The rambling diary of an ordinary slightly quirky dodgy artist in the rolling hills of the English Welsh borders, telling the tale of the life of the common man in an uncommon way and also explaining many things about science and the world. Zombies, Monsters and strange mechanical things included by request. Plus some bad Poetry
Saturday, 19 April 2014
The Queue and the Gnu
The Greatest A to Z
Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World
A Poetry is easy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . or so some say
So through the ALPHABET . . . . . .I will play
Starting right here . . . here with the letter A
AND a rather silly nonsense poem, to end the day.
So to the distant sound of a mad dogs bark.
I’ll start AT the start with theeAARDVARK.
The BEE and the BEAR met a BEAVER
Who looked rather aggressive with a large meat cleaver?
He shouted be gone, BACK off, and leave meBE
I’m BUSY chopping down, this BIGtree.
So the BEE he BUZZED and the BEAR he growled
And a BANSHEE somewhere BEHIND them howled
And that then made the mad dog BARK
Then what turned up BUT another Aardvark
Here we are by the C
All blue and wavy and a little wet maybe
With CATERPILLARS CUTE and CUDL-EEE. . . (No its not CHEATING)
And we all run about on the COUNT of three.
As CRABS and CATFISH play in the bay
Or so the gnarled old Seadogs do say
But Seadogs are mad and tend to bark
Arousing the monstrous Sea Aardvark
DID the DODO DIE out or was it a DECEPTION
To avoid meeting Great DANES at a posh reception
Because all they do is shout and bark
So is the DODO now DISGUISED as a smallish Aardvark
And does your DOG get up with the lark
And chase sticks about in the park
And is it mad and tend to Bark
Annoying the park keepers trusty old and loyal Aardvark
When an ELEPHANT meets an ELECTRIC EEL
There is bound to be a noisy squeal
As one beast gets squashed by the others heel
And . . . . . . . (slight pause and wait)
Creates a huge ten thousand volt Arc
Which is the sort of voltage that will make a dog bark
Or light up they EYES of an adult Aardvark.
Out in the deserts of his favourite park.
They say it’s theFAULTof the barking dog
That made the FROGS FLEEinto theFOG
And made the FISHERMENturn to grog
While FLYING FISH FLUTTER over a FLOATING log
The constant sound of mad dogs Barks
Results in the thundering hoofs of stampeding Aardvarks
Always look closely at an F or G
Just in case it should be the image of thee
With a sacrifice of GOAT and toasted GHEE
While witch doctors dance round . . . . . . the sacred tree.
Shaking GOURDS . . . . . . . and GRANNIES old Knee
And it’s good to know if GHOULS creep about in the dark(zzzzzzzz)
Your faithful dog always loudly barks
Alerting a flock of man eating Aardvarks
Who will eat the GHOULS just for larks
HENRY is having a long chat with HORRIS
Because HAROLD has chopped off the HEADof Boris
And all because he was naughty with Doris
Although Doris’s dog has a terrible bark
Which HAROLD would wind up just for a lark
Then strangely one night while out in the dark
An ironic twist occurred near the pond in the park
When HAROLDHADHIS HEADchewed off by a large aardvark
. . . . . . . . . . called HENRY
There once was an INVISIBLE IMAGINARY IMP
Who rode through the ocean on an INTERESTING INDIGOshrimp
I think. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
Said an Aardvark
IN a sink
JACK and JILL when to JAIL For stealing JEWELSfrom the Royal Mail. Which made their little dog start to bark
But it was chased away by the JAILER’S Aardvark.
The King was Kalled because his Kat was Killed
Katching kippers with a jug it filled.
Full of toast and cheese and well known Chinese remarks. And the ancient claws of ceremonial Aardvarks
NeverLAUGH at a LAZY LLAMA
It will only end inLEGALdrama
With LAWYERS making LOADS of cash.
As they sue you for being incredibly rash.
And never LET your dog bark in court
If you want to ensure the Aardvark is sought
As it scurries through the corridors of the power
To make its nest in the ivory tower
No one likes a large MONSTROUS MOLE.
A really huge one that will dig a large and rather MONSTROUS HOLE.
Destroying your lawns equilibrium and it MAJESTIC dynamic Flow.
Before it chases your dog and aardvarks,
Through the white winter Snow.
NEVER NIBBLE the toes of a NEWT
Or try to glue one inside your bosses boot
Because NEWTS you see have a NASTY streak
And will suck out your brains making your future bleak.
Yes NEWTS are clever
NEWTS have been known to bark
And it is a little known fact that they invented
The NEWTONIAN Aardvark
O dear said OSCAR as he dropped his pet OTTER
Into an ORIFICE made by a notorious Rotter
And although he tried to entice it with OCTOPUS livers
It escaped OFF . . . . into the rivers
Because as we know
OTTERS are Tarka’s and not really givers.
(Tarka’s . . . . Takers) HAH HAHAH AHH Ahah h hah ah ah hah h a hha ha ha haha ha ha ha.
You are wondering where
It fell in an O’LLLLLL . . . . . . ?
PETER the PARROT is a PRICELESSbird
It can sing the Star Spangled Banner and impersonate the late Thora Hird
And if feeling PECKISH or can't think of the right word
It PRETENDS it’s the aardvark from Shakespeare’s play
Richard the Third.
If you stand . . . . .
in a queue. . . . . . .
with a Gnu . . . . . . .
People will quietly whisper . . . . . . .
in a quadrangle
. . . or two . .
Or quiver with fear and shout loudly.
Or throw bits of Aardvark
. . . . . . At the Smiling Gnu