Tuesday, 29 July 2014
The Strange Tale of the Vampires Head, the Commonwealth Games and the Elephant in the Room
Yesterday saw the strange arrival of a vampire (OK a bit of a vampire), it is a strange vampires head made of stone and plainly prove that vampires must exist. Lets face it no nobody would spend loads of time making a stone head of a vampire unless they had seen one, it would be silly.
It was made by Mr M our old friend who sadly died last November and it used to sit just outside his back door to remind him that Vampires are sneaky beasts and will turn up in the middle of the night with their huge white beard, big sack and big red coat shouting Ho Ho Ho I just need to bite youR neck a bit . . . . . No I DON'T like carrots, OK yes a Special Brew will do for now . . . .
Now I said the Strange arrival because as I said Mr M died in November last year and when we arrived home after doing good deeds again (a man can do too many good deeds) there it was sitting on the patio smiling at us. Now it was not there when we left and so it must have untold vampire powers that we have not been told about because Stone heads don’t normally just turn up on the patio smiling. I feel this will go down as a great mystery in years to come once I embellish the tale a bit more and add wailing, screams and creatures rustling in the hedge (that’s the noise not stealing sheep or cows).
I also visited five local villages or towns yesterday so a vampires head turning up is very significant
Today I did some plastering and a bit of painting. . . . I am good at plastering. . . Well when I say good I tell folk I am good at plastering because it's one of the skills folk always go OOOOOooooo No I DON'T do that. . . only I do. People often come into the house and say O MY GOD I can see why you need to re-plaster look at the state of it . . . . . .
Anyway that is it for news; I keep on keeping an eye out for aliens at the Commonwealth games but with no luck. I notice there is a huge alien spaceship that appears to have landed right in the middle of the games but it is not being mentioned, I assume it is what we would call the elephant in the room. . . . . That’s stupid because it’s plain to all that it’s a spaceship, I wonder if there is a link with the Stone Vampires Head. . . .That nice Mr Steven Spielberg might fancy making an Alien Vampire Sports Film full of men in kilts eating deep fried Mars bars and throwing Neeps and Tatties at the English