Monday 3 March 2014

The Principles of War . . . A Conspiracy Theory

Have you noticed that throughout history from the very first days of mankind us humans have had a bit of a habit of fighting one another, at a local level we fight one another outside the local pub. But we also fight in gangs running up and down streets and we then move on to the big stuff where huge groups fight one another over countries and finally countries fight one another with pointy sticks and large scary things that make large bangs.



Have you ever wondered why, well the first reason is it is a DNA thing we cant help it, it is a deep dark basic instinct from the days when man was still a small sea based beast doing his bit to survive. But there is another reason, well certainly one linked to the reason counties seem to attack one another with great gusto every now and again on the flimsiest of pretexts. . . . . . YES we are talking conspiracy theories (I am rather good at these).  

You see if you run a large country full of folk and all is sort of OK-ish all that happens is folk start fighting each other. They can’t help it, it is as I have said DNA triggered and beyond control. If you are in charge, it is not good having folk fighting because they start to blame you, the weather, the buses, taxes, seagulls, or the state of the economy.  So to avoid the masses turning on you and making life difficult the solution is to point the finger of blame on another countries, this has advantages for the leaders of the other country too, who can distract there own folk by blaming  you back.  Have you noticed that at any point in recent history there has always been a bad guy, until the mid eighties the East and West could blame each other or both point at China. Then that all sort of fell apart we all became friends and China made all this cool stuff dead cheap, them we had Iraq, Iran, Syria and the middle east, but that has all got so complicated no one understands it anymore, there was Afghanistan, but it is rocky bleak place and the folk there have been fighting each other for over two hundred years and will be doing so for at least the same again whether we like them of hate them.  We have even all blamed North Korea but  . . . . . . and I mean no disrespect to North Korea as a whole  . . . . they are rubbish and run by a tyrannical despot who is a mad as a hatter (purely my own option and I may be entirely wrong).

So we have been put in a situation where the political leaders have been worrying for ages about who we should shout at and attack next, in order to keep the folks at home happy. Who could possibly be the next bad guy.  I suspect at the last big meeting of the G8, G10, G20 they were all talking about the good old days of the iron curtain when folk knew where they stood, and them over there were the despicable rotters and we could build big walls and spy on one another and march about and wave flags.


Then some bright spark thought Hang ON CHAPS I have an idea what about if we have a bit of a crisis in say Crimea . . . . . . . . . . And all the leaders cheered and said we could build walls again and point pointy sticks at one another and build huge scary things that go bang. However President Putin said I don’t suppose there is any chance if we CAN leave it until after the winter Olympics, I have spent loads of money building stuff and everyone agreed it would be for the best, but as soon as they were over it would be tally ho with all guns blazing . . . . . . . . .
   
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19 comments:

  1. Mr Putin is as close to a real life Bond villain as we shall ever get in this world.
    The man loves nothing more than taking his top off and punching bears with his manly fists, or holding a gun with his top off or... swimming in the ice cold waters of the arctic ocean...with his top off.
    Of course he doesn't want any gays coming and spoiling his sports party (a little bit of "too much protesting" on his part me thinks) and then, just to prove a point, he (may have) orchestrated this whole Ukraine fiasco in order to move in quick as a flash and take over.
    As you have said before, it's all going to end in tears, but if we (the good guys) are to stop Mr Putin we need to find ourselves a real life James Bond. A man who knows what he wants and how to get it. With dress sense to match no other, who can run for ages but still enjoys a smoke and can have his pick of the girls as he wishes! somebody who, lets say, could walk into the BBC and do what he wanted without fear of reprisal.... wait... that Jimmy Saville isn't it? Damn... we're done for!!

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    1. Mr H you have ruined my day, I have been left with the image of President Putin and Mr Saville who if I remember rightly was also one for the occasional bear chest and large medallion.

      I suspect Russia may have a secret nuclear submarine base under Crimea which has a large fluffy white cat to keep the mice at bay. . . . . So it might be a little more like a bond film that you think.

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  2. I think you are exactly right and I am not a conspiracy kinda guy. Pass the buck to the other guy is a good way to rule your country. Have I told you that I REALLY love your art? Really. Your current big pointy thing has a viewing window, I figure it's probably a North Korean rocket, their missiles have terrible guidance system, and probably could do with a pilot. A really dedicated pilot.

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    1. Ah yes the picture was one I did for another post about a steam powered flight to the moon, I think it all went wrong when it was discovered there were no trees on the moon for fuel for the return flight . . . .DAMN that Neil Armstrong pinching all the trees. . .(not many folk know that)

      I am presently drawing pics of Zombies for the A to Z of Aardvarks (No I really am) so am recycling a few pics to keep the punters happy.

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  3. Hi Rob,

    First of all, good sir, I'm sorry I can't possibly keep up with your postings. However, I do try to get here as often as I can.

    This is a worrying situation. The Ukrainian people want to have closer ties with Europe and they made that point abundantly clear during their overthrowing of their corrupt government.

    Of course, Russia aint too pleased with that. Conspiracies are concocted by conspiracy writers to sell more books, evidently.

    Gary

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    1. Folk in Crimea are mainly Russian speaking and it is almost an island tucked onto the rest of the Ukraine. I feel the best option is to split the country and let the rest go west and Crimea become part of Russia; they need it for their navy so will not give it up without a fight. We do not need a fight with Russia it would be a bad move. President Putin is not one to lose face and might press the big red button rather than look an IDIOT, I do not wish to hide under a table waiting for a big flash.

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  4. Yeah, it seems oddly coincidental that the Ukraine powder keg had the patience to wait until after Sochi was all done crippling Winter Olympians. Hopefully this doesn't extend past grotesque, hyper-masculine posturing.

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    1. Well, any further than already the 80 protesters getting massacred.

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    2. As long as the shirt remains on we are safe-ish, sort of, well maybe, OK we are not, . . . . . . . . . . . .

      Run for the hillllssssss.......

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  5. Putin waited until after Sochi until he invaded Crimea, but he didn't even have the heart to wait until the winter paralymic games had finished. I think he has a vendetta against people with disabilities.

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    1. Maybe he is concerned that the Russian paralympic athletes are not as good as the rest of the world, so he distracting us all with a cunning plan. So far it is working rather well.

      I think the Russian paralympians probably complained loads, most paralympians are all for fair play; however Mr Putin listened to their argument, but told then they did not have a leg to stand on . . . . . . . . . . .AH HAH HA HAH AH HHAH H AH HAHAH AH H HAHa ha ha ha ha ha hah ahahah ha hah ha

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  6. I think you must be at leasst 85% correct. My favorite part that adds mystery to your words is that you included a picture of a fish with a big eye and large fins on its tail, maybe a squid? I think the name of the squid is icbm, which is an acronym for "I see big monster".

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    1. A huge sea monster is the kind of beast President Putin will strip off and wrestle, He is a mans man in a manly way and I suspect thinks most other politicians are wimps.

      As an old sea dog back in the day I like to see a big monster from time to time although I never wrestle with monsters as I am a wimp too.

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    2. I was trying to think if I had to deal with any giant monsters, and I realized that my former employer was one, and my HVAC mentor was a bit, too. I am not sure if wrestle fits in a physical sense, although, yes, non-physical.

      I am suddenly veRy busy but I taking off tomorrow to take Cooper to the vet, routine things, nothing serious.

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    1. O yes very clever indeed I see what you did there. We know you are not Jeff Smith who ever he is, you are President Putin, this whole thing is a huge plan to sell ex-KGB leather jackets as favoured by you, Mr Putin. . . . . .

      PLEASE NOTE

      Visiting these links is at your own risk I have not looked I am not silly, they could be subject to virus, porn or after your bank account details. . . DO NOT EVER trust links like this turning up on your blog. . . . After all would you buy a second hand Leather Jacket from an ex KGB man who is slightly power mad . . . . I advise NO

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  8. Well argued. Your hyperlink you left at the A-Z Challenge blog works - it's how I worm-holed myself here! I do agree with you about North Korea so now that there are at least two of us maybe they will take offense, and then they could get mad at us and ...all that stuff you said so well.
    Tina @ Life is Good
    A to Z Team @ Blogging From A to Z April Challenge 2014

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    1. I am glad the Hyperlink worked although I tend not to use then the rest of the year, otherwise I end up with loads of folk turning up and smiling and stuff . . . .it is terrible.

      As for North Korea, and as it happens most other places one thing I have come to realize is most ordinary folk are really nice. Its their political leaders that make or break a country and give it, its reputation.

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