Wednesday, 1 April 2015
Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas. . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers
Founder of the Preposterous Club of Great Britain, the right Honourable Arnold Alexander Axle Armstrong-Atlas was an inventor of note and was said to have been the mind behind the Automatic silver service laying device favoured by the Queen in her private chambers. Until the device malfunctioned and ate a lady in waiting. As the Queen cheerily joked later If she had not waited she would still be alive and well. But this is not the invention which he is generally associated with, that is called the Armstrong-Atlas Amplifying Alignment Armature
Although we are all now aware of the principles of Chaos Theory where a small chicken in
Holland eating a Ginger Nut will lead to a huge hurricane
Back in 1875 everything was ordered and structured in nature, and chickens did
not cause Hurricanes without there being a damn good reason for it, because it
was Gods work and entirely a predictable sequence of events. Mr Armstrong Atlas concluded that it was the
small vibrations in the air caused by the chicken that would cause a vibration
in the surrounding plants which in turn would cause smaller and larger
vibrations in the things around them. In other words all this was interlinked
by a predictable vibration sequence (Gods work). So by amplifying and measuring
the vibration and assessing its alignment it would be possible to map the
sequences of events and therefore eventually predict exactly where a storm
would happen before the chicken crossed the road (so to speak). China
With the Queens patronage a huge matrix of Armstrong-Atlas Amplifying Alignment Armatures were laid out across London and the South of England, the measurements from each relayed to Armstrong-Atlas by young street urchins for a farthing a day.
However to Mr Armstrong-Atlas the results appeared to show that rather than structured the world was Chaotic. A theory based on Chaos in Victorian Britain was totally out of the question or he would have been condemned by the Archbishop (The Very Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer) and brought the Queen into disrepute. It was also a time when philanthropist do gooders were telling the world of the plight of young street urchins and many frowned at the use of them in his experiment particularly after one was run down after he tried to chase a chicken as it was crossing the road.
Later in life still pondering the thousands of readings back in the family castle he inherited from his cousin Stanley Stumbledore, he said to Charles Darwin. If Man was meant to be a scientist then why does he make so many things that go bang. . . . .
And the rest of course is History