Wednesday, 1 April 2015

Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas. . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers

Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas


Founder of the Preposterous Club of Great Britain, the right Honourable Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas was an inventor of note and was said to have been the mind behind the Automatic silver service laying device favoured by the Queen in her private chambers. Until the device malfunctioned and ate a lady in waiting. As the Queen cheerily joked later If she had not waited she would still be alive and well. But this is not the invention which he is generally associated with, that is called the Armstrong-Atlas Amplifying Alignment Armature 

Although we are all now aware of the principles of Chaos Theory where a small chicken in Holland eating a Ginger Nut will lead to a huge hurricane in China. Back in 1875 everything was ordered and structured in nature, and chickens did not cause Hurricanes without there being a damn good reason for it, because it was Gods work and entirely a predictable sequence of events.  Mr Armstrong Atlas concluded that it was the small vibrations in the air caused by the chicken that would cause a vibration in the surrounding plants which in turn would cause smaller and larger vibrations in the things around them. In other words all this was interlinked by a predictable vibration sequence (Gods work). So by amplifying and measuring the vibration and assessing its alignment it would be possible to map the sequences of events and therefore eventually predict exactly where a storm would happen before the chicken crossed the road (so to speak).

With the Queens patronage a huge matrix of Armstrong-Atlas Amplifying Alignment Armatures were laid out across London and the South of England, the measurements from each relayed to Armstrong-Atlas by young street urchins for a farthing a day.

However to Mr Armstrong-Atlas the results appeared to show that rather than structured the world was Chaotic.  A theory based on Chaos in Victorian Britain was totally out of the question or he would have been condemned by the Archbishop (The Very Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer) and brought the Queen into disrepute. It was also a time when philanthropist do gooders were telling the world of the plight of young street urchins and many frowned at the use of them in his experiment particularly after one was run down after he tried to chase a chicken as it was crossing the road. 


Later in life still pondering the thousands of readings back in the family castle he inherited from his cousin Stanley Stumbledore, he said to Charles Darwin.  If Man was meant to be a scientist then why does he make so many things that go bang. . . . .

Darwin apparently replied. . . Pengiuns never prosper

And the rest of course is History

28 comments:

  1. Great start to A/Z! It is almost sad that penguins never prosper :) They really are cute little things :)

    betty

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    1. Penguins have never had an easy life.

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  2. This is an interesting tidbit that I never knew about. It's funny that they actually went to such lengths to measure how a chicken's vibrations can cause a storm.

    A Deecoded Life #AtoZchallenge

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    1. Generally Chaos Theory tends to blame butterflies, but back in Victorian days Chickens were blamed for all sorts of stuff.

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  3. But why did that chicken cross the road, damnit!?

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    1. Hello Miss Laura I hope all is well and good luck travelling to Z.

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  4. That is maybe the best A choice I have ever seen. What a NAME!

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    1. Those Victorians liked a good name, no self respecting inventor would say invent a lamp and then call it. . . The Davy Lamp

      AH . . . DAMN

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  5. Hahaha! Great start to the challenge Mr Z. I'm almost fearful of what the letter B might bring.

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    1. Oooooooo you will like tomorrow Miss Lily

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  6. Wouldn't the Victorians be awed by the connectivity in today's world? One keystroke and sayonara Milwaukee.

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    1. I think it would have appealed to the Victorians and I suspect they would make better looking computers with less plastic

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  7. Can we then assume that all the winter storms we had here in the northeast of USA had to do with chickens in China? Very entertaining post.

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    1. It is indeed all the fault of Chickens. . .

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  8. A very good start Rob. The description of the "Armstrong-Atlas Amplifying Alignment Armatures" is a close analogy of how young Chub and her friend Gus are able to witness future events through the patterns of the world around them.
    You have explained it a lot better than I ever could.

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    1. The main problem Mr H is keeping the number of words limited and still making some sense. I dont want to bore the punters from day one.

      I was thinking of you when I wrote D. It went through my mind that you will know the link from the name when you see it.

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  9. OMG. That was a fun "mess" to read! Who knew chickens were so powerful?! Love the names in this "story!" Thanks for dropping by my blog and commenting! Lisa, co-host AtoZ 2015, @ lisabuiecollard.com

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    1. Mess ? . . . . Ah you are referring to my hair and dress sense me thinks. It has never been that good. the Letter A is just the start just wait until B Ooooooooo

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  10. Hilarious Rob, you win my vote for best post of the A Day :)

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  11. Really enjoyed reading about Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong and his invention. Looking forward to reading more.

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    1. Great to see you Master Meglos I will be plugging your blog as best I can only folk think I'm mad so it may not help

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  12. Those poor chicken really got plucked over! This was fun, and informative, Rob! Thanks for being one of Arlee's Ambassadors!

    Julie

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    1. I am happy to help in the grand A to Z. One year there were several bad links so I thought rather than grumble I would do my bit and help.

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  13. No time for a real comment, I have to run out and get those ginger nuts away from my chooks. Great start to AtoZ.

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    1. I hope you realize that you have entirely changed the worlds weather for the next few weeks.

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  14. Now that I have some time on my hands, i intend going thru this entire series. Entertaining start.

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    1. Good to see you again I hope you are well.

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