Monday, 22 June 2015

The tale of Badger Hopson. . .The King of the Skies



A short story for Mr Squid McFinnigan


Badger Hopson had always wanted to be a pilot ever since he was knee high to a grasshopper and spent many a happy hour forging his pilots licence and flying history so that he could get a job. He dreamed of flying shiny posh passenger planes across the Atlantic into Europe so that he could chase women, gamble and drink and stub his cigarettes out on the heads of European cats. . . He hated cats.  

Badger even supplied his own outfit and to tell the truth that was his downfall. You see he bought it in an old Army surplus store and although there was no denying it was warm and cosy it was not exactly the image Pan-Am or any of the other airlines were looking for. Poor old Badger hit the bottle hard for a time and threw all the empties at unsuspecting passing cats, who would scurry off and then leave dead mice in his boots for revenge.

Then one day when the winter winds were at there worst, not that it worried Badger Hopson, he was no fool he had bought the flying suit with the heated boots and double knit thermal underwear. (Hang on I got distracted there . . . back to the point). . . Yes one day in the wild winters wind an old mate said he had heard of a flying job going with the US MAIL and it looked just the job.  Well this was exciting news for Badger and he quickly applied and was interviewed and surprisingly got he job. In fact for the first time ever they said they were very impressed with his flying outfit and that it was exactly what they were looking for.

So it was that Badger Hopson became King of Skies and got to fly his faithful but knackered Douglas DAKOTA C-47 / DC-3 transport aircraft delivering mail to Anchorage Alaska three times a week.  He did get to chase women, gamble and drink but there were no cats just Polar Bears and that of course was his final downfall, because you should never stub your cigarette out on the head of a Polar Bear.  Amazingly he survived the attack saved by the padding of his flying suit, and the electric shock the bear got from chewing his battery powered heated boots. But with one arm, one leg and one ear he was classed as unfit for flying and pensioned off.


He was however a content man, not many folk can say they have flown to Alaska in an old Dakota drunk, gambled, chased women and put their cigarettes out on the heads of Polar Bears. So he settled down, got married and told of his many adventures as the King of the Skies. Making a few extras up to impress the kids, his old flying suit now chopped up and turned into a stuffed Python for reasons that are far to complex to explain here.        

8 comments:

  1. Does this mean the end of your writer's block Mr Z?

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    1. Oooooooooooooo No its terrible at present. I actually deleted an entire post before it was posted the other day because for the first time ever I thought is was entire rubbish. I know I write loads of rubbish but it was just bad even by my standards and I tend not to worry too much about individual posts.

      I will get over it in the end but will try and keep writing through it as best I can for now, life the universe and everything permitting . . . Lots to do no time to do it.

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  2. I imagined a young child thinking this "He dreamed of flying shiny posh passenger planes across the Atlantic into Europe so that he could chase women, gamble and drink and stub his cigarettes out on the heads of European cats. . . He hated cats." - and found that quite humorous.

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    1. I am sure it is harder to chase women with only one leg and then securely latch onto them with only one arm, but then if you catch a slow one, then having only one ear to listen may then be an advantage. I wiLL do some eXpermentation and get back to you (eXperiment by hopping on one leg with one hand behind my back).

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    2. I dont think Mrs ESB will be too pleased if you are chasing women and drinking hopping on one leg and only using one arm. And I think the dog might find it a bit odd as well. . . . . But good luck with the experiment and avoid Polar Bears.

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    3. She is probably not too worried about it as I am old enough and slow enough with two legs, that the one legged me might be rather entertaining. Cooper would just think I had invented a new game and would probably attempt something similar, doing two paws instead of four. Perhaps I should wear a polar bear outfit as a preventive measure.

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  3. Hello Mr. Rob,

    Badger Hopson, I know of him and his Alaskan exploits, flying and other things. You bring back memories and that speech he made that Alaska should really be a part of Canada.

    Gary :)

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    1. We are all part of Canada deep down Mr G.

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