Saturday 13 June 2015

The rambling words of a Newt Keeper



It has been a couple of days since the last post posted on this blog which was about hard working families and the reason I have not posted a post is because I have been working hard on you know what. Yes the Kitchen, you see I discovered that a couple of pipes from the range cooker sort of went where I did not want them too, so I have been sorting it out (sort of). Anyway it means that the problem will now look like it was all planned and when folk look I will say. . . . . . . . Oooooooo it was all quite easy really and everything went as expected. . . . Which will be a lie as houses do like to fight change, as do people generally.

It has rained today which is not nice but I guess it does keep all the plants (and us) alive and the ponds filled up and the newts and toads happy. I had to move four toads and a couple of Great Crested Newts yesterday that were living in a tarpaulin in the part of the garden that has the apple trees in. They did not have it propped up like a tent and were not huddled round a fire to keep warm toasting the odd fly on a skewer complaining about hard times. The tarpaulin was lying on the ground and rotting and needed to be moved and the little critters were making the most of the perfect conditions to chill among the fruit trees.

 I saw a huge hornet at the same time . . . it was huge and I mean really giant sized huge,  in fact it was run away screaming huge shouting what the hell is that thing. . . .  It was the largest hornet I have ever seen outside of a scary sci-fi movie about man eating hornets.

OK back to the newts, because while at the Friday market in the village I was informed that it is illegal to handle a newt in the UK without a licence. What was particularly odd about finding this out was it happened before I found the newts under the tarpaulin. As the subject of newts had arisen in connection with another unrelated issue to do with other folk in the village, who as it happens would like a couple of our newts.  But we do have loads of them and a bloody huge Hornet. . . AAAAAauuuuuuuuGGGgggggHHHHHH.  


By now you might be thinking what the hell is he rambling on about why has he told us about newts well the fact is I have reached one of those moments known as writers block and no one likes writers block when you spend hours looking at a blank sheet of paper.  Well with all this kitchen building I don’t have time for writers block so I writing freestyle with no idea of where it is all going to end, which ironically is NOW.

OOOOOOooo just to say the picture has no bearing on the words but she might be shouting . . .  AAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH A HORNET. . .

10 comments:

  1. Could be worse, you could be living in Midsomer, then Newts wouldn't be the only thing you'd find under the tarpaulin.
    If you don't get an offer from a particular director/producer soon Mr Z, then how about producing a book of your artwork? They really are something special. Right, I'm off to watch Willo The Wisp. One of my faves back when I was knee high to an extremely short person.

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    1. Midsomer is am odd place it seems to have new buildings pop up out of the blue which then vanish next time. . . . . I suspect foul play.

      As for the art work it is all done in a rush at the end of the day with the trusty Ball point pen on scraps of paper and the like so I feel it will never make it to the mass market. . . A bit like this blog.

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  2. You have to have a license to handle newts? Now that one I did not know,

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    1. Nor did I until about an hour before I had to move two of them. It like a bond film, License to Kill (AH NO that's not right at all).

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  3. I think you need to take a break from all that working on the house. Maybe you could come and work on my house for a while. And if you're coming here please bring the rain, but do leave the hornet at your house.

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

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    1. I think the rain likes it here so will probably stay. . . I have heard that water is a problem in California now, I hope you get some rain soon. I suspect you need it to rain for some time to get back to normal levels.

      As for the hornet it can go where it likes I am not going to get in its way

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    2. I think I heard that it will need to rain for about 6 years to get water levels to non-drought proportions. Some massive snow in the mountains would be of tremendous help as well.

      Arlee Bird
      A to Z Challenge Co-host
      Tossing It Out

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    3. That can lead to flooding if you get too much all in one go. That has happened in parts of Britain in the last couple of years.

      They do say water shortages could be the cause of the next world war. It also appears that in the worse case scenario of Global Warming Britain will get wetter . . . . However we are due to have a few sunny days now and it has been OK today

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  4. Hey Mr. R.,

    Happy kitchen sorting. The rain has stopped and tropical temperatures have returned to the palm-tree studded isle that be the UK.

    So, Rob, what else is newt? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA and HA!

    Gary :)

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    1. It is as you say warm indeed which is good, but I have now had to cut the grass which is hard work so not so good. . .

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