Monday, 3 November 2014

(The Hobbit, The Pirate and the Zombies) or Harry Potter Returns from the Dead. . . . PART THREE

As the train arrives at Hogsmeade Station it appears to be deserted except for two rather strange Hobbit like creatures working on the roof.  CAN I help you shouts down one of them

Who are you shouts back Young Higgs

I’m Bilbo we are insulating the Station as part of an EU grant scheme, here’s my card . . .  Bilbo Laggings LTD. . . . .  No job to small

Bilbo Laggings LTD, you will be telling me next your mate is called RUMPELSTILTSKIN

How did you know that are you one of those wizards

Can you tell us how we get to Hogwarts.

You need Silvers Water taxi’s at the end of the pier

I suppose he is called Long John Silver is he

Here are you one of those mind readers that’s well spooky I'm off to wrap my head in tin foil.

Young Higgs Dumblecox carrying a glass jug with a now snoring mummified cat in and a jar of ash and his book, Alice a young Victorian Lady, a Large White Rabbit holding a pocket watch and identical twins Mr Tweedy-Dum and Mr Tweedy-Dee now complaining to each other about pies; stand looking at a rather battered and very unseaworthy small ship.  As they do so, pondering whether it might be better to walk, a ragtag dishevelled man with one eye, one leg and a parrot on his shoulder appears from below deck.

Har har har welcome me old LANDLUBBERS will ye be looking to go to Hogwarts Academy

Indeed we are said Young Higgs, what do you charge.

Well I rather like the look of your wench, what you say

Wench . . . . Wench. . . . I’ll have you know I come from a well respected family and am no ones wench unless they are very very wealthy and clean.

Har that be a damn shame. Well what about the big rabbit He’ll make a grand stew

With that the White Rabbit slowly pulled a large flick knife from his pocket and snarled at the strange old sea captain.

Aaaaauuuugghhhh I get ye point Ok I’ll take you all for free, me and the crew will raid some unsuspecting tourist boat full of muggles on our return journey

Crew what crew said Alice

Har har har they be Zombies, Ye can’t beat a crew of Zombie pirates HAR 

Pieces of eight. . . . Pieces of Eight

Shut up Parrot or ye will walk the plank and have ye Scibbers Scuppered HA HA HA Hah ah ah ah ah ha hah hha ha hhah ha hah ahhah har Jim Lad.

With that they all climbed aboard the old ship and set sail for Hogwarts academy

Will it take long asked Young Higgs

No But it will not be during this post so I suggest ye go and rest. Hogwarts is full of terrible and fantastic beasts these days so ye better have that book about them or ye be dead men walking HAR HAR HAR

With that young Higgs and his travelling companions vanished below deck and rested well sort of rested in is not easy to rest when a large number of Zombie Pirates are pointing at your head and whispering brains at one another.

TO BE Continued 


1 comment:

  1. Here I am - part four.

    This is brilliant reading Rob.

    Loving it. Can't wait for part four....