Thursday 2 October 2014

A Brief Guide to the Principles of Evolution, Biodiversity and the Herd Instinct




I can hear some of you saying . . . How come we humans have two legs and two arms and a head and stuff. . . . .  and it’s a good question. You see it’s all to do with evolution and although humans are a smug bunch who like to say to every other beast on the planet Ya Sucks Boo the truth is we are not as unique as some would have you think. You see just think how many critters have four limbs and a head at the front end, and dispose of food at the other, the list is huge.  Even birds have four limbs; it’s just that two have turned into wings giving them a rather clever method to get about. Whereas in our case the front limbs are arms and the back ones legs, allowing us to do stuff like ride a bicycle and poke about inside our ears with our fingers or type blogs about Evolution.

Evolution of course is a long process it takes time. . . . (I say time but as we learnt previously time does not exist it is merely a ratio of the movement of individual things in relation to the movement of other things as defined by the movement of a particular object used as the standard. . . . . but folk call it time). . . . . . . . Man now sees himself as Top Dog in this process which is very silly as we are not dogs, and shows the foolishness of us humans.  You see mankind is a relative newcomer to planet Earth and some critters have been about for ages and there are more of them too. But in most cases these critters are small, big critters have certain issues in terms of survival, they need space, they are susceptible to environmental change and humans like to eat them or jab at them with pointy sticks a bit, as its fun.

Now as time passes evolution would normally predict that biodiversity will increase, but us humans are always keen to eat new species so most of the meal sized things are sort of becoming extinct.   One of the odder aspects of man is that we are critters of habit and could be classed as one of the worlds herd animals like Cows or Wildebeest, an old survival instinct from the days when we were shoals of fish and huge prehistoric scary things ate us.  This is why we tend to take revenge on big beasts now and get our own back by eating them, but our in built herd instinct is also why we all wander round IKEA and huge shopping precincts in a rather predictable way allowing ourselves to be brainwashed into buying loads of rubbish like plastic dinosaurs.               


One final experiment you could try yourself, get two friends to dress up in raggedy clothes and cover them in tomato sauce, then get them to stagger out of the public toilets on a busy street as you shout Lookout Zombies Zombies run for your life . . . . . .  I think you will find folk will run on mass in the opposite direction much like the Wildebeest do from a Chinese herbalist.     

13 comments:

  1. Now if they had taught the theory of evolution like this at school, then I wouldn't never have kidnapped the headmaster and sold him to a group of Mongolian sheep herders.

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    1. I am not sure Mongolian sheep herders would have understood the concept of the headmaster or as they would call him in translation the Master of Heads, they may have been disappointed and may yet turn up for a refund.

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    2. Lily Jo: Mal sureg targen tuv tu yu? (Mongolian greeting for 'How is the health of your horse herd?)

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  2. One person can be very clever, but lots of people are always idiots.
    There was a documentary on the telebox a while back showing how we human beands always act on mass in very predictable ways. It was scary to witness experiments from the 1970's (not just because of the fashion) but how folks would react is such strange ways when in large groups.
    We are no where as clever as we think we are.
    We are no better than the beasts of the field.

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    1. I agree entirely Mr H folk on mass us humans are a scary thing indeed. I rarely go to anything involving a large group of people I am a bit of a recluse and get fed up with folk wanting autographs and stuff. But I always like to wait before leaving as the masses head off in an attempt to avoid the masses, it can be like angry soldier ants in a dog eat dog situation and as we know dogs and ants dont mix well.

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  3. >>... This is why we tend to take revenge on big beasts now and get our own back by eating them

    Just think how bad it would be for us if those big beasts ever invented guns and bombs. Then they'd go back to eating US again.

    Many billions of years from now, we human beings may be in big trouble. Unless of course, by then, we've developed our own wings and can just fly away from the big beasts with their guns and bombs.

    Yes, I know we could do that NOW, on airplanes, but that just gets back to the herd instinct again - you know, buying tickets, obtaining boarding passes, standing in line as we creep down the aisle looking for our seat number. It's just too slow a process when life hangs in the balance. We need our own wings so we can fly away individually at a moment's notice.

    That's why I'm concentrating and meditating and imagining wings sprouting from my arms. (But just in case that's a fruitless, evolutionary dream, I'm also designing bigger guns and bigger bombs with which to defeat the big beasts 40 billion years from now. I was a Boy Scout and I heartily believe in the motto, "Be Prepared".)

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

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    1. Dont give up on growing those wings, it has been said that birds are the direct descendants of dinosaurs . So if a 15 ton huge scaly dinosaur can grow wings and fly off then it should be easy for mankind. Please remember you probably will not grow wings yourself, but your kids might (not sure that is good, they would be well irritating).

      Bigger Guns and Bigger Bombs. . .mmmmm I take it you are an America you are little rascals with those guns and bombs and stuff, but hey we like you in Britain lets face it we have to be friends because no one else likes either of us much. I think the world is safe in our hands, mankind needs some positive thinkers . . Well Done and thanks for the comment, it is good to get feedback . . .

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    2. That's a pretty tall order for my kids to grow wings, since I never had kids and never will have any. So, first, my kids are going to need to invent themselves and THEN grow their wings. But, hey, given enough billions of years, ANYTHING is possible, right? My kids will probably also be flying when pigs fly. Chasing their bacon like World War I flying aces in an aerial dogfight.

      No, I am not an American. In fact, I don't like most Americans. What I am is a 'Constitutionalist', which is a nearly extinct entity – unlike the T-rex which is still very much alive and doing quite well. And by T-rex, I do NOT mean the Rock 'N' Roll band, but the Godzilla-like beasts that live in the White House using names like Obama and Bush and feeding on others. I only wish the 'Constitutionalists' were thriving and the T-rex was extinct. But given enough billions of years, someday maybe the 'Constitutionalists' will rule the roost... also when pigs fly.

      ~ D-FensDogg

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  4. Q: If you are wrong about 22 things and 2 wrongs make right, does that mean you are stiLL 11ish right?

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  5. I believe it would make you "eleventy" percent right. However, I confess that mathematics has never been my strong suit.

    ~ D-FensDogg

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  6. People have reaLLy sped up evolution by starting to fly. In airplanes. People committing suicide by leaping to their death hasn't helped, a wrong type of flying. Perhaps a study of knife use in humans causing fingernails to be longer, sharper and grow faster needs to be performed.

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  7. Oh, that's a very astute observation!

    By some strange coincidence, my buddy Bryan and I were recently discussing evolution in an Email exchange (which truly is a strange coincidence because usually we only discuss beer and Film Noir).

    So, Bryan writes:
    "...we share approximately 55% of our DNA with bananas. ... I had a banana for breakfast this morning, too... I'm starting to feel bad that maybe I ate a long lost relative..."

    And that's when I had one of those "Ah-Ha!" moments.

    Suddenly it all makes sense: Bananas were the first life form. Over millions or billions of years (don't bore me with details) bananas evolved into monkeys, and monkeys eventually became bigger and stronger... yes, they became apes. (Surely you've noticed the fascination and tender love that primates have for bananas... and not just as phallic symbols either - it's more meaningful than that.)

    Then, of course, apes evolved (or devolved?) into human beings. And over many years, human beings evolved into banana cream pies.

    Now, I know you're going to ask, "Then why are there still human beings?" And I answer, "For the same reason there are still apes, monkeys, and bananas. I don't know why... but it's for the same reason, I'm sure."

    So my theory is that banana cream pies will eventually lose their non-essential appendages like crust and whipped cream, and revert back to bananas again. It's like a circular evolutionary thang.

    Hey, it's a certainty that if a bunch of bananas randomly hit typewriter keys for a lot of years they would eventually duplicate all the works of Shakespeare, so ANYTHING is possible!

    [Incidentally, my friend Bryan, and his co-author Brandon, publish humor books and maintain a very popular humor blog called 'A Beer For The Shower' which you might find amusing. The humor is sometimes crude and a bit lewd but... it IS humorous.]

    ~ D-FensDogg

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    1. Having just returned from a couple of days away looking at the sea and pointing at Zombies. I am pleased to note that the comments on this particular post appear to be evolving in ways that Charles Darwin could never have thought off. . . . I am a proud man and may attempt to grow wings....

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