Friday, 21 August 2015

Boris and the Spider Man (Part Two)

Well this is part two of the spy thriller now being repeated by popular demand (O Yes It Is. . . .sort of) so if you missed part one then you will be as lost as granny with a Sat-Nav. . . . 


Boris and the Spider Man (Part Two)

It was fast approaching summer, but for two days the rain had fallen relentlessly, folk scurried about with their heads down doing what they had to do paying no attention to the old man as he slowly walked up the street and into Big Bills Greasy Fur Ball Café.

A waitress says HELLO,  he replies IT’S A TERRIBLE DAY, she says YES but is puzzled that his clothes are bone dry CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING she asks.  . . . BACON AND EGGS AND TOAST THANKS . . . . But she is confused DID YOU SAY X  . . .  NO EGGS he says as he slowly slides open an old matchbox in front of him on the table.  As the waitress turns round she is confronted by two men . . . WE ARE HERE FOR THE X the shorter one says in a strong Russian accent. The waitress laughs and says YOU WANT X AS WELL, DO YOU WANT THEM FRIED, the Russian now confused says WE WANT THEM IN A PLAIN BROWN PAPER BAG  . . . . . . . . .  SO A TAKEAWAY THEN, A FRIED X SANDWICH MAYBE said the waitress.  . . . The Russian still confused says TO TAKEAWAY YES, WE WILL WAIT BY THE DOOR.

As they wait impatiently looking at their watches, they fail to notice the Black Mercedes pull up, driven by Irene Van-Dagraph the singer from the night club; Boris sat in the back busy talking on his mobile.

As they get out the car into the constant heavy rain Irene turns to Boris and asks DO WE KNOW WHAT THIS X IS YET, he shakes his head, but gestures at the café window where the Russians are collecting a plain brown paper bag.  The Russians turn and head out leaving without paying, the waitress shouting HANG ON YOU HAVE NOT PAID FOR THOSE X YET.  But the Russians only get a few paces before several men surround them. Boris smiling and saying I THINK THIS TIME WE HAVE YOU. HAND OVER THE BAG.

The Russians have no choice and Boris slowly opens the plain brown paper bag hoping to see X . . .   the secret which has brought two superpowers to the brink of war.  They all peer into the bag in anticipation of its contents, but as they do so the waitress arrives and shouts I HOPE THEY PLAN TO PAY FOR THOSE EGG SANDWICHES, Boris looks up and says DID YOU SAY X but the waitress laughs and says NO I SAID EGGS, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS UP WITH EVERYONE TODAY AND THAT’S FOR SURE.

Boris looks into the bag at the Fried Egg Sandwiches and says DAMN THAT SPIDER, HE HAS DONE IT AGAIN.

Meanwhile the old man has eaten his breakfast and has decided to take a walk along the docks. Where a young navel cadet is shocked to see the periscope of what appears to be a Russian Nuclear submarine moving slowly in the water, the ripples of the tide forming a definite X marking its position.  X MARKS THE SPOT says the old man amusingly as the young cadet rushes past in panic. 


  1. Ah, I remember this tale now. Quite an intriguing tale it turned out to be too. Oh what a tangled web that Boris weaves.

    1. Much like that Boris chap in London, I believe he is a bit of a one for tangled webs.