Tuesday, 22 July 2014
A useful Guide to the Athletes in the Commonwealth Games (sort of)
Tomorrow Wednesday sees the official start of the Commonwealth Games, a games which we now know will be infiltrated by Aliens from a variety of planets who have their own agenda. Now I can hear you all ask well exactly how are we going to know if someone has been taken over by an alien? It is not as clear cut as it might seem. Lets face it you are not going to see a strange creature emerging out of the stomach of the winner of the one hundred metres as they cross the finish line. Waving its many arms about in celebration and demanding the National Anthem of the federation of Betamax three.
You see what you need to look for is very subtle, the best indicator that someone is actually an Alien will be the following, use this useful list to keep an eye out for suspects. When I say eye out DO NOT try and remove your eye, its one of those silly sayings again.
1 They will look entirely like an ordinary human being
2 They are keen on tight fitting lycra or similar material
3 They do like bling sporty shoes, if you see gold or silver then it’s a dead cert they are alien
4 The likelihood is they are faster longer taller shorter stronger lighter heavier than us normal human beings
5 They smile a lot because they know they are going to win
6 They will probably win. . . . . . When they win they will grab a flag and run about with it in a sort of HEY LOOK I'M NOT AN ALIEN . . . HONEST sort of way. They are Aliens for sure.
7 If things do not go to plan they may throw stuff about, shout a lot or eat passing officials, again this is a sure sign they are Aliens.
8 Some aliens have a thing about spots, if you see anyone wearing outfits with spots then they are ALIENS. The same is true of stripes but they prefer spots.
So armed with this useful (short and concise) Rough Guide to Aliens it should be easy to spot Aliens during the Commonwealth Games and support your favourite.
And remember it is bad form to shout TAKE ME TO YOU LEAPER as the triple jumpers are just about to set off.
Somehow this made me think of President Putin