Saturday 10 May 2014

J is for Japanese Crayfish Jousters



Once upon a time back in darkest history when Knights were Knights and villagers would scream and run about in fear of large dragons that breathed fire at all sorts of stuff, and wizards would cast spells turning large grown men into frogs or would turn slugs into small rodents or cats into violin strings. It was quite common for small children when asked what they would like to do when they grew up, to all shout I want to be a Japanese Crayfish Jouster. Their fearsome reputation and the adulation of the massed crowds who would shower them in small bits of Halibut and gold coins made them the heroic figures of the day. Yes the Japanese Crayfish Jousters were known across the known world of the time and the spectacle of huge crayfish charging at one another across the arena was something to behold as both beast and man were covered in gold and jewels and showed no fear.

Of course such things never last and as time pasted and the fables and legends of the past faded into the lost corners of history when asked what they wanted to be when they grew up, small children would then shout I want to be a train driver oR an Astronaut the dreams of the Japanese Crayfish Jousters lost for ever.


But even those, the simple dreams of small children have changed in just a few years, as the dark shadows of the corporate world and obsession with media penetrated the very soul of mankind. Because if you say to a group of small children now, what do you want to be when you grow up, they will all shout I want be the winner of a talent show on television, play for Man Utd . . . . . ..   and have big boobs.  But one day in the future a very nice man called say maybe Steven Spielberg will think Japanese Crayfish Jousters what a great idea for a block buster film and then once again everyone will want to be Japanese Crayfish Jousters like the old days.   . . . We can but hope. 

15 comments:

  1. I think that Crsyfish are an ingredient of a soup eaten my commuters in Minnesota, hence Crayfish souper commuters. (That was supposed to be just Minnesota humor but then I discovered it was complicated because more states got involved which diluted the humor. Perhaps my lack of having been near but never to Minnesota caused this problem.)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You have been much closer to Minnesota than I have Mr ESB. I have a feeling that here in Britain the British Crayfish which I used to go and catch, but only to go OOOOOO LOOK, before letting it go again has been ousted (which is rather like Jousted) by the American Crayfish which is much larger and aggressive than our rather timid Brit one.

      Delete
  2. I want to have Big Boobs when I grow up. And watch movies about Japanese Crayfish Jousters. Catch a clue, Spielberg.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I dont think Mr Spielberg is going to pay for your Boob job Mr Flip . . . . . although you can never tell, these film folk do some odd things sometimes.

      Delete
    2. I didn't say I wanted the boobs on ME. I just want a pair of big boobs, preferably on a hot young airhead with bad self esteem and poor taste in men.

      Delete
    3. Air head are we talking about something inflatable, this is a child friendly blog and I feel we may have just made a small child ask an awkward question. And you can't blame me, I did not bring the boobs up in the first place . HANG ON I did . . . . . .AH DAMN.

      Delete
  3. I think JJ Abrams might also do a good job on it...Great sketch, Rob.
    Tina @ Life is Good
    On the Open Road! @ Join us for the 4th Annual Post-Challenge Road Trip!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have to admit I had to Google him and he looked very neat. As a dishevelled chap he might think I am forgetful, scruffy and ramble on about all sorts of rubbish that makes no sense. . . . . . . . . .AH DAMN

      Delete
  4. When the Lil man was...er little, I asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up and he replied, "a bus." True story.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think what he might be saying is that he wants to be big and red like President Putin, who I suspect is not happy with the outcome of the Eurovision Song Contest. I think if anything shows why human beings are top dog on the planet, I think it is Eurovision . . . . . . HANG ON did I say top DOG that can't be right.

      Delete
  5. Hey Mr. R,

    Even at gone three in the morning, I'm almost awake enough to learn some new things from you. Here's me thinking that Crayfish were London gangsters who were actually a couple of brothers from Spandau Ballet.

    Have a grumpy Sunday, good sir!

    Gary :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think the Cray Fish of which you talk were actually folk in concrete overshoes who were taken swimming in the Thames at night.

      I dont know any ballet dancers, but I do know its hard in concrete overshoes, almost as hard as swimming.

      Delete
  6. That would be a super wild picture if the snout and legs were complete - does a complete version eXist?

    I am not getting enough sleep, too too many projects keeping me busy as weLL as now studying AI. I was finaLLy cooking my buffalo about three days later than desired, but everything comes to a grinding halt to watch Fargo. The funny part about the whole thing is the show is about a place in Minnesota primarily, but the single name title 'Fargo' is a place in the next state west North Dakota, and the primary place of filming is actually in a completely different country Canada. So here is a riddle: How far would you go to make Fargo?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. On rare occasions that I visit a city with 'just' certain Cajun restaurants I always order crayfish and shrimp étouffée. I believe that makes me a crayfish juster.

      Delete
    2. Hello Mr ESB

      The picture did sort of run out of card, I could always do a Mk2 if it helps. . . . .

      Do folk look for Wells in Fargo, the next episode is on tonight I believe but it will be recorded to avoid Ads.

      I feel if you were to stab yourself with a pin just after Crayfish Ju but before ster you would truly be a Crayfish Ju(OW)ster. you could also claim your stab injury as a Ju(OW)sting injury.

      A good choice of food too.

      Delete