older you need a decent meal at some point in the day. And its no good thinking he is a TV celeb so its all pink champagne and letting the fans lick his boots, he works like the rest of us, yes it’s a great job (OK I don’t really work a lot these days) but a job is a job and after a long day where you are expecting a meal at a hotel you really should get it.

Just imagine a group of miners arriving back at the surface after a long dayin the mine to be told the canteen is serving a cold salad, would they smile and say Oooooooo YUM. . . . I think not.

So BBC if you read this (which is unlikely as I am merely a member of the public with idealist left wing tendencies) just get everyone to say sorry to each other shake hands and get Top Gear back on the TV and Mr Clarkson back driving round that track telling us that This car steers like a python covered in grease on a frozen pond in Norwich on a cold wet Sunday while being watched by nuns . . . Oooo hang on you WOULDN'T get nuns in Norwich.

Letters of complain, demanding the sacking of Mr C the following week because of the implications of no nuns in Norwich. 

A day in the life of a Blogger (sort of) and the curious tale of some chaffinches

Hello I thought it is some time since I did a proper post with real information in it and so today while I am sat down with a cup of tea I decided it was time to correct my recent lack of blogging in the world of blogging. Firstly it is very definitely spring like today with the sun shining the birds twittering and plants just about to pop into life.  The moles seem to have settled a bit, because for reasons I don’t know it has been a great winter for moles there seems to be loads of them everywhere. When I say everywhere I refer to mainly underground, I have not yet seen a flying mole. And while on the subject matter of things I don’t know I am also very curious to know why we seem to have more than our fair share of one legged chaffinches turning up at the bird table, there were three of four of them there today. It’s turning into a sort of pirates convention for chaffinches, although only male chaffinches so it is all a bit odd.  Ooooo and we have a pet pheasant, hopefully once he trusts me completely, (lets face it folk have been shooting at him for months) I will be able to teach him tricks like high wire walking and juggling chainsaws (small ones).

The plan to move the living room to what was the dining room is almost entirely complete at last with almost everything new including the wiring and the floor the walls and ceiling and lights and other stuff. . .  And it has only taken absolutely ages to do, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Now we get to turn the living room into the dinning room. . . . I know it sounds a bit mad but it’s a master plan for the house, we need master plans, sort of.

I have also noticed the world of blogging is very quiet at present and I have put this down to the fact I have not posted many posts lately and everyone has gone off to do other stuff but I am back now so it OK again.

Oooooo I saw a chicken on the road this morning. . . . Sadly it did not make it to the other side. . . .  Which is interesting because I have mentioned a chicken that did not get to the other side in my forthcoming A to Z blogging challenge of Victorian Inventors (the letter A).    

The comprehensive and slightly odd guide to the April A to Z blogging Challenge (again)

As part of my A to Z retrospective. . . .  I wrote this last year and it might help, no honest its not me being lazy but I am sort of busy and have this DAMN A to Z thing to write. All about some mad Victorians who never actually existed, I mean I have twenty six of them to make up  . . . . I may have the wrong theme, which neatly leads us into what I wrote last year . . . . . . so have a read, you know you want too. . . . O YES YOU DO . .

    

Over the last couple of years I have had a go at the rather popular April A to Z blogging Challenge, the brain child of a Mr Arlee Bird, which just sort of took off (No pun intended Mr B). Anyway I have always gone slightly over kill at this, but then that is the nature of me and my blog. I will give a few examples in a bit.  One thing about this challenge though is if you are new to it, it is difficult to know what to expect, as you will see and hear things both for and against.  So this post is here to help you get to grips with what to expect during April and beyond.

First it is not easy unless you already post on an almost daily basis, as writing blog posts takes time and if you don’t have the time you will be doomed. So if time is limited make sure you write your posts well in advance.  Then there is much talk of themes and should folk have a theme or not and is it easier. Well the key thing to remember is the theme is the alphabet from A to Z, surprisingly (to me) many blogs keep the A to Z component of this challenge really loose and will maybe just have a nod to the letter in the post title. Say if you were writing about chickens and you cant think of a chicken for M you can just have a blog title that says . . . . More Chickens . . . . . Then never use the letter M again in the post. 

Why did the chicken cross the road. . . . .

To get away from the A to Z . . . . .

HAH AH HAHAHH AH HAH HA HAHHAH AH ha ha ha ha ha ha.

However I, as I have already said,I have always gone slightly overkill with the idea, which is why last year (2014) I was a little more chilled and  created . . . . . . The A to Z of Aardvark based nonsense poetry . . .  well it was all just one long nonsense poem as it happens, and  got a bit stuck at the letter A. This year (2015) I am back with The A to Z of Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers (Oooo its turning into hard work)

What this shows you is that you can create posts about almost everything and anything as long as you can sort of get some sort of link (however loosely to the days letter of the alphabet).

Next and also rather important is don’t (unlike this post today) make your posts long.  OK you might love the History of Cheese in Post Revolutionary China and its Context in Improving Urban Heath, but the chances are 1000+ words per letter of the alphabet on this will not grip the masses in quite the same way (I know it’s a shock, but true). So keep things short (ish) and if you must, just sneak in the odd longer post. So say in general 100 to 300 words and maybe the odd one at 500. I know you really want to write loads more, but leave that till after the A to Z; think of it as a promotional jolly for your blog rather than detailed info for the converted. OOOOOooooooo yes pictures are good too but be aware of copyright issues so try and use your own. (You think you have problems I have to draw twenty or so new inventions that no one has invented yet)

OK lets assume you have a good theme and manage to get all the posts done, having worked hard every night for weeks, long into the dark. You’re on the list along with about 2000 other blogs.  You are all keen and expecting hundreds of visitors and comments and many many followers who will heap praise on you and say you are a genius ( just so you all know I am a genius).  Well it might happen, but will probably not happen and there are reasons for this, very good reasons. Firstly I am not a genius . . . . . . sorry I mean you are not a genius (I am a genius).  You see everyone doing the A to Z and managing to hang in there and keep up to date is rather busy posting and trying to keep on top of the fact they need to post every day. Then on top of that, are you really going to spend hours visiting other blogs reading the blog and then writing a comment  . . . . I mean there are like 2000 of them we would all need time machines to do stuff like that, it is not possible and anyway I am a genius not them they are rubbish and know nothing about Chinese Cheese or Chickens that begin with the letter M.

So do not expect more from the A to Z than realistically it can deliver, do it until it starts to stress you out. It is after all a bit like a fun run yes good to finish, but not if you slip and break a leg. You do not need to try and run the next 10 miles or drag yourself along the road screaming. Just walk away and do your own thing. You see some folk feel they must finish at all costs and having finished find they have two more followers who never comment ever again and they get disheartened and stop blogging entirely. Your Blog after all is your Blog for you to enjoy and if others do too then Brill, if you don’t enjoy creating it then it is time to think of using that time for something you do enjoy like eating cake ( I like eating cake).

One final point there is much talk of following loads of blogs so they follow you back and then you have loads and loads of followers, this is OK if it is what you wish, but I would say (this is just me) don’t do that just follow those blogs you really enjoy.  Think to yourself how many blogs can I realistically keep track of. I for one would rather have lots of page views than lots of followers who don’t actually follow. There are a very small number of bloggers who will follow almost every blog on the A to Z  purely to get you to follow back I have two or three from my first A to Z who have never commented since, I cant see the point for either them or me.

Z from the informal Z to A

D from April 2013

E from April 2012

A from April 2012

U from March 2012

I could say much much more particularly on the state of the Cheese Industry in China, but I will end with a few links (above) to a couple of my previous A to Z posts. They, as you will see are a bit extreme, but it might just help you with ideas, but remember do what you are happy doing and enjoy it. . .  Please do not burn yourself out it is after all just a game. . . . .

I guess I could also mention I am working behind the seems as one of the Back Room Boys again this year (2015), although due to work and health issues I will be going much slower than last year and I may be just slightly more away with the fairies than I was. . DAMN getting old. . . .