Thursday, 10 December 2015
A fairytale about a Witch, a Prince, a Princess, and the Forbidden Forest which might not end quite as you suspect.
Once Upon a time on Christmas Day a handsome Prince headed off into the great forbidden forest to save the Princess. . . .As Princes do in all the best fairy tales. . . . Well after a while the Prince got lost and was also rather hungry. Luckily though in the darkness of the forest he saw a small light shining from the window of a rather rickety old cottage deep within the forest. As the Prince approached the door a old witch opened it and said
Ah you must be the Handsome Prince hoping to save the Princess
Why yes said the Prince
And I bet you’re really hungry and reckon you could eat a horse
Yes indeed I am starving said the Prince
Well as it Christmas day you can come in and I will see what I have added the old witch
As they entered and the Prince sat down at the Witches table the Witch pondered her larder and said
What about a roast mummified horse?
Ah no . . . not really what I had in mind said the Prince
Mmm I thought you would say that of course. . . . .
Well I have
Eye of Frog
Leg of Dog
Blood stained lettuce
And the Bark from a log
But the Prince said I would rather have something else
Well what about
Harry Potters Heart
Mud from the wheels of an old apple Cart
A big bowl of sick
And a Vicars Fart
OOoo yuck no said the Prince
You are a fussy Prince and that’s for sure said the Witch
A Crows beak
A mouldy Leek
A large fresh slug
And intestines of a man who was always rather bleak
Ooooooo no thanks replied the Prince
Well OK What about
A cute Kitten’s diced left front paw
Or a wizards bones on which you could gnaw
Or deep fried
or you could EVEN HAVE them Raw worms
With a small portion of lions Roar
With a small portion of lions Roar said the Prince in a slightly quizzical way
Look you don’t have something like
fried Chicken, Pancakes and ice cream and maybe some raspberry sauce Kentucky
WHAT . . . . shouted the Witch rather annoyed repeating it a few times
I’m a witch you are in the Forbidden
Forest not the
local Little Chef
And with that she waved her arms about and in a flash the Prince was turned into a large Green Frog. Well it just so happened that at that very moment the Princess turned up to see the witch. Well the Green Frog (the Prince) was rather pleased to see a Princess because he knew that if she kissed him he would turn back into a Handsome Prince.
The Princess spotting the smiling frog said OOOOOooooo a Frog and picked it up looking at its little (well not that little) face. The Prince (the frog) closed his eyes in readiness to be turned back into a Prince, but before you could shout Ooooo look a Seagull the Princess swallowed the frog and said Delicious I love Frogs. Then turning to the Witch she said I don’t suppose you have seen a handsome Prince Father said there was one in the woods. The Witch replying He is much closer than you realise my dear but I wouldn’t wait too long for him.
With that the Princess asked the Witch. . . Do you have one of those scaly serpents tails
I do love a fried twisty tail . . . . . YUM
And they all lived happily ever after . . . . Well most of them did.