The rambling diary of an ordinary slightly quirky dodgy artist in the rolling hills of the English Welsh borders, telling the tale of the life of the common man in an uncommon way and also explaining many things about science and the world. Zombies, Monsters and strange mechanical things included by request. Plus some bad Poetry
As some of you will know (Ah maybe I have not mentioned it) my humble little blog has for reasons I do not understand become slightly popular in Japan. When I say popular I mean at least two folk are reading it, but some days I get more page views from Japan than anywhere else. So I have attempted to write for the letter Y a poem that has a bit of Japanese wisdom in it, and that might . . . . . had it been written in Japanese sound like it was written in Japan. Now there is one slight problem with using the letter Y for this, and it is the fact the Dragon is Yellow, because as for as I can see Yellow Dragons tend to come from China. However Mr Yamamoto does travel across the sea for many many miles and so it might be that he does meet a friendly Chinese yellow dragon.
Anyway if you are one of my japanese readers then this is for you and thanks for reading.
Young and adventurous Mr Yamamoto
sail in a boat made from a cherry tree
find the Yellow Dragon
the famed waters of the Yellow Sea
sailed for weeks and weeks
Storms and calm and swell
he arrived at the fabled island(伝説的な島) The
land were the Yellow Dragon is said to dwell
It seems I cant write Poetry for X. . . Although I tried a bit and thought about it for a least 30 seconds or even more. But the problem is that so far stuff has just happened in my head and it has been OK because it all just happens as I type, however X did not just magically happen so I decided to say BAH HUMBUG and ended up writing the following without the guidance of my trusty Red Indian spirit guide who I am told was eating ice cream and chasing seagulls in the wild places of the British coast line. I know its true he told me himself . . . . .
Luckily it appears all has gone well for the Letter Y which for even stranger reasons has gone Japanese or as near Japanese as a chap who knows nothing about Japan can get. Actually there is a reason for trying to make it a bit more Japanese sounding which you will learn in due course. Still that it tomorrows letter so for now we have my extremely bad Poem for X, honestly it is terrible
and ham and X
it seems they have no leX (to stand on)
a chap did once X-plain and say
although a chicken has been designed with two . . (LeX)
your oven it has nowhere to run too
it soon becomes an X chicken
turns into a rather nice chicken stew
of course have four leX
will run up and down and back and fore
speeds which might seem quite X-stream
is why I shoot at them?
my large Rat Killing Death Ray
I rather like rats they are clever little critters
good sports and generally good eggs all round
eggs are generally sort of round ish
am not sure that terms such as good eggs and good sports are still used among
the masses these days but a chap has to maintain standards and keep proper
English like what I write alive and kicking. A sentiment that the humble rat
entirely agrees with, although in their case it is the alive and kicking bit
they are keen on, or as they would say themselves, alive and scurrying. And as one rat mate rather succinctly liked to put it EEEeeeeccccckkk.
Once upon a time there was a young wizard called
Harry, (no not that wizard) who was not entirely happy at his new school for
wizards. You see despite the common perception that wizards fly about on
broomsticks they don’t. It is in fact a misconception brought about by that
other extremely popular and well-known Harry. The truth is Wizards DO NOT EVER
fly about on broomsticks it is just not allowed or possible and a wizard would
be in deep trouble if he even tried. Only witches get to use broomsticks as
transport and they are often seen flying to and fro, here and there with their
faithful black cats smiling and looking ever so slightly evil.
Now the thing is although Harry was a young wizard
he had always dreamed of flying to and fro here and there with his faithful
black cat smiling and looking ever so slightly evil ever since he was very very
small. But all his life he had been told NO you are a Wizard and Wizards don’t
use Broomsticks . . . Well this was all very frustrating for Harry until one
day he finally thought I know I will become a witch. So he borrowed a pointy
hat and a big gown and various other items of clothing from his friend
Henrietta and went off to see the headmaster to tell him that from now on he
was going to be called Harriet and was now a witch, Harriet the Witch.
Well as Harry (Harriet) entered the headmaster’s
office the headmaster (Professor Humble-Pie) looked up only to chock on his morning
cup of newts brain tea . . . What on earth has happened Harry has someone cast
a terrible spell on you. . . Harry then explained that he had decided that he
wanted to be Harriet the Witch and he (now she) was going to get a broomstick
and a black cat called Tinkerbell. Well the headmaster was not happy and tried
to persuade Harry (Harriet) that he really would be better as a wizard. But
Harriet (Harry) was not going to change his/her mind now.
As Harriet (Harry) walked into class there was
much sniggering and pointing and name calling but Harry (Harriet) had spent
ages getting all those witches undergarments on and even Malfoy the school
bully was not going to get the getter of Harry (Harriet) now. Then after school while the other wizards
laughed and pointed Harriet finally got a broomstick to try and to everyone’s
amazement was off flying round the school doing loop the loops and all manner
of tricks it seems that Harry the Wizard was indeed Harriet the Witch. Malfoy
the school bully was not happy though, and was about to cast a terrible spell
on Harriet when Harriet turned him into a frog as witches do. Malfoy demanded
to be turned back into Malfoy but Harriet (Harry) said he would only be turned
back into a wizard when he was kissed by a Prince because that was what always
happened. Malfoy was as you might expect
a bit annoyed . . . Kissed by a Prince . . . YUCK.
Well a few days later a young Prince called Prince
Percy was passing and on seeing the large frog thought to himself . . . . Ah a
frog I really should kiss it just in case, after all this is a fairy tale (sort
of). To his amazement what should appear
before him but Malfoy dressed in a long flowing princess’s sparkly dress and wearing
a tiara. And as we know everyone lived
happily ever after . . . . . . . . . . AH Well almost.
You see after Prince Percy and Princess Malfoy
were married Prince Percy discovered that Princess Malfoy did nothing but
complain all the time, particularly at breakfast. So in the end Prince Percy
got a friendly witch to turn Princess Malfoy back into a frog, of course yet
again he-she (Princess Malfoy) was not happy about this. Prince Percy never
kissed another frog after that and eventually met a proper Princess and they
lived happily ever after in a traditional palace with towers and stuff.
But it was not the end of Princess Malfoy who
after a long spell living in a duck pond and several other adventures
re-emerged into the world of popular fairy tales as a wicked Step Mother, and a
very good (as in wicked) wicked Step Mother she was too.
As for Harriet (Harry) the Witch, she (he) can
often be seen flying to and fro on her broomstick with her Black cat called
Tinkerbell in the moon lit night sky, Tinkerbell the cat smiling and looking
ever so slightly evil. And they lived Happily ever after too.
OK I forgot to draw a picture, but here is a photo I took of some tiny beasts in a rock pool by the sea. I dont know what they are but they were weird little critters a bit like myself HAH AHha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha hah h ah ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha ha hah ah
. . . . . . . . . . . . (look its poetry so Ya
if they got the chance
. . . . . . . . . . . . (which if you say quickly
sounds like an Owl), Which will unnerve most rodents if you shout it at them as they scurry about your kitchen, as they do in their devil may care way making rude gestures at the cats who have a far to comfortable lifestyle for their own good.