Tuesday 22 July 2014

A useful Guide to the Athletes in the Commonwealth Games (sort of)





Tomorrow Wednesday sees the official start of the Commonwealth Games, a games which we now know will be infiltrated by Aliens from a variety of planets who have their own agenda.  Now I can hear you all ask well exactly how are we going to know if someone has been taken over by an alien? It is not as clear cut as it might seem. Lets face it you are not going to see a strange creature emerging out of the stomach of the winner of the one hundred metres as they cross the finish line. Waving its many arms about in celebration and demanding the National Anthem of the federation of Betamax three.

You see what you need to look for is very subtle, the best indicator that someone is actually an Alien will be the following, use this useful list to keep an eye out for suspects. When I say eye out DO NOT try and remove your eye, its one of those silly sayings again.

1          They will look entirely like an ordinary human being

2         They  are keen on tight fitting lycra or similar material  

3        They do like bling sporty shoes, if you see gold or silver then it’s a dead cert they are alien

4       The likelihood is they are faster longer taller shorter stronger lighter heavier than us normal human beings

5        They smile a lot because they know they are going to win

6        They will probably win. . . . . . When they win they will grab a flag and run about with it in a sort of HEY LOOK I'M NOT AN ALIEN . . . HONEST sort of way. They are Aliens for sure.

7     If things do not go to plan they may throw stuff about, shout a lot or eat passing officials, again this is a sure sign they are Aliens.

8        Some aliens have a thing about spots, if you see anyone wearing outfits with spots then they are ALIENS. The same is true of stripes but they prefer spots.


 So armed with this useful (short and concise) Rough Guide to Aliens it should be easy to spot Aliens during the Commonwealth Games and support your favourite.


And remember it is bad form to shout TAKE ME TO YOU LEAPER as the triple jumpers are just about to set off.

    
Somehow this made me think of President Putin

11 comments:

  1. Take me to your Leaper !!!!!!!! hahahahaha

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    1. I thought I might just sneak that in, in a similar way to an Alien sneaking into one of the Athletes.

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  2. Can we just assume that anyone who gives even a half-a-sh*t about the Commonwealth Games is either associated with drugs or a straight-up lizard alien? That sounds right, like my instincts are right.

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    1. A straight-up lizard alien . . . me thinks you know too much already about this...mmmmmmmmmm

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  3. I just realized how close Athens and Aliens are!

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    1. You are right Mr ESB, It may imply the Greece is in fact named after a useful lubricant needed in the moving parts of a spacecraft.

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  4. I wasn't planning to watch the Commonwealth Games because it seems bizarre that nations that we previously conquered would enjoy participating in feats of physical strength for the entertainment of the Queen. However, now I know that aliens will be involved, I shall be watching with renewed interest.

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    1. Indeed with such events it is not the watching that is important but how you watch them. Aliens, Conspiracies, Politic Vengence after Eurovision, it is all there under the surface to be analysed by a team of experts in comfy chairs looking enthusiastic and under strict instructions to make is sound like a everyday sporting event, like the end of year egg and spoon race. . . . . . . And when was that ever just a simple fun race.

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  5. I have read everything from The Brazilian conspiracy, to the devil no longer existing and now I need to go and lie down, in preparation for your next post. :)

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    1. You did all that all in one go Miss Lily well done. Even I would not read all that at once PHEW. But if probably has more continuity than the masses would give my blog credit for. This is a story with no joins it flows like lava down the Streets of a happy volcanic holiday island.

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    2. It's too hot to move Mr Z. Even blinking causes a cascade of perspiration to flow like a burst damn. So, I thought that I'd just relax and catch up on some blogs.

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