Tuesday, 11 August 2015

Joe the Superhero, fighting the system and heroic deeds

Joe had always wanted to be a superhero and spent many hours reading of the many exploits that superheroes should endeavour to achieve. Of course when you are young there appear to be few obstacles to such a career move, but most folk realise as they grow older that there are few opportunities to becoming a super hero. But Joe was a dreamer and decided somehow in some way it must be possible. Despite having been laughed at by the schools career officer and then told in the unemployment office (or what ever fancy name it now has to make folk feel better) that at best Superhero’s did it all on their own time and were in fact accountants and the like.  This was not the news that Joe wished to hear and in Joe's mind any true superhero would not be stopped by the bureaucratic state machine; this was the world of the individual, the brave, the heroic. 

So it was that Joe bought the very best superhero outfit available for £9.99p online at Amazon and set off to do many many heroic deeds, having first made sure to be bitten by a spider near the nuclear power station visitors centre and an assortment of other stuff such as chewing the cat and drinking a glass of water while standing on your head. . . . (you know the usual stuff that happens to make you a superhero).

Joe's fist mission was to stop a runaway train at Kings Cross Station , but Joe got shouted at by a porter on the platform and then told off for not having a ticket resulting in a £10.07 fine. And they (The Train folk) were not keen on folk grabbing their trains to stop them, as they said most of them are running late as it is without superheroes stopping them.

Joe's next and for more daring effort was to skydive onto the wing of a passenger plane and save everyone.  The skydive itself was very successful and Joe was able to clamber along the wing and smile at the passengers, who promptly screamed, well that was not meant to happen. Then the crew refused to open the hatch to let Joe in. Things then got worse when the plane landed because Joe did not have a passport. And despite the rather valid argument that a superhero does not need a passport and that they had arrived on the wing of the plane within British airspace, Joe was fined £250.74p. Which Joe thought was rather unfair.

Slowly walking home Joe suddenly heard screaming, turning in time to see a pram shoot past heading down the steep hill. Leaping onto the No 47 bus as it passed by, Joe was then able to catch the Pram and stop it saving the small child inside. Joe was pleased and so was the mother who said that Joe was a Hero, but the bus driver said that folk were not allowed to travel on the bus for free and certainly not on the outside of the bus so Joe was fined £25.31p

Finally arriving home Joe was not entirely happy because the one aspect of being a superhero that none of the literature had mentioned, and Joe had a lot of literature on superheroes was all the fines. And so Joe decided to abandon the world of the superhero and become a Lion tamer. . . . . . . . . . . Did you know that the local pet shop refused to order a pair of lions for Joe . . . .  well that is ridiculous.

Oooooooooo and apparently according to the Metropolitan Police, Voldemort is not the evil leader of a secret organisation bent on world domination.  He is a fictional character who failed his police sergeant’s exam and took it rather badly, blaming it all on wizards.          

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