Monday 7 April 2014

Frogs and Flying Fish

The Greatest A to Z  
Aardvark based Nonsense Poetry in the World 



A
Poetry is easy . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . or so some say
So through the ALPHABET . . . . . .I will play
Starting right here . . . here with the letter A
AND a rather silly nonsense poem, to end the day.

So to the distant sound of a mad dogs bark.
I’ll start AT the start with thee AARDVARK.
AH

DAMN.


B
The BEE and the BEAR met a BEAVER
Who looked rather aggressive with a large meat cleaver?
He shouted be gone, BACK off, and leave me BE
I’m BUSY chopping down, this BIG tree.

So the BEE he BUZZED and the BEAR he growled
And a BANSHEE somewhere BEHIND them howled
And that then made the mad dog BARK
Then what turned up BUT another Aardvark
AH

DAMN (again)


C
Here we are by the C
All blue and wavy and a little wet maybe
With CATERPILLARS CUTE and CUDL-EEE. . . (No its not CHEATING)
And we all run about on the COUNT of three.
As CRABS and CATFISH play in the bay
Or so the gnarled old Seadogs do say
But Seadogs are mad and tend to bark
Arousing the monstrous Sea Aardvark

O NO

AAAAauuuuuuuuuuugggghhhHHHHH

D
DID the DODO DIE out or was it a DECEPTION
To avoid meeting Great DANES at a posh reception
Because all they do is shout and bark
So is the DODO now DISGUISED as a smallish Aardvark

And does your DOG get up with the lark
And chase sticks about in the park
And is it mad and tend to Bark
Annoying the park keepers trusty old and loyal Aardvark

E
When an ELEPHANT meets an ELECTRIC EEL
There is bound to be a noisy squeal
As one beast gets squashed by the others heel
And  . . . . . . . (slight pause and wait)
Creates a huge ten thousand volt Arc
Which is the sort of voltage that will make a dog bark
Or light up they EYES of an adult Aardvark.

Out in the deserts of his favourite park.


F
They say it’s the Fault of the barking dog
That made the Frogs Flee into the Fog
And made the Fishermen turn to grog
While Flying Fish flutter over a Floating log
And Yet
The constant sound of mad dogs Barks

Results in the thundering hoofs of stampeding Aardvarks   


16 comments:

  1. When will the Dogs learn not to Bark! :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It took our faithful old sheep dog 15 years and I think even then if was more a case of the dog deciding it was hard word and chewing my leg was easier.

      But I think they will stop before Z

      Delete
  2. I really hope someone talented makes a beat for this and the whole challenge ends with you making a video of yourself rapping this tale.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A video of me Ooooooooooooooooo No I dare not let folk see the real me or Interpol will get me.

      DAMN I should not have said that, still at least they dont know I live in Britain . . . . . . . . . DAMN I did it again.

      Delete
  3. Do aardvarks have hooves? I'm learning so much from this Blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OOoooooooooooo Aardvarks have loads of hooves at least six I sure it could be eight even.

      And wings apparently

      Delete
  4. HA. oh wow. your theme is really cool. I can't wait to find out what happens next. :P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We enter the world of ritual sacrifice . . . . No we really really do. . . .and Granny

      Delete
  5. I will never think of aardvarks the same way again. Awesome! I'm glad I found your blog! :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To be honest they are not something I have given much thought to either, but I do like a bit of a twist while I attempt the A to Z.

      Delete
  6. Stampeding aardvarks make me turn to grog as well. Although in fairness, EVERYTHING makes me turn to grog. Including your site.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll drink to that . . . . . Hang on I dont drink . . . . . . . .DAMN

      Delete
  7. I think that when they invented the word stampede that reaLLy should have called it stompede. But it was probably a pair of people named Tam and Tom and they flipped a coin and Tam won, it became sTampede instead of sTompede,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe it was the work of a stomping stamp collector impeded by a large crowd of folk running about. And he thought I need a word to describe my situation.

      Delete
    2. You are absolutely probably correCt.

      Delete
  8. I was wondering ... did you go back and change a word in the B section? It seems like it sounds different than it used to be.

    ReplyDelete